I don't normally post "woe-is-me" threads... - Sitcoms Online Message Boards

AKA · 05-19-2012, 04:36 PM

...but my depression is really getting the better of me lately. I'm on anti-depressants, and they helped for awhile, but they just don't seem to be "doing the trick" anymore.

I could really use some affirmation, encouragement, and even humor. I'm barely hanging on; trying to keep my head above the water.

In other words, help!

Brian Damage · 05-19-2012, 04:42 PM

I am here for you buddy. I have been there and done that before, but obviously everyone's depression is different, so I can't say what you are going through is what I have been through, but keep your head up high. There is sooooooo much to look forward to. You have a family now, they need you. Heck, we need you here as well. You are a great person, believe in prayer as well. That can help as good as any med.

AKA · 05-19-2012, 04:52 PM

Thank you, Brian. Your words mean a lot to me. I'm trying really hard to pull myself out of this. I'm going to start going back to a therapist in a week and a half, so hopefully that will help; just talking to anyone about it helps, whether they have a degree on their wall or not. It's good to know that you at least empathize with what I'm going through.

I love my wife and my son so, so much; they're what's keeping me around and making me want to fight for myself, you know? Even so, some days, I just don't want to get out of bed. In just eight years, I've gone from a strong, hard-working young man to a useless cripple on Social Security who can barely walk from the bedroom to the bathroom. I feel like a shell of who I once was.

It bothers me so much that I'm homebound 99% of my life. I want to go to work and feel like a man, or at least leave my house. It's a ****ty existence.

Brian Damage · 05-19-2012, 04:57 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Brad

Thank you, Brian. Your words mean a lot to me. I'm trying really hard to pull myself out of this. I'm going to start going back to a therapist in a week and a half, so hopefully that will help; just talking to anyone about it helps, whether they have a degree on their wall or not. It's good to know that you at least empathize with what I'm going through.

I love my wife and my son so, so much; they're what's keeping me around and making me want to fight for myself, you know? Even so, some days, I just don't want to get out of bed. In just eight years, I've gone from a strong, hard-working young man to a useless cripple on Social Security who can barely walk from the bedroom to the bathroom.

I am with you there Brad. I hear you and believe me it can be hard at times. Some days are like a heavyweight fight, but therapy is a step in the right direction and I am glad you opened up here too.

AKA · 05-19-2012, 04:59 PM

I am, too, Brian. Sometimes it just takes a caring ear (or eye).

Brian Damage · 05-19-2012, 06:13 PM

definitely! Stay strong my friend.

Mr. Television · 05-19-2012, 06:41 PM

My thoughts and prayers are with you Brad. Depression sucks and it wears you down after awhile. Just remember you have many friends here who are pulling for you and you have a wonderful family. Your son is going to need his Dad. Keep strong buddy.

Retro4Life · 05-19-2012, 07:28 PM

Very sorry to hear you've been depressed. Like the others have said, it's not easy to bounce back from but with help (friends, family, a therapist if necessary) I'm sure you will do it.

Remember that everything in life, including the bad times, is just temporary so tomorrow is your friend. Best of luck and stay in touch!

JamesG · 05-19-2012, 07:48 PM

You've got to stay strong and be there for your family.

Perhaps you should also head back to your doctor for a check-up. Everyone's bodies goes through changes overtime and maybe your medication needs to be adjusted.

I don't know your whole situation, but is it possible for you to do some sort of work from the home? They have organizations that give disabled people jobs that they can do from the home.

It may help you out a little bit so that you will have "something to do" that makes you feel more motivated and productive if that's what you feel you need.

I wish you the best.

Retro4Life · 05-20-2012, 12:59 PM

Another thing to consider is that even though you may not be able to physically contribute the way you want to, I'm sure you are contributing to your family's well being in other ways. They love you; your presence, your advice, guidance, humor, concern and a hundred other intangibles make you a valued member of that family. I know and understand it's hard to keep this in mind if you are not able to work or move around much...but keep the knowledge in your heart and bring it out when you need it. Your courage in the face of your struggles is also no doubt an inspiration and a great example to your family, too.

