Family Members as Pallbearers? - Sitcoms Online Message Boards

Retro4Life · 09-13-2012, 09:16 PM

When I was young, I always heard that family members were not normally selected as pallbearers for funerals because it was a stressful time and family had enough on their plate just grieving without having to have the burden of the "work" involved in such a task. It was almost always left to friends of the deceased and/or family. In rare cases, where there weren't a lot of available candidates, sometimes a cousin or nephew would be selected.

But lately I've noticed more and more family members are being selected. Is it just me, or is this some new trend that's now accepted as "OK"? I personally cannot imagine carrying my mother, father or brother's casket to its resting place. I was barely able to hold myself together as it was.

Thoughts?

angiefan · 09-13-2012, 10:46 PM

my dad was one of my grandpapa's pallbearer's at his funeral in 86.

Janice · 09-13-2012, 11:19 PM

Wow, I can't imagine a person carrying their parent's casket at their funeral. I've never seen it here, and I've gone to my share of funerals. I guess things are different everywhere.

retrofan05 · 09-13-2012, 11:30 PM

I was a pallbearer with my male cousins for my grandma when I was 12 and then my grandpa when I was 15. I've never heard of non-family members being pallbearers.

dlemond · 09-13-2012, 11:43 PM

I was a pallbearer at my cousin's funeral.
He was 25. I was 19.

Next I was pallbearer at my best friend's funeral.
I don't remember if any family members were, I think his brother
was, it was a long time ago. It's all mixed up in my mind because it was a completely wacked out occurence. I actually saw myself on the local news.
Wow, that was a really, really bad time.

Zoneboy · 09-14-2012, 01:21 AM

I've been to several funerals for family members and with pallbearer selection it usually depends on who's available. The choosing of the pallbearers is done during the visitation. The person handling the arrangements will select 6 people to ask and if any decline, they will continue until 6 are found and possibly 2 honorary pb's. When my grandfathers died, the 6 oldest grandsons served as pallbearers. When my cousin died at 18, 6 of his best friends from high school were selected. In some cases, 6 family members may not be available and others will be selected.

Penny Lane · 09-14-2012, 10:22 AM

My family members have always been pallbearers.

janet42 · 09-15-2012, 12:23 PM

My brothers were pallbearers at my mother's funeral.

Marvo301 · 09-15-2012, 01:42 PM

Around here it's always been common for family members to be pallbearers. I've done it twice. Once for my Aunt and once for a friend.

AB · 09-15-2012, 02:45 PM

Sometimes the relatives want to be pallbearers as a final way to be there for the deceased. My brother, his son, my husband & our son were pallbearers at my sister's funeral as well as two of her husbands closet friends. I suppose it depends on what everyone is comfortable with.

JamesG · 09-15-2012, 03:25 PM

I thought it's always been common. It's not a "new trend".

Retro4Life · 09-15-2012, 05:29 PM

Well, apparently I've been living in Oddball USA for my whole life...been to probably a hundred funerals in my life and it's only in the last few years that I've seen close relatives (sons, brothers, etc.) as pallbearers.

Again, I am very grateful no one expected me to perform this task for my own family. I was too busy falling to pieces.

09-13-2012, 09:16 PM	#1
Retro4Life Accept No Substitutes Forum Veteran Join Date: Feb 04, 2009 Location: IL Posts: 6,708	Family Members as Pallbearers? When I was young, I always heard that family members were not normally selected as pallbearers for funerals because it was a stressful time and family had enough on their plate just grieving without having to have the burden of the "work" involved in such a task. It was almost always left to friends of the deceased and/or family. In rare cases, where there weren't a lot of available candidates, sometimes a cousin or nephew would be selected. But lately I've noticed more and more family members are being selected. Is it just me, or is this some new trend that's now accepted as "OK"? I personally cannot imagine carrying my mother, father or brother's casket to its resting place. I was barely able to hold myself together as it was. Thoughts?
	__________________ Alex Reiger :[Trying to convince Louie not to antagonize Bobby] "It's not hard to make people feel bad about their lives. What's hard is making people feel good about their lives."

09-13-2012, 10:46 PM	#2
angiefan happy labor day! Forum Regular Join Date: Apr 15, 2006 Location: grand blanc,michigan Posts: 618	family members as pallbearers my dad was one of my grandpapa's pallbearer's at his funeral in 86.

