Need Advice...Or Input...Or Anything

[*Pleasant Tomorrow*]

Disclaimer: This is a long rant and cry for advice. If you decide to read the whole thing you're a saint.

So I've fallen into this trap again...I forget what they call it-having a crush on someone or something. Not really sure, doesn't matter...I usually just refer to it as "utter hell and confusion please kill me now I wish I were asexual." The reason being I am absolutely horrible at deciphering whether a guy simply just wants to be friends or if he wants something more. I've had issues before where I thought someone wanted something more, then he turned around and said it was only a crush and decided to date someone else before even giving me those answers.

Well there’s a new one. We work together at school and I’ve known him since last semester, but I didn’t really start forming a crush on him until this semester. Something just happened, I don’t know…I felt like all of a sudden he was showing a lot of attention toward me and I wasn’t really minding it. What we do is a work study job where we just work at a bunch of events at the school, lots of setting up, etc. Sometimes we stay to work the event, other times we just set up and leave. The last couple of times we could leave early, I volunteered to stay longer. He did too. No one else did. We literally just sat together the whole time just talking (my job is a joke), long past we really had to stay, I’d say. Somehow we got on the topic of astronomy and found it was a common interest (yeah I’m a dork), so he went out of his way to describe all of these ideas and things to me. I dunno we just got along really well and I don’t know what happened there.

Another time there was a hockey game we had to work at. Again, just the two of us but it was just lucky coincidence this time. Our job was basically to escort people from the school on the bus and to the game and then pretty much just watch the game and get paid for it, lol. God, okay…anyway…apparently I get flustered not just talking but typing as well. Anyway, it felt like an awkward date because it was just us…watching a game…talking. At one point he left for what felt like forever because he had to find a quieter place to use the phone because he had to call in to his other job because the game was taking longer than he thought. I was worried and then he comes back with a hot chocolate for me. Ugh, kill me. Okay, we get back to campus and he’s a commuter. I tell him I’m going to dinner…he asks if he can join. I’m all aight, I’m gonna get ahold of my friends cause they should be coming too. I’ll text you to let you know. Well my friends aren’t there so I freak out because it’s gonna be just us two OMG too nervous to eat type of thing. We get there and sit down, but then I see my friends so I’m like hey let’s go over there and he’s all okay. He’d already met some of my friends because they were on the bus earlier, and he jokingly said “I feel like I’m slowly infiltrating your group.” It was funny at the time. Anyway, we all talk, get along, jolly old time. My best friend joked to me about it afterward, perhaps because something was apparent. I don’t know.

Today. So there’s another event on campus we set up for. He actually brought me a book about astronomy that he'd mentioned before, which was sweet. Another sign? Hell if I know. We finish setting up, don’t have to stay. Beforehand he was saying how he has a lot of homework to do so it seemed pretty apparent he wasn’t going to stay. But he asks if I’m staying. I say yes. He says maybe he will too. What happens instead? He asks me if I want to see some youtube video so we go to the office and pretty much sit there alone watching random hilarious videos for like almost two hours. Then he goes on his facebook and shows me random funny things, videos he has on there, pics of his family etc. (What does that mean?) Then this happens: there’s an ex-ed out facebook chat with some girl and he points out that it was an ex who he’d dated for a long time, but things got bad when she got into drugs or whatever and he said they hated each other for awhile. He says recently they started talking again, however, and that she’s cleaned up now. It was quick, just an explanation…and it’s been killing me all night.

Even after that, when we got downstairs we lingered for awhile watching this event, which was coincidentally a campus dating game show. Despite all the things he had to do, he just kept staying. He's going to be up until 4am today because of me...or because he's just a procrastinator and this interest is all in my head?

What does the ex thing mean? One friend says it’s a horrible sign, another says it might just be an explanation as to who that was. I really don’t know. Hell, I don’t even know if he likes me. I’d think the way he’s been going out of his way to stay/talk to me might mean something, but I’ve already been wrong before. Then this. If a guy likes a girl, would he even explain anything about an ex? My gut tells me no. But could it have just been an explanation? A topic of conversation? Am I reading too much into this like a girl, when guy meanings tend to mean way less than what we take them to be? Am I screwed? Will Lassie help save Timmy from the well?

Please help me.

[Elvis Fonzie Dean]

I understand this confusion.Are you on each other's friends' list on facebook?

[Nighthawk76]

Ashlee, I think that the best thing for you to do is to sit down and talk to him. Tell him how you feel and ask him how he feels. Really that's the only way you are truly going to know what's in his heart.

[MickeyMac]

First off I can understand your concern about whether this guy is serious or not. Not too long ago I let myself get interested in somebody only to find out they already have a boyfriend.


From what I have read, and what you have described. Its sounds like to me this guy is interested in you. He seems to want to spend time with you, and he bought you a book of astronomy (something you both share an interest).


Ashlee my advice is to play it cool. Wait for a little while and see what happens next. Put the ball in his court and see what he does next. Most importantly, whatever you do, take it slow. You dont want to rush into anything and find out there is nothing there. I have done that a few times myself.


Let us know how this turns out.