Again, I hope that things begin to brighten for you. And I applaud your courage in posting about such a personal issue.

Janice · 05-20-2012, 04:30 PM

Brad, I'm so sorry that depression has you in its grip again. It's only natural to feel the way you do. Your situation is taking a long time to accept. You're actually mourning your former, healthy self. I know I'm doing the same.

My illness started in 2006. Whenever I see a tv show or movie that predates that, I think to myself, "I was healthy when that was filmed." Or when I look at photographs, stuff like that. I'm sure you do that as well.

Like you, I have to constantly remind myself to count my blessings. It's just not easy when with constant pain reminding us of our situation. You got some valuable advice on this thread. I'm not sure I've been much help. Just to say that I understand your physical pain and the sadness it brings.

Family Ties Forever! · 05-20-2012, 09:58 PM

Sorry to hear about your depression. Depression can be hard to handle.

TJ · 05-20-2012, 10:23 PM

Hi Brad, I'm sorry to hear what you've been going through lately. I know others are dealing with similar issues and I feel for them. It's not something that I've really told many others, but I've been dealing with depression issues over the last year or two. My dad is in the late stages of Alzheimer's disease. He's passed out, lost unconciousness and had to be revived three different times. I know there will be a point where his memory will be completely gone, and he will no longer be able to recognize any family members. He was in the hospital in February. We're struggling to pay bills - $30000 for a 3 day hospital stay. My uncle was in a car accident a few years ago, lost his car and was unable to work, lost his house to foreclosure, was diagnosed with skin cancer and recently lost his battle with it. He was in a wheelchair in his final months, but was still hopeful of getting better and pursing aggressive treatment. I know he dealt with a lot of depression issues. He went to Gilda's Club in Chicago. It's a cancer support group. I think it was mostly older ladies, but he loved going there and they were very supportive of him. There are all kinds of support groups out there for dealing with various problems. The help is out there if you seek it.

Although it wasn't the same as the other two things, my local hockey team moved away and I was depressed about that for a long time. All these things hit me at once and I asked why me? There have been times where I haven't even felt like updating the site or even reading threads on here. I feel like I just go through the motions on some days. I find myself not enjoying things that I used to in the past. Now I've learned to appreciate the more simple things in life. I'm thankful I have my health, a roof over my head, food on the table, clothes on my back and a family that loves me. There are so many people out there who have none of those things. There's always people who are going to be much worse off than you or I.

You have a beautiful family and are just entering the prime of your life. Your family needs you to be strong for them. We need you posting here for many more years to come. Things will get better for you. Take it one day at a time.

OH Nuts! · 05-21-2012, 01:23 AM

Brad, sorry to hear about your depression. Many years ago, when I was a teen, I struggled with this too. You're not alone--many folks here care about you. Hang in there. God Bless

AKA · 05-21-2012, 05:37 AM

Thank you so much, everyone. I was able to have a better day today (Sunday). I saw a few friends, had a few laughs and checked out the solar eclipse with my wife and kid. Most importantly of all, I was able to get some sleep Saturday night, a luxury that has been lacking in my life in recent weeks.

Harry has been teething on and off since February, but there hadn't been any actual tooth coming in -- until this past week. He has two visible teeth on top and one on the bottom, all of which seemed to have started popping out at the same time. So the poor guy is going through some agonizing pain. I was up with him most of Friday night/Saturday morning.

Being a daddy is the most rewarding thing I've ever done. But sometimes, it makes me feel even more like a cripple than I already do. My beautiful son is a lot more mobile now. He crawls and pulls himself up onto things, and travels along the furniture. This is both a blessing and a curse to me: when I'm alone with him (as I was yesterday when my wife went to a baby shower), I have a hard time getting up and down repeatedly to go after him when he gets into something he isn't supposed to (pulling himself up on the TV stand, playing with the vertical blinds in the living room; etc).

