Am I rightfully upset or just jealous? - Sitcoms Online Message Boards

PunkyP0WER · 08-16-2009, 11:51 AM

Marvin is always bringing up his past flings. Everytime we spend time together he always starts talking about when he was younger, and what a party animal he used to be and how macho he was and the conversation almost always leads to what a "stud" he was. how he always had a line of women just waiting to go out with him. like today we were sitting by the pool and he had his ipod playing with songs from the 60's/70's, and once again he started reminiscing about some girl he dated. am i wrong to be getting upset?

Retro4Life · 08-16-2009, 11:59 AM

I'd be upset, too, I'm afraid.

I'd ask him at some point if he was dissatisified with his present life, since he goes on and on so fondly about the old days. It doesn't sound like he throws in any "but the present is pretty awesome, too!" stuff so his comments are at the very least insensitive, and downright rude and cruel at worst.

In general, any mentioning of past flings is considered "bad form", and this case seems pretty extreme. I mean, obviously this guy is your husband or boyfriend (sorry I don't know which) so you have feelings for him and he probably has good aspects, too, but if he puts these "flings" in such a great light, maybe that's his ideal life and maybe he's not the "commitment" kind...?

PunkyP0WER · 08-16-2009, 12:08 PM

thats how i felt, he saw i was visibly upset and asked "what's wrong?" so i told him it bothered me that he always talks about the past and doesn't seem so happy with the present. then he got mad saying how immature i am for getting upset about it. i don't care if people talk abot their pasts, i mean we are all shaped by our experiences but this happens every single time. most of our conversations revolve around his past. it just makes me feel like the time we've been together is insignificant. and its also one sided, he would go through the roof if i ever mentioned my ex bf's. he found a very old journal once that had a poem i had written about my ex and didn't talk to me for days even though i had written the stupid poem before i ever met him.
Marvin is good to me in every other way, he does everything for me, and is very thoughtful in all other respects but this is the part about him i can't stand

Retro4Life · 08-16-2009, 12:15 PM

I'm glad he's good to you in other ways. For me, the jealousy and the "immature" comment are very worrisome, but obviously no one is perfect.

Anyway, I'd repeat that you have every right to be upset, and it's up to you how far you want to carry the issue. Honestly, it doesn't sound like he's going to change at all in this area, so you have to decide if you can live with it or not.

Good luck.

HuntingtonM15 · 08-16-2009, 02:18 PM

You are rightfully upset. There is no reason for him to be bringing that stuff up. It's disrespectful.

catlover79 · 08-16-2009, 03:33 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by HuntingtonM15

You are rightfully upset. There is no reason for him to be bringing that stuff up. It's disrespectful.

Exactly. The past belongs in the past. Leave it there where it belongs, I say.

Number 9 Dream · 08-16-2009, 04:30 PM

Hey, he should STILL feel like a stud since he's with a gorgeous 26-year-old!

Not many 60 year old men can say that!

But anyway, I'd say you should be upset over this. It's completely disrespectful to bring up past relationships, especially if he seems to be glorifying an old girlfriend. I know I'd be hurt.

Doodyville10019 · 08-16-2009, 04:52 PM

Kimberlee, next time he brings that stuff up, ask him if he wants a bottle of Viagra

dawsongirl · 08-16-2009, 07:26 PM

Is he that insecure about himself that he has to bring this stuff up? Because it's just crap that's hurting you. I'd feel very hurt as well. You'd think he could find anything else to talk about!

InspectorExstead · 08-16-2009, 09:28 PM

You're right. I'd be bothered by it as well. Like Retro4Life mentioned, ask him if he's disappointed with his life right now. There's a reason why he keeps bringing up the past.

PunkyP0WER · 08-16-2009, 09:52 PM

Thanks everyone for the great advice, I've really taken it all into thought. I think Cathy hit on the fact that he might be insecure. He has an alpha male personality and i think he tries to live up to this certain impression he wants people to have of him. he's very much a man's man and i think he's really not trying to hurt my feelings when he brags about his conquests but instead is trying to build himself up to me, like he's a great catch. I just don't think he grasps that it can be perceived a lot differently.

MickeyMac · 08-17-2009, 02:42 PM

Its not a good idea for somebody to mention to their current girlfriend or boyfriend about their past sexual encounters.

08-16-2009, 11:51 AM	#1
PunkyP0WER Member Senior Member Join Date: May 23, 2008 Location: MACY*S on 34th St. Posts: 1,908	Am I rightfully upset or just jealous? Marvin is always bringing up his past flings. Everytime we spend time together he always starts talking about when he was younger, and what a party animal he used to be and how macho he was and the conversation almost always leads to what a "stud" he was. how he always had a line of women just waiting to go out with him. like today we were sitting by the pool and he had his ipod playing with songs from the 60's/70's, and once again he started reminiscing about some girl he dated. am i wrong to be getting upset?
	__________________ Faith is believing in things when common sense tells you not to. - Fred Gailey & Doris Walker It was the movie that no one thought would be a hit It was the sleeper a studio had no idea how to sell And its success was even more miraculous because this Christmas present was opened in June! Fred & Doris Gailey FOREVER! That's the magic of *macys**

