Thursday's Quotes & Honeymooners TV Schedule (10/24-11/6):

[Frank Gannucci]

(American Life TV):

(AmericanLife also has an OnDemand Service. This show might be one of the shows to watch.)

TV-G

All times are Eastern.

All color episodes are one hour.

Jackie Gleason as Ralph Kramden. Art Carney as Ed Norton. Shelia MacRae as Alice Kramden. Jean Kean as Trixie Norton.

Sat. Oct. 24, 2009 2a #7 (aka #160) - "You're in the Picture": Blackmailers fake a hanky-panky photo of Ralph in Madrid, and for once, Alice is jealous.

Sun. Oct. 25, 2009 2a #8 (aka #161) - "We Spy": Ralph and Ed wander onto a Russian firing range while visiting Germany and are mistaken for spies.

3a #9 (aka #162) - "Petticoat Jungle": The Kramdens & Nortons go on a safari. The men go hunting -- Ralph kills a rabbit, Ed kills an elephant.

Mon. Oct. 26, 2009 2a #10 (aka #163) – “Run Santa Run”: Ralph doesn't know that Alice has taken in knitting to pay for his Christmas present, so when he discovers baby things in the apartment he assumes Alice is pregnant. He takes on a job as a sidewalk Santa with Norton as his helper. They are both arrested as operatives in a bookmaking operation.

3a #11 (aka #164) - "King of the Castle": Back from Europe, Ralph advises Ed to stand up to Trixie -- and suddenly, Alice moves in with Trixie and Ed is living with Ralph.

Tue. Oct. 27, 2009 2a #12 (aka #165) – “Movies Are Better Than Ever”: Ralph treats himself, Alice and the Nortons to the movies for Ed's birthday. Ed's ticket wins the door prize -- a color TV. Ralph declares war on Ed because he paid for the tickets and wants the TV. Eventually they take their case to court but reconcile after hearing Alice's testimony.

Wed. Oct. 28, 2009 2a #13 (aka #166) – “Without Reservations”: Ralph's brother-in-law Stanley persuades Ralph and Ed into buying a strategically located hotel along the route of a proposed highway. The highway ends up bypassing the hotel, putting Ralph and Ed out of business but money in Stanley's pocket since he's a construction worker on the new highway.

Thu. Oct. 29, 2009 2a #14 (aka #167) – “Life Upon The Wicked Stage”: Ralph pairs up with Ed and Alice pairs up with Trixie to enter a talent contest. Alice and Trixie win first place and Alice uses her winnings to buy Ralph the expensive fishing gear he's had his eyes on.

Fri. Oct. 30, 2009 2a #15 (aka #168) – “Rafitti, Brooklyn Style”: Ralph tries to score points with his boss by collecting money from the drivers at the depot and buying the boss' daughter an elegant watch as a wedding present. Alice and her mother discover the watch and since it's Alice's birthday, jump to the wrong conclusion. Ralph stages a phony holdup to get the watch back but is thwarted when a real crook overhears his scheme.

Sat. Oct. 31, 2009 2a #16 (aka #169) – “Ralph Kramden Presents”: Ralph is asked to invite his celebrity friend that he always brags about, Jackie Gleason, to the annual Raccoons dance. In desperation, Ralph & Ed go over to the hotel that Gleason is staying to try to get him to come. Ralph gets to speak to Carney and Ed gets to speak to Gleason but in the confusion, nobody is invited to the dance. Alice promises Gleason the recipe for her anchovy pizza and he shows up at the dance.

Sun. Nov. 1, 2009 2a #17 (aka 170) – “Flushing Ho”: The Kramdens and Nortons, unable to make ends meet around tax time, decide to move to a large two-bedroom apartment in Flushing and split all expenses. The plan fails when Ralph complains of a dwindling food supply and insufficient time in the bathroom, so they all pack up and move back to Chauncey Street.

3a #18 (aka #171) – “Sees All, Knows All”: A Coney Island fortune teller tells Ralph that he is going to commit a murder within a week. Ralph wants Alice to move in with her mother till t he week passes but Alice refuses. Ralph moves in with Ed and gets so exasperated at him that he nearly kills him. In the end, Ralph manages to get himself arrested for safety by assaulting a police officer.

Mon. Nov. 2, 2009 2a #19 (aka #172) – “Be It Ever So Humble”: Rather than pay a $5 rent increase, Ralph buys a duplex in the country and takes the Nortons as his tenants.He forces them to sign a 99-year lease. But he is a negligent superintendent, and the Nortons attempt to break the lease with a 3:00 A.M. party and a firecracker in Ralph's fireplace.

3a #20 (aka #173) – “Hair To A Fortune”: For $500, Ralph and Norton buy a phony hair-restoration formula from a sharp promoter in Central Park. Over Alice and Trixie's objections, they mix up their first batch and try it on Ralph's boss. Using the formula he loses all his hair.

Tue. Nov. 3, 2009 2a #21 (aka #174) – “The People’s Choice”: Ralph becomes a hero for recognizing "Knuckles" Grogan from his newspaper picture and aiding in his arrest. Then Knuckles escapes and Ralph has to be the bait so the police can recapture him. Local politicians ask Ralph, on the strength of his heroism, to run for state assembly; he agrees, and campaigns vigorously, until he realizes that his sponsors are dishonest. And, at the big pre-election rally, he tells the voters the whole story.

