Episode Reviews: "Two-Family Car" & "Love Letter" ('56):

[Frank Gannucci]

Episode #136 (Syndicated episode #103)
TV: Attached to "Anniversary Gift."
VCR: Attached to "New Year's Eve Party."
DVD: Attached to "New Year's Eve Party" & "My Man Norton."

Alice is cleaning the fire escape when the mop part of the mop falls and it lands on Ralph's head. Ralph (sarcastically): "This is one of those New Italian haircuts." Ralph says to Alice that he is going bowling so make dinner fast. A man comes by with a telegram. Ralph accepts the telegram. The man expects a tip. Ralph gives him a dime. Ralph (to the man): "I'm doing my job to hold down inflation now get out of here." Ralph reads the telegram. Ralph (excitedly, yells): "OH BABY! OH BABY!" He tells Alice of all the times that Alice said that Ralph was stupid for taking chances to win some things when the odds were low. Hey, I would do the same thing. Ralph explained that he won a contest from the Theresa Grata Service League and the grand prize is a 1957 4 door Sedan Deluxe. According to the telegram, the prize will arrive tonight along with a person from the league. He says that since they have a car, he will no longer have to borrow Cassidy's car. Ralph: "Now, I don't even have to talk to that bum Cassidy." Ralph is sure being ungrateful. Ralph promises to take Alice for a spin in the car. Ralph then explains that he got a ticket that gave him the one and a million chance of winning the grand prize by walking out a bowling alley with Norton. The sign for the contest said something like: "Give to charity and have a chance to win a prize." A ticket costs 50 cents. All he had was a quarter so he asks Norton for a quarter. Alice says that since Ralph did that, Norton owns half the car. Ralph goes into the bedroom.

Ralph (coming out, yells): "HE OWNS HALF THE CAR?" Ralph is upset. Alice asks him to bring Norton down. Ralph doesn't want to do so tonight. Ralph: "Just one night without that nut (Ed)." Alice is not hearing anything of it. She asks him to call Ed down. Ralph calls Ed down. Ralph tries to cheat Norton by offering to pay back the twenty-five cents after explaining that he has a guilty conscience by asks him for a quarter that other night that would have given him enough money so he could get a ticket that will guarantee a one and a million chance to win a car. Ed: "We won the car! We won the car! We won the car!" Ralph (to Alice): "Are you satisfied? I told him." Ralph then makes plans for him and Alice to use the car on Sunday just so they can see Alice's mom. Ed: "I have plans to use the car on Sunday. I want to drive to Maryland. The Aberdeen Proving Grounds is doing a test on dum-dum bullets." Ralph: "You can forget the dum-dum bullets dum-dum." Ralph & Ed then make an agreement for each of them to have the cars some days. Ralph offers the car for five days to Ed. Those days are Mon-Fri. Ed doesn't like that so he wants the other two days. Ralph: "Fine! Your two days are Wednesday and Thursday." Alice: "Ralph!" Ed: "Leave him alone Alice. I got my two days." Boy, is Ed dumb. Alice says that this car thing needs to be settled equally. Ralph: "What do you want me to do, cut the car in half?" Ed: "That's good. One of us will take the back seat and one of us will take the front seat." Ralph offers to take the front seat. Ed: "That's where the engine is and if the engine needs any repair, you are to take care of it." Ralph now exchanges the front seat with the back seat. Ed: "That's where the gas tank is so if the car needs any gas, you will take care of it." Ralph: "I don't care."

Alice reminds Ralph that that man from the Theresa Grata Service League should arrive here in a few minutes and he has to have his ticket ready for him. He goes to get it and comes back with a box full of contest tickets. Ed spots a ticket for an old contest in which the grand prize was a 1932 Essex. Ed reads the name of the charity that gave Ralph the ticket: "The League to add chlorine to the Passaic River." Ralph gets the Theresa Grata Service League ticket out. Ed: "No wonder we won. The ticket has my lucky number. 26409333206988764322." Quite possibly, that would be the world's largest lucky number EVER for a person. The man from the Theresa Grata Service league comes with the prize...a turkey. Man: "You didn't win first prize (the car), you won 26th prize. Good night and happy Thanksgiving to you folks." This episode was shown on the Saturday before the 1956 Thanksgiving. Ed laughs at the turkey. Ralph: "What's so funny?" Ed: "You wanted the back half." Ralph kicks Ed out. Alice: "You sure got yours Ralph." Ralph (to the turkey): "I got mine. Come Thursday, you get yours."

Episode #137 (Syndicated episode #50)
TV: Half-hour.
VCR: Attached to "Champagne & Caviar."
DVD: Attached to "Hair-Raising Tale", "Double Anniversary Party" & "What's Her Name."

