The Devil's Advocate #6: "Tentacles"

[JamesG]

THE DEVIL’S ADVOCATE #1: HALLOWEEN: RESURRECTION (2002)
Tuesday, October 6, 2009
By: The Schlockfinder General (Don J. Krouskop)

There’s an old song by Crosby, Stills & Nash which sagely urges that “if you can’t be with the one you love, love the one you’re with.”

With so many horror films in recent years failing to deliver the sort of thrills that made us genre fans in the first place (Consider the bulk of this year’s theatrical output, if you need proof!), the Schlockfinder General has long labored to heed the advice of those old hippies and try to love even the least lovable of contemporary scare screeners.

Of course, some movies are just so awful that they’re destined to be shunned and ignored until they fade from existence. Another old song declares that “you’re nobody until somebody loves you,” and some celluloid stinkers wholly deserve to remain nobodies forever. But often, even the most seemingly indefensible clunker has merits which can be appreciated - and even savored - by an open-minded, fun-loving fright fan.

For this reason, I give you THE DEVIL’S ADVOCATE... The first defendant in this court of public opinion? HALLOWEEN: RESURRECTION.



THE DEVIL’S ADVOCATE – HALLOWEEN: RESURRECTION (2002)

Despite the merciful absence of Druid cultists in trench coats and cowboy boots, white trash histrionics, revisionist histories, shape-changing Shape masks, shaggy facial hair, Josh Hartnett, temporary tattoos, and ethereal visions of dead strippers on white horses, the eighth film in the HALLOWEEN franchise remains the most reviled and lambasted of all the follow-ups to John Carpenter’s seminal 1978 classic.

Its contrived, threadbare plot (which could be fully detailed on the back of one flap of a Rabbit-In-Red Lounge matchbook) and painfully annoying characters don’t sit well with any sect of the fanbase. To lovers of the original film, it’s just another moronic, unnecessary sequel. To fans of the original HALLOWEEN II, it demonstrates that even bringing back director Rick Rosenthal won’t restore the series to its former glory.

Devotees of the Thorn trilogy feel it insults the franchise by continuing the practice (begun in HALLOWEEN: H20) of ignoring the mythos established in parts 4-6. H20 fans consider it a colossal letdown and a missed opportunity.

Fans of Rob Zombie’s remake and its sequel cite RESURRECTION as irrefutable evidence that the series was in desperate need of a reboot.



(I believe members of all these factions would agree that a root canal performed by a blind epileptic on PCP without anesthetic would be less painful than watching Busta Rhymes’ wise-cracking Freddie Harris inexplicably survive after bitch-slapping Death himself in the forehead! To say nothing of Freddie’s groan-inducing “killer shark” closing speech…)



While much of what has been written by RESURRECTION’s detractors is spot on, the movie is not without its charms. As noted, the filmmakers finally get the Shape mask right, presenting the closest approximation of the old white Bill Shatner head since 1981’s HALLOWEEN II.

A long-haired Jamie Lee Curtis returns for a very cool opening sequence in Smith’s Grove Sanitarium, a familiar locale that nicely establishes the theme of Michael returning “home”.

I also can’t completely dislike any movie that features eye candy like RULES OF ENGAGEMENT’s Bianca Kajlich, redhead Daisy McCrackin, and BATTLESTAR GALACTICA fanboy favorite Katie Sackhoff.



But lots of really bad horror movies feature hot chicks and fan-friendly callbacks to better films. Those elements alone are insufficient to save a real crapfest. What makes HALLOWEEN: RESURRECTION worthwhile is the fact that it features, in this writer’s estimation, the most realistic victims ever portrayed in a slasher movie.


I’ll pause for a moment while you fall on the floor in hysterical laughter, or bend over to vomit…


Now, hear me out. The victims in RESURRECTION are shallow, one-dimensional, self-centered, cardboard ciphers. Right? They are not likable, sympathetic, intellectually stimulating, or interesting in any way. Correct? These characters are all complete phonies, would-be actors playing roles they’ve created for themselves in a pathetic effort to get noticed, become famous, and “be somebody.” Agreed? Good.

Now go turn on your television and tune to BIG BROTHER.
Flip over to SURVIVOR.
Switch to ROCK OF LOVE.
Check out THE BACHELOR, THE HILLS, and JON & KATE PLUS 8.
Make sure you catch THE GIRLS NEXT DOOR, ELIMIDATE, and THE SIMPLE LIFE.
SHOT AT LOVE marathon, anyone?
I LOVE NEW YORK?



