OFFICE - BEST JOKES from MID-USA - Sitcoms Online Message Boards

victorambrosio · 12-30-2011, 07:40 PM

OFFICE - Best Jokes Updated, from MID-USA. First 7 seasons only.
**In chronological order. . .

1. Season 2, DRUG TESTING (our vote for 3rd best all-time): Michael to Dwight: "I need clear urine for the lady."

2. S 2, CASINO NIGHT. Michael's talking head: "two ladies on casino night. I'm going to drop a deuce on everybody!"

3. S 2, CASINO NIGHT. Darryl to Michael: "Mike, I'm not having fire eaters in a paper warehouse."

4. S 3, THE MERGER. Upon meeting Karen, Michael says "My you are exotic looking. was your dad a G.I.?" (our concensus favorite)

5. S 3, THE CONVICT. When Michael asks for the name of a white man so he could reply with a black man he trusts even more, Karen raises the bar quite high when she says "hey I got one - Jesus." Michael responds: "Apollo Creed."

6. S 3, TRAV SALESMAN. Jan responding to Michael's inquiry as to whether or not Dwight was at the NYC office that morning (reading the sign-in sheet): ". . . . under 'business' he wrote 'Beeswax, Not Yours, Incorporated. . ."

7. S 3, BEACH GAMES. "It's simple" Andy screams at Angela while floating down "lake scranton" on his back. "Look at what I'm doing and go tell somebody it."

8. S 3, THE RETURN. Andy, after Michael rebuffs his attempts to bond: "Sorry I annoyed you with my friendship. . "

9. S 4, FUN RUN. "Double Jeopardy, We're fine", says Michael to new-boss Ryan after Running over Meredith with his car. "I don't think you know how jeopardy works, Michael" responds Ryan. Michael corrects himself: "I'm sorry. What is 'We're Fine'."

10. S 4, MONEY. Dwight, receiving Jim and Pam at Schrute Farms: "As of now, Schrute Farms is completely wireless. As soon as Moe's returns the wires we will get that fixed . . "

11. S 4, THE DEPOSITION. "To be delicate," Michael starts, "They hang off M'Lady's chest."

12. S 4, THE DEPOSITION. Synopsis: Michael's long-winded approach to remembering simple words.

13. S 4, GOODBYE TOBY. Michael sums up Holly: "She's like a lady baker. I'm pretty sure she's baked on a professional level. . ."

14. S 4, DINNER PARTY. Hunter's song. Enough said (our vote for 2nd best all-time).

15. S 5, MOROCCAN CHRISTMAS. Angela, to Andy after he sings a line of his seasonally-inappropriate song: "Really Andy. It's Christmas and you're singing about nudity and France."

16. S 6, CHRISTMAS. Jim, to Michael as Santa Clause after struggling to get Ryan to sit in his lap: "Ok, you cant pin down an employee on your lap while yelling 'c'mon please, i need this, i need this'!"

17. S 6, THE LOVER. Donna says "Hey, If I told you we should go to Vero Beach, you would. . . " Michael retorts: "poop my pants?"

18. S 7, GARAGE SALE. After pouring gasoline all over the parking lot in an effort to spell "Marry Me" in fire, Michael says "Pam, I have gasoline all over my hands and close. Would you light this match for me?"

19. S 6, THE CHUMP. Pam declares whatever she drinks will end up in her breast milk which eventually the baby will drink it. Jim declares "that doesnt mean I have to watch what I drink." Pam replies, "well it does and it doesnt" - tastefully letting us know that Pam swallows

Janice · 03-04-2012, 12:57 AM

^ Such a long list of Office jokes and not one of them had the words, "That's what she said."

-STEFFY- · 03-04-2012, 01:45 AM

Michael to Toby: "You are a waste of life...and you should just give up..."

Janice · 03-04-2012, 02:05 AM

The way Michael treats Toby is a scream. And Toby just takes it. He just gets kicked around. It's even funnier because Paul Lieberstein is such a big wheel on the show, in real life. They all must crack up sometimes when rehearsing, lol. I'd love to see the outtakes.

-STEFFY- · 03-04-2012, 02:11 AM

The blooper reels on the dvds are a riot

victorambrosio · 03-04-2012, 04:28 PM

You're not the first one to comment on that. "That's what she said" is part of so many punch lines that it is impossible to include every one of them on the list.

Speaking of the list, we apparently forgot one legendary line that several have reminded of. In fact, it should be top 5.

Season 4, Branch Wars: Michael to Jim, over the walkie-talkie as he is trying to get Jim to keep Karen occupied: "C'mon, Jim, do it for Stanley. Just climb on top of Karen and think about Stanley. . ."