Wed. Nov. 4, 2009 2a #22 (aka #175) – “Two For The Money”: Ralph, as treasurer of the Raccoon Lodge, has been entrusted with $500 in cash, which he loses at Dennehy's Bar, He plays a long shot at the tracks to replace the money, and his horse wins but he doesn't, because he tore up his ticket at the beginning of the race when it looked like he was going to lose. Fortunately, the money turns up right where Ralph left it--in the pocket of the Raccoons' Grand High Exalted Mystic Ruler.

Thu. Nov. 5, 2009 2a #23 (aka #176) – “Nephew of The Bride”: Alice's Aunt Ethel (played by Doro Merande) moves in with the Kramdens. Ralph, who has to sleep on a cot in the kitchen, plays Cupid for her and Krausmeyer, the butcher (played by David Burns). His plan succeeds, Ethel and Krausmeyer elope, and they return to the Kramdens' for a place to live until they can find a home. And Ralph moves to the YMCA.

Fri. Nov. 6, 2009 2a #24 (aka #177) – “Out of Sight, Out of Mind”: Ralph is sent to the company psychiatrist when he loses his temper once too often on the job. He is advised to give up his friendship with Norton, Norton mistakes his farewell note for a suicide note, and shadows Ralph to keep him out of trouble. Ralph, seeing Norton everywhere he looks, thinks he's losing his mind...until the truth comes out and the psychiatrist decides that Norton and Kramden belong together.

(WPIX) & (WPIXD) [aka New York feed of CWHD]:

Jackie Gleason as Ralph Kramden. Art Carney as Ed Norton. Audrey Meadows as Alice Kramden. Joyce Randolph as Trixie Norton.

Mon. Oct. 26, 2009 1a #036 (aka #128) - "The Bensonhurst Bomber": An argument in the pool hall and a joke about a man's name figure in "The Bensonhurst Bomber," which originally aired Sept. 8, 1956. Of all the guest characters on The Honeymooners, few names are more recognizable to fans than "Harvey," or, as Ralph pronounces it, "Har-vee!" In fact, it's that exaggerated pronunciation that gets Ralph in hot water when the towering bully Harvey challenges Ralph to a fight at Kelsey's Gym. As the showdown approaches, a nervous Ralph believes a wiser plan might be to leave town, but Norton insists he has to fight Harvey, especially since they're closing the pool hall in Ralph's honor. "If I fight that Harvey," Ralph replies, "they'll be closing it in my memory."

1:30a (CC) #80 (aka #140) - *“My Fair Landlord”: Ralph buys a two-family house and the Nortons become Ralph's tenants. After moving in, Norton tries to break his lease.

Mon. Nov. 2, 2009 1a #024 (aka #115) - "Please Leave The Premises": Ralph refuses to pay a rent increase of $5 a month and, to avoid eviction, barricades himself, Alice and Norton in the apartment. Its war, says Ralph, and he's the general of their army. But after a few days without heat, and the food supply reduced to only celery, General Kramden hatches a plan to get fresh grub from the neighborhood delicatessen. Mr. Johnson: Luis Van Rooten.

1:30a #009 (aka #100) - "Brother Ralph": A layoff at the bus company prompts Ralph and Alice to add up their total savings from all of their accounts ($12.83). That's reason enough for Alice to get a job, leaving Ralph to take care of the cooking and cleaning. But Ralph becomes really steamed after he discovers that her boss looks like a matinee idol---and that Alice told him that Ralph is her brother.

"TV or Not TV":

Ralph: "You once said: 'Ralph, I will be happy to live in a tent with you.'"

Alice: "I still am. I think it would be an improvement."

"Funny Money":

Ralph: "I'm the master of this house and you are to address me in a civil tongue."

Alice's Mom: "Oh, why don't you shut up?"

"The Loudspeaker":

Ralph: "You have no sense of humor."

Alice: "Oh, yes I do. I married you, didn't I?"

"Vacation At Fred's Landing":

Ed: "Trixie will go where I go."

Ralph: "Atta boy pal, put your foot down."

Alice: "What if she puts a fight?"

Ed: "I know what I will say to her. I will say to her that Atlantic City is CLOSED for the summer."

"Man In The Blue Suit":

Alice: "Lucky suit? You haven't worn that thing in five years."

Ralph: "Do you know anyone who has been unlucky as I have in the last five years?"

Alice: "Yeah, me."

"Man In The Blue Suit":

Ed: "Who are they going to give your suit to?"

Ralph: "Some poor unfortuante that is broken-down."

Ed: "Yeah, someone who can't afford to dress as well as we do."

"Two Faces of Ralph Kramden":

(Ralph & Ed are being held hostage.)

Bugsy: "I promised my mom, I wouldn't kill an innocent man."

Ralph: "You are a fine man."

"Two For The Money":

Ralph: "Since I have now become a Treasurer, I can now hang two tails on my cap. Maybe this is only the beginning. Maybe someday, I can become a thirteen-tail man. Do you know what that means?"

Alice: "It must be pretty important Ralph. A monkey only has one."

"Two For The Money":

Trixie: "Don't you ever think about us?"

Ed: "All the time. Why do you think we always go from bar to bar?"