09-13-2012, 11:43 PM	#5
dlemond Hey, I know you. Moderator Forum Veteran Join Date: Dec 03, 2001 Location: New Jersey Posts: 6,751	I was a pallbearer at my cousin's funeral. He was 25. I was 19. Next I was pallbearer at my best friend's funeral. I don't remember if any family members were, I think his brother was, it was a long time ago. It's all mixed up in my mind because it was a completely wacked out occurence. I actually saw myself on the local news. Wow, that was a really, really bad time.
	__________________ Michael

09-14-2012, 01:21 AM	#6
Zoneboy RIP, I'LL NEVER FORGET YOU :( Moderator Forum Superstar Join Date: Jul 13, 2003 Location: AT HOME WISHING ALL THIS WAS JUST A DREAM AND THAT I'LL WAKE UP FROM THIS NIGHTMARE. Posts: 34,454	I've been to several funerals for family members and with pallbearer selection it usually depends on who's available. The choosing of the pallbearers is done during the visitation. The person handling the arrangements will select 6 people to ask and if any decline, they will continue until 6 are found and possibly 2 honorary pb's. When my grandfathers died, the 6 oldest grandsons served as pallbearers. When my cousin died at 18, 6 of his best friends from high school were selected. In some cases, 6 family members may not be available and others will be selected.
	__________________ 'Twas The Night Before Christmas And All Through The Full House Not A Creature Was Stirring, Not Even Mighty Mouse. All My Children We're Nestled All Snug In Their Beds While Visions Of Sugarbakers Danced In Their Heads.

09-14-2012, 10:22 AM	#7
Penny Lane Butter Pie Forum Icon Join Date: Jul 03, 2001 Location: Beneath the blue suburban skies Posts: 51,270	My family members have always been pallbearers.
	__________________ Vulgarity is no substitute for wit- Lady Violet Crawley

09-13-2012, 11:19 PM	#3
Janice Retired Admin - Hollywood Swingin' Forum Legend Join Date: Aug 03, 2001 Location: Beantown Posts: 36,388	Wow, I can't imagine a person carrying their parent's casket at their funeral. I've never seen it here, and I've gone to my share of funerals. I guess things are different everywhere.

09-13-2012, 11:30 PM	#4
retrofan05 Member Senior Member Join Date: Aug 25, 2009 Location: Illinois Posts: 1,111	I was a pallbearer with my male cousins for my grandma when I was 12 and then my grandpa when I was 15. I've never heard of non-family members being pallbearers.

09-15-2012, 12:23 PM	#8
janet42 Three's Company Fan! Senior Member Join Date: Feb 22, 2007 Location: Indiana Posts: 1,757	My brothers were pallbearers at my mother's funeral.

09-15-2012, 01:42 PM	#9
Marvo301 I'm NOT a Blockhead! Forum Celebrity Join Date: May 17, 2002 Location: The Great White North Posts: 21,460	Around here it's always been common for family members to be pallbearers. I've done it twice. Once for my Aunt and once for a friend.
	__________________ Only a life lived for others is worth living. Albert Einstein A life isn't worth living unless it has impact on other lives. Jackie Robinson Be always at war with your vices, at peace with your neighbors, and let each new year find you a better man. Benjamin Franklin

09-15-2012, 02:45 PM	#10
AB Member Eternal Member Forum Icon Join Date: Dec 26, 2006 Location: The South Posts: 59,428	Sometimes the relatives want to be pallbearers as a final way to be there for the deceased. My brother, his son, my husband & our son were pallbearers at my sister's funeral as well as two of her husbands closet friends. I suppose it depends on what everyone is comfortable with.

09-15-2012, 03:25 PM	#11
JamesG Freakshow Moderator Forum Icon Join Date: Feb 01, 2008 Location: Brooklyn, NY Posts: 57,179	I thought it's always been common. It's not a "new trend".

09-15-2012, 05:29 PM	#12
Retro4Life Accept No Substitutes Forum Veteran Join Date: Feb 04, 2009 Location: IL Posts: 6,708	Well, apparently I've been living in Oddball USA for my whole life...been to probably a hundred funerals in my life and it's only in the last few years that I've seen close relatives (sons, brothers, etc.) as pallbearers. Again, I am very grateful no one expected me to perform this task for my own family. I was too busy falling to pieces.