The paper-thin characters picked to spend the night in the old Myers house in RESURRECTION could easily step straight from the fictional town Haddonfield onto the set of any one of the reality shows listed above (or thousands of others just like them) and no one would question them for a second.

In our contemporary culture of voyeuristic, “unscripted” entertainment, actual people just like the characters in this film are welcomed into our homes just about every night of the week. They are celebrated, praised, worshipped, and covered by our “news” media as though they were royalty or heads of state.

Networks rely on living, breathing people just like the imaginary ones Michael kills in RESURRECTION to survive in the digital age, and gluttonous consumers can’t get enough.

This is what Rosenthal was attempting to send up with his return to the franchise, and even if you hate the movie, it’s hard to argue that his obnoxious “Dangertainment” cast is about as accurate a parody of the “real people” on reality shows as you could hope for without incurring a lawsuit.




As a child of the 70s and 80s, the Schlockfinder General finds great satisfaction in watching a horror icon of that era mercilessly hacking the vapid, so-called stars of today into so many slices of bad ham.

After all, who hasn’t flipped past AMERICA’S NEXT TOP MODEL or THE TYRA BANKS SHOW and thought to themselves, “If I only had a machete…”?

Admittedly, the aforementioned sparing of Busta Rhymes puts a major damper on the festivities, since the implication is that the reality show phonies will win in the end. However, Rosenthal offers a glimmer of hope in the obligatory, sequel-teasing coda – Fake, talentless stars come and go, but the Boogeyman will live on forever.



I wouldn’t dare argue that HALLOWEEN: RESURRECTION is great satire, nor would I call it a great film by any critical standard. But after years of primetime TV dominated by people who’ve done nothing whatsoever to earn their fame, after decades of Puck, Speidi, the Kardashians, and Ryan Seacrest, it’s nice once in a while to sit back and watch these paper dolls get what’s coming to them.

Reality show cretins are a sort of spiritual kin to nameless slasher movie victims anyway, in that both represent forms of intellectual cannon fodder. RESURRECTION brings the two equally hollow groups together and gives the most unforgiving of movie maniacs a chance to mete out some much-deserved justice.

No matter how bad the movie is as a movie, as an exercise in cultural palate-cleansing, it’s a lot of fun.

http://www.bloody-disgusting.com/news/17602

[JamesG]

THE DEVIL’S ADVOCATE – JASON X (2002)

When it comes to the critical and financial failure of JASON X, it’s easy to play the blame game.

Screenwriter Todd Farmer and director Jim Isaac blame New Line Cinema for not letting them make the film they wanted to make, and for shelving the finished film for two years after its completion.

New Line blames Farmer and Isaac for delivering an inferior product, and persons unknown for leaking both the script and the film online during the extended interim between post-production and release.

Fans blame the filmmakers and the studio equally – the latter for making the questionable decision to send Jason Voorhees into space in the first place (while the long-awaited FREDDY VS. JASON languished in development hell), and the former for turning in a film that was more comedic than horrific.


Frankly, everyone listed above has a legitimate case.


But the Schlockfinder General has no intention of pointing his bony, calloused finger at anyone in this (or any other) edition of the DEVIL’S ADVOCATE. The fact is that, in spite of its numerous and undeniable flaws, I love JASON X.

For one thing, the film features Kane Hodder giving his best performance as Mrs. Voorhees’ pride and joy since his initial turn in FRIDAY THE 13TH PART VII: THE NEW BLOOD.

In Hodder’s first go around behind the mask, he was all rage and fury, and fans welcomed his more animated reanimated Jason with open arms. Unfortunately, lackluster writing in JASON TAKES MANHATTAN and body-hopping inanity in JASON GOES TO HELL prohibited him from further showcasing his rampaging take on the role.

Despite the liberties it takes with the character’s physiology in the third act, JASON X restores the Man from Crystal Lake to his full, seething, blood-crazed glory. Nowhere is this more evident than in the film’s opening scene, in which a chained Jason stares a hole right through a frightened guard with his one good eye. Nowhere, except perhaps the scene where he drowns a woman in liquid nitrogen and then can’t resist the temptation to smash her frozen head into a brain slushee.





JASON X is also very funny. Now I know that many horror fans cringe at the idea of comedy in their fear flicks, but some of the greatest fright films of all time have been brimming with uneasy laughs.

Would THE TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE, DAWN OF THE DEAD, or EVIL DEAD be the unforgettable classics they are without their twisted sense of humor?

Of course, JASON X is neither a classic nor on a par with those films. However, it does treat its absurd premise with a fitting amount of silliness. While some gags fall flat (in particular, the “final” words of Sgt. Brodski as he’s skewered through the back, and the infamous “He just wants his machete back!” line), others are spot on. The sleeping bag callback alone is worth the price of a Netflix rental for a viewer willing to relax and enjoy the show.



