The 30 Rock Quotes Thread - Sitcoms Online Message Boards

EmoJoe · 06-02-2010, 11:38 PM

what are some of your favorite 30 Rock quotes? there's so many, i could probably find like 30+ great quotes in each episode, but some at the top of my head...

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Liz [on the phone]: Hi, I received these flowers from your shop tonight, and I can't tell who they're from. [person on the other line speaks]. There's a card, yes, but there's no return address. [person on the other line speaks] No, I'm not with so many men that it's impossible for me to guess. Oh! Well, that is just! Oh! You know what? I found the card, okay? They're from your mom. So tell your gay mom I said thanks.

---------

Liz: I wasn't really planning on buying another piece of property until I got married and had kids.
Jack: Wait for that, Lemon, and you'll be purchasing your home in the floating city of New Chicago.

-------

*Liz is shown sitting in a snuggie on her couch, eating a block of cheese*
Liz: *singing* WORKIN ON MY NIGHT CHEESEEEE!!! YEAAAH!
*Someone knocks on her door. She gets up and answers it, pretending she was sleeping. It's Jack*
Liz: Jack? Do you have any idea what time it is? I was sound asleep...
Jack: Lemon...I heard you singing "Night Cheese".

---------

Jenna [playing the part of an "old woman" in a mini-series]: Well, it's time for me to go now. I've lived a long life. I've seen some ancient things - the first Clinton administration, Windows 95....but now, at the old age of 41, it's time for me to go.

---------

Tracy: I love this cornbread so much, I wanna take it behind the middle school and get it pregnant.

-------

Tracy [after learning he may have diabetes]: Is that bad?
Dr. Spaceman: Yes, Tracy, it's very serious. If it isn't cured, you could lose a foot.
Tracy: Could I replace it with a wheel like Rosie from the Jetsons?
Dr. Spaceman: Yes, but then you would have to register as a motor vehicle.

----------

Tracy [pretending to be Kenneth, asking a blind girl out]: Will you go out with me?
Blind Girl: My instincts are saying yes, and they've never been wrong. Except for when they told me to look at that solar eclipse.

-----------

Liz: I believe that all anyone really wants in this life is to sit and peace and enjoy a sandwich. (my life motto)

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Liz: I just want to start a relationship about 12 years in where you don't really have to try anymore and you just lounge around and goof on TV shows all day and then you go to bed and don't have to worry about anyone pulling any funny business.

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Tracy: Liz's sandwich is still on her desk....
Frank: Oh, no. Taking Liz's food is bad.
[flashback to Liz and the writers sitting around a table]
Liz: WHERE'S MY MAC AND CHEEEEEEESE??????
*flips over table*

-------

Wesley [after Liz dumps him]: There is only one WESLEY SNIPES in the world!
Liz: You know there isn't...
Wesley: Ugh!

--------

POST YOURS! these are just the ones off the top of my head.

*Pleasant Tomorrow* · 06-03-2010, 12:06 AM

Buzz: Would you like to yell at the moon with Buzz Aldrin?
Liz: Yes… please!
*both start to shake their fists at the moon*
Buzz: I own you!
Liz: You dumb moon!
Buzz: I walked on your face!
Liz: Don’t you know it’s day!? Idiot!

------

Liz: *to a random guy in her dodgeball group* I don’t want to hurt you. But I’ll tell you what I do want. I want someone who will be monogamous and nice to his mother. And I want someone who likes musicals but knows to just shut his mouth when I’m watching Lost. And I want someone who thinks being really into cars is lame and strip clubs are gross. I want someone who will actually empty the dishwasher instead of just taking out forks as needed, like I do. I want someone with clean hands and feet and beefy forearms like a damn Disney prince. And I want him to genuinely like me, even when I’m old. And that’s what I want.

------

Jack (to Liz): You didn't get into comedy for the art. You got into it because you're funny and socially ********.

------

Jack: How was your evening with Thomas?
Liz: You mean Gretchen Thomas, the brilliant plastics engineer slash lesbian? What made you think I was gay?
Jack: Your shoes.
Liz: Well I'm straight.
Jack: Those shoes are definitely bi-curious.

