Episode Reviews: "The Turkey" & "Lost Baby":

[Frank Gannucci]

Episode #9
TV: This episode has not been released in syndication.
VHS & DVD: This episode has not been released on either of these formats but MPI might be releasing this episode in the future, but who knows with them?

For the longest time, I (and some other people) always assumed this episode was an earlier version of "Two-Family Car." It isn't. Some time ago, the script for this episode was posted on Ebay. I never saw this episode, but here's a summary of it:

Alice misplaces her wedding ring. She has bought a Turkey that someone won in a raffle. Ralph comes home and she tells him about the misplaced and/or lost wedding ring and he 'assumes' the turkey ate the ring. The skit gets more and more hysterical from that point on as Ralph comes up with every possible way to get the ring he 'thinks' the turkey ate and Norton drops by only to make matters even more ridiculous then they already are with his insane idea's about how to get the ring out of the turkey. The man who won the turkey is about to show up to get it, and Ralph sends Norton to go buy another turkey so he doesn't have to give the guy the turkey he thinks the ring is in. However, the turkey's are identical and Norton sets down the second turkey next to the first one and now they can't remember which turkey is the original and which is the one Norton just purchased These are 'live' turkey's so that makes things even ten time funnier and gets totally out of control when the winner comes and insists on getting his turkey and says it doesn't matter which one.. that he'll just take either of the two.

Episode #10
TV: Hasn't been released on TV in syndication but it was shown in reruns for the first time on the Honeymooners 35th Anniversary Special in 1990 on CBS. (The same special is shown on the Classic 39 DVD box Set with the lost episode clips edited out because Paramount didn't [and doesn't] have the home video rights to the lost episodes.)
VCR: Attached to "One Big Happy Family"
DVD: Attached to "A Weighty Problem", "Lunch Box" & "The Man In The
Blue Suit."

When MPI released this episode on VHS, at the time it was the oldest surviving lost episode. They even put that in the description of the episode. After this episode was released, the Really Lost Debut Episodes were finally shown. Well, in 2002, MPI released this episode on DVD with the exact description that the VHS copy had even though by that time, it wasn't the oldest surviving lost episode.

This episode, much like "Quiz Show" (2nd version), is not exactly in 100% condition. Look at the left while this episode is playing and you'll notice that the left side is blurry.

Ralph comes home with a baby boy that he found on the bus along with food. He was lying on the back seat of the bus. Alice: "How did it get on the bus?" Ralph: "You don't expect him to walk do you?" Ralph brought him home rather bring him to the Foundlin home because it was getting pretty late when his day was done. He didn't want to be late for dinner and he looked to be hungry so he thought he would bring him home and him, the baby and Alice would have dinner. Alice says that they don't have anything to feed a baby. Ralph says he got some hamburger for the baby. Alice says he is too young to eat hamburger because of the meat. Ralph: "I got the hamburger from Krauss. There is very little meat in it."

Alice says she is going outside to get some pablum for the baby. As she goes into the bedroom to get her coat, she has trouble opening the door. Ralph says that everyone pampers babies now. He is implying that babies are now being spoiled. Ralph talks about how tough it was for him to be a baby. When he was a baby, his parents didn't put him over his shoulder to burp him. They gave him bruma seltzer. Ha! Alice leaves.

The baby cries. As Ralph puts him on the table, I think you can tell that the baby isn't real. Ralph tries to make the baby laugh. He tries to get Norton. As he yells out he window for him, Ed comes in. After Ralph tells him to come down, he notices that Ed is in the room with him. Ralph tells Ed where he got the kid. Ed searches for the baby's name. He looks on the baby's jacket and reads "John Wanamaker." He assumes that that's the baby's name. Ha! Ralph tells that is where the baby got his jacket made. The baby cries and Ed assumes that the baby is crying because it's a Republican baby. I assume a Democrat was president when this episode was made. Ralph says: "Why should he cry if he's a Republican baby." Ed: "He's hollering for a change." Ralph's response to that remark is his "Pow! Right in the kisser" routine.

Ed suggests that since the baby is crying, Ralph should give him some milk. Ed pours the milk into a glove since the glove will be used for a nipple. Ed: "We should patent this idea. It's a great idea for mothers with quintuplets. As Ralph puts the glove right-side up with the bottle being closed by Ralph's hand, Ed gets a pair of scissors to cut one of the fingers. Can you sense that they are going to do something stupid? I can. Sure enough, when Ed cuts one of the fingers, Ralph and Ed get a face-full of milk. They would later do the same thing in the episode titled: "The Adoption." Ralph of course blames Ed for the mishap in this episode. Ed leaves but as he leaves he says that the baby's name is John Wanamaker's baby. Ralph says that the baby couldn't be him since John is a millionaire. So Ed says that if it was John's baby, he would leave him in a taxi. Ed leaves.

Alice comes home with the food and sees that the baby is going to sleep. Alice: "Isn't he darling? He is going to sleep." Ralph disagrees with what Alice says because when he becomes 40, his wife will say: "Turn over Herman, you're snoring." Ralph says that we are going to keep him. Ralph will say that he will work night and day and forget about sleeping.

The police come looking for the kid. Alice and the kid go into the bedroom. Detective Brady of the police comes in and says that he is looking for the kid. He demands to know where the kid is. He called the Foundlin home and he wasn't there. Ralph assumes that he must have stepped out. Ha! The Detective says that the kid's mother is frantic and the reason why she left the kid on the bus alone because she thought she was doing the best thing for the kid and the reason why she wants him back is because she can't get along with the kid. Ralph turns the kid over. The detective and the kid leave with the baby's food.

Ralph says that when the kid left, the baby looked at Ralph as if he was saying: "Let me stay here." Ralph says he didn't mean what he said when he said that baby makes noise. Ralph: "I love kids. I want to have 20 of them." They wound up having nowhere near twenty kids during the whole series. As they hug and kiss, Ralph nicefully says: "One of these days, one of these days."

Ralph may have mentioned in the episode entitled: "Quiz Show" that Ralph probably drove a cab in the beginning of the series. In this episode, he drove a bus. So Ralph probably drove a cab, then quit to drive a bus, then quit to drive a cab, then joined the bus company again or when he says: 'I have to face the people down at the garage." in "Quiz Show", he may have referred to the garage at the bus company.