Dear TJL 5: A New Beginning! - Sitcoms Online Message Boards

TJL · 11-29-2009, 11:02 PM

Hey there Sitcoms Online! TJL, your fountain of knowledge is here to answer your questions.

It's no secret that when it comes to things, I know them. You don't get where I am in life without knowing which way the wind blows.

The wind is blowing from over there, where the fan is.

So if you have a question, a query, a conundrum, ask TJL and he'll answer them free of charge*!

*- offer not valid in Alaska and Hawaii, and for some reason let's say Des Moines.

Ask, damn you!

Pitooey · 11-29-2009, 11:55 PM

Dear TJL.

How does my garden grow?

LuLu Rogers · 11-30-2009, 01:22 AM

Dear TJL,

I have this problem. Every time I get ready to leave the house, I run into the door. It never moves out of the way! What should I do?

Signed,
Flat-Nosed and Desperate

TJL · 11-30-2009, 11:35 AM

Miss Tooey writes:

Dear TJL.

How does my garden grow?

I don't know. A few questions:

Does your garden have a big tree that does amazing things?
A small patch of pretty flowers that tell jokes?
A pink squirrel and a bird that cause all sorts of silly hijinks?
A chest that tells stories?
Two women who hang out and sing songs?

Well, the answer is simple. You have a Magic Garden!

TJL · 11-30-2009, 12:16 PM

Dear TJL,

I have this problem. Every time I get ready to leave the house, I run into the door. It never moves out of the way! What should I do?

Signed,
Flat-Nosed and Desperate

I have a few ideas to help your aching nose. We can replace your door with the following:

A revolving door. Pretty neat, makes you feel like you're living in a department store, the dumb kids in the neighborhood will think it's a ride and you can charge them money to use it.

A Star Trek type transporter. Pros: Really cool. Cons: A bit pricey, doesn't exist.

A beaded curtain? Yeah, 1971 called, it wants it's idea back.

That's all I can think of.

Wait, have you tried opening the door using that knob thing?

LuLu Rogers · 11-30-2009, 06:11 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by TJL

Wait, have you tried opening the door using that knob thing?

OMG! What a BRILLIANT idea!! You're amazing! I'm going to try it right now!

Janice · 11-30-2009, 08:13 PM

Dear TJL,

I'm trying to decide what to get my husband for Christmas. My question is: What do you get the man who has everything?

Signed,
Have $$, no ideas

ps - no gals involved

hippiechick60 · 11-30-2009, 08:17 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by LuLu Rogers

Dear TJL,

I have this problem. Every time I get ready to leave the house, I run into the door. It never moves out of the way! What should I do?

Signed,
Flat-Nosed and Desperate

lol

TJL · 11-30-2009, 10:00 PM

Dear TJL,

I'm trying to decide what to get my husband for Christmas. My question is: What do you get the man who has everything?

Signed,
Have $$, no ideas

ps - no gals involved

Oh. No gals? Really? I got a bunch of them right here ready to go. It wouldn't be a problem at all. Just say the word, and they're yours. To be quite honest, they're taking up a lot of room. Plus all the long distance calls to Europe are costing me a lot.

Anyhoo, if your husband has everything, might I suggest you two sit down and watch the new season of Hoarders premiering tonight on A&E, because it sounds like he has a serious problem.

And if you need people to help clean up, I have a couple of girls who can help. They have thier own maid costumes and everything!

Pitooey · 12-01-2009, 01:43 AM

Dear TJL.....

I feel a little light headed in the morning. What could it be?

TJL · 12-01-2009, 06:03 PM

Dear TJL.....

I feel a little light headed in the morning. What could it be?

Try a heavier shampoo.

Yeah, i don't know what that means either. JUST DO IT!

Doodyville10019 · 12-04-2009, 06:08 PM

Dear TJL:

How can I get Howdy Doody and Dilly Dally to stop fighting over everything (including using the laptop, girlfriends, whether to watch the Rangers or the Islanders and even who's dinner tastes better)?

HELP!

Yours,
Concerned Doodyville Citizen

11-29-2009, 11:02 PM	#1
TJL Suburbanite Extrordinaire Forum Star Join Date: Dec 29, 2001 Location: New Jersey - the cradle of civilization Posts: 16,588	Dear TJL 5: A New Beginning! Hey there Sitcoms Online! TJL, your fountain of knowledge is here to answer your questions. It's no secret that when it comes to things, I know them. You don't get where I am in life without knowing which way the wind blows. The wind is blowing from over there, where the fan is. So if you have a question, a query, a conundrum, ask TJL and he'll answer them free of charge! - offer not valid in Alaska and Hawaii, and for some reason let's say Des Moines. Ask, damn you!
	__________________ "I think I'll stroll up to the front to see how the shooting's going..." - Capt. Benjamin Franklin "Hawkeye" Pierce Read my blogs! http://centralparkamisguide.com/ http://dvdcriticscorner.com Visit me on Facebook!http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=641138880 Hey, I do the tweet thing too! http://twitter.com/TomLevier My shop of handmade items! http://www.etsy.com/shop/ColdGarageCreations

11-29-2009, 11:55 PM	#2
Pitooey Member Forum Star Join Date: Feb 15, 2001 Location: Rocking in Transylvania. Posts: 15,042	Dear TJL. How does my garden grow?
	__________________ Pitooey... AKA JennyLee - I love the Monkees all over again! *SAY NO TO DRUGS* Jesus saves...