Eventually, I put him in his playpen, which he usually hates. I don't want to do it, but sometimes it's my only option. This disease is painful and crippling, and I wish like hell I didn't have it. But I do, and because of that, sometimes my baby gets stuck in a playpen for awhile with his toys (though an episode of Mickey Mouse Clubhouse on the DVR or Yo Gabba Gabba on Netflix usually makes more enjoyable for him).

In other words, because of my disability, my poor soon has to suffer, too. And my wife.

I hate it. It's the worst, and it brings me down and can give me the darkest of thoughts (yesterday when I posted this thread, my brain was unbearable). But I'm working through the depression. For my wife and for my son. I love them more than anything else in the universe, and I want to be the best husband and the best daddy I can possibly be.

In dreams, I still am able-bodied. It's weird. This disease, this pain and immobility, has been my reality every waking moment for over eight years now, yet when I'm asleep, I'm walking, I'm strong, I'm agile. It's as if my brain--at least subconsciously--refuses to accept this garbage my body has decided to heap upon itself.

Janice, I was just thinking today about how you and I go back to when we were both well. We were both years away from being diagnosed with our painful, debilitating diseases, yet we developed a friendship that, while it has had is ups and downs, is a decade old. That can't be an accident... can it? I don't know if there's such thing as predestination, but if there is, our bond can be cited as proof.

You have helped me through so many hard times, and not just in the past year, either, but in the past ten. I still have years-old e-mails saved from you that are better than gold to me; the time you reached out to me when I was first diagnosed with RA, for instance, or checking up on how I was doing with my late grandma's deteriorating condition. Your genuine caring nature has blessed me in more was than you will ever know.

It sucks that we both have been sidelined by crappy diseases, but I'm glad we at least have each other for support. I don't know how I could have gotten this far without you in my life.

Todd, I'm so heartbroken to hear about your dad. Watching a loved one slowly fade away is one of the hardest things anyone can endure. You're young, and I'm sure your dad is, as well. He should no doubt be eyeing a retirement and a life of leisure and travel during his golden years. I'm sorry that you're father was robbed of his best years, and am also sorry that you have been robbed of a father.

I watched my grandmother slowly waste away over a ten-year period from Parkinson's. She went from a lovely little independent older retiree to...

Grandma didn't have Alzheimer's (that we know of), but she did have severe dementia. In her final months, she didn't know who we were most of the time, though there were some fleeting flashes of recognition once in awhile. All that to say I have an idea of what you're going through. It's terrible; there's no way around it. If you need anyone to talk to, I'm always here for you.

I was also sorry to hear about your uncle. Your family is going through so much right now.

I belong to a few rheumatoid arthritis support groups online, but there aren't any here locally I can attend.

JamesG, I saw my doctor a few days ago (the one prescribing the antidepressants), and he referred me to the new therapist I'll be seeing. I didn't like the old one so I stopped going several months ago.

Brian, Sonny, Jenny, Tara, Retro4Life, and everyone else who posted in this thread, thank you so much for being so supportive and caring. You're all wonderful, and your posts not only made me smile, but made me glad I posted this thread (it was hard to do). I feel loved, and that helps in more ways than you might think. Thanks again!

05-19-2012, 04:36 PM	#1
AKA Member Forum Star Join Date: Dec 17, 2001 Posts: 15,746	I don't normally post "woe-is-me" threads... ...but my depression is really getting the better of me lately. I'm on anti-depressants, and they helped for awhile, but they just don't seem to be "doing the trick" anymore. I could really use some affirmation, encouragement, and even humor. I'm barely hanging on; trying to keep my head above the water. In other words, help!

