5 Basic Manners That Time Forgot

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5 Basic Manners That Time Forgot
Good manners that are too often ignored today
Author: Amanda Keim, Staff writer
Published On: Jul 20 2011 2:11 AM CDT
Updated On: Nov 24 2011 12:01 PM CST

In today's fast-paced, tech-driven world, people are constantly on the go and absorbed in their own to-do lists. Too often it seems people are too busy to mind their manners. It's time to slow down and start taking notice of the world around us, and that starts with bringing some basic etiquette back to our interactions.

Modern life may have increased the number of people we have contact with on a daily basis, but there's something to be said for the quality of relationships over quantity. Respect shown through polite habits helps build that quality and, fortunately for our busy schedules, there are plenty of polite habits you can adopt that won't cut into your busy schedule. We'll all benefit from a more conscientious, cheerful mindset if enough people make an effort to incorporate some old-fashioned etiquette into modern life. And that's quite a pleasant thought.

Up first, it all starts with a couple magic words ...
No. 5: The power of please

They were called the magic words in childhood: please, thank you, you're welcome. Many a toddler has made a demand only to encounter a parent asking for these magic words. Use the right one and that youngster promptly got his wish. Magic, indeed. Unfortunately, that magic has worn off for far too many people as they've grown older. "Please" has been replaced by demands and expectations, "thank you" with a grunt or a nod. (And forget about "you're welcome." If anyone does bother to say "thank you," the typical response is, "sure," "no problem," or, "No, no, thank you.")

To start bringing back the politeness, try this little experiment the next time you make a request: add a "please," and follow it up with a "thank you." Watch for a look of surprise on the face of the waiter refilling your water glass or the co-worker who's been answering to others' demands all day, then pay attention to your subsequent interactions with that person. You just may find those words still hold magic, after all.

With that out of the way, let's talk invitations ...
No. 4: Respond, if you please

Yes, the literal translation of R.S.V.P. is a request: please reply. That doesn't mean you should blow it off. Inboxes can get inundated with e-vites and Facebook event requests. It's easy to add a few more people to your party when you just click a button to send another invitation. But even though the ease of the invite can lead to electronic inboxes virtually overflowing, it's still common courtesy to let someone know whether you plan to grace them with your presence.

Guesstimating how many will actually come can lead to an ill-prepared and stressed out party planner. An accurate head count, on the other hand, can help make a happy host and a more pleasant evening all around. And it only takes a second to click that button that says whether or not you're coming.

Next up, ever wonder why they say the pen is mightier than the sword?
No. 3: Power of the pen

Email may be the standard letter form these days, but there's still nothing quite as personal as a handwritten note. Many kids were required to write thank you notes by hand after every birthday with the threat they may not get presents again next year if they don't properly express gratitude. But that threat seems to have faded away; in today's adult world, a thank you note is more often a standard e-card if it comes at all.

The next time you have someone to thank, try sitting down and writing it out on your own. You'll force yourself to reflect, and you'll create a tangible memento your friend can treasure. And as an added bonus, you'll add a little spice to the mail carrier's routine when they get to deliver something other than a bill, magazine or piece of junk mail.

Our next selection shows that manners and texting don't always mix ...
No. 2: Ignore the phone, not your friend

The image of two people walking side by side engrossed in their own text messages is sad. When it's one person yakking on the phone while a friend is sits across the table picking at her salad, it's just rude. Cell phones have become a necessity we let run our lives. We've been trained to respond to every little beep or vibration, whether important or trivial, no matter what.

If the phone interrupts something you're doing, that's one thing. But when you spend time with someone and decide to take a phone call, you let that other person know they're not as important as whoever is calling. Sure, there are certain emergencies when you need to stay glued to your phone, but how many messages and calls can wait until later? We survived without being constantly online before the advent of the cell phone. You can wait half an hour to check the direct message you just got through Twitter.

Last up, if you can't say anything nice...
No. 1: Online doesn't mean 'free-for-all'

The anonymity of the Internet makes it easier for people to say what's on their mind without fear of retribution. That can be a good thing in certain situations, but this cloak of the online world is too often used as a cover for spewing bile that most people would never let slip in face-to-face conversations. You don't need to look much further than most local news sites or blogs to see tirades based on race, politics or assumptions.

After all, it's easy to just type out what's on your mind a push the post button when you don't have to worry about an immediate, in-person confrontation. That anger-inducing comment may appear only in cyberspace, but at the other end of a computer, it's making someone mad in real life. Instead of adding to that anger, just remember what your mom told you before making your next online comment: If you can't think of anything nice to say, don't say anything at all.

Distributed by Internet Broadcasting.

[MrCleveland]

I can understand that no one uses "Please", it's always "do me a favor" which is like a demand to me. (This is the reason why I hate my job and I feel like everyone is taking advantage of me, because they see me and say "Hey Paul, can you open this?" "Can you take this person somewhere?", etc. Like I'm everyone's bitch). Then they always say "Thank You" or "Thanks"! Then I'm like "Yeah" or something like that, because I'm always pushed to do these things!