11-30-2009, 01:22 AM	#3
LuLu Rogers Colonel Brandon Forum Star Join Date: Mar 23, 2004 Location: The Hogwarts Dungeons Posts: 11,013	Dear TJL, I have this problem. Every time I get ready to leave the house, I run into the door. It never moves out of the way! What should I do? Signed, Flat-Nosed and Desperate
	__________________ -Lauren- "I can teach you how to bewitch the mind and ensnare the senses. I can tell you how to bottle fame, brew glory, and even put a stopper in death."-Professor Severus Snape

12-04-2009, 06:08 PM	#12
Doodyville10019 Meet my new friend Sparkie! Forum Regular Join Date: Oct 08, 2008 Location: Competition Square, located in Doodyville Park Posts: 877	Dear TJL: How can I get Howdy Doody and Dilly Dally to stop fighting over everything (including using the laptop, girlfriends, whether to watch the Rangers or the Islanders and even who's dinner tastes better)? HELP! Yours, Concerned Doodyville Citizen
	__________________ Hi! Hey! Hello again, here we go again!

11-30-2009, 11:35 AM	#4
TJL Suburbanite Extrordinaire Forum Star Join Date: Dec 29, 2001 Location: New Jersey - the cradle of civilization Posts: 16,588	Miss Tooey writes: Dear TJL. How does my garden grow? I don't know. A few questions: Does your garden have a big tree that does amazing things? A small patch of pretty flowers that tell jokes? A pink squirrel and a bird that cause all sorts of silly hijinks? A chest that tells stories? Two women who hang out and sing songs? Well, the answer is simple. You have a Magic Garden!

11-30-2009, 12:16 PM	#5
TJL Suburbanite Extrordinaire Forum Star Join Date: Dec 29, 2001 Location: New Jersey - the cradle of civilization Posts: 16,588	Dear TJL, I have this problem. Every time I get ready to leave the house, I run into the door. It never moves out of the way! What should I do? Signed, Flat-Nosed and Desperate I have a few ideas to help your aching nose. We can replace your door with the following: A revolving door. Pretty neat, makes you feel like you're living in a department store, the dumb kids in the neighborhood will think it's a ride and you can charge them money to use it. A Star Trek type transporter. Pros: Really cool. Cons: A bit pricey, doesn't exist. A beaded curtain? Yeah, 1971 called, it wants it's idea back. That's all I can think of. Wait, have you tried opening the door using that knob thing?

11-30-2009, 08:13 PM	#7
Janice Retired Admin - Hollywood Swingin' Forum Legend Join Date: Aug 03, 2001 Location: Beantown Posts: 36,388	Dear TJL, I'm trying to decide what to get my husband for Christmas. My question is: What do you get the man who has everything? Signed, Have $$, no ideas ps - no gals involved

11-30-2009, 10:00 PM	#9
TJL Suburbanite Extrordinaire Forum Star Join Date: Dec 29, 2001 Location: New Jersey - the cradle of civilization Posts: 16,588	Dear TJL, I'm trying to decide what to get my husband for Christmas. My question is: What do you get the man who has everything? Signed, Have $$, no ideas ps - no gals involved Oh. No gals? Really? I got a bunch of them right here ready to go. It wouldn't be a problem at all. Just say the word, and they're yours. To be quite honest, they're taking up a lot of room. Plus all the long distance calls to Europe are costing me a lot. Anyhoo, if your husband has everything, might I suggest you two sit down and watch the new season of Hoarders premiering tonight on A&E, because it sounds like he has a serious problem. And if you need people to help clean up, I have a couple of girls who can help. They have thier own maid costumes and everything!

12-01-2009, 01:43 AM	#10
Pitooey Member Forum Star Join Date: Feb 15, 2001 Location: Rocking in Transylvania. Posts: 15,042	Dear TJL..... I feel a little light headed in the morning. What could it be?

12-01-2009, 06:03 PM	#11
TJL Suburbanite Extrordinaire Forum Star Join Date: Dec 29, 2001 Location: New Jersey - the cradle of civilization Posts: 16,588	Dear TJL..... I feel a little light headed in the morning. What could it be? Try a heavier shampoo. Yeah, i don't know what that means either. JUST DO IT!