The Doe Network

[dks64]

I was browsing through the Doe Network and it's so hard to believe that these people haven't been claimed by their families yet. It makes me wonder: Do they have any family left? Does their family care? I bet that many of the children were murdered by their own family members and that's why they weren't claimed. If a family member of mine disappeared and I hadn't heard from them in years, I would worry. If I had a child kidnapped, I would be on the Doe Network everyday until I died to try to get closure.

What are your thoughts?

[1990 UM fan]

Originally Posted by dks64

I was browsing through the Doe Network and it's so hard to believe that these people haven't been claimed by their families yet. It makes me wonder: Do they have any family left? Does their family care? I bet that many of the children were murdered by their own family members and that's why they weren't claimed. If a family member of mine disappeared and I hadn't heard from them in years, I would worry. If I had a child kidnapped, I would be on the Doe Network everyday until I died to try to get closure.

What are your thoughts?

I wonder if families of missing people have even looked through the Doe Network to see if any of the Does are their family members? Some people may not even know the site exists and are sitting out there wondering about their missing family member or friend still. I do doubt that's the case with all of them but some people aren't aware of all the missing persons networks we have. I also wish that agencies would get these cases active again, the ones responsible for handling the individual cases.

[TracyLynnS]

Sometimes I wonder if the families know or suspect the fate of their relatives, but just don't care. And I wonder if they're afraid they'll be presented with a bill or something and just ignore it all rather than come forward.

The following isn't really too crime related but does show how a parent couldn't possibly care less about their dead child.

When my cousin was 23, she was in a car accident with her 5 year old daughter in the back seat, luckily the girl was properly strapped into her car seat. My cousin wasn't wearing her seatbelt and was thrown through the window and killed.

Her parents had been divorced for many years and lived in different states. After the funeral, my cousin's body was cremated. Her remains were supposed to be picked up by her mother and split with her father. But months and months went by and she was just left at the funeral home.

After waiting too long and wanting to have his daughter's remains, my uncle traveled back here, had his sister pose as the girl's mother, forged the paperwork to pick up his daughter's remains, and took her home to Tennessee.

This was way back in 1986 and her mother STILL doesn't care whether she was left at the funeral home or taken away. It's so hard to imagine a parent not caring about their child's death to the point of permanently abandoning her remains.

When my dog died in 2007 (a dog! not even a human!) I paid money I couldn't afford so that he could be cremated and I could have his remains. I picked him up immediately and have had him ever since. He was just an animal and was so special that I couldn't bear to have him disposed of unceremoniously, yet my aunt could casually abandon her dead child.

[TracyLynnS]

And still sorta off topic....

Now that I'm thinking about it, when my grandmother died in 1988 (different side of the family, unrelated to the ppl I mentioned above), her oldest son and all his kids were quick to show up and rummage through her house, taking everything of value. This was completely against what she had written in her will. She had a proper will and the executor of her estate was not a relative.

But when it was time to pick up her cremated remains, no one could be bothered. Her youngest son, my dad, picked her up and we've got her here with us. Her oldest son has since died, but none of her 3 other grandchildren care where she is. I don't even know if they are aware that anyone ever went to get her. It's never been mentioned in 24 years since they left her with the funeral home.

[crochetbuff]

Unfortunately SOME of the missing were very estranged from their families (runaways, kids in foster care, addicts) and this is part of the reason why. There are many very old cases where most of the immediate family has probably died and there's no one to really investigate.

I have seen many cases where there are one or two determined relatives or a friend that have kept searching and asking questions until the case was solved.

[pardilia]

Originally Posted by crochetbuff

Unfortunately SOME of the missing were very estranged from their families (runaways, kids in foster care, addicts) and this is part of the reason why.

I'd like to add to that just generally bad people who have burned their social/familial bridges due to their behavior. I'm sure there is a percentage that are known to their families, but they don't claim them because there is simply too much negative history (abuse, for instance). Just to throw out an extreme example, but if you were a relative of someone like Franklin Delano Floyd, would you want to claim him? I wouldn't be surprised if there aren't some people who are known but remain unidentified because it's felt that they've met a fitting end. In all honesty, I can think of at least two people that I would claim solely because I wouldn't want anyone to see them and think they 'deserve' anything or waste time working to ID a scumbag.

