Blackened Heart

[RoryGilmore]

Blackened Heart

April 29, 1988

Dear Journal,
What kind of person have I become? I have the heart of one and yet I yearn for another. There is a man out there who is the best man I have ever met. He’s sweet, kind, loving, and the perfect boyfriend. To me he was more than boyfriend, he was fiancé. He wanted me. He wanted to marry me, have babies, create lives, and grow old together. Sounds perfect right? It was. It was the best romance I have ever experienced, he was the perfect suitor. However, on April 23, 1988, I watched as it all went down the drain. I don’t know if this even makes sense Journal, but I was in love with one man but lusted for another. My perfect suitor lived in New York City, so seeing him on a daily basis was impossible. I was in my sophomore year of college after taking a year off. I was unable to jet off to the city all the time. He was attending community college in the city with big aspirations of becoming a graphic designer. So the designer fell in love with the journalist. The journalist however, had her eyes on the computer science major. It was a new, developing field and that excited me. He excited me, and on top of that he liked me and I practically jumped on that. I was never the girl that got the guy, so having two men after me at once made me feel good, and yes I know how completely terrible that sounds. He was twenty-three years old, set to graduate from Langely College in a year and a half, fall of 1989. He was a serious, dedicated student, and I admire that, he motivates me and I must admit that was exactly what I needed. It’s so close to finals, that I needed all the motivation I can get, and all of his invitations to study are exactly what I need. Most importantly Mr. Weston Mullins was incredibly cute and I loved being around him. But I guess for anyone to be able to completely understand my decisions or reasons I must start at the beginning and to do that, I have to take you back to December 25, 1987, the day that I met Patrick Williams, the love of my life. I promise that I will cover ever thing, I promise to not leave anything out, no matter how bad some of the incidents may make me look.

Natalie

[ZeldaGilroy]

Great start Meghan!

[RoryGilmore]

Thanks, Billie! This story is going to end up being my distraction and keep me from missing Dharvesh as much as I do. So more to come soon!

[RoryGilmore]

I should be getting my next post up tomorrow. I started summer semester Monday but my class only had three people registered so the class didn't last. So I've spent all afternoon and night redoing and stressing over fall semester. I'm now signed up for 6 classes, 17 hours. Which is more than I've ever had at SIU. But my boyfriend says he'll help me out so I think I'll be fine. And still graduating on time too

[ZeldaGilroy]

^I can't wait for your next post Meghan!

[RoryGilmore]

Its not much but its been stressful lately, I've been dealing with too many stupid people.


It was December 25, 1987 Christmas day in beautiful New York City. While I no longer live in the city, my mother does and I come home for the holidays every year. My name is Natalie Green, I’m twenty years old and am a sophomore at Langley. As far as my love life goes, I’ve had a few flings, yes but nothing too serious. Actually nothing serious at all. I dated a couple Bates boys back in my Eastland days, and I recently had a week long thing with a guy I grew up with in the city, but I wanted something more serious I’m twenty years old I’m not necessarily saying that I’m anywhere near ready to actually settle down and get married, afterwards I’m only twenty. I do however, want commitment.

I have three best friends in Peekskill, Blair Warner, Jo Polniazeck, and Tootie Ramsey. We all live with our Eastland housemother Edna Garrett and work in her shop Edna’s Edibes while going to school. Blair Warner is a twenty-one year old blonde princess. Her father owns Warner Textiles and has seemingly been able to buy Blair’s happiness, well at least that’s what he thinks. Jo Polniazeck was a tough, gutsy girl from the Bronx who started Eastland in her sophomore year on scholarship and continues through Langley on scholarship s well. She works for what she has and is one of the strongest people I know. Tootie Ramsey is my best friend and has been since we met when we were preteens. Tootie’s ambition is to be an actress which fits her perfectly, she is always a tad dramatic, but then again I don’t exactly have room to talk when it comes to being dramatic, because anyone that knows me knows that I’m over dramatic.

[RoryGilmore]

So here we are, Christmas day 1987, edging closer and closer to the new decade. Mom and did presents this morning and had a small nice dinner in the early evening my friend Annie called wanted me to go on a walk with her. She said that she had one of her guy friends with her that wanted to meet me, exactly why he wanted to meet me, I was unsure but I figured why not. Brandon and I had just split up after a semester of flirting, a week of intense flirting and then four dating days. Was I hurt? Yes. It seemed like a lot of time wasted. I could not believe that after all of the events of the semester we only actually dated for four days. So I was not just hurt I was rather crushed. So the option to get out and meet a new guy was rather overwhelming. If anything I thought we could just be friends, but I certainly was not ready for a relationship. I needed to slow my brain down, I had not even met the guy yet.

[ZeldaGilroy]

I'm sorry I missed that you posted more Meghan. I am curious to see where you are heading with this. I hope you post again soon.

[RoryGilmore]

Im working on it, slowly but surely, I dont know what it is I'm home for summer but lounging around the house seems more fun then even writing haha not that writing is a chore or anything but still!

[RoryGilmore]

Hey I am working on this slowly but surely. My boyfriend is in a summer class that is really time consuming and here I am being the supportive one and also dealing with the idea that he doesnt always have time for me, So I've been using that I'm too busy time to write so hopefully there will be more to come soon.

[PlayOn]

More!!!

[RoryGilmore]

You know what Brandon, I'm actually writing right now!

[RoryGilmore]

This is a rather small post but after this long I'm sure that y'all will take whatever I give you


As I walked down the cold, snow covered, New York City streets, I continued to wonder why this random guy wanted to meet me. What had Annie said about me that made him want to meet me? As I have stated, my head is not exactly in a good spot right now so I must wonder what lies he was told. At the same time, I did not care. I needed to get out of this funk that I was in and I knew it. I was to the point that if Brandon asked me back, I would go, and I hated myself for that. Therefore, any form of social interaction I could get, I was going to take.

As I reached Annie’s block, I saw her standing on the sidewalk with a black guy who looked around our age standing next to her. Never considering myself a racist I thought nothing of it and assumed that he was waiting on someone as well. I did not see any other guys with her so I was beginning to assume that we were to start the walk and then meet up with her friend a few blocks up once she has had time to fill me in on him. As I neared the two however, I saw that they were talking as if they knew each other, and that is when it hit me that the young black guy was the guy that she was trying to set me up with and I stopped dead in my tracks.

[RoryGilmore]

A little more. Damn I'm doing good here

Exactly why I froze at this realization, I have yet to figure out. As previously stated, I do not identify myself as a racist. My best friend is black and that does not bother me in the least, but for some reason when the thought of possibly dating a black guy entered my mind I wanted to dismiss it just as quickly as it came. I thought the idea was absurd, something that could never work, an idea that would make my adopted father turn over in his grave. Then I began to really feel bad, I began to think of my best friend, Tootie, and what she would think of me if she ever knew that my thoughts had wandered in this direction. How disappointed not only she would be, but Mrs. Garrett, Jo, and Blair as well. Yes, even Blair. Even though most people believe that she is too snobbish to care about things such as this, she does care, She would stick up for any of us in a heartbeat, even Jo, even though she still refuses to admit that part. But for now, I looked like a fool standing in the middle of the sidewalk like this, I had to keep walking and see what was in store for me ahead.

[ZeldaGilroy]

WHAT????? You ACTUALLY posted more? I am shocked!!!



Great job as always. Looking forward to more (hopefully!)