BD: "Some of the Worst Horror Movie Taglines Of All Time!"

[JamesG]

Some of the Worst Horror Movie Taglines of All Time!
Sunday, May 9, 2010
By: Chris Eggertsen


Marketing executives are kind of like greeting card writers - it doesn't take a rocket scientist to be a good one, but there is a kind of art to communicating a desired mood or idea in a limited amount of space.

Just look at the impact a good movie tagline can have: "In space, no one can hear you scream" (Alien, as if you didn't already know) has inspired almost as many tagline copycats as the actual movie did cinematic ones.

On the flip side, a bad tagline has the capacity to either make a negative impression on moviegoers or – even worse – to make no impression at all.



Surprisingly, some truly great films have been saddled with some less-than-stellar taglines over the years, which ironically stands as a testament to how good said films really are.

More common, though, are the cases in which the films and their respective taglines are of a piece, quality-wise – both deserving of their places in the cultural gutter.


Be it awkward grammar (don't the people who write these things double-check their work?), misused words (I'm pretty sure dictionaries have been around for awhile now), or just plain awfulness, following is my list of the ten worst taglines in horror film history:












10. Psycho (1960)





Tagline: "A new -- and altogether different -- screen excitement!!!"


It's not only "different", it's "altogether different". Which makes it even more different than normal.
It also has three exclamation points, which means I should be excited.









9. King Kong (1976)





Tagline: "The most exciting original motion picture event of all time."


If this is the most exciting original motion picture event of all time, I'm taking a leap off the nearest skyscraper.
Screw it, A*P*E is playing next door. Let's just see that one. (see: #2)









8. Frogs (1972)





Tagline: "TODAY – the Pond! TOMORROW – the World!"


According to a recent study, the word "pond" is second only to "lavender" in its ability to block the effects of fear on the human psyche.









7. Tourist Trap (1979)





Tagline: "Every Year Young People Disappear"


I concur.









6. Dracula's Daughter (1936)





Tagline: "She gives you that weird feeling!"


Um…ok.
"Weird", like when a creepy three-year-old kid is staring at you in the checkout line at the grocery store?
"Weird", like when you've eaten too many pot brownies?
I don't know what you're trying to tell me exactly, but whatever it is, I'm pretty sure it's lame.









5. Silent Rage (1982)





Tagline: "Science created him. Now Chuck Norris must destroy him."


"Sir, Chuck Norris is on the phone again. I tried to get rid of him, but he keeps saying he has a good idea for the poster.
Also something about deadly pressure points, the usefulness of his beard as a cutting tool, and his ability to explode the human heart with a single glance. Maybe we should just do what he says."









4. The Flesh Eaters (1964)





Tagline: "The only people who will not be STERILIZED with FEAR are those among you who are already DEAD!"


I never really wanted children anyway.









3. Mothra (1961)





Tagline: "Mightiest monster in all creation! Ravishing a universe for love!"


Ok, either the marketing team didn't know the difference between a verb and an adjective, or Mothra is…raping the universe?









2. A*P*E (1976)





Tagline: "Not to be confused with KING KONG."


Thanks for clearing that up – it reminds me of the time I rented "Transmorphers" from the video store on accident.
Also, I'm an idiot.









1. Shatter Dead (1994)





Tagline: "GOD HATES YOU!"


You are nothing but an inconsequential larva squirming beneath the filthy boot-heel of the hateful universe!
Now go see our movie, you worthless, disgusting piece of insect-riddled goat excrement! And then kill yourself!

Note: I actually can't decide if this is the worst or the most bitchin' tagline ever. I'm leaning towards both.

http://www.bloody-disgusting.com/news/20139

[dakert]

Now these are the type of movies I could watch over again except "Frogs" which was my first Theatre Horror movie back in 72. I have had the DVD for years and it is still in the plastic--Maybe someday I will watch it.