And for #1...I fell victim with that too! I made a complaint (not on here), but everyone was giving me grief and being mean to me which turned me into a cyberbully...even one blocked me for the things I said! I apologized to that person, even saying "Don't reply to this letter"...but that person had a lot of nerve to reply by saying "Yeah...all your posts are spam", I said "I'm sorry"...but that person said "**** You" to my face, well If I ever see that person, I'd slap that person VERY hard...unfortunately, the next time I see that person is when they'll be going to hell...where cyberbullies belong!

[Miss Lisa]

I think in general people just need to be more aware that they are around other people. Just last week I had the door slammed in my face because the person in front of me didn't bother to look back and check if anyone was there. I was always taught that you hold the door for others.

Another problem I encounter is when I am trying to get to class. We have five minutes between each class, and those five minutes aren't long when you have four floors and a long hallway. More often than not, there is a group of people talking, mostly freshman girls, in the middle of the hallway placed just so you cannot walk around them. I and many others will stand there and say excuse me, and they completely ignore us. That's the part where I lose my manners and just shove people over and walk through, then they all glare at me like I'm the bad person.

I think this kind of goes along with what MrCleveland was saying. Some people don't seem to always realize that hey, they are talking to other people and they automatically think that you are there waiting and willing to bow down to their needs and desires. Then the second you don't do what they demand, they're mad at you and think you're a horrible person.

[old grouch]

It all has to do with basic common sense and putting other first, two things that people don't do these days, unfortunately.

[Janice]

One thing that irks me is after we pay our bill in a restaurant, and I'll say thank you and they say, "No problem". Well, golly gee, good to know my 25% tip didn't cause you any problems. Same thing happens at CVS, Macy's, you name it. Just say, "You're welcome".

Cellphones. I had a friend who would visit me and spend about 75% of the visit either answering or taking calls. Drove me nuts. The article is correct about thank you cards. They don't seem to be happening much these days, or they've gone the email route. I think if a person spends time picking out a gift, wrapping it and sometimes going to the P.O. to mail it, the least a person can do is pick up a card, or write a few kind words on paper or a blank card and mail it. Jenny is the best. I have a stack of thank you cards from her.

This article makes me wonder if wedding e-vites are coming soon. I remember my adult stepdaughter called me a few years ago and told me that her mother was upset because she sent her an email Mother's Day card. If she was looking for sympathy, she called the wrong person. I told her that she was wrong, and that she'd flip if anyone in her family sent her an ecard for her birthday. I told her that it's not too late. Go and find the prettiest and most sentimental Mother's Day card you can find. Something her Mom can hold, display for a while, then save. Write inside that you goofed up. She did just that, and her mother calmed down. The only people I sent ecards to are my online friends, the ones where I don't have their address. Hallmark must really be feeling the pinch in their card sales.

[phoebe7165]

The writer hit the nail on the head with #5. Nobody knows how to say You're welcome anymore for some reason. When I say Thank You(which I say alot), I usually get a response like Uh huh or Yeah.

This isn't exactly basic manners but it's a sign of the times, but people and their cell phones, especially when their phones go off in an area where it shouldn't - library, movies, CHURCH!!!! You mean you can't keep your phone in your car for the hour or so while you're in church?? Or how about getting some common sense and putting it on vibrate!! I don't know if it's just common sense or just plain common courtesy that has flown out the window. Or both.

[Penny Lane]

Another thing that seems to have gone by the wayside are thank you notes. And I blame the parents for this one! My own granddaughter was very lax in sending out thank you notes for her graduation open house gifts. Her mom (my daughter) didn't get on her about it and I don't think that she ever did write them. I just feel this is a very important thing to instill in your children. I did so I don't know why my daughter didn't do it too!

[Penny Lane]

Originally Posted by phoebe7165

The writer hit the nail on the head with #5. Nobody knows how to say You're welcome anymore for some reason. When I say Thank You(which I say alot), I usually get a response like Uh huh or Yeah.

This isn't exactly basic manners but it's a sign of the times, but people and their cell phones, especially when their phones go off in an area where it shouldn't - library, movies, CHURCH!!!! You mean you can't keep your phone in your car for the hour or so while you're in church?? Or how about getting some common sense and putting it on vibrate!! I don't know if it's just common sense or just plain common courtesy that has flown out the window. Or both.

About cell phones in church. When my mom first got her cell phone she didn't have a clue as how to turn it off. Anyway, one Sunday in church during the sermon her phone went off playing the Mexican Hat Dance! She was so embarrassed! Now she leaves it in her car!

[Coffeecup]

One of my grumbles is: you call someone to go out to eat. I end up leaving a voice mail for no one is to takes the call. I can understand that one may not answer on the spot or even for the next few hours. But days go by and then 2 weeks, and never a call back. YOu get the impression they are not one bit interested. What ever happened to friends?