I've been kicked out of my home. Opinions PLEASE!

[Family Ties Forever!]

Please read.

I was wondering if anyone could give some opinions on a situation. I'm under a tremendous amount of stress that is getting to me. It's all I can do not to go to pieces.

I found out that my mother who has a boyfriend (they are very serious) will be moving in with him. It's only a matter of time. She won't let me go with her. She will be bringing my sister, who is 17 & 1/2, with her. That will leave me here with the two cats. I'm blind and receive a small disability check because I can't work. I don't know how I'm going to afford it all and cope emotionally. My mother claims that she will help with the bills, but I'm not sure if I believe that, or if she does it will be very little.

Emotionally I don't feel stable enough to suddenly live on my own. Even though I'm an adult, having both a physical disability of blindness added to emotional problems stemming from childhood sexual abuse and being heldup at gun point has made me very afraid of things and crowds of people.

I've tried talking to my mother about my concerns and worries, but she doesn't really answer my questions. First she told me not to worry about it until it happens. Then when I waited and asked because the uncertainty of it is driving me nuts. My mother gave me brief answers which haven't really helped much.

I was at the doctor the other day and he mentioned to me a patient of his was under so much stress that she ended up in the hospital as a result. I don't want that to happen to me. My sister has multiple disabilities, yet my mother seems to think that within a few years even my sister will be ready to live on her own. My mother seems desperate to be rid of her kids. She wants to be with her boyfriend (whom I assume she will marry).

Opinions? What do you think? I'm afraid if this continues I'm going to have a terrible emotional breakdown and it's not going to be pretty.

[Lee]

Originally Posted by Family Ties Forever!

Please read.

I was wondering if anyone could give some opinions on a situation. I'm under a tremendous amount of stress that is getting to me. It's all I can do not to go to pieces.

I found out that my mother who has a boyfriend (they are very serious) will be moving in with him. It's only a matter of time. She won't let me go with her. She will be bringing my sister, who is 17 & 1/2, with her. That will leave me here with the two cats. I'm blind and receive a small disability check because I can't work. I don't know how I'm going to afford it all and cope emotionally. My mother claims that she will help with the bills, but I'm not sure if I believe that, or if she does it will be very little.

Emotionally I don't feel stable enough to suddenly live on my own. Even though I'm an adult, having both a physical disability of blindness added to emotional problems stemming from childhood sexual abuse and being heldup at gun point has made me very afraid of things and crowds of people.

I've tried talking to my mother about my concerns and worries, but she doesn't really answer my questions. First she told me not to worry about it until it happens. Then when I waited and asked because the uncertainty of it is driving me nuts. My mother gave me brief answers which haven't really helped much.

I was at the doctor the other day and he mentioned to me a patient of his was under so much stress that she ended up in the hospital as a result. I don't want that to happen to me. My sister has multiple disabilities, yet my mother seems to think that within a few years even my sister will be ready to live on her own. My mother seems desperate to be rid of her kids. She wants to be with her boyfriend (whom I assume she will marry).

Opinions? What do you think? I'm afraid if this continues I'm going to have a terrible emotional breakdown and it's not going to be pretty.

How can you have a mother like this who does not even care about her
children or what they are going through?

[Retro4Life]

Hi,

Hey, I'm so sorry that you are under this kind of stress. I can tell from your post that you are very upset and it's really a shame that your mom hasn't been a bit more comforting or supportive during this.

A couple of things. If I were you, I'd be sure to avail myself of as many opinions on outside help as I could. Are their social services that you can turn to to ask for aid, i.e. getting rides to get groceries, doctor appointments, cooking, cleaning, etc? Have you looked at all avenues of support income you might be eligible for? You might be surprised at the groups that could help you. Ask around, do some online searching. If you find you can get more help than you currently receive, it might ease your mind a bit about being alone.

Second, you might be surprised at how much you can handle. There have been a lot of things I never thought I could handle, and they were indeed quite hard but I got through them. I lost virtually my entire family a few years ago and when I looked at the future it seemed so bleak and hopeless at times. But somehow, slowly and with a lot of effort (and mistakes on my part at times), I got through it. My life is a LONG way from perfect now but I gained the confidence to face each day, with all of its obstacles and fearful elements.

I realize your situation, being handicapped, is different. But I think you can do it. You are a very intelligent and capable person and once you begin realizing how much you CAN cope with on your own, your confidence will grow. Talk to your doctors, social service agents, friends, relatives you can trust, etc. Tell them your concerns. I'll bet they will care and have ideas on how you can get through this. I do know blind folks who are on their own and with a little help they are making it. I know you can too, if you have to.

Personally, and I don't mean to be judgmental or harsh, but if this is the way your mom is treating you you may be better off trying to make it on your own. She seems willing to leave you to your own devices and the longer you stay with her the less confidence you will have when you eventually have to split.

Finally, don't be afraid to express your fears to people you trust. That will be a great source of relief. It's OK to be afraid and uncertain. That's only human and I have "been there" far too often. Please keep us updated on how things are going, I am sure that everyone here is concerned about you and will want to know how you are.

Good luck. And please stay in touch. You can do this!!

[MrCleveland]

I'm in a pickle too...

My father may lose his paving job because of a new paving manager at the store that he's worked at for 30+ years. My grandma's house is now sold and it'll be in April when we hear about it, but we may get nothing. I'll be moving out of my parents house soon, but before I do I'm going to live with him for a week and find out how it is.

[MickeyMac]

Originally Posted by Family Ties Forever!

Please read.

I was wondering if anyone could give some opinions on a situation. I'm under a tremendous amount of stress that is getting to me. It's all I can do not to go to pieces.

