Parents Keep Child's Gender Under Wraps

[Family Ties Forever!]

http://news.yahoo.com/s/yblog_theloo...er-under-wraps

Tue May 24, 1:08 pm ET
Parents keep Child’s Gender Under Wraps
By Zachary Roth
Tue May 24, 1:08 pm ET



When many couples have a baby, they send out an email to family and friends that fills them in on the key details: name, gender, birth weight, that sort of thing. (You know the drill: "Both Mom and little Ethan are doing great!") But the email sent recently by Kathy Witterick and David Stocker of Toronto, Canada to announce the birth of their baby, Storm, was missing one important piece of information. "We've decided not to share Storm's sex for now--a tribute to freedom and choice in place of limitation, a stand up to what the world could become in Storm's lifetime (a more progressive place? ...)," it said.

That's right. They're not saying whether Storm is a boy or a girl. There's nothing ambiguous about the baby's genitals. But as Stocker puts it: "If you really want to get to know someone, you don't ask what's between their legs." So only the parents, their two other children (both boys), a close friend, and the two midwives who helped deliver the now 4-month-old baby know its gender. Even the grandparents have been left in the dark.

Stocker and Witterick say the decision gives Storm the freedom to choose who he or she wants to be. "What we noticed is that parents make so many choices for their children. It's obnoxious," adds Stocker, a teacher at an alternative school. They say that kids receive messages from society that encourage them to fit into existing boxes, including with regard to gender. "We thought that if we delayed sharing that information, in this case hopefully, we might knock off a couple million of those messages by the time that Storm decides Storm would like to share," says Witterick.

"In fact, in not telling the gender of my precious baby, I am saying to the world, 'Please can you just let Storm discover for him/herself what s (he) wants to be?!." she wrote in an email. How did Stocker and Witterick decide to keep Storm's gender under wraps? During Witterick's pregnancy, her son Jazz was having "intense" experiences with his own gender. "I was feeling like I needed some good parenting skills to support him through that," Witterick said.

Stocker came across a book from 1978, titled X: A Fabulous Child's Story by Lois Gould. X is raised as neither a boy or girl, and grows up to be a happy and well-adjusted child. "It became so compelling it was almost like, How could we not?" Witterick said. The couple's other two children, Jazz and Kio, haven't escaped their parents' unconventional approach to parenting. Though they're only 5 and 2, they're allowed to pick out their own clothes in the boys and girls sections of stores and decide whether to cut their hair or let it grow.

Both boys are "unschooled," a version of homeschooling, which promotes putting a child's curiosity at the center of his or her education. As Witterick puts it, it's "not something that happens by rote from 9 a.m. to 3 p.m. weekdays in a building with a group of same-age people, planned, implemented and assessed by someone else." Because Jazz and Kio wear pink and have long hair, they're frequently assumed to be girls, according to Stocker. He said he and Witterick don't correct people--they leave it to the kids to do it if they want to.

But Stocker and Witterick's choices haven't always made life easy for their kids. Though Jazz likes dressing as a girl, he doesn't seem to want to be mistaken for one. He recently asked his mother to let the leaders of a nature center know that he's a boy. And he chose not to attend a conventional school because of the questions about his gender. Asked whether that upsets him, Jazz nodded.

As for his mother, she's not giving up the crusade against the tyranny of assigned gender roles. "Everyone keeps asking us, 'When will this end?'" she said. "And we always turn the question back. Yeah, when will this end? When will we live in a world where people can make choices to be whoever they are?"

(Baby Storm: Steve Russell/The Toronto Star)

[Marvo301]

In my opinion they're causing their child a lot more problems than they are "protecting" the child from.

[Waterston_Fan]

If it's a boy, I hope someone buys the baby pink clothes!!

[Reverend Jim]

[Torgo]

They should have named the baby Pat.

[Liza]

Haven't they done enough harm by naming their kids Storm, Jazz, and Kio?

