A Honeymooners July 4th:

[Frank Gannucci]

(Ralph & Ed are in the Kramden apartment.)

Ed: "Well Ralph, what are you and Alice going to do for July 4th?"

Ralph: "Alice wanted to go to see the fireworks that Macys is making. I have a better idea. Why don't we make our own fireworks show?"

Ed: "Yeah. I have seen those fireworks shows that Macys makes. They aren't that much fun."

Ralph: "Yes. We will put together our own fireworks show and we will be the talk of the city here."

Ed: "That is a great idea Ralph."

(Alice comes out.)

Ralph: "Alice, what would you say if me and Ed were going to make our own fireworks show this July 4?"

Alice: "i would say that you two are nuts."

Ralph: "Why do you say that? You know as well as I do is that I EXCEL in everything that I do."

Alice: "Oh you do?"

Ralph: "Yeah. I have EXCELLED at bus driving."

Ed: "Yeah. You only have been held up six times."

Ralph (yells): "SHUT UP NORTON!" (to Alice): "We will show you. As a matter of fact, me and Ed will put together a preview on July 3."

(Alice laughs and leaves the room.)

Ed: "Well, let's start making noise."

(On July 3, Ralph & Ed have got a LOT of fireworks and canon crackers.)

Ed: "Hey Ralphie, where did you get all those?"

Ralph: "Oh, I got them from a street vendor."

Ed: "Don't tyou think that those are illegal?"

Ralph: "Of course not. He wouldn't do a thing like that. Well, everything is ready. FIRE ONE!"

(Ed & Ralph fire the first cannon cracker and firework. They misfire and hit an empty Gotham Transit Bus which causes it to explode. The police get called.)

Ralph (to Ed, yells): "YOU STUPID STUPE! YOU CAUSED US TO MISFIRE! NOW, I AM GOING TO GET FIRED PROBABLY."

(The cops come.)

Cop: "Look at what we have here. We have ILLEGAL fireworks and ILLEGAL cannon crackers. You two are going to jail."

Ed: "Ralph, I see that another one of your plans has exploded."

Ralph (yells): "WILL YOU SHUT UP NORTON?"

(Jackie Gleason walks on stage. Audience applauds.)

Jackie: "Thank you. HOW SWEET IT IS!"

(Audience cheers.)

Jackie: "I wish everyone a happy and safe July 4th. The Miami Beach July 4celebrations are the BEST!"

(Audience cheers.)

Jackie: "Time to bring out the cast. Audrey Meadows."

(The crowd cheers as Aud comes on stage and shakes Jackie's hand and kisses him.)

Jackie: "Art Carney."

(The crowd cheers as Art comes on stage and shakes Jackie's hand.)

Jackie (yells): "GOOD NIGHT!"

(Audience cheers.)