------

Liz: I'm really sorry about what I did. And I know you can't forgive me but just to even things out, here is all my weird secret stuff. I have been sexually rejected by not one, but two guys who later went to clown college. I get super nervous whenever I hear a vacuum cleaner because when I was a kid, my mom used to turn on the vacuum to drown out the sound of her and my dad fighting. Which is why I rarely vacuum my apartment. Like, never. I have had three doughnuts so far today. Once in college, I pooped my pants a little bit at a country steaks all you can eat buffet and I didn't leave until I finished my second plate of shrimp. A couple months ago, I went on a date with my cousin. Wow, I am a mess. There is an 80% chance that in the next election I will tell all my friends that I'm voting for Barack Obama but I will secretly vote for John McCain. Here's one: when I was a kid, I used to put on my fanciest nightgown and then I would mix orange soda and cream soda in a champagne glass and I would sit in the dark and watch The Love Boat. Consequently, I have some weird sexual fantasy stuff about Gopher from The Love Boat. And I lied. I have had five doughnuts today.

------

Liz: *after first refusing to go on stage but changes mind after being offered a $50 gift card to Outback Steak House* I want to go to there.

------

Liz: Has anybody seen my wallet? It's an L.L. Bean child's wallet from the 1970s. There's no money in it, but I was one hole-punch away from a free Tasty D-Lite. Damn it to hell! I hate my life!

------

Liz: Jack is hiring a new cast member.
Jenna: IF IT IS A BLONDE WOMAN I WILL KILL MYSELF!

------

Avery: Think slutty Grace Kelly.
Jack: Oh god bless you. I’m picturing it right now. And the opposite of that just walked in.
Avery: Tell Liz I said “Hi.”

*Pleasant Tomorrow* · 06-03-2010, 12:10 AM

It's so hard to limit the amount I post. 30 Rock is so epic for quotes.

[-Kelsey-] · 06-03-2010, 12:16 AM

Tracy: Hey everybody, I'm back from doing whatever Liz Lemon said!
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Kenneth: I know how you like this cornbread Mr. Jordan.

Tracy: LIKE it? I love this cornbread so much I wanna take it back behind the middle school and get it pregnant.
-------
Tracy: *sees Liz in a wedding dress* Oh, no! Did a Korean person die?
------

Love Tracy

EmoJoe · 06-03-2010, 12:19 AM

more:

Liz: Oh, are you a doorman?
Caroll: Yes, I'm a doorman...to the SKY!

------

Liz: I'm a NICE PERSON. You BALD FAT GANGLY...ummm...I'm gonna try harder.

-------

[After Liz reveals that she lied to Jack about saying a mean quote about him in the newspaper]
Liz [at the same time a contestant on MILF Island is saying the exact same words]: I DIDNT COME HERE TO PLAY NICE, I CAME HER TO BE NUMBA ONEEE!!!

--------

Jenna: Me and Jack have this special thing where we slap our palms together as we pass each other in the hallway.
Liz: A high five?
Jenna: It was OUR special thing!

------

Liz [pouring her heart out to Oprah]: One time...I kissed a girl at summer camp...and then she DROWNED!

------

Jenna: If the president is so serious about the War on Terror, why doesn't he just hunt down and capture Barack Obama? It's time for a change, America, that's why I'm voting for Osama in 2008.

-----

Liz: Tracy, your painting is upside down.
Tracy: That's how my life is right now.

---------

*Pleasant Tomorrow* · 06-03-2010, 12:28 AM

Jenna: That guy wanted to buy you a drink!
Liz: Really? But I already have a drink. Do you think he'd buy me mozzarella sticks?

------

Tracy: Jenna, we're the most important people here, right?
Jenna: Well, of course Tracy. We're actors. If we didn't exist how would people know who to vote for?