At any rate, I think it's highly believable that there are families out there who don't care what happened to the uncle that molested a niece or nephew, the ex-stepdad that threw mom into a wall, etc. It's easy to fall into the trap of, "Oh, that poor dead person no one cares about," and certainly this doesn't apply to EVERYONE on doenetwork, but I'm sure there is more than 1 or 2 who are there as a result of their actions and personal choices.

[dks64]

Originally Posted by TracyLynnS

Sometimes I wonder if the families know or suspect the fate of their relatives, but just don't care. And I wonder if they're afraid they'll be presented with a bill or something and just ignore it all rather than come forward.

The following isn't really too crime related but does show how a parent couldn't possibly care less about their dead child.

When my cousin was 23, she was in a car accident with her 5 year old daughter in the back seat, luckily the girl was properly strapped into her car seat. My cousin wasn't wearing her seatbelt and was thrown through the window and killed.

Her parents had been divorced for many years and lived in different states. After the funeral, my cousin's body was cremated. Her remains were supposed to be picked up by her mother and split with her father. But months and months went by and she was just left at the funeral home.

After waiting too long and wanting to have his daughter's remains, my uncle traveled back here, had his sister pose as the girl's mother, forged the paperwork to pick up his daughter's remains, and took her home to Tennessee.

This was way back in 1986 and her mother STILL doesn't care whether she was left at the funeral home or taken away. It's so hard to imagine a parent not caring about their child's death to the point of permanently abandoning her remains.

When my dog died in 2007 (a dog! not even a human!) I paid money I couldn't afford so that he could be cremated and I could have his remains. I picked him up immediately and have had him ever since. He was just an animal and was so special that I couldn't bear to have him disposed of unceremoniously, yet my aunt could casually abandon her dead child.

Those are my thoughts too.

Wow, your story is so sad. I wonder if the Mother couldn't bear the pain of picking up the ashes. Seeing the ashes is so...final.

I have cremated 3 of my pets, I did the same thing. Picked them up immediately, wanted them back with me. They were my children, I will never see them as less than that. Your dog wasn't "just an animal," he was family. I lost 2 dogs: Nikki, I had from 7 years old to almost 18 (we were best friends) and Chewy, who I adopted as an old man. I also cremated my rabbit Mason, who I had for almost 10 years. They have their unique personalities and leave holes in our hearts when they pass.

[dks64]

Originally Posted by TracyLynnS

And still sorta off topic....

Now that I'm thinking about it, when my grandmother died in 1988 (different side of the family, unrelated to the ppl I mentioned above), her oldest son and all his kids were quick to show up and rummage through her house, taking everything of value. This was completely against what she had written in her will. She had a proper will and the executor of her estate was not a relative.

But when it was time to pick up her cremated remains, no one could be bothered. Her youngest son, my dad, picked her up and we've got her here with us. Her oldest son has since died, but none of her 3 other grandchildren care where she is. I don't even know if they are aware that anyone ever went to get her. It's never been mentioned in 24 years since they left her with the funeral home.

That is so messed up.

[dks64]

Thank you for all of the replies. I think everyone has some good insight and you've all hit some good points.

[TracyLynnS]

dks64,

So sorry about the loss of your pets. I sure know how it feels and they really are like family.

The dog I mentioned, Marley, was sort of a rescue. His family was getting a divorce and couldn't take him to where they were moving. We were his third family in 5 years and we had him until he passed at age 12.

He was a great companion to my son, who was just a boy at the time. Since Marley was part lab, he loved the water, and my son lives for fishing. They spent most days together on my son's little paddle boat. He even had his own life jacket and loved putting it on because he knew it meant he was going to get to go to the lake again.