Of course, no FRIDAY THE 13TH film would be complete without nubile eye candy, and JASON X has that in spades.

There’s blonde Kristi Angus as Adrienne (the blood-sicle), busty Melody Johnson as the useless but delightfully jiggly Kinsa, Lexa Doig as our resident shapely but stalwart homicidal maniac expert Rowan, and Lisa Ryder as the gun-toting, scene-stealing sexbot Kay-Em 14.

No, none of these ladies are going to earn themselves an AFI Lifetime Achievement Award with their performances here (or anywhere else, for that matter). But they’re all very pleasant to look at for 90 minutes, and Ryder does have a lot of fun chewing up the scenery.



For me, though, any discussion of the space-babes of JASON X begins and ends with Melyssa Ade, a petite brunette who ably tackles the “bitchy sexpot” slasher film archetype with her hip-swaying, sharp-tongued performance as Janessa.

It may be superficial to so willingly forgive a movie’s glaring flaws because of a chick in said movie, but I have to confess - Ade/Janessa has the Schlockfinder General wrapped around her dirty little finger the second she takes off her space helmet for the first time. She flirts, teases, taunts, sashays, seduces, and struts her way through the ridiculous goings-on with such soap opera sex appeal that it’s almost a shame the filmmakers didn’t choose to go against convention and let the bad girl survive in the end. Certainly her “Why don’t you stick your head out and have a peek?” quip is the movie’s best line, and she delivers it with gusto.

And while her nipple-twisting, ****-teasing “extra credit” scene might not be as revealing as other salacious moments in FRIDAY THE 13th history, it isn’t likely to be forgotten by any red-blooded male in the audience anytime soon.

If JASON X had nothing else going for it at all, Miss Ade would still make it wholly worthy of the DEVIL’S ADVOCATE treatment.





However, the tenth screen outing for Jason Voorhees has more going for it than a sexy Canadian actress in futuristic dominatrix wear. It’s the FRIDAY THE 13th series’ equivalent of a Godzilla movie – an iconic cinematic monster is resurrected in an outlandish and often shamelessly self-referential plot, to wreak havoc on helpless humanity in an orgy of low-budget special effects carnage.

It’s cinematic carnival food – a gooey, deep fried concoction comprised of hot babes, cool deaths, corny gags, frozen heads, boiling libidos, and gallons of crimson-colored Karo syrup. Yes, one has to cast away any affinity for logic, realism, or serious horror to appreciate its goofy, gory charms. Honestly, though, how hard is that to do once your mind has had a few seconds to fully absorb the phrase “Jason in space”?

Perhaps the blame for this movie’s failure should rest squarely on the shoulders of anyone and everyone who went into it honestly expecting it to be anything other than the ridiculous romp that it is.

Whatever the case, I believe it’s time to stop assigning guilt for what’s wrong with JASON X and learn to enjoy what’s right with it.

http://www.bloody-disgusting.com/news/17661

[JamesG]

THE DEVIL'S ADVOCATE - FRIDAY THE 13TH: A NEW BEGINNING (1985)

When you get right down to it, the saga of Crystal Lake has always been one of new beginnings.

Steve Christy wants to re-open his parents' summer camp, and Mrs. Voorhees gets a chance to finish the work she began a decade and a half earlier.

Jason looks for his mother but instead, upon witnessing her decapitation, finds his destiny.

A few years later, he gets a new look and a new lease on life when a dumpy kid named Shelly introduces him to a little piece of safety equipment known as a hockey mask.

Still later, Mrs. Voorhees' pride and joy finds life beyond the grave, away from the shores of Crystal Lake, outside the confines of his disfigured body, and even beyond the solar system.

Hell, he's even experienced the ultimate form of fresh start - the reboot.

Through twelve screen outings, Jason's story has been an inspirational one, an uplifting tale of constant rebirth and revitalization.





But in the history of the FRIDAY THE 13TH film franchise, there's only ever been one true new beginning.

By letting that kid from THE GOONIES hack poor J.V. into filets at the end of FRIDAY THE 13TH: THE FINAL CHAPTER, the folks at Paramount had backed themselves into a corner. How could they keep the cash cow series alive when its infamous antagonist was irrefutably, undeniably deceased?

The answer was that someone else was going to have to take up the machete and pick up right where good old Jason left off.