I found out that my mother who has a boyfriend (they are very serious) will be moving in with him. It's only a matter of time. She won't let me go with her. She will be bringing my sister, who is 17 & 1/2, with her. That will leave me here with the two cats. I'm blind and receive a small disability check because I can't work. I don't know how I'm going to afford it all and cope emotionally. My mother claims that she will help with the bills, but I'm not sure if I believe that, or if she does it will be very little.

Emotionally I don't feel stable enough to suddenly live on my own. Even though I'm an adult, having both a physical disability of blindness added to emotional problems stemming from childhood sexual abuse and being heldup at gun point has made me very afraid of things and crowds of people.

I've tried talking to my mother about my concerns and worries, but she doesn't really answer my questions. First she told me not to worry about it until it happens. Then when I waited and asked because the uncertainty of it is driving me nuts. My mother gave me brief answers which haven't really helped much.

I was at the doctor the other day and he mentioned to me a patient of his was under so much stress that she ended up in the hospital as a result. I don't want that to happen to me. My sister has multiple disabilities, yet my mother seems to think that within a few years even my sister will be ready to live on her own. My mother seems desperate to be rid of her kids. She wants to be with her boyfriend (whom I assume she will marry).

Opinions? What do you think? I'm afraid if this continues I'm going to have a terrible emotional breakdown and it's not going to be pretty.

Ouch


With all due respect it seems like your mother could be more considerate. If I am speaking out of line I apolgize, but it seems like your mother is putting her new boyfriend over you, and that aint right. Are there any other relatives, or friends you can turn to for help??

[Family Ties Forever!]

Thank you all for replying. I appreciate the thoughts and words.

[MrCleveland]

FTF (Which is FamilyTiesForever)...

Do you have a friend that you can live with?

If so...live with him until you can save enough to live by yourself or try to find out if you can live in a Low-Level Group Home. There are a few that you could try to find.

I'll be living with my brother soon, as a matter of fact, I'll be living there for a week so I can get the feel of living by myself. Because right now...he's going through a bad scenario. He found out that his ex-fiance is now engaged with someone, a woman who has no heart is now getting married to someone...who we used to know!

[gidgetgrape]

Hi Jenny,

I'm sorry you have to go through this. It's unfortunate when people can't help us, the way we want them too.

I think that you should use this situation as an opportunity to become more independent. It won't be easy, but you can cut those apron strings. Just take it one step (or one problem) at a time.

Call 2-1-1 (most states have it now) and ask to speak to a disabilities counselor. Tell the counselor your concerns and needs (make a list in advance) and he or she should be able to steer you in the right direction.

http://www.211.org/

If there's no 2-1-1, google rehabilation centers in your area.

I also reccomend reading Winning the Disability Challenge: A Practical Guide to Successful Living by by John F. Tholen, Ph.D. It's a bit dry, but also very helpful. The best part is the appendix in the back that list resources for every state.

Are you a member of The Talking Book Program?
http://www.loc.gov/nls/

The library serving in your state has materials you can borrow too. You can ask the librarians to research topics of concern for you too.

Lastly, I think you should read this blog post:

http://www.fredshead.info/2010/03/ph...blindness.html

Good luck!

[The Great One]

I think gidgetgrape gave you the best advice. Take some time and try out every option so that you can get your needs taken care of.

[Mr. Television]

Hey Jenny. I just want to say that I'm so sorry for what you are going through. I agree that gidgetgrape gave you some great advice as did everybody else. Is there a friend that you can stay with for awhile? I don't want to be out of line either but your mother should be more considerate of your feelings. She's entitled to be happy but she shouldn't ignore everybody else in her life. Just know that you are in my thoughts and prayers and I do hope everything turns out okay.

[catlover79]

I'm so sorry, Jenny. May God keep you especially close during this difficult time.

[spunkygirl]

Are there any programs set up in your county that can help you? Some kind of metropolitan housing maybe?

Sorry this happened to you

[TripperFan]

Hi Jenny,

I tend to agree with Gidgetgrape also. I think you should try to look at this as a usual "rite of passage" for everyone. You don't give an actual date or timeline when your mother will be moving. You said, it's just a matter of time. That could be months - even a year or two away. I know you're disabled with the blindness, however, you do have some sight and should be able to work some jobs. They are out there. My wonderful aunt (who just passed away last week actually) was almost completely blind herself the past 6 years or so but continued weekly charity reading for the blind (both recording for books as well as in person) right up until she was hospitalized 6 weeks ago at the age of 88 yrs.
Try to turn "lemons into lemonade". I know you're nervous, but really, so are most people when they first venture out on their own. I didn't have a choice either - twice. The first was when my mom left my father and rather than attend college as I hoped, I had to move to a small apt. and start working right away to pay the bills. As RetroGirl said, you'll be surprised how it does come to you easier than you think. The second time was just a couple of years ago when Frank dumped me. Legally, he could have booted me out the day he decided he wanted to break up. I was absolutely devastated, but again, pulled up my "bootstraps" as they say and carried on. It was easy, I won't lie, but you do make it through and I believe, become a stronger person in the long run. I'm sure your mom doesn't plan on moving immediately or leave you totally without help or unprepared. She'll just be a phonecall away for advice, I'm sure. Legally, she may have to take your sister as depending on the state, could still be considered a minor (I was when my mom left). It sounds like you'll actually be staying where you are - is that correct?

[sunshinefizzy]

I, too, am sorry for your situation. I believe you are stronger than you know and you can handle whatever life throws at you.

[OH Nuts!]

Hang in there Jenny. It really sounds like a rough situation but GidgetGrape's advice sounds excellent. I hope Janice rings in, she always has a wise take on things...I bet she'll have some great ideas.