05-19-2012, 04:42 PM	#2
Brian Damage I'm Rich Bitch Forum Icon Join Date: Feb 03, 2002 Location: What Ain't No Country I Ever Heard Of...They Speak English in What? Posts: 63,107	I am here for you buddy. I have been there and done that before, but obviously everyone's depression is different, so I can't say what you are going through is what I have been through, but keep your head up high. There is sooooooo much to look forward to. You have a family now, they need you. Heck, we need you here as well. You are a great person, believe in prayer as well. That can help as good as any med.
	__________________ The Key to the Kingdom of Heaven: John 3:3 *Money Doesn't Buy Happiness...But I'd Rather Cry in My Private Jet*

05-19-2012, 06:41 PM	#7
Mr. Television 23 Years at Sitcoms Online Forum Icon Join Date: Jun 06, 2003 Location: Somewhere you're Not Posts: 62,132	My thoughts and prayers are with you Brad. Depression sucks and it wears you down after awhile. Just remember you have many friends here who are pulling for you and you have a wonderful family. Your son is going to need his Dad. Keep strong buddy.
	__________________ Sonny

05-19-2012, 07:28 PM	#8
Retro4Life Accept No Substitutes Forum Veteran Join Date: Feb 04, 2009 Location: IL Posts: 6,708	Very sorry to hear you've been depressed. Like the others have said, it's not easy to bounce back from but with help (friends, family, a therapist if necessary) I'm sure you will do it. Remember that everything in life, including the bad times, is just temporary so tomorrow is your friend. Best of luck and stay in touch!
	__________________ Alex Reiger :[Trying to convince Louie not to antagonize Bobby] "It's not hard to make people feel bad about their lives. What's hard is making people feel good about their lives."

05-20-2012, 09:58 PM	#12
Family Ties Forever! Member Forum Fanatic Join Date: Apr 16, 2002 Location: Keaton residence Posts: 10,214	Sorry to hear about your depression. Depression can be hard to handle.
	__________________ Jenny

05-19-2012, 04:52 PM	#3
AKA Member Forum Star Join Date: Dec 17, 2001 Posts: 15,746	Thank you, Brian. Your words mean a lot to me. I'm trying really hard to pull myself out of this. I'm going to start going back to a therapist in a week and a half, so hopefully that will help; just talking to anyone about it helps, whether they have a degree on their wall or not. It's good to know that you at least empathize with what I'm going through. I love my wife and my son so, so much; they're what's keeping me around and making me want to fight for myself, you know? Even so, some days, I just don't want to get out of bed. In just eight years, I've gone from a strong, hard-working young man to a useless cripple on Social Security who can barely walk from the bedroom to the bathroom. I feel like a shell of who I once was. It bothers me so much that I'm homebound 99% of my life. I want to go to work and feel like a man, or at least leave my house. It's a ****ty existence.

05-19-2012, 04:59 PM	#5
AKA Member Forum Star Join Date: Dec 17, 2001 Posts: 15,746	I am, too, Brian. Sometimes it just takes a caring ear (or eye).

05-19-2012, 06:13 PM	#6
Brian Damage I'm Rich Bitch Forum Icon Join Date: Feb 03, 2002 Location: What Ain't No Country I Ever Heard Of...They Speak English in What? Posts: 63,107	definitely! Stay strong my friend.

05-19-2012, 07:48 PM	#9
JamesG Freakshow Moderator Forum Icon Join Date: Feb 01, 2008 Location: Brooklyn, NY Posts: 57,136	You've got to stay strong and be there for your family. Perhaps you should also head back to your doctor for a check-up. Everyone's bodies goes through changes overtime and maybe your medication needs to be adjusted. I don't know your whole situation, but is it possible for you to do some sort of work from the home? They have organizations that give disabled people jobs that they can do from the home. It may help you out a little bit so that you will have "something to do" that makes you feel more motivated and productive if that's what you feel you need. I wish you the best.