[old grouch]

The article says that the decision gives Storm the freedom to choose who he or she wants to be. Didn't God already make that choice when Storm was conceived???

[robyrob]

CONGRATSULATIONS!!!

you've just raised yourself a totally confused bouncing baby basketcase.

[catlover79]

I don't know who is in more need of therapy - the parents or the kids!!!!!

[comedyfreak]

Great, just what this world needs another screwed up person. Some people really shouldn't be parents.

[Janice]

Those parents are off the wall. The child will know in time when raging hormones take over. Unless he or she is gay, it will he attracted to the opposite sex. Also, from that photo, the baby looks like a boy to me or a boyish looking girl.

[catlover79]

That baby looks very similar to both of my nephews at that age. I'd wager that this baby is definitely a boy.

[JamesG]

Mother of 'Genderless' Baby Storm Speaks Out
by Lesley Kennedy
May 31st 2011


Following a flurry of criticism stemming from the announcement she and her family would raise their child as gender-neutral, the mother of Storm Stocker is speaking out.

Kathy Witterick, the Canadian mother of the 4-month-old baby, and her husband, David Stocker, 39, sent an email to friends and family following Storm's New Year's Day birth, letting it be known just a select few -- including the parents, midwives, a close friend and the couple's two sons, Kio, 2, and Jazz, 5, would know Storm's sex.





The family has declined any interviews since the story grabbed headlines following a report in the Toronto Star May 21, but Witterick defends the decision in a letter to the Edmonton Journal, published May 30.

"I'm shy and idealistic, and all my life I've worked in the field of abuse and violence prevention ... Jazz is 5 years old. Since he was a young baby, he's enjoyed color, texture and vibrancy. ...

As Jazz grew, his love of bright colors (especially pink) and lots of fabric (especially dresses) continued, and he wanted to grow his hair. The older he became, the more he met with pressure from peers and adults to adjust his image and 'act more like a boy.' Jazz remained committed to his own style."

Witterick writes that Jazz, while listening to "Free to be You and Me" soon before Storm's birth, began asking questions about how people would treat Storm should he, too, like to wear pink one day.







"There are these moments as a parent when you wish your child could bring a different issue to the table -- but there it is, plop! And if you really mean what you say about being kind, honoring difference, having an open mind and placing limits thoughtfully where they help children develop competencies and be safe, then you better walk the talk," she writes.

"We agreed to keep the sex of our new baby private."







Witterick writes that the family believed people would understand their decision, and that the global frenzy that instead ensued was a big surprise.

"The strong, lighting-fast, vitriolic response was a shock. These voices demonstrate how much parents are in the world's critical eye -- in particular mothers, who are judged based on little (mis)information and not offered opportunities to share, grow, learn and be supported and celebrated by the community to raise children."






Witterick writes that the family has declined all interviews, but they want the world to know they did not ask their children to keep Storm's sex a secret.

"Secrets are not safe and healthy ... If I had to convince my children not to share Storm's sex (which I don't because my children simply are not interested at this point) -- I would teach them that someone else's genitals and sense of how they relate to their gender is their private business, to be shared by them or in a context where safety, acceptance and sensitivity are paramount."








For now, Witterick writes, the decision of gender will be up to Storm.

"Storm is my third child and this is what I know -- some day soon, Storm will have something to say about it, so in the meantime, I'm just listening carefully."

http://www.parentdish.com/2011/05/31...1_lnk3%7C67036

[catlover79]

I STILL think these parents are screwed up.

[Retro4Life]

What a pointless and selfish gesture. Those parents are more interested in "making a point" than they are in the psychological welfare of their own child. One thing that children, particularly at a very early age, do NOT need is secrets. There's plenty of time for them to feel conflicted and the need to hide stuff later, unfortunately. When a child is young he/she should be able to just experience the world and not have this type of grandstanding drama surrounding them.

The sad thing is that there are millions of couples who would make great parents who are unable to have kids, and people like this can and do. So much for cosmic justice.