Marley loved to see the fish being caught and watching them as they swam up to the boat. But one time he panicked when my son accidentally caught a really big pike. Marley was expecting to see the usual small fishie that he got to sniff and kiss before it was thrown back into the lake. He was unhappily surprised to learn that fish the size of that pike lurked in the same water as his cute little bass and blue gills.

Since my son fished constantly, he was kind of the nerdy kid in the neighborhood and Marley was his best friend for years. He brought us a lot of happiness and was so smart, he even taught our beagle some doggie tricks when all of us humans had failed to teach her.

[SheRaaa]

I think the Doe Network has got to be the saddest website on the entire internet (and that is clearly saying a lot!)

You have people who may have had parents or relatives who simply did not care what happened to their children.

You also have people who probably lived gypsy-like lifestyles, involving itinerant travel, drugs, or other illegal activity. Maybe their families truly have no idea they're deceased, or maybe their relatives simply gave up long ago trying to pin them down.

As someone else mentioned, you may also have "does" that are purposely unclaimed, due to the people they may have been while living.

There are probably also does who simply don't have family anymore, and maybe never did.

As someone from an extremely dysfunctional family, I can totally see why there are so many unclaimed persons on the Doe Network, especially from the 70s through the 90s when it was much harder to track people down.

[1990 UM fan]

Originally Posted by SheRaaa

I think the Doe Network has got to be the saddest website on the entire internet (and that is clearly saying a lot!)

You have people who may have had parents or relatives who simply did not care what happened to their children.

You also have people who probably lived gypsy-like lifestyles, involving itinerant travel, drugs, or other illegal activity. Maybe their families truly have no idea they're deceased, or maybe their relatives simply gave up long ago trying to pin them down.

As someone else mentioned, you may also have "does" that are purposely unclaimed, due to the people they may have been while living.

There are probably also does who simply don't have family anymore, and maybe never did.

As someone from an extremely dysfunctional family, I can totally see why there are so many unclaimed persons on the Doe Network, especially from the 70s through the 90s when it was much harder to track people down.

That is why our country needs to stop being so self-consumed and start being more altruistic. I am happy though that some detectives haven't given up on some of these Does. Take the Little Miss Panasoffkee case for example, those detectives still care about her and want to find her identity and family. She may or may not have a real family but they are still trying everything these 41 years later.

[Necco]

There is one case I can think of off the top of my head where a mother found her daughter on Doe. Samantha Bonnell's remains were found on a California highway. She WAS reported missing but a data entry error kept her from being identified. Her episode of Disappeared is on Netflix.

I think some families can't face combing through all those UID bodies. Some are simple data entry issues. Some are victims of the very people who would report them missing.

[Killarney Rose]

The difference in Samantha and most of the Does is that she had a mother determined not to give up until she found her daughter.

[Tao]

Great topic. I've often wondered about this myself. I think with most of the older cases, it's due to time and unfamiliarity with technology. Likely the relatives are either dead or not very tech-savvy.

Also as someone just pointed out with Samantha Bonnell's case - she almost went unclaimed too because the mother thought the reconstruction resembled her but not enough. A few things were off like the hair. The reconstruction had straight hair and Bonnell's was curly or vice versa. The date of discovery was also off due to a clerical error. I wonder how many go unclaimed because of simple things like that.

Especially with family members - we're so intimately aware of our loved ones' features. It might be very hard for a family member to recognize a loved one's face in a reconstruction.

I've also heard the idea mentioned earlier about perhaps people going unclaimed out of fear of some kind of financial responsibility. Does anyone know if people actually have to pay funeral expenses or something when IDing a loved one? For some reason, I kind of doubt it at least in older cases. If the bodies already buried/disposed of, would they really get a check? Seems very cold. Of course, it's probably true in 'fresh' cases where the body's still down at the morgue or whatever. Anyone know?

If it is true, I wonder what amount they'd be looking at. Of course whether it's true or not, someone could be afraid of being presented with a bill.

I do remember similar speculation about a living John Doe case. He'd been injured and was now mentally impaired and confined to a hospital bed. I can see relatives being afraid of astronomical hospital bills.