05-20-2012, 12:59 PM	#10
Retro4Life Accept No Substitutes Forum Veteran Join Date: Feb 04, 2009 Location: IL Posts: 6,708	Another thing to consider is that even though you may not be able to physically contribute the way you want to, I'm sure you are contributing to your family's well being in other ways. They love you; your presence, your advice, guidance, humor, concern and a hundred other intangibles make you a valued member of that family. I know and understand it's hard to keep this in mind if you are not able to work or move around much...but keep the knowledge in your heart and bring it out when you need it. Your courage in the face of your struggles is also no doubt an inspiration and a great example to your family, too. Again, I hope that things begin to brighten for you. And I applaud your courage in posting about such a personal issue.

05-20-2012, 04:30 PM	#11
Janice Retired Admin - Hollywood Swingin' Forum Legend Join Date: Aug 03, 2001 Location: Beantown Posts: 36,388	Brad, I'm so sorry that depression has you in its grip again. It's only natural to feel the way you do. Your situation is taking a long time to accept. You're actually mourning your former, healthy self. I know I'm doing the same. My illness started in 2006. Whenever I see a tv show or movie that predates that, I think to myself, "I was healthy when that was filmed." Or when I look at photographs, stuff like that. I'm sure you do that as well. Like you, I have to constantly remind myself to count my blessings. It's just not easy when with constant pain reminding us of our situation. You got some valuable advice on this thread. I'm not sure I've been much help. Just to say that I understand your physical pain and the sadness it brings.

05-20-2012, 10:23 PM	#13
TJ Site Owner Administrator Forum Star Join Date: Feb 03, 2000 Location: Marietta, GA Posts: 10,683	Hi Brad, I'm sorry to hear what you've been going through lately. I know others are dealing with similar issues and I feel for them. It's not something that I've really told many others, but I've been dealing with depression issues over the last year or two. My dad is in the late stages of Alzheimer's disease. He's passed out, lost unconciousness and had to be revived three different times. I know there will be a point where his memory will be completely gone, and he will no longer be able to recognize any family members. He was in the hospital in February. We're struggling to pay bills - $30000 for a 3 day hospital stay. My uncle was in a car accident a few years ago, lost his car and was unable to work, lost his house to foreclosure, was diagnosed with skin cancer and recently lost his battle with it. He was in a wheelchair in his final months, but was still hopeful of getting better and pursing aggressive treatment. I know he dealt with a lot of depression issues. He went to Gilda's Club in Chicago. It's a cancer support group. I think it was mostly older ladies, but he loved going there and they were very supportive of him. There are all kinds of support groups out there for dealing with various problems. The help is out there if you seek it. Although it wasn't the same as the other two things, my local hockey team moved away and I was depressed about that for a long time. All these things hit me at once and I asked why me? There have been times where I haven't even felt like updating the site or even reading threads on here. I feel like I just go through the motions on some days. I find myself not enjoying things that I used to in the past. Now I've learned to appreciate the more simple things in life. I'm thankful I have my health, a roof over my head, food on the table, clothes on my back and a family that loves me. There are so many people out there who have none of those things. There's always people who are going to be much worse off than you or I. You have a beautiful family and are just entering the prime of your life. Your family needs you to be strong for them. We need you posting here for many more years to come. Things will get better for you. Take it one day at a time.
	Last edited by TJ; 05-20-2012 at 11:29 PM.

05-21-2012, 01:23 AM	#14
OH Nuts! Member Forum King Join Date: Feb 15, 2005 Posts: 133,383	Brad, sorry to hear about your depression. Many years ago, when I was a teen, I struggled with this too. You're not alone--many folks here care about you. Hang in there. God Bless

