Monday's Quotes & a Honeymooners XMas Eve:

[Frank Gannucci]

"The Worry Wart":

Ralph: "Oh, is that all that they are going to do? They're just gonna take it out of my refund? It just so happens Alice that I was planning on that refund - IN ITS ENTIRETY! I need all of the refund - all 42 dollars! I can't afford to let any of the 42 go! I got to go down to Fred's Landings - I need 42 dollars! What am I gonna do if I haven't got enough money?"

Alice: "We'll just have to cut down, Ralph. Just ask for a cheaper tent with a smaller snake."

"A Matter of Life & Death":

Ralph: "Don't take any pictures of Dr. Norton. He's very modest."

Ed: "I wouldn't mind a few pictures."

"Brother Ralph":

Alice: "Don't you trust me Ralph? You are my husband."

Ralph: "No, I'm your brother."

"Cottage For Sale Part 1":

(The Kramdens and Nortons run into "Mr. Mosby" in hopes of getting a cottage. The one that they are in costs $2,000.)

"Mr. Mosby": "I'm going to do for you what I did for my mother."

Ed: "You are going to buy a cottage for us?"

"Jellybeans":

Ralph: "I have always been lucky at contests. Remember last year at Harry's Grove when I won the clam eating contest?"

Alice (from bedroom): "Yeah?"

Ralph: "I got $5 from that. $5."

Alice (coming out of the bedroom): "You sure did and you spent $7 on Alka-Seltzer."

"Jellybeans":

(Ed takes some of the jellybeans and eats them. Ralph spots him.)

Ralph (yells): "WAIT A MINUTE! WHAT ARE YOU EATING THOSE JELLYBEANS FOR?"

Ed: "What's the matter? What are they, poisoned?"

"Two Faces of Ralph Kramden":

Nick: "How about $400 a week."

(Ralph coughs.)

Nick: "$500."

(Ralph coughs more.)

Nick: "$600."

Ralph: "Norton, give me some water."

Ed: "Don't be a dope Ralph. Keep coughing Ralph. You will be a millionaire in no time."

"Movies Are Better Than Ever":

Ed: "Now give me the $5."

Ralph (making a fist in an angry fashion): "You want five? I will give you five right now."

"Without Reservations":

Stanley: "You know that this is the first time in a long time that I have been here for one of your meals?"

Ralph: "You act like you haven't eaten since."

The Kramdens and Nortons are going to Buffalo, NY to celebrate a white Christmas.)

Ralph: “Well, here we are. In Buffalo, NY. What a white Christmas we are going to spend.”

Ed: “Yeah, it's a bit nipply out.”

Ralph: “Nipply? You better be careful Norton. That is what you said to the jewelry lady at Macys. You said a lot of sexual things.”

Ed: “I can't help it Ralph. But, I do love Trixie more.”

Alice: “I can't believe it. We need a Christmas tree for our cabin.”

Ralph: “Don't worry. We will get one real cheap. All of us are going out into the country and chop down a Christmas tree. All three of you will do the heavy work. I sprained my back.:

Ed: “How?”

Ralph: “By piling my bags on you.”

(They all go out to get a tree.)

Alice: “Ralph, we have been walking for hours.”

Ed: “What are you complaining about Alice? This is good for Ralph. I am surprised he hasn't fainted yet.”

Ralph: “Oooh, you a riot Norton. There's our tree. See it?”

Trixie: “I can't. I am so cold.”

Ralph: “It's full. It's not big.”

Ed: “Ralph, did you remember the saw?”

(Ralph's eyes light up.)

(Next, all of them carry the tree and it is revealed that they DUG the tree out of the ground.)

(The next day, Ralph & Ed are decorating their cabin with A LOT of lights.)

Alice: “Ralph, I don't think you are allowed to do that.”

Ralph: “Of course. I am.”

(Ralph goes to get the ladder.)

Ed: “Don't you think that I should climb it?”

Ralph: “You think I am too fat to climb? Why don't you say it?”

Ed: “You just did.”

Ralph: “Alice, may not be alone on the moon.”

(Ralph climbs the ladder.)

Ralph (falling, yells): “DOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!”

(Later that night, the Kramdens and Nortons are outside awaiting the big reveal of Christmas lights.)

Ralph: “All right everyone. Drumroll.”

(All imitate drumroll sound. Ralph plugs in the lights and nothing happens.)

Ralph: “I checked every bulb. Maybe I should check every bulb again?”

Ed: “If you do Ralph, the roof will collapse.”

(Ralph glowers at Ed.)

Ralph: “The lights are plugged in.”

Alice: “No, they are not Ralph. Look. I will plug them in.”

Ed: “Ha ha ha.”

Ralph (yells): “SHUT UP!”

(Alice lights the lights. They are blinding and the PSE&G meters go crazy.)

(Later that night, Ralph & Ed set up the tree.)

Man: “Hey sir, where are you going to put that tree? Ha ha ha.”

Ralph: “I will tell you where, but you will get mad.”

(The man storms off.)

(Later, Ralph goes to cut the rope that is holding up the tree.)

Ralph: “Ladies and gentlemen, I give to you, our tree.”

(Ralph cuts the rope and the tree breaks nearby windows.)

Ralph: “Lot of sap, but a little full.”

(On Christmas Eve night, Ralph & Ed are watching the sky. They see a big star.)

Ralph: “That folks, is a Christmas star. Christmas symbolizes giving and love.”

Ed: “Hey Ralph, someone in a red suit is coming at us.”

Alice: “Oh, my god.”

Trixie: “It could be a killer.”

(To be continued)