[-Kelsey-] · 06-03-2010, 12:35 AM

Tracy: Are you a large child or a small adult?
--
Tracy: Now if you'll excuse me, Nixon asked me to take some stuff out of his Wikipedia page. [holds up a screwdriver]
--
Jenna: They need medicine. And what's the best medicine?
Tracy: Medicine?
--
Tracy: Do you know who I am? Seriously, please tell me who I am!
--
Tracy: Jenna, I just want you to know that if we find any human remains in there, I'm gonna throw up all over your face.

[-Kelsey-] · 06-03-2010, 12:54 AM

Liz: Hey Jack, just aheads up Tracy knows what time it is.

Jack: ...Dammit.

Cactus Jack · 06-03-2010, 01:16 AM

Jack: All of my summer replacement shows were big hits - America's Next Top Pirate, Are You Stronger Than A Dog, MILF Island.
Liz: MILF Island?
Jack: 25 super hot moms, 50 eighth grade boys, no rules.
Liz: Oh yeah, didn't one of those women turn out to be a prostitute?
Jack: That doesn't mean she's not a wonderful, caring MILF.

Kenneth: [on his pig] She went crazy! She bit off my nutsack...that I kept tied around my belt to feed the squirrels.

Tracy: I'm mad at you, Dad.
Jack (imitating Redd Foxx): Hey, dummy, I'm mad at you too. Why ya gotta act up that way?!
Therapist: Um, t-that's not exactly what I had in mind.
Tracy: Cuz you left me, Dad!

06-02-2010, 11:38 PM	#1
EmoJoe Cool cool cool Forum Addict Join Date: Apr 23, 2004 Location: New Jersey Posts: 71,478	The 30 Rock Quotes Thread what are some of your favorite 30 Rock quotes? there's so many, i could probably find like 30+ great quotes in each episode, but some at the top of my head... ------ Liz [on the phone]: Hi, I received these flowers from your shop tonight, and I can't tell who they're from. [person on the other line speaks]. There's a card, yes, but there's no return address. [person on the other line speaks] No, I'm not with so many men that it's impossible for me to guess. Oh! Well, that is just! Oh! You know what? I found the card, okay? They're from your mom. So tell your gay mom I said thanks. --------- Liz: I wasn't really planning on buying another piece of property until I got married and had kids. Jack: Wait for that, Lemon, and you'll be purchasing your home in the floating city of New Chicago. ------- Liz is shown sitting in a snuggie on her couch, eating a block of cheese Liz: singing WORKIN ON MY NIGHT CHEESEEEE!!! YEAAAH! Someone knocks on her door. She gets up and answers it, pretending she was sleeping. It's Jack Liz: Jack? Do you have any idea what time it is? I was sound asleep... Jack: Lemon...I heard you singing "Night Cheese". --------- Jenna [playing the part of an "old woman" in a mini-series]: Well, it's time for me to go now. I've lived a long life. I've seen some ancient things - the first Clinton administration, Windows 95....but now, at the old age of 41, it's time for me to go. --------- Tracy: I love this cornbread so much, I wanna take it behind the middle school and get it pregnant. ------- Tracy [after learning he may have diabetes]: Is that bad? Dr. Spaceman: Yes, Tracy, it's very serious. If it isn't cured, you could lose a foot. Tracy: Could I replace it with a wheel like Rosie from the Jetsons? Dr. Spaceman: Yes, but then you would have to register as a motor vehicle. ---------- Tracy [pretending to be Kenneth, asking a blind girl out]: Will you go out with me? Blind Girl: My instincts are saying yes, and they've never been wrong. Except for when they told me to look at that solar eclipse. ----------- Liz: I believe that all anyone really wants in this life is to sit and peace and enjoy a sandwich. (my life motto) ------ Liz: I just want to start a relationship about 12 years in where you don't really have to try anymore and you just lounge around and goof on TV shows all day and then you go to bed and don't have to worry about anyone pulling any funny business. ---------- Tracy: Liz's sandwich is still on her desk.... Frank: Oh, no. Taking Liz's food is bad. [flashback to Liz and the writers sitting around a table] Liz: WHERE'S MY MAC AND CHEEEEEEESE?????? flips over table ------- Wesley [after Liz dumps him]: There is only one WESLEY SNIPES in the world! Liz: You know there isn't... Wesley: Ugh! -------- POST YOURS! these are just the ones off the top of my head.
	__________________ "I know the difference between TV and reality, Jeff. TV has structure, it makes sense, there are likable leading men. In real life, we have this. We have you." - Abed Nadir, Community www.sitcomsarestupid.blogspot.com

