Thursday's Quotes & The Honeymooners trio takes a trip skit:

[Frank Gannucci]

(The Kramdens and Nortons are leaving for a trip out west. They are going to see, Salt Lake City, Grand Canyon and Las Vegas. They arrive at the airport.)

Ralph: “Alice, come on. We have to board this plane soon.)

Alice: “I am coming Ralph. Why aren't you helping me with the luggage?”

Ralph: “I sprained by back.”

Alice: “How?”

Ralph: “By giving our suitcases to Norton.”

Ed: “I can't wait until we see Las Vegas. I want to meet all those showgirls. Va-va-va-voom!”

Trixie: “Ed, why aren't you helping with the luggage.”

Ed: “Because I told you once, I told you a million times, it is because I am too tired. I was working in the sewer all week.”

Ralph: “Well, let's go.”

(They go through security. Ralph is having a tough time going through the scanner because he's so fat. He gets stuck.)

Ralph: “I am stuck.”

Ed: “Come on everyone. Push. This will be like a car pushing a bus.”

Ralph (yells): “WILL YOU SHUT UP NORTON?”

Ed: “I will come over to the other side and I will pull and you two will push. It will be be like a tug-of-war.”

Man: “That guy needs to lose weight.”

Ralph: “You are lucky man that I don't remove your nose.”

Ed: “I hope we make it on time. I want to go see the Grand Canyon. I once knew a guy that died from stubbing his toe on the Grand Canyon's edge.”

Ralph: “You are a riot Norton!”

(They finally get Ralph out. They board the plane.)

Ralph: “All right Alice! You have to admit that that wasn't my fault. They just made the scanner too small.”

Alice: “Oh sure!”

(They arrive at the Grand Canyon. They see all the sights there. After that, they arrive at Las Vegas.)

Ralph: “What a beautiful place.”

Ed: “There's only one word that I can describe this place and that is good.”

Ralph: “Look at those beautiful showgirls. They are the good ones.”

Ed: “Yeah. Va-va-va-voom!”

Alice: “Ralph, don't gamble too much. I don't want you losing more than what you won.”

Ralph: “Name me one time that I gambled and lost Alice...DON'T YOU DARE!”

Ed: “Hahahaha! Ralph, I just thought of something. When you win the $40,000,000 that you said that you were, remember to give me the 35% of it as well as to buy a suitcase to take it all home.”

Ralph: “I won't. We are going to strike it rich.”

(They all sing a song about striking it rich.)

Ralph: “Get the bag Norton! I am going to win money right now.”

(Ralph gambles and loses all his money that he has. He fights with Ed.)

(Jackie Gleason walks on stage. The audience applauds.)

Jackie: “The Miami Beach audiences are the best. Good night!”

(Audience cheers.)

"Cottage For Sale Part 2":

Ralph (yells): "WOULD YOU GET OFF MY BACK ALICE? WOULD YOU GET OFF MY BACK? I TOLD YOU THIS PLACE WILL LOOK BEAUTIFUL."

Alice (yells): "YOU MADE A MISTAKE. WHY DON'T YOU ADMIT IT RALPH?"

Ralph (yells): "ALL RIGHT! I ADMIT IT! I ADMIT IT! I ADMIT IT! I MADE A MISTAKE. GO AHEAD AND KILL ME. GO AHEAD AND KILL ME."

Alice (yells): "DON'T TEMPT ME RALPH! DON'T TEMPT ME."

"Out of Sight, Out of Mind":

Doctor: "This is an aptitude test Mr. Kramden. You are supposed to take an object and fit it in its respective hole."

Ed: "Can three people play?"

"Mama Loves Mambo":

Ralph (to Carlos): "It's easy for you to play Sir Galahad. You don't work. When you work, you dance. That's not work. When we work, we work. Dirty work. Just take a look at my friend's hands and mine and yours."

Ed: "It's not fair to compare my hands to his. I got mine in water all day."

"On Stage":

(Ralph is thinking of how to greet the Raccoons in his letters.)

Ed: "How about 'Greetings!'?"

Ralph: "'Greetings?'"

Ed: "Yeah, the draft board did pretty good with that one."

"Vacation At Fred's Landing":

(The car won't start.)

Trixie: "Ralph, it might help if you turned the ignition key."

Ralph: "I was just about to do that. I just wanted to see if the battery was alive."

"Vacation At Fred's Landing":

Ralph: "First you almost made me lose my hearing. Then, you try to electrocute me. Why don't you help me some more, run over me with the car?"

Ed: "I can't get the car started."

"Play It Again, Norton":

Ralph: "I am a nobody."

Ed: "I could have told you that 10 years ago."

"The Babysitter":

Ralph: "The bills will get bigger and bigger and I will have less to eat. I will start losing weight. Then, do you know what I will look like?"

Alice: "Yeah, a human being."

"The Main Event":

Ralph: "You want my salary to leak out?"

Alice: "Your salary coundn't even drip out."