Wednesday's Quotes, Honeymooners TV Schedule & Ralph Kramden, a NY Yankee fan? Part 1

[Frank Gannucci]

(The NY Yankees beat the Minnesota Twins 7-2.)

(Ralph & Ed come home after watching the game.)

Ralph: "Boy, what a feeling. Inside the NEW Yankee Stadium and seeing a playoff game for the first time."

Ed: "What a night. New York was made for this."

Ralph: "Especially after last season. I still can't get over the fact that NEITHER New York team made it into the playoffs. Like Jeter said: 'It boiled down to the fact that we weren't good enough.'"

Ed: "Truer words couldn't have been spoken."

(Alice enters.)

Alice: "Hello boys! How was the game?"

Ralph: "The game was great. The Yankees won. The Yankees are playing so loose. That is why they are having a blast and playing so good. All those pies in the face and such makes me wish I was part of the Yankees."

Ed: "So you can eat the pies?"

(Alice laughs.)

Ralph: "OOOOOH, you are a RIOT. By the way, we should get tickets for game 3 in Minneapolis since that is where are Raccoon Convention is going to be held. We will load the bags of water and throw them out."

Ed: "How about we use bats to hit them out?"

Ralph: "Good."

Ed: "I did that once."

Ralph: "What happened?"

Ed: "I almost drowned. The window was closed and boy was that glass thick."

Ralph: "Well, I wonder a pie in the face feels like. I want to get a BIG pie in the face. Just like the Yankees get."

Ed: "Too bad they never pie the female reporters."

Ralph: "I want to get a BIG pie in the face one day."

McGarrity (from the hallway, yells): "KRAMDEN, OPEN THE DOOR. I WANT TO SEE AND TALK TO YOU."

(Ralph opens the door and gets a BIG pie in the face. Everyone laughs.)

McGarrity (yells): "I FULFILLED YOUR WISH KRAMDEN.NOW, SHUT UP ABOUT THE YANKEES."

(Ed laughs loudly.)

Ralph (yells): 'GET OUT! GET OUT! GEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEET OUT!"

(Ed leaves.)

Ralph (yells): "MCGARRITY, YOU WILL BE DISSPPOINTED. THE YANKEES WILL WIN THIS YEAR. I PROMISE."

(Jackie Gelason walks on stage. He is wiping the pie off of him.)

Jackie: "How sweet it is. GOOD NIGHT EVERYONE."

(Audience cheers.)

Honeymooners TV Schedule (10/10-10/23):

(American Life TV):

(AmericanLife also has an OnDemand Service. This show might be one of the shows to watch.)

TV-G

All times are Eastern.

All color episodes are one hour.

Jackie Gleason as Ralph Kramden. Art Carney as Ed Norton. Shelia MacRae as Alice Kramden. Jean Kean as Trixie Norton.

Sat. Oct. 10, 2009 2a #38 (aka #191) – “Play It Again Norton”: The Honeymooners wreck havoc on a cross-country tour. Our two willing but not-so-able boobs (Ralph & Ed) enter a song contest sponsored by movie star Worthington Kenmore (played by Paul Lynde). The prize: $25,000 and a Hollywood trip. The problem: entrants must be under 18.

Sun. Oct. 11, 2009 2a #39 (aka #192) – “Ralph Goes Hollywood”: Bing Crosby, Maureen O'Hara and Bert Parks are the guests as the Honeymooners head for Hollywood to claim their songwriting prize. High jinks include a stay at Maureen's mansion, expense-account living and Ralph's plan to throw a party for Bing. (The role of the "reporter" is played by George Petrie.)

3a #40 (aka #193) – “The Mexican Hat Trick”: Carol Lawrence and the Baja Marimba Band guests as the Honeymooners head for colorful Mexico. Mix-ups include a rendezvous between the alluring El Lobo (Carol) and Ralph; a run-in with the bandits Jenkins (Jesse White) and Pedro (Phil Leeds); and the kidnapping of Alice and Trixie.

Mon. Oct. 12, 2009 2a #41 (aka #194) – “Case of The Cuckoo Thief”: Joining the Honeymooners: Oscar winner George Chakiris ("A Chorus Line"). A Hollywood shopping spree turns chaotic when shoplifter Mousey the Dip (George) uses Alice as his unwitting accomplice.

Tue. Oct. 13, 2009 2a #42 (aka #195) - “The Honeymoon Is Over”: Mike Douglas guests as the Honeymooners are invited to plug the prize-winning song on Mike's show. And what a show it is: Ralph and Alice have an on-camera tiff that gets everyone into the act.

Wed. Oct. 14, 2009 2a #43 (aka #196) – “Happiness Is a Rich Uncle”: Joey Heatherton guests as the go-go girl sweetheart of Alice's Uncle Howard (David Burns), an 83 year-old millionaire. Suspicious that she's gone-gone over Howard's gold, the Honeymooners decide to put Emily to the test -- with suave Norton as bait.

Thu. Oct. 15, 2009 2a #44 (aka #197) – “Hawaii, Oh! Oh!”: Donald O'Connor guests as a money minded maitre d' as the Honeymooners visit Hawaii. Charlie (Donald) and his bartender (Jeremiah Morris) concoct a phony diet sauce guaranteed to slim down fatties. The missing ingredient: a sucker. Enter rotund Ralph.

Fri. Oct. 16, 2009 2a #45 (aka #198) – “The Sun & Raccoon Capital”: The end of the harmonious Honeymooners quartet may be near. At the Miami convention of the Raccoons, it's election time. Opponents for the office of High Exalted Mystic Ruler? Ralph and Norton!