06-03-2010, 12:06 AM	#2
Pleasant Tomorrow Member Forum Addict Join Date: Feb 19, 2003 Location: New York Posts: 69,525	Buzz: Would you like to yell at the moon with Buzz Aldrin? Liz: Yes… please! both start to shake their fists at the moon Buzz: I own you! Liz: You dumb moon! Buzz: I walked on your face! Liz: Don’t you know it’s day!? Idiot! ------ Liz: to a random guy in her dodgeball group I don’t want to hurt you. But I’ll tell you what I do want. I want someone who will be monogamous and nice to his mother. And I want someone who likes musicals but knows to just shut his mouth when I’m watching Lost. And I want someone who thinks being really into cars is lame and strip clubs are gross. I want someone who will actually empty the dishwasher instead of just taking out forks as needed, like I do. I want someone with clean hands and feet and beefy forearms like a damn Disney prince. And I want him to genuinely like me, even when I’m old. And that’s what I want. ------ Jack (to Liz): You didn't get into comedy for the art. You got into it because you're funny and socially *******. ------ Jack: How was your evening with Thomas? Liz: You mean Gretchen Thomas, the brilliant plastics engineer slash lesbian? What made you think I was gay? Jack: Your shoes. Liz: Well I'm straight. Jack: Those shoes are definitely bi-curious. ------ Liz: I'm really sorry about what I did. And I know you can't forgive me but just to even things out, here is all my weird secret stuff. I have been sexually rejected by not one, but two guys who later went to clown college. I get super nervous whenever I hear a vacuum cleaner because when I was a kid, my mom used to turn on the vacuum to drown out the sound of her and my dad fighting. Which is why I rarely vacuum my apartment. Like, never. I have had three doughnuts so far today. Once in college, I pooped my pants a little bit at a country steaks all you can eat buffet and I didn't leave until I finished my second plate of shrimp. A couple months ago, I went on a date with my cousin. Wow, I am a mess. There is an 80% chance that in the next election I will tell all my friends that I'm voting for Barack Obama but I will secretly vote for John McCain. Here's one: when I was a kid, I used to put on my fanciest nightgown and then I would mix orange soda and cream soda in a champagne glass and I would sit in the dark and watch The Love Boat. Consequently, I have some weird sexual fantasy stuff about Gopher from The Love Boat. And I lied. I have had five doughnuts today. ------ Liz: after first refusing to go on stage but changes mind after being offered a $50 gift card to Outback Steak House* I want to go to there. ------ Liz: Has anybody seen my wallet? It's an L.L. Bean child's wallet from the 1970s. There's no money in it, but I was one hole-punch away from a free Tasty D-Lite. Damn it to hell! I hate my life! ------ Liz: Jack is hiring a new cast member. Jenna: IF IT IS A BLONDE WOMAN I WILL KILL MYSELF! ------ Avery: Think slutty Grace Kelly. Jack: Oh god bless you. I’m picturing it right now. And the opposite of that just walked in. Avery: Tell Liz I said “Hi.”
	__________________ my name is ashlee Welcome! Everything is fine.