By now, you know the story of FRIDAY THE 13TH: A NEW BEGINNING - teenager Tommy Jarvis is transferred from an insane asylum to a halfway house for troubled youth when his doctors (rather prematurely) conclude that he's completely gotten over the trauma of turning a psycho killer into ground chuck when he was 11-years-old.

No sooner has Tommy arrived, though, when one of the patients at the nut hatch goes bat**** and takes apart the token fat kid with an axe.

Pretty soon, someone is running around in a hockey mask, knocking off one-note teens and sleazy, small town stereotypes with abandon. Has Jason come back from the afterlife, or has poor, disturbed Tommy finally gone off the deep end?

Neither; the killer turns out to be Roy, a paramedic who also happens to be the deadbeat father of the chunky chump axed to death in the film's opening moments.





Though A NEW BEGINNING is the sixth highest grossing film in the franchise (not bad for a series whose 13th installment is currently in preproduction), many fans view it as an unforgivable artistic failure.

Whatever it may have going for it, these aficionados argue, it ain't FRIDAY THE 13TH without Jason. I have to confess that, despite my unwavering "half full" worldview, I was once inclined to agree with the movie's detractors on this all-important point.

Even as a horror-mad adolescent coming of age at the height of the slasher craze, I had trouble accepting the notion that the Camp Blood mythos could begin again without a single member of the Voorhees clan on hand to get the heads rolling. When I first saw the film, I was admittedly unimpressed.


But many years and many more viewings later, I've come to realize that A NEW BEGINNING was not only exactly what the series needed at the time of its release; it's also a rip-roaring good time for any lover of drive-in exploitation, FRIDAY THE 13TH fan or otherwise.





Think about it. Even by this series' standards, Part V is brimming with gratuitous nudity and graphic violence.

It features more sleazy characters per frame than every film in the HALLOWEEN and A NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET series combined.

It's got cocaine, outdoor sex, perverts, peeping toms, hillbillies, nutjobs, crooked politicians, marijuana, an extraneous dismemberment, and a good dozen or so relatively offensive (but enjoyable) 80s stereotypes.

Most of its murders have overtly sexual overtones - a naked girl's lustful eyes are gouged out with hedge clippers; her horny boyfriend's head is crushed with a leather strap; a vaguely homosexual greaser is killed with a very phallic road flare in the mouth; another naked girl gets a long, hard machete right between her bare breasts.

In fact, were it not for the pesky MPAA, A NEW BEGINNING would have featured a scene in which one nubile New Waver takes the killer's blade right in her womanhood, if you follow me. There isn't this much death and debauchery in an entire season of LAW AND ORDER: SVU!





My personal favorite scene involves a hip, jerry-curled good-for-nothing named Demon, who happens to be the older brother of Reggie, the 12-year-old live-in grandson of the cook at the halfway house.

Demon shows up in his van with his hot squeeze Anita in tow and promptly lights up a joint, which he and the girl share in front of the hero-worshipping Reggie. After Reggie takes off to mack on an older white chick, Demon gets a case of explosive diarrhea and runs to a nearby outhouse, doubled over and groaning as he strains to hold back the oncoming storm.

Inside, we are treated to a symphony of grunts, moans, and sickeningly wet sounds as he relieves himself. When Anita tries to scare him by shaking the outhouse, our nauseous friend shifts from cool drifter to woman-beating misogynist, calling her "bit*h" and promising that she's "gonna get it" when he gets out.

To make things up to him, Anita begins singing a sweet melody, sparking what is undoubtedly the only ****house soul duet in the history of cinema. If the sight of these two warbling lovebirds performing a musical number while one of them sits in the pungent vapors of his own runny feces doesn't warm your heart, however, fear not.

The fake Jason promptly arrives and, like Simon Cowell with an expense account at Home Depot, offers his own sharp critique of their vocal stylings. Anita gets her velvet throat slit open, while Demon is impaled with a great big metal spear.


Now I'm no Rachel (or Fred Olen) Ray, but I know that when you throw together a bargain basement El DeBarge, a foxy mama, an outdoor toilet, Mary Jane, Mexican fast food, Dudley from DIFF'RENT STROKES, a tender love ballad, Montezuma's Revenge, a gallon of blood, and a homicidal maniac in a hockey mask and a bald cap, you've got a gourmet grindhouse stew goin'!





A NEW BEGINNING is sort of the HALLOWEEN III: SEASON OF THE WITCH of this franchise - if it wasn't called "FRIDAY THE 13TH" and the killer wasn't imitating Jason Voorhees, it would be fondly remembered as a minor classic of the slasher Golden Age.