Alice borrows a cookbook from Trixie and in it finds a love letter that Ed once wrote to Trixie. Alice leaves it on the icebox and Ralph later comes in. Trixie is hiding Ralph's birthday present behind his back. She leaves. Ralph asks Alice if she knew anything about it. Alice says that it is nothing. Ralph: "Alice you don't hold nothing behind your back. You hold it out front so everyone can see it." Alice tells Ralph it's his birthday present and later tricks her into saying the present, which is a belt. Wait a minute. This episode 11/24/56. The original was shown on 10/16/54 and "Pardon My Glove" was shown on Mar. 17, 1956. In both episodes, Alice prepares for Ralph's birthday.
Also, in "Battle of The Sexes", Ralph is a Capricorn (Dec. 22-Jan. 20) & in "Stars Over Flatbush", Ralph is a Taurus (April 21-May 21). In two of the Color episodes, Ralph's birthday is in October. Wow! Ralph: "Pretty small gift." Alice: "Not with what you have to wrap it around." Ralph finds the letter. Ralph (reading it): "'I love you! I love you! Signed: Your lover. P.S.: I love you!'" Naturally Ralph thinks that Alice is seeing another man. Ed comes in and Ralph reads the letter to him. Ed: "That is sweet Ralph. Who are you going to send it too?" Ralph: "I am not sending it to anybody." Ed: "Oh, somebody sent it to you." Ralph tells Ed the whole situation and Ed tries to find out who wrote it (he doesn't know that he himself wrote it) Ed tries to think about it but says he will think better when he eats. He eats what is on Ralph's table. Ralph then thinks that since Alice is seeing another man and giving him what he wants for dinner, she must be poising him. Ed: "The joke is on her because you're not eating the food. I am." Ed then worries that he would die of the poison so Ralph tells him to relax. Alice leaves and Ralph questions where she is going. She says to the store and leaves. Ed volunteers to follow her. Ed: "I will be a regular human blood hound. I will follow her to the ends of the earth." Ed leaves and comes back a few seconds late saying he lost her on the stairs. Oh gee.

Ralph & Ed go to a Mrs. Paterson (a letter analyst at a newspaper). Mrs. Paterson enters to applause. Ralph tries to explain the whole situation but twists his facts. He says that his friend's wife and not his wife is going out with some other guy and when his friend catches the two, he is going to fracture the traitor's skull. The analyst sees the letter and says that the writer is rude, going through life in a sloppy manner and not to bright. The things she notices are that he dotted a T, didn't close his O's and he crossed a L. Ralph: "We know that he is stupid, rude and sloppy. Ed says he knows a guy but when he gives him more thought, he finds out that he can't write. The analyst says she is busy and will analyze the letter later and mail it to Ralph. Ed volunteers to write down the address. D'oh! Big surprise coming for Ralph. Ed starts to write down the address but he does his usual warming up which causes Ralph to slap him on the back and yell: "COME ON!" Yeah, Ralph just embarrassed Ed in front of Mrs. Paterson. Ed writes down the address. Ralph & Ed leave. Mrs. Paterson sees the handwriting of the address and the letter and knows it was Norton who wrote the letter. She brings in Ralph and tells him the whole story. Ralph doesn't believe it and says he will open Ed's head. Mrs. Paterson says that Alice may not care for Ed and give her the benefit of a doubt. Ralph: "If they do like each other, they are going to have a lot of fun on the moon." Ralph leaves.

At home, Ralph is pacing. Ralph: "Mrs. Paterson is nuts. She is nuts. How could I even accuse my best friend. Norton, my buddy. One of the finest creatures that was ever put on this earth and besides how could Alice go for a bum like him." Alice comes out and Ralph slips into his rather loud PJs. Ralph wants to have a night alone just the two of them. Alice has other plans. She wants to go out shopping. She leaves. Ralph: "She ain't getting away with it. Ralph puts on his cap and leaves but realizes he still has his PJs on so he goes back in to change and while still in his PJs, rips his uniform's pants.

Ralph talks to Trixie upstairs and explains the letter. She naturally doesn't believe it. Ralph reads it to her. Ed & Alice come in just as Ralph says the "I love you, I love you, I love you" part of the letter to Trixie. Ed assumes that Ralph is seeing his wife and vice-versa. Ed challenges Ralph to a fight and Ralph "punches" Ed. It is so obvious that Ralph didn't punch Ed. Alice explains to Ralph that Ed helped her pick out Ralph's birthday gift. Trixie & Alice explain the whole truth about the love letter. Ralph apologizes to everyone. Ralph & Alice kiss as the traditional music that accompanies the kiss plays.

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