I cant remember the tag for It's Alive

[JamesG]

Originally Posted by dakert

Now these are the type of movies I could watch over again except "Frogs" which was my first Theatre Horror movie back in 72. I have had the DVD for years and it is still in the plastic--Maybe someday I will watch it.

I cant remember the tag for It's Alive

lol, here's It's Alive...

[dakert]

Thank you James
Its Alive was made in 73/74 but not released until 1976 or was it re-released John Ryan and Sharon Farrell were good actors.

Originally Posted by JamesG

lol, here's It's Alive...

[JamesG]

Originally Posted by dakert

Thank you James
Its Alive was made in 73/74 but not released until 1976 or was it re-released John Ryan and Sharon Farrell were good actors.

It's Alive was originally released in 1974 and it did very poorly.

Three years later, in 1977, the film was re-released with new advertising (that famous poster above) and the film did much better.

[catlover79]

Those are all so cheesy - I love it!!!

[80sTrivia]

Those taglines are... amazingly bad!

[catlover79]

Originally Posted by 80sTrivia

Those taglines are... amazingly bad!

That's what makes them so memorable.

[JamesG]

#5 is the best... hand down. Chuck Norris alone.

[catlover79]

Originally Posted by JamesG

#5 is the best... hand down. Chuck Norris alone.

Chuck Norris ROCKS. Plain and simple. Love the Chuck Norris "facts". He even recently wrote a book about them.

[Torgo]

Originally Posted by dakert

Thank you James
Its Alive was made in 73/74 but not released until 1976 or was it re-released John Ryan and Sharon Farrell were good actors.

Even the trailer/tv spot re release for It's Alive was better(I remember this TV spot)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F8xe8p6zECQ

[Torgo]

How is number 5 one of the worst? It tells you exactly what you need to know

[Torgo]

Here's my pick for some of the worst(though I love them )

The Terror Is Back....But This Time It Flies!
-Piranha Part Two: The Spawning

They do something worse than kill. They multiply.
-It's Alive III: Island Of The Alive

The Picture You See With Your Eyes Closed.
- Bug '75

You may never live to see the end of it!
-Gatti rossi in un labirinto di vetro

Caution: Viewing may cause severe damage to your brain cells
- 555

A new wave of blood gushing suspense!
- Houseboat Horror

A 'must-see' for video store personnel and their customers!
- Video Violence... When Renting Is Not Enough

Stay Away From That Old House. Bad Things Happen In There!
- Blood Shack '71

It's Driller Time... And This Bits For You!
- Slumber Party Massacre 3

[Janice Johnson]

Originally Posted by Torgo

How is number 5 one of the worst? It tells you exactly what you need to know

I think what's wrong with number 5 is it's breaking the fourth-wall. Chuck Norris is the ACTOR, NOT the character..... Unless Chuck Norris plays Chuck Norris in the movie, which is pretentious as hell. For example, if Chuck is playing Dr. Steven Kelly in the movie, the tagline should say, "Only Dr. Steven Kelly can stop it." it gets annoying when you put the actor's name, as if the actor's name is playing in the movie....

[Torgo]

Originally Posted by Janice Johnson

I think what's wrong with number 5 is it's breaking the fourth-wall. Chuck Norris is the ACTOR, NOT the character..... Unless Chuck Norris plays Chuck Norris in the movie, which is pretentious as hell. For example, if Chuck is playing Dr. Steven Kelly in the movie, the tagline should say, "Only Dr. Steven Kelly can stop it." it gets annoying when you put the actor's name, as if the actor's name is playing in the movie....

Part of the fun of horror films is this kind of cheesy advertising they did. Heck one of the best parts of Army Of Darkness is the title of the film saying "Bruce Campbell vs Army Of Darkness".

Unless Chuck Norris plays Chuck Norris in the movie, which is pretentious as hell.

Who cares about pretentious, that would be awesome. I'd love to see Chuck play himself like JCVD, or Bruce Campbell in My Name Is Bruce...oh wait, Chuck did in Sidekicks!