Indeed, the filmmakers could have spared themselves more than two decades of scorn by just going ahead and making Tommy the killer, since fans of THE FINAL CHAPTER would have been far more amenable to that obvious "twist" than to some contrived nonsense about a tortured EMT and his functionally ******** offspring.

But even with its misleading title and muddled mystery, the movie delivers more than enough titillation and carnage to make it worth 92 minutes of your life and a place on your DVD shelf.

It's the sort of tasteless terror tale that no less an authority on the subject than the great Joe Bob Briggs would (and did) award four out of five stars for its wonderfully wretched excesses.


And just try to get that Pseudo Echo song (and the jerky dance Violet does to it) out of your head! "There's a man with no life in his eyes..."

http://www.bloody-disgusting.com/news/17861

[JamesG]

THE DEVIL'S ADVOCATE: THE SILENT SCREAM (1980)


The Schlockfinder General isn't psychic, but he's been around the block a few times. He knows that whenever a "lost" horror classic comes to DVD after years of being unavailable, the palpable pre-release excitement among fans who've been waiting for a chance to see the film is always followed by a wave of disappointment when it finally hits store shelves and doesn't quite live up to their expectations.

80s slasher films are particular vulnerable to this phenomenon, since they are rarely as fast-paced or bloody as contemporary horror fare, yet promised us gruesome sights beyond our ability to endure in their original ad campaigns.



When THE SILENT SCREAM hit theaters in 1980, it was touted as "Scarier than FRIDAY THE 13TH!" - a promise which, at that time, was about as lofty as a fright film marketing blitz could make.

When the movie hits store shelves on November 24, after nearly three decades in limbo, many horror lovers are going to rush out and buy this obscure slice-and-dicer because they've always wondered what they missed. And, indeed, many of them are going to be let down by the film's measured pacing, relatively small number of kills, limited gore, distracting police cutaways, and tendency toward melodrama.


Within days of its release, Bloody-Disgusting will be flooded with reviews declaring this flick a boring, dated waste of time.

I know it's going to happen. That's why, as a big fan of THE SILENT SCREAM, I'm taking a cue from the arena of foreign policy and launching what could best be described as a pre-emptive strike.






Cute college student Scotty Parker (Rebecca Balding) arrives on campus too late to secure housing, so she has to look for someplace else to stay for the fall quarter. She can't believe her luck when she finds a cozy little room available in a beachfront boarding house owned by the Engels family.

Sure, Mrs. Engels is a spooky old bat who spends most of her time in her room, and looks a lot like Lily Munster (only in part because she's played by Yvonne DeCarlo).

Sure, her son Mason (Brad Rearden) is a creepy little geek who watches ultraviolent TV shows when he's not busy watching the nubile tennants.

Sure, the house is old and creaky, and someone upstairs insists on playing the same haunting 1950s doo-wop ballad over and over again.

Sure, no one seems to know what happened to Mason's sister, Victoria, whose room Scotty now occupies.


But the place has a great ocean view, a handful of fun-loving tennants, and very reasonable rent. Our heroine thinks she's got it made. Then one of the boarders is found hacked to death on the beach...






It's true that THE SILENT SCREAM takes a while to get to the wet stuff, and gets just a bit maudlin when the horrible secrets of the Engels family are revealed.

It's also true that this film has excellent production values, great cinematography, a couple of very memorable set pieces, a lot of atmosphere, and, above all, a very appealing and convincing cast.

Balding in particular (who is hot in a "young Margot Kidder" - or, for you younger readers, "Robin Tunney on THE MENTALIST" - way) makes an amiable, sympathetic horror heroine, worthy of being remembered alongside more famous scream queens of the period. It's a pity that her only other fear film role came in another obscure 80s flick, THE BOOGENS (a film I'll definitely be discussing in a future DEVIL'S ADVOCATE installment!), because she brings just the right measures of innocence, sexuality, and inner strength to her performance here.

Rearden (who would later go on to accost a naked Arnold Schwarzenegger in THE TERMINATOR) is certainly credible as the disturbed Mason, DeCarlo could play this sort of role in her sleep, and veteran thespians Cameron Mitchell and Avery Schreiber do their best to make the superfluous cop scenes interesting.

The victims are definitely cliches of the genre, but they are well-essayed by Steve Doubet, Juli Andelman, and John Widelock, respectively.






But the real star of THE SILENT SCREAM is legendary horror siren Barbara Steele. Ordinarily when I devote a full paragraph of THE DEVIL'S ADVOCATE to an actress, it's because I'm enamored with her anatomy. If I ever mount a spirited defense of I STILL KNOW WHAT YOU DID LAST SUMMER (and if I do, Mr. D, it's probably time to cancel this feature!), it will be for two reasons and two reasons alone - Jennifer Love Hewitt.