08-16-2009, 11:59 AM	#2
Retro4Life Accept No Substitutes Forum Veteran Join Date: Feb 04, 2009 Location: IL Posts: 6,708	I'd be upset, too, I'm afraid. I'd ask him at some point if he was dissatisified with his present life, since he goes on and on so fondly about the old days. It doesn't sound like he throws in any "but the present is pretty awesome, too!" stuff so his comments are at the very least insensitive, and downright rude and cruel at worst. In general, any mentioning of past flings is considered "bad form", and this case seems pretty extreme. I mean, obviously this guy is your husband or boyfriend (sorry I don't know which) so you have feelings for him and he probably has good aspects, too, but if he puts these "flings" in such a great light, maybe that's his ideal life and maybe he's not the "commitment" kind...?
	__________________ Alex Reiger :[Trying to convince Louie not to antagonize Bobby] "It's not hard to make people feel bad about their lives. What's hard is making people feel good about their lives."

08-16-2009, 04:30 PM	#7
Number 9 Dream That '70s Girl Forum Veteran Join Date: Jan 18, 2005 Location: Long Island, NY Posts: 5,875	Hey, he should STILL feel like a stud since he's with a gorgeous 26-year-old! Not many 60 year old men can say that! But anyway, I'd say you should be upset over this. It's completely disrespectful to bring up past relationships, especially if he seems to be glorifying an old girlfriend. I know I'd be hurt.
	__________________ Live a little be a gypsy get around http://www.librarything.com/profile/skelterhelter http://retrogirl82.dvdaf.com/owned formerly Retrogirl82

08-16-2009, 04:52 PM	#8
Doodyville10019 Meet my new friend Sparkie! Forum Regular Join Date: Oct 08, 2008 Location: Competition Square, located in Doodyville Park Posts: 877	Kimberlee, next time he brings that stuff up, ask him if he wants a bottle of Viagra
	__________________ Hi! Hey! Hello again, here we go again!

08-16-2009, 09:28 PM	#10
InspectorExstead Member Forum Fanatic Join Date: Oct 29, 2001 Location: The Golden State Posts: 12,902	You're right. I'd be bothered by it as well. Like Retro4Life mentioned, ask him if he's disappointed with his life right now. There's a reason why he keeps bringing up the past.
	__________________ They killed my sister because she asked: "Where is my vote?" http://sosiran.com/ http://tapeshhd.com/index.php

08-16-2009, 12:08 PM	#3
PunkyP0WER Member Senior Member Join Date: May 23, 2008 Location: MACY*S on 34th St. Posts: 1,908	thats how i felt, he saw i was visibly upset and asked "what's wrong?" so i told him it bothered me that he always talks about the past and doesn't seem so happy with the present. then he got mad saying how immature i am for getting upset about it. i don't care if people talk abot their pasts, i mean we are all shaped by our experiences but this happens every single time. most of our conversations revolve around his past. it just makes me feel like the time we've been together is insignificant. and its also one sided, he would go through the roof if i ever mentioned my ex bf's. he found a very old journal once that had a poem i had written about my ex and didn't talk to me for days even though i had written the stupid poem before i ever met him. Marvin is good to me in every other way, he does everything for me, and is very thoughtful in all other respects but this is the part about him i can't stand

08-16-2009, 12:15 PM	#4
Retro4Life Accept No Substitutes Forum Veteran Join Date: Feb 04, 2009 Location: IL Posts: 6,708	I'm glad he's good to you in other ways. For me, the jealousy and the "immature" comment are very worrisome, but obviously no one is perfect. Anyway, I'd repeat that you have every right to be upset, and it's up to you how far you want to carry the issue. Honestly, it doesn't sound like he's going to change at all in this area, so you have to decide if you can live with it or not. Good luck.

08-16-2009, 02:18 PM	#5
HuntingtonM15 That Bothers Me Moderator Forum Star Join Date: Jun 20, 2003 Location: Metro Detroit Posts: 11,061	You are rightfully upset. There is no reason for him to be bringing that stuff up. It's disrespectful.

08-16-2009, 07:26 PM	#9
dawsongirl Member Forum Icon Join Date: Jan 04, 2001 Posts: 53,140	Is he that insecure about himself that he has to bring this stuff up? Because it's just crap that's hurting you. I'd feel very hurt as well. You'd think he could find anything else to talk about!

08-16-2009, 09:52 PM	#11
PunkyP0WER Member Senior Member Join Date: May 23, 2008 Location: MACY*S on 34th St. Posts: 1,908	Thanks everyone for the great advice, I've really taken it all into thought. I think Cathy hit on the fact that he might be insecure. He has an alpha male personality and i think he tries to live up to this certain impression he wants people to have of him. he's very much a man's man and i think he's really not trying to hurt my feelings when he brags about his conquests but instead is trying to build himself up to me, like he's a great catch. I just don't think he grasps that it can be perceived a lot differently.

08-17-2009, 02:42 PM	#12
MickeyMac Member Forum Star Join Date: Jun 18, 2008 Location: Kalamazoo, Michigan Posts: 19,008	Its not a good idea for somebody to mention to their current girlfriend or boyfriend about their past sexual encounters.