12-30-2011, 07:40 PM	#1
victorambrosio Member Occasional Poster Join Date: Nov 16, 2011 Location: New Jersey Posts: 5	OFFICE - BEST JOKES from MID-USA OFFICE - Best Jokes Updated, from MID-USA. First 7 seasons only. **In chronological order. . . 1. Season 2, DRUG TESTING (our vote for 3rd best all-time): Michael to Dwight: "I need clear urine for the lady." 2. S 2, CASINO NIGHT. Michael's talking head: "two ladies on casino night. I'm going to drop a deuce on everybody!" 3. S 2, CASINO NIGHT. Darryl to Michael: "Mike, I'm not having fire eaters in a paper warehouse." 4. S 3, THE MERGER. Upon meeting Karen, Michael says "My you are exotic looking. was your dad a G.I.?" (our concensus favorite) 5. S 3, THE CONVICT. When Michael asks for the name of a white man so he could reply with a black man he trusts even more, Karen raises the bar quite high when she says "hey I got one - Jesus." Michael responds: "Apollo Creed." 6. S 3, TRAV SALESMAN. Jan responding to Michael's inquiry as to whether or not Dwight was at the NYC office that morning (reading the sign-in sheet): ". . . . under 'business' he wrote 'Beeswax, Not Yours, Incorporated. . ." 7. S 3, BEACH GAMES. "It's simple" Andy screams at Angela while floating down "lake scranton" on his back. "Look at what I'm doing and go tell somebody it." 8. S 3, THE RETURN. Andy, after Michael rebuffs his attempts to bond: "Sorry I annoyed you with my friendship. . " 9. S 4, FUN RUN. "Double Jeopardy, We're fine", says Michael to new-boss Ryan after Running over Meredith with his car. "I don't think you know how jeopardy works, Michael" responds Ryan. Michael corrects himself: "I'm sorry. What is 'We're Fine'." 10. S 4, MONEY. Dwight, receiving Jim and Pam at Schrute Farms: "As of now, Schrute Farms is completely wireless. As soon as Moe's returns the wires we will get that fixed . . " 11. S 4, THE DEPOSITION. "To be delicate," Michael starts, "They hang off M'Lady's chest." 12. S 4, THE DEPOSITION. Synopsis: Michael's long-winded approach to remembering simple words. 13. S 4, GOODBYE TOBY. Michael sums up Holly: "She's like a lady baker. I'm pretty sure she's baked on a professional level. . ." 14. S 4, DINNER PARTY. Hunter's song. Enough said (our vote for 2nd best all-time). 15. S 5, MOROCCAN CHRISTMAS. Angela, to Andy after he sings a line of his seasonally-inappropriate song: "Really Andy. It's Christmas and you're singing about nudity and France." 16. S 6, CHRISTMAS. Jim, to Michael as Santa Clause after struggling to get Ryan to sit in his lap: "Ok, you cant pin down an employee on your lap while yelling 'c'mon please, i need this, i need this'!" 17. S 6, THE LOVER. Donna says "Hey, If I told you we should go to Vero Beach, you would. . . " Michael retorts: "poop my pants?" 18. S 7, GARAGE SALE. After pouring gasoline all over the parking lot in an effort to spell "Marry Me" in fire, Michael says "Pam, I have gasoline all over my hands and close. Would you light this match for me?" 19. S 6, THE CHUMP. Pam declares whatever she drinks will end up in her breast milk which eventually the baby will drink it. Jim declares "that doesnt mean I have to watch what I drink." Pam replies, "well it does and it doesnt" - tastefully letting us know that Pam swallows

03-04-2012, 04:28 PM	#6
victorambrosio Member Occasional Poster Join Date: Nov 16, 2011 Location: New Jersey Posts: 5	That's what she said You're not the first one to comment on that. "That's what she said" is part of so many punch lines that it is impossible to include every one of them on the list. Speaking of the list, we apparently forgot one legendary line that several have reminded of. In fact, it should be top 5. Season 4, Branch Wars: Michael to Jim, over the walkie-talkie as he is trying to get Jim to keep Karen occupied: "C'mon, Jim, do it for Stanley. Just climb on top of Karen and think about Stanley. . ."

03-04-2012, 12:57 AM	#2
Janice Retired Admin - Hollywood Swingin' Forum Legend Join Date: Aug 03, 2001 Location: Beantown Posts: 36,388	^ Such a long list of Office jokes and not one of them had the words, "That's what she said."

03-04-2012, 01:45 AM	#3
-STEFFY- Member Forum Fanatic Join Date: Jul 18, 2007 Location: USA Posts: 14,580	Michael to Toby: "You are a waste of life...and you should just give up..."

03-04-2012, 02:05 AM	#4
Janice Retired Admin - Hollywood Swingin' Forum Legend Join Date: Aug 03, 2001 Location: Beantown Posts: 36,388	The way Michael treats Toby is a scream. And Toby just takes it. He just gets kicked around. It's even funnier because Paul Lieberstein is such a big wheel on the show, in real life. They all must crack up sometimes when rehearsing, lol. I'd love to see the outtakes.

03-04-2012, 02:11 AM	#5
-STEFFY- Member Forum Fanatic Join Date: Jul 18, 2007 Location: USA Posts: 14,580	The blooper reels on the dvds are a riot