In this case, however, it's not Miss Steele's bewitching beauty that I must gush over, but rather her manic ferocity. Without giving too much away, let me just say that the First Lady of Fear is so intense and terrifying here that when she's on-screen, the film almost lives up to its promise to out-shock the first installment of the Crystal Lake chronicles.

Steele has always lent an air of class and quality to every project she does, and in this already very polished production, she gives a bonafide star turn. I'd stack her few, unforgettable scenes in THE SILENT SCREAM up against those of Donald Pleasance in HALLOWEEN or Betsy Palmer in FRIDAY THE 13TH (whose "Jason was my son" monologue is my favorite scene in cinema history, bar none) for crazed, bone-chilling intensity.

I can't watch her blood-curdling performance here without wondering just how this film got lost in the shuffle of so many inferior slasher flicks of its day. That GRADUATION DAY and FINAL EXAM were available on DVD before this superior, Steele-showcasing shocker is simply a crime.






I don't want to spoil the movie's best moments for those of you (which, I suspect, is most of you) who haven't had the chance to see it yet, so I'll have to keep this edition of THE DEVIL'S ADVOCATE brief.

Suffice it to say that if you can put aside your ADD and your need for instant gratification, you'll find plenty to love about THE SILENT SCREAM.

It's a well-made, atmospheric chiller, featuring eminently likable characters played by even more likable actors. It also has a few genuine shocks, presented with a degree of technical and artistic skill generally absent from films of this type made in the immediate wake of the original FRIDAY THE 13TH.


Most importantly, it features a bravura performance by arguably the greatest horror actress of all time. I'm looking forward to replacing my "unlicensed" copy with the upcoming DVD release, and I highly recommend that fans of the Golden Age of slasher flicks at least add it to their Netflix queue or pick it up from their local Redbox.

It might just be the perfect cure for your post-Halloween, horror deprivation blues.

http://www.bloody-disgusting.com/news/18333

[JamesG]

THE DEVIL'S ADVOCATE: BOOK OF SHADOWS: BLAIR WITCH 2 (2000)


With the 10th anniversary of the release of THE BLAIR WITCH PROJECT last July and the runaway success of PARANORMAL ACTIVITY in October, this is the perfect time to look back at BOOK OF SHADOWS: BLAIR WITCH 2.

In the wake of the incredible hype and box office windfall of Daniel Myrick’s and Eduardo Sanchez’s indie “experiment”, it was inevitable that the obligatory sequel would be both an artistic and financial letdown.

How do you duplicate the success of a movie that is, frankly, more gimmick than narrative without simply repeating that gimmick? Moreover, how do you win over a large number of moviegoers who, after being lured in by an undeniably brilliant marketing campaign, found the first BLAIR WITCH to be somewhat underwhelming?

The answer to both questions is you don’t, but the makers of BOOK OF SHADOWS deserve credit for giving it the old college try.






In many ways, the original BLAIR WITCH was basically a bloodless slasher film told through the eyes of the victims. A group of young people go camping in the woods and are stalked by some unseen evil, a malevolent presence that eventually picks them off one by one.

Though the “killer” (and, indeed, his or her bloody handiwork) is never really revealed to the audience, the loose narrative and disturbing final reveal have far more in common with FRIDAY THE 13TH and MY BLOODY VALENTINE than THE EVIL DEAD or THE HAUNTING.

BOOK OF SHADOWS, on the other hand, is an old-fashioned ghost story, a haunted house thriller in which the house just happens to be an abandoned warehouse in the woods near Burkitsville, MD, and the unseen antagonist is unquestionably supernatural in nature.






During a montage of clips of media figures and Burkitsville natives discussing the Blair Witch phenomenon and the film that sparked it, we meet goofy but amiable ex-mental patient Jeff (BURN NOTICE’s Jeffrey Donovan), who makes his living selling homemade souvenirs of the legendary witch.

This would-be entrepreneur then leads a tour group (which includes a pregnant girl, her skeptical fiancé, a practicing Wiccan, and a sexy Goth girl) into the woods, setting up camp on the site of the home of infamous child murderer Rustin Parr.

The tourists and their guide all black out for several hours, awakening in the morning to discover that their campsite has been destroyed, and the pregnant woman has suffered a miscarriage.

After a trip to the hospital, they retreat to Jeff’s warehouse home to try and figure out what happened, only to find that the videotapes of the evening’s events reveal nothing. Their search for the truth soon becomes a nightmare of spectral visions, spiritual possession, and cold-blooded murder.