06-03-2010, 01:16 AM	#9
Cactus Jack RonFingSwanson Forum Idol Join Date: Dec 09, 2001 Location: Santa Rosa Beach,FL Posts: 103,099	Jack: All of my summer replacement shows were big hits - America's Next Top Pirate, Are You Stronger Than A Dog, MILF Island. Liz: MILF Island? Jack: 25 super hot moms, 50 eighth grade boys, no rules. Liz: Oh yeah, didn't one of those women turn out to be a prostitute? Jack: That doesn't mean she's not a wonderful, caring MILF. Kenneth: [on his pig] She went crazy! She bit off my nutsack...that I kept tied around my belt to feed the squirrels. Tracy: I'm mad at you, Dad. Jack (imitating Redd Foxx): Hey, dummy, I'm mad at you too. Why ya gotta act up that way?! Therapist: Um, t-that's not exactly what I had in mind. Tracy: Cuz you left me, Dad!
	__________________ Id Love to help you Tracy, but I cant have sex with a black guy, Id lose my endorsement deal with NASCAR-Jenna Maroney,30 Rock April 17,2009 9:02 PM : 100,000th post!

06-03-2010, 12:10 AM	#3
Pleasant Tomorrow Member Forum Addict Join Date: Feb 19, 2003 Location: New York Posts: 69,525	It's so hard to limit the amount I post. 30 Rock is so epic for quotes.

06-03-2010, 12:16 AM	#4
[-Kelsey-] Member Forum Celebrity Join Date: Aug 06, 2003 Location: Canada Posts: 21,975	Tracy: Hey everybody, I'm back from doing whatever Liz Lemon said! ------ Kenneth: I know how you like this cornbread Mr. Jordan. Tracy: LIKE it? I love this cornbread so much I wanna take it back behind the middle school and get it pregnant. ------- Tracy: sees Liz in a wedding dress Oh, no! Did a Korean person die? ------ Love Tracy

06-03-2010, 12:19 AM	#5
EmoJoe Cool cool cool Forum Addict Join Date: Apr 23, 2004 Location: New Jersey Posts: 71,478	more: Liz: Oh, are you a doorman? Caroll: Yes, I'm a doorman...to the SKY! ------ Liz: I'm a NICE PERSON. You BALD FAT GANGLY...ummm...I'm gonna try harder. ------- [After Liz reveals that she lied to Jack about saying a mean quote about him in the newspaper] Liz [at the same time a contestant on MILF Island is saying the exact same words]: I DIDNT COME HERE TO PLAY NICE, I CAME HER TO BE NUMBA ONEEE!!! -------- Jenna: Me and Jack have this special thing where we slap our palms together as we pass each other in the hallway. Liz: A high five? Jenna: It was OUR special thing! ------ Liz [pouring her heart out to Oprah]: One time...I kissed a girl at summer camp...and then she DROWNED! ------ Jenna: If the president is so serious about the War on Terror, why doesn't he just hunt down and capture Barack Obama? It's time for a change, America, that's why I'm voting for Osama in 2008. ----- Liz: Tracy, your painting is upside down. Tracy: That's how my life is right now. ---------

06-03-2010, 12:28 AM	#6
Pleasant Tomorrow Member Forum Addict Join Date: Feb 19, 2003 Location: New York Posts: 69,525	Jenna: That guy wanted to buy you a drink! Liz: Really? But I already have a drink. Do you think he'd buy me mozzarella sticks? ------ Tracy: Jenna, we're the most important people here, right? Jenna: Well, of course Tracy. We're actors. If we didn't exist how would people know who to vote for?

06-03-2010, 12:35 AM	#7
[-Kelsey-] Member Forum Celebrity Join Date: Aug 06, 2003 Location: Canada Posts: 21,975	Tracy: Are you a large child or a small adult? -- Tracy: Now if you'll excuse me, Nixon asked me to take some stuff out of his Wikipedia page. [holds up a screwdriver] -- Jenna: They need medicine. And what's the best medicine? Tracy: Medicine? -- Tracy: Do you know who I am? Seriously, please tell me who I am! -- Tracy: Jenna, I just want you to know that if we find any human remains in there, I'm gonna throw up all over your face.

06-03-2010, 12:54 AM	#8
[-Kelsey-] Member Forum Celebrity Join Date: Aug 06, 2003 Location: Canada Posts: 21,975	Liz: Hey Jack, just aheads up Tracy knows what time it is. Jack: ...Dammit.