Sunday's Quotes & a Honeymooners Veterans Day:

[Frank Gannucci]

"Catch A Star":

Alice: "Ralph, if you think that you are going to get Jackie Gleason to come to this dance of yours, you are out of your mind."

Ralph: "There she (Alice) is: Happy Mildred!"

"Funny Money":

Ralph: "One of these days, you are going to push me too far."

Alice's Mom: "The only thing that could push you is a bulldozer."

"The Main Event":

Ralph: "I would have given my life to be a jockey but I was a little too heavy."

Alice: "A little too heavy? You are too fat to be a horse."

"Better Living Through TV":

Ralph: "Nobody is 100% Alice."

Alice: "You are. You have been wrong every time."

"Hero Part 1":

Tommy: "Did you know Mr. Kramden when he was a football star?"

Ed: "No, I was away in Prep School at the time."

"Movies Are Better Than Ever":

Ralph: "This poolroom ai't big enough for you and I."

Ed: "This poolroom ain't big enough for you and anybody."

"Songwriters":

Ralph: "You're not stopping me. I am loaded with ideas."

Alice: "Anybody who hears those ideas will sure think that you are loaded."

"Battle of The Sexes":

(Ed & Ralph have been having Franks and beans for three days.)

Ralph: "I would like to have a decent meal too."

Ed: "Yeah, I see that you are wasting away to a blimp."

"Flushing Ho":

(Ed comes out with a sailboat. Ralph wants to take a bath.)

Ralph: "You don't mean to tell me that you kept me waiting out here for 20 minutes while you were in there playing with a boat in the tub?"

Ed: "I'm sorry Ralph. This is a new boat. We were on the Shakedown Cruise!"

Now on for my skit:

(Ralph & Ed are watching the Veterans Day Parade from the street.)

Ralph: "What a month for New York. First, the Yankees have their own parade down Canyon of Heroes. Now, we get to recognize the war veterans of thei country. There's one right now that just came off duty in Afghanistan."

Ed: "I hope this war on terror ends soon. I am getting tired of our country at war."

Ralph: "I hope it ends soon too pal...with all those BUM terrorists killed."

Ed: "Couldn't have said it any better Ralph. I just talked to a WWII vet today. He might have been against the Iraq war, but he supports our troops."

Ralph: "That is a real man. I once talked to a WWI vet who is past 110 years old. Wow! This might be his last Veterans Day."

Ed: "Gee whiz. I support our troops and when the war ends, we should have a celebration right here."

Ralph: "I prefer to have one in Miami Beach."

(Audience cheers.)

Ed: "Wow! These war veterans are marching above my place of work."

Ralph: "There's a war veteran from Iraq in 1991. He said he loved doing service for our country. I talked to him. He also said that his brother who is in Iraq now has said that all Iraqis that he talked to loved the fact that we liberated their country from that BUM Saddam."

Ed: "That BEAST got what he deserved."

Ralph: "Yeah, and so did his sons too."

Ed: "I love supporting our troops. They don't get enough gratitude."

Ralph: "You can say that again Norton."

(They sing a song about supporting our troops.)

(Jackie Gleason walks on stage. Audience applauds.)

Jackie: "How sweet it is."

(Audience cheers.)

Jackie: "Folks, I am proud to have members of the US Armed Forces in the front row."

(Audience cheers.)

Jackie: "I also haed that like me, they love to drink coffee and they love being in Miami Beach."

(Audience cheers.)

Jackie: "The Miami Beach audiences are the BEST! GOOD NIGHT!"

(Audience cheers.)

[altius]

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