Sat. Oct. 17, 2009 2a #46 (aka #199) – “The Match Game”: Frances Langford plays the brain behind a computer-match service, as the Honeymooners breeze into the Windy City. Computer-wise, the Norton's match really clicks -- but Cupid somehow missed with the Kramdens! Who's at fault, man or machine?

Sun. Oct. 18, 2009 2a #47 (aka #200) – “Double Trouble”: Jackie plays a dual role as the Honeymooners check in at scenic Sun Valley, Idaho. A Kramden look alike is passing some bad checks, and the Honeymooners devise their own disguise to track down the culprit.

3a #49 (aka #202) – “We’re Off To See The Wizard”: The Honeymooners' Mardi Gras celebration turns typically topsy-turvy. A hotel mix-up leads the foursome to Emma (Doro Merande), Norton's very-distant relative. Emma, a phony spiritualist, takes them in -- then in a séance tries to take Ralph in again.

Mon. Oct. 19, 2009 2a #50 (aka #203) – “Operation Protest”: Ralph gets his big break when he becomes public-relations director for his bus company. But joy may be short-lived: guess which bus company Alice's protester-nephew is picketing.

Tue. Oct. 20, 2009 2a #1 (aka #154) - "In Twenty-Five Words or Less": Ralph wins the Flakey Wakey trip to Europe for four by entering a slogan contest.

Wed. Oct. 21, 2009 2a #2 (aka #155) - "Ship of Fools": The Kramdens and Nortons sail to Europe. Ralph and Ed set themselves adrift on a life boat but are rescued some time later. Upon arriving in Paris, Ralph poses for a publicity photo and falls off the deck.

Thu. Oct. 22, 2009 2a #3 (aka #156) - "The Poor People of Paris": Ralph & Ed get a great exchange rate -- on counterfeit money.

Fri. Oct. 23, 2009 2a #4 (aka #157) - "Confusion Italian Style": Ralph is jealous of Alice's guide, not knowing the guide is a little boy.

(WPIX) & (WPIXD) [aka New York feed of CWHD]:

Jackie Gleason as Ralph Kramden. Art Carney as Ed Norton. Audrey Meadows as Alice Kramden. Joyce Randolph as Trixie Norton.

Note: TVGuide.com claims that WPIX will be airing the Honeymooners on Mon. Oct. 12 at 1a & 1:30a, yet zap2it.com says no.

Mon. Oct. 19, 2009 1a #022 (aka #113) - "Here Comes The Bride": On the eve of his lodge brother Stanle y's marriage to Alice's sister, Ralph---the self-proclaimed "king of [his] castle"---gives his future brother-in-law marital advice. Furious that Stanley has agreed to live with Alice's parents, Ralph instructs him to put his foot down. "I don't want to argue," he tells Ralph, prompting Norton to reply: "If you don't want to argue, what are you getting married for?"

1:30a (CC) #42 (aka #69)- *“Battle of the Sexes”: When Ralph and Ed decide to show their wives who's boss, Alice and Trixie fight back, leaving the guys to survive on their own.

*: This episode has been edited HEAVILY.

Credit goes to John K's Book To The Moon, tvland.com, the old honeymooners.net, sitcomsonline.com, tvguide.com, and zap2it.com.


"The Sleepwalker":

Ralph: "All right Weisenhemimer. I am now going to put the key in a place which even if you know that it was there, you wouldn't be able to get it. I am going to put it under my pillow. Now, you will have to lift me up bodily in order to get the key."

Ed: "I got to hand it to you Ralph. You came up with something even Dick Tracy couldn't solve."

"Game Called On Account of Marriage":

Ralph: "Grogan, if you had two tickets to a World Series game and your sister-in-law was going to get married at the same time as the game, where would you go?"

Grogan: "I would go to the wedding."

Ralph (yells): "GET OUT!"

"Stars Over Flatbush":

(Ralph is trying to scratch an itch on his back by rubbing his back on the ice box. Ed comes in.)

Ed: "What do you say there Taurus?"

Ralph: "I was trying to scratch an itch that I couldn't reach."

Ed: "Oh, for a minute there I thought you were practicing the ol' Shake, Rattle & Roll."

"Mama Loves Mambo":

Ralph: "You mean that fter taking one look at that Carlos, you are going to give him Trixie's potato salad?"

Ed: "Of course. This will fix his wagon. Before I started eating Trixie's cooking, I was a regular Clark Gable."

"Vacation At Fred's Landing":

Ralph: "Just for that remark Alice, when we get to Fred's Landing, I won't introduce you to Fred."

Alice: "From this blow, I may never recover."

"Norton Moves In" (Color version):

(Ralph gets hurt by Norton's lit cigarette that Norton accidently dropped.)

Alice: "What happened?"

Ralph (yells): "NORTON WANTED TO HAVE A CIGARETTE."

Alice: "So?"

Ralph (yells): "HE USED ME FOR AN ASHTRAY."

"Movies Are Better Than Ever":

Alice: "How could you even think of going to the movies when Ed took you to the Kit Kat Club on your birthday?"

Ralph: "Did I ask him to take me there? Did I ask him?"

Alice: "No, you suggested going to the Copa."

"Young Man With A Horn":

Ralph: "I don't remember the song I used to play on this cornette. I got the music right here."

(Ralph plays the cornette. No sound is heard.)

Alice: "Not so loud Ralph. You will disturb the neighbors."

"Ralph Kramden Presents":

(Jackie Gleason is in the other room.)

Ed: "Why do you think everyone gave Jackie the nickname 'The Fat One'?"

Ralph: "That's 'The Great One.'"