It’s fair to say that BOOK OF SHADOWS: BLAIR WITCH 2 is nothing special. Even at the time of its release, it added very few new wrinkles to the age-old haunted house genre, and its “scariest” scenes are relatively tame in comparison to the best such efforts produced since.


But, despite its bad reputation, it does have a few notable virtues.

Donovan has an edgy charm that’s always fun to watch.

Starlets Kim Director and Erica Leerhsen (though hardly master thespians) are sure as hell easy on the eyes. The self-referential opening is a nice little wink at the audience.

The disjointed nature of the story foreshadows the non-linear structure of later films like SAW and its sequels.

What the plot lacks in originality or credibility, it makes up for in honesty - unlike the original BLAIR WITCH PROJECT, this movie is actually about witchcraft and other metaphysical horrors.






But the real saving grace of BOOK OF SHADOWS is the clever way in which the script turns the video camera novelty of the original on its ear.

This time around, the malevolent forces haunting the woods near Burkitsville use the raw footage shot by the protagonists against them. After playing up the media frenzy created by Heather Donahue and friends in the opening, co-writers Joe Berlinger and Dick Beebe give the focus of that frenzy a chance to even the score.

It’s almost as if the Blair Witch is angry about being exploited by snotty college students and conniving hucksters with digital cameras and has decided to fight fire with fire. Though this element isn’t really sharp enough to be considered social commentary or a cautionary message about the dangers of modern media, it’s enough of a twist on the primary conceit of the original BLAIR WITCH PROJECT to make fair-minded viewers appreciate the filmmakers’ effort.

It would have been very easy to send another group of kids into the forest with a video camera and just show a little bit more in the sequel, but director Berlinger and company chose to shake the gimmick up a bit.

For that, I have to applaud them.






If THE BLAIR WITCH PROJECT isn’t as scary or innovative as its ad campaign promised, BOOK OF SHADOWS: BLAIR WITCH 2 is nowhere near as bad as its reputation indicates.

True, it doesn’t offer any sights veteran horror fans haven’t seen executed better elsewhere.

True, it cost way too much to make, and thus was not lucrative enough at the box office to turn BLAIR WITCH into the franchise it could have been.

True, it shares its predecessor’s greatest weakness – an inherent lack of replay value.

True, there’s nary a “Book of Shadows” to be found anywhere in the film. It is, though, a reasonably enjoyable little horror flick with a mildly intriguing gimmick, an agreeable amalgam of THE AMITYVILLE HORROR and THE LAST BROADCAST that benefits greatly from the pre-stardom performance of its charismatic lead actor.


Though it has many of the earmarks of a direct-to-video cheapie, it’s still far more satisfying and engaging than most SyFy Channel originals or straight-to-DVD knockoffs.

If you begrudgingly respect THE BLAIR WITCH PROJECT for “creating” the first-person horror subgenre or altering mainstream Hollywood’s view of indie fright flicks, you’ll probably still want to pass on BOOK OF SHADOWS.

But if you’re genuinely a fan of the mythos established in the original, there’s no reason why you shouldn’t complete the series by picking up this modestly entertaining sequel on DVD.

Like the folks who produced it, you could certainly do a lot worse.

http://www.bloody-disgusting.com/news/18659

[JamesG]

THE DEVIL'S ADVOCATE: TENTACLES (1977)


I believe that sometime between creating the heavens and the Earth and kicking Adam and Eve out of paradise, God decided to make a monster.

In His infinite wisdom, He decided that this monster should live at the bottom of the ocean, in the murky shadows of the planet’s darkest recesses. He opted not to give the creature a skeleton, so that no matter how large it grew, it could squeeze its hideous form through openings a fraction of its own size. He chose to make it extremely intelligent – so intelligent, in fact, that it can solve problems, open doors, and even operate simple devices. He imbued it with the ability to change both the color and texture of its skin, so that it could completely blend into its surroundings.


In the unlikely event that it ever encountered a predator more dangerous than itself, God gave the monster the power to spew a billowing cloud of black, viscous ink. Finally, just to ensure that it was deadlier and more horrifying than every other beast in Creation, the Almighty gave this aquatic abomination eight long, powerful arms and a razor-sharp beak.






Regardless of your views on intelligent design, it’s hard to argue that the octopus is anything other than a genuine sea monster. Let me reiterate – it’s got a friggin’ beak!

Small wonder it’s still referred to as a “devilfish” in countries around the world. Of course, no real octopus is quite as versatile or dangerous as the one featured in the 1977 Italian JAWS rip-off TENTACLES. But, after watching the film again, I wouldn’t volunteer to put one to the test.