05-21-2012, 05:37 AM	#15
AKA Member Forum Star Join Date: Dec 17, 2001 Posts: 15,746	Thank you so much, everyone. I was able to have a better day today (Sunday). I saw a few friends, had a few laughs and checked out the solar eclipse with my wife and kid. Most importantly of all, I was able to get some sleep Saturday night, a luxury that has been lacking in my life in recent weeks. Harry has been teething on and off since February, but there hadn't been any actual tooth coming in -- until this past week. He has two visible teeth on top and one on the bottom, all of which seemed to have started popping out at the same time. So the poor guy is going through some agonizing pain. I was up with him most of Friday night/Saturday morning. Being a daddy is the most rewarding thing I've ever done. But sometimes, it makes me feel even more like a cripple than I already do. My beautiful son is a lot more mobile now. He crawls and pulls himself up onto things, and travels along the furniture. This is both a blessing and a curse to me: when I'm alone with him (as I was yesterday when my wife went to a baby shower), I have a hard time getting up and down repeatedly to go after him when he gets into something he isn't supposed to (pulling himself up on the TV stand, playing with the vertical blinds in the living room; etc). Eventually, I put him in his playpen, which he usually hates. I don't want to do it, but sometimes it's my only option. This disease is painful and crippling, and I wish like hell I didn't have it. But I do, and because of that, sometimes my baby gets stuck in a playpen for awhile with his toys (though an episode of Mickey Mouse Clubhouse on the DVR or Yo Gabba Gabba on Netflix usually makes more enjoyable for him). In other words, because of my disability, my poor soon has to suffer, too. And my wife. I hate it. It's the worst, and it brings me down and can give me the darkest of thoughts (yesterday when I posted this thread, my brain was unbearable). But I'm working through the depression. For my wife and for my son. I love them more than anything else in the universe, and I want to be the best husband and the best daddy I can possibly be. In dreams, I still am able-bodied. It's weird. This disease, this pain and immobility, has been my reality every waking moment for over eight years now, yet when I'm asleep, I'm walking, I'm strong, I'm agile. It's as if my brain--at least subconsciously--refuses to accept this garbage my body has decided to heap upon itself. Janice, I was just thinking today about how you and I go back to when we were both well. We were both years away from being diagnosed with our painful, debilitating diseases, yet we developed a friendship that, while it has had is ups and downs, is a decade old. That can't be an accident... can it? I don't know if there's such thing as predestination, but if there is, our bond can be cited as proof. You have helped me through so many hard times, and not just in the past year, either, but in the past ten. I still have years-old e-mails saved from you that are better than gold to me; the time you reached out to me when I was first diagnosed with RA, for instance, or checking up on how I was doing with my late grandma's deteriorating condition. Your genuine caring nature has blessed me in more was than you will ever know. It sucks that we both have been sidelined by crappy diseases, but I'm glad we at least have each other for support. I don't know how I could have gotten this far without you in my life. Todd, I'm so heartbroken to hear about your dad. Watching a loved one slowly fade away is one of the hardest things anyone can endure. You're young, and I'm sure your dad is, as well. He should no doubt be eyeing a retirement and a life of leisure and travel during his golden years. I'm sorry that you're father was robbed of his best years, and am also sorry that you have been robbed of a father. I watched my grandmother slowly waste away over a ten-year period from Parkinson's. She went from a lovely little independent older retiree to... Grandma didn't have Alzheimer's (that we know of), but she did have severe dementia. In her final months, she didn't know who we were most of the time, though there were some fleeting flashes of recognition once in awhile. All that to say I have an idea of what you're going through. It's terrible; there's no way around it. If you need anyone to talk to, I'm always here for you. I was also sorry to hear about your uncle. Your family is going through so much right now. I belong to a few rheumatoid arthritis support groups online, but there aren't any here locally I can attend. JamesG, I saw my doctor a few days ago (the one prescribing the antidepressants), and he referred me to the new therapist I'll be seeing. I didn't like the old one so I stopped going several months ago. Brian, Sonny, Jenny, Tara, Retro4Life, and everyone else who posted in this thread, thank you so much for being so supportive and caring. You're all wonderful, and your posts not only made me smile, but made me glad I posted this thread (it was hard to do). I feel loved, and that helps in more ways than you might think. Thanks again!