[Janice]

Ashlee, I think it's obvious, from his actions, that he likes you. The book, hot chocolate, the way he asked if he could hang out with your friends and how he spends time with you. It's possible that he just wants to be friends, but I just don't get that vibe. You're obviously on his mind. Don't worry about the ex. She was, emphasis on was, a part of his life. I take it as a good sign that he told you about her. He's letting you into his life, and since she's part of his recent past, he told you about her.

It looks to me like the beginning of a relationship. Take it slow and follow his lead. Whatever you do, don't ask him how he feels about you or tell him how you feel about him. You'll come off as clingy and insecure, and you're not. Let it unfold naturally. Some of the best relationships start off as friendships. My husband and I were friends (and co-workers) for a year before we started dating. We both were involved with other people. It all worked out as we'll celebrate our 25th wedding anniversary this year. Things look good to me. You're both available and enjoy each other's company. The start of a relationship is both great and nerve-wracking. Enjoy it. If it becomes serious, you'll be the first to know. Good luck.

[*Pleasant Tomorrow*]

Thanks guys, I really appreciate you taking the time to read my ramblings. The things you say really help me feel a bit better about this. But Janice, I'm glad you said not to say anything. I have had people saying I should but I feel like it's too soon so with my gut and with what you said, I think I'll just take it as it comes. I talked to my best friend today and she said the same. Very stressful, but you guys are right...be careful, take it slow. And in the mean time I'll try my best to not tear my hair out of my head. Tufts of hair isn't a good look for me.

Anyway, thanks again.

[Janice]

Originally Posted by *Pleasant Tomorrow*

Thanks guys, I really appreciate you taking the time to read my ramblings. The things you say really help me feel a bit better about this. But Janice, I'm glad you said not to say anything. I have had people saying I should but I feel like it's too soon so with my gut and with what you said, I think I'll just take it as it comes. I talked to my best friend today and she said the same. Very stressful, but you guys are right...be careful, take it slow. And in the mean time I'll try my best to not tear my hair out of my head. Tufts of hair isn't a good look for me.

Anyway, thanks again.

Yes, you have to play your cards right at the beginning of the relationship. You don't want to appear desperate. He'll run for the hills. My husband say that you shouldn't always be available. He says that woman have to be a little mysterious. Don't tell him too much about yourself too fast. He also says to be yourself, but be sweet because most men don't like loud or overbearing girls. He says a man is where he wants to be. Meaning, that if the guy likes you, nothing will keep him from you. There's my guy's point of view. Don't play hard to get, but don't play too easy to get either. Show an interest in his life. Ask questions about his family, work, etc. It might sound like I'm saying to play games, and in a way I guess I am. It's kind of lousy, but I didn't make the rules, lol. There's an old proverb, "A man chases a woman until she catches him". Meaning, use your beauty, intelligence and quick wit to snag the guy; just let him think that he's the one who is doing the pursuing.

[The Great One]

It definitely sounds like the guy you work with at school has feelings for you. It must be hard for him to express with words his interest in you so he does it by giving you a book, buying you hot chocolate, and spending lots of time with you. I think the best thing for you to do is to just ask direct questions so that you can know what thoughts are in his head and the feelings of his heart. That might be a scary thing for you to do but face your anxiety with courage and ask. Once you have done that, you will have turned your courage into confidence. You then will be filling your personal boundary with units of confidence. If you continue to do that, your personal boundary will be full of confidence which will allow you to accomplish many great things in your life. Do what is right, even if you are afraid. All the best to you!

[Brian Damage]

It's always best for the woman to play it cool, at least in the beginning. You're not in a relationship with him yet. When that happens, they'll be plenty of time to share your feelings. Most men feel rushed and pressured if the girl initiates the talk about feelings when they're still in the friendship phase. It's too soon. Don't worry Ashlee. It sounds like he's falling for you.

[*Pleasant Tomorrow*]

Thanks again for taking the time to read and respond, guys. It really does help and make me feel better about this. It's early yet so yeah, just going to take it slow.

[cyberalias81]

He's totally in to you.

[Family Ties Forever!]

Originally Posted by Janice

Whatever you do, don't ask him how he feels about you or tell him how you feel about him. You'll come off as clingy and insecure, and you're not. Let it unfold naturally. Some of the best relationships start off as friendships.

I agree. The last thing you want is to scare hm off by telling him how you feel. If it's meant to be, it will, but give it time. Good luck.

[LuLu Rogers]

Everyone here has given you great advice Ashlee. Take it from someone who has screwed up many relationships: Don't be the pursuer, be the pursuee.

[*Pleasant Tomorrow*]

So since I'm a facebook stalker, I noticed he commented on a couple of pictures of some really pretty girl. "I like this pic" "ohh I really like this one, too" type of thing. Hasn't done that for me. Probs likes her...she's prettier anyway. End.

Yeah not even gonna bother now. I mean who am I kidding myself anyway, lol.

[LuLu Rogers]

Originally Posted by *Pleasant Tomorrow*

So since I'm a facebook stalker, I noticed he commented on a couple of pictures of some really pretty girl. "I like this pic" "ohh I really like this one, too" type of thing. Hasn't done that for me. Probs likes her...she's prettier anyway. End.

Yeah not even gonna bother now. I mean who am I kidding myself anyway, lol.

Don't let it get you down. Guys can be very hard to read sometimes. I still think this guy likes you, and why the hell wouldn't he? You're gorgeous Ashlee! You're also sweet and funny and have a great personality, what's not to love?