Wednesday's Quotes & a Honeymooners XMas Eve:

[Frank Gannucci]

"Man In The Blue Suit":

Ralph: "I want you to know Alice that it was pretty lonely here without you."

Trixie: "Oh Ed, why don't you talk to me like that?"

Ed: "I would be happy to if you only go away once and a while."

"Man In The Blue Suit":

(The boys are playing poker.)

Ralph: "Why are you raising everybody if you are going out for?"

Ed: "I was trying to bluff you out of the pot."

"A Weighty Problem Part 1":

Ralph: "For you information, I happen to be four pounds underweight. It says so in the chart."

Alice: "You must have been looking at a chart for a hippopotamus."

"Unconventional Behavior":

Ed: "Hey Ralph!"

Ralph: "What?"

Ed: "Mind if I smoke?"

Ralph: "I don't care if you burn."

"The Deciding Vote":

(Ralph and Ed are looking at a vaccum.)

Ed: "I can say that by listening to that motor there that the amateor sprocket is causing interference which in turn causes the combustion line to interfere with the flow in the dynaflow."

Ralph: "Now what does that mean?"

Ed: "I don't know."

"The Deciding Vote":

(Ralph has his hands near the sink. Water isn't coming out after Ralph turned one of the knobs.)

Alice: "Somebody upstairs must be using water. You know the water runs bad in this building."

Ralph: "Well, that's just fine."

Alice: "Would you have some paitience Ralph? The water will be on in a minute."

Ralph: "Okay, Alice I will be patient. I will put my hands under the faucet here and wait for the wtaer. It might take hours. It might take days. But I will be here very patiently for the water..."

(Hot water along with steam comes out and the hot water hits Ralph's fingers.)

Ralph (yells): "OWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!"

"Boy Next Door":

(Ralph thinks that Alice is cheating on him.)

Ed: "I will follow Alice like a regular hawk. I will follow her to the ends of the earth."

(Ed hums the "Dragnet" theme as he leaves. He soon comes back.)

Ralph: "What happened?"

Ed: "I lost her on the stairs."

"Norton Moves In" (Color version):

Alice: "You and Norton will have to sleep out in the kitchen."

Ralph: "Just a moment. Whenever you mother or your Aunt Ethel comes, I have to sleep in the kitchen. It's a good thing that we don't have a cat because if he ever wanted to sleep in the kitchen, I would have to sleep in a box out in the hall."

"Six Months To Live":

Ralph: "That does it Norton. In six months, I will be dead."

Ed: "Don't get so upset. Doctos can be wrong to you know. Take a friend of mine for instance. The doctor gave him six months to live. Boy, did he make a monkey out of that doctor."

Ralph: "What happened?"

Ed: "He lived for almost eight months."

(A Honeymooners Christmas Eve.)

(Ralph, Alice, Ed & Trixie are all going to a field to pick up a Christmas tree. Ralph is driving.)

Ralph: “I want to thank you very much Ed & Trixie for helping us in regards to picking up a Christmas tree.”

Ed: “It’s our pleasure Ralph-ie boy! You should see our tree. It’s huge.”

Ralph: “Well, I figured that it would be nice to cut down a tree than buy an overpriced tree at a tree lot that has no meaning.”

Ed: “That and you don’t want to pay the $50.”

Ralph: “Here’s where we are going to park. It’s a good thing that Freddie Muller lent me his car.”

Alice: “Especially since you are too cheap to buy one yourself Ralph.”

Ralph: “You got a sense of humor. Yoooou…”

(They go walking around for hours.)

Alice: “My legs are frozen.”

Ralph: “That is part of the game Alice.”

Trixie: “So are mine.”

Ed: “You will continue to walk Trixie. Remember I have to walk around in freezing cold water on the job and I never freeze.”

Ralph: “There’s the perfect tree.”

Alice: “Ralph, that tree is WAY too big to fit in our apartment.”

Ralph: “It is not. It’s not big. It’s just full. This tree is perfect. Norton, give me the hacksaw.”

Ed: “Ralph, I don’t know how to ell you this, but I forgot the hacksaw.”

Ralph (yells): “YOU STUPID STUPE! YOU FORGOT THE HACKSAW. BOY, WOULD I LIKE TO BELT YOU ONE RIGHT NOW.”

(Moments later, they drive back home with the tree…that was dug out of the ground. Yelling is heard in the car. Ralph stops the car.)

Alice (from the inside of the car): “Come on Ralph! Let’s keep going. We will make it easier for the men in the white coats to catch us.”

(They arrive home. All of them are carrying the tree. Leaves and branches are falling everywhere.)

Ralph (yells): “GO AHEAD MCGARRITY! COMPLAIN! BE A GRINCH! I AM NOT TAKING THIS TREE BACK BECAUSE IT’S TOO BIG.”

McGarrity (from hallway, yells): “YOU ARE THE ONLY GRINCH IN HERE KRAMDEN!”

Ralph: “Boy, would I like to belt him one.”

(They set up the tree right by the window. Ralph goes to cut the rope on the tree.)

Ralph: “Ladies and gentlemen, I give you the Kramden Christmas tree.”

(Ralph cuts the rope. The branches smash open the window. Ralph is in the tree, so to speak.)

Ralph: “Looks great. Little full. Lot of sap.”

(They are decorating the tree.)

Alice: “Ralph, my parents are coming over and you will be nice to them.”

Ralph: “All right. I will.”

(Alice’s parents come inside.)

Alice’s Mom: “Alice! Ralph ‘Santa Claus’ Kramden. Merry Christmas.”

Alice’s Dad: “Hello son-in-law! Merry Christmas.”

All: “Merry Christmas.”

(Ed laughs.)

Ed: “Ralph ‘Santa Claus’ Kramden. Ha ha ha.”

Alice’s Mom: “The tree is huge. It looks great.”

Ralph: “I picked it out.”

Alice: “He actually did Mom and he helped carry it home. The only thing is that the tree broke a window and we actually managed to get it fixed in a short amount of time.”

Alice’s Mom: “Well, I guess he isn’t a lazy sack of potatoes after all.”

(Later on. It’s 11:59p.)

Alice’s Mom: “Oh my God! I didn’t realize it was so late.”

Ed: “Hey, why don’t we read: ‘Twas the Night Before Christmas? ‘When all of sudden on a roof, there arose such a clatter…’”

(Noise is heard on the roof.)

Ralph: “What is that?”

(They all look outside.)

(To be continued.)