TENTACLES kicks off with an angry cephalopod cruising around the shores of Ocean Beach, snatching babies from strollers and peg-legged sailors from rickety fishing boats, to the haunting strains of spaghetti western music.

When the slimy bugger rescues a nerd from the amorous attentions of an overweight admirer with a well-placed, half-eaten corpse, Sheriff Claude Akins and reporter John Huston show up to trade grim scowls. Huston then shares some sappy banter with his wild-oats-sowing sister Shelley Winters, while greedy corporate exec Henry Fonda glowers and orders his underwater tunneling project to continue no matter the cost.

It’s this enterprising endeavor – specifically, the high frequency radio transmissions involved – which has the octopus in such a crappy mood, so it goes right on eating fat Italian guys and shapely bikini babes. Only after it munches on some mop-haired kids during the town’s annual sailboat race do the powers that be realize they have no choice but to send marine biologist/fishermen Bo Hopkins and his pet killer whales out to turn the beast into calamari.








I should point out here that JAWS is, in my opinion, the greatest movie ever made. By all rights, I should instinctively resent any movie that rips it off so egregiously – especially one as ridiculous as TENTACLES.

But it’s not easy to hate a subgenre that includes cult classics like PIRANHA, ALLIGATOR, GRIZZLY, and the delightfully idiotic ORCA. It’s even more difficult when one has always had a deep-seated, irrational (because one lives in the Midwest) fear of any aquatic life form larger than a crappie.






Laugh if you must, but I find the countless shots of an obviously tiny octopus in extreme close-up to make it look enormous absolutely terrifying. Indeed, even the rubbery octo-head that defies physics and mollusk physiology by cruising along the surface like a bloated, bug-eyed shark fin scares the crap out of me.

Matt Hooper might not be fooled by the stunning special effects in TENTACLES, but a landlubber who switched from baths to showers at a very early age thanks to scenes like the climax of POPEYE and the pre-credits sequence of WAR OF THE GARGANTUAS is bound to avoid beaches for a good long time after a single viewing of this Italian epic.









It’s also fair to point out that while TENTACLES borrows both the basic plot and key scenes from JAWS, it includes several elements that would later be stolen by Universal for its Great White sequels.

The closing battle between the killer whales and the octopus is clearly the inspiration for the dolphins-versus-shark finale of JAWS 3-D – right down to the travel commercial-style shots of finned mammals flipping and frolicking on the surface following a lopsided victory.

The sailboat race which wrinkles Shelley Winters’ chubby cheeks with worry is repeated in both JAWS 2 and JAWS: THE REVENGE (sans Ms. Winters, of course).


Until the aforementioned REVENGE, Bruce the Shark killed in relative silence, accompanied only by the strains of John Williams’ iconic score. It wasn’t until he followed Lance Guest to the Bahamas that the toothy terror started roaring like Dino De Laurentiis’ KING KONG every time he reared up from the surf.

But the octopus in TENTACLES comes out howling with fury from the very start, despite having even less in the way of vocal chords than any thirty-foot-long fish.

And while this devilfish never eats a seaplane or a giant, inflatable banana during his single screen outing, Bruce doesn’t manage to snatch a single infant from a landlocked baby buggy without being seen in no less than four feature-length feeding frenzies.








I’d be remiss if I didn’t credit the name actors featured here (with the exception of the rather bland Hopkins) for delivering admirably sincere performances, and thus lending the production a degree of polish uncommon in both JAWS imitations and dubbed 70s imports.

No one will confuse Akins for Roy Scheider or Huston for Robert Shaw, but at least both seem to be taking the material seriously.





TENTACLES is available as an MGM Midnight Movie Double Feature with Bert I. Gordon’s EMPIRE OF THE ANTS – a perfect double bill if ever there was one.


Better still, you can watch it online over at Hulu. Even if spaghetti sea monster sagas aren’t your cup of tea, a kitschy casserole of pre-Syfy giant monster schlock like this for the low, low price of absolutely free is a bargain for any open-minded horror fan.

Whether it scares you to death or makes you die laughing, you can be sure that it’s at least eight times as much fun as your average nautical nightmare.

http://www.bloody-disgusting.com/news/19667

[Torgo]

The Silent Scream is a nice little film, I grabbed it up as soon as it got a DVD release...it's always been a favorite of mine since I saw it back in the 80's.

I'm one of the few defenders of Friday the 13th part 5.

Tentacles is a lot of cheesy fun.

[dakert]

I liked Jason X
I have seen Silent Scream 3 or 4 times but dont remember much about it