Honeymooners TV Schedule (8/17-8/30) (Not including WGN's upcoming marathon) & Quotes

[Frank Gannucci]

(American Life TV):

(AmericanLife also has an OnDemand Service. This show might be one of the shows to watch.)

TV-G

All times are Eastern.

All color episodes are one hour.

Jackie Gleason as Ralph Kramden. Art Carney as Ed Norton. Shelia MacRae as Alice Kramden. Jean Kean as Trixie Norton.

Mon. Aug. 17, 2009 2a #1 (aka #154) - "In Twenty-Five Words or Less": Ralph wins the Flakey Wakey trip to Europe for four by entering a slogan contest.

3a #2 (aka #155) - "Ship of Fools": The Kramdens and Nortons sail to Europe. Ralph and Ed set themselves adrift on a life boat but are rescued some time later. Upon arriving in Paris, Ralph poses for a publicity photo and falls off the deck.

Tue. Aug. 18, 2009 2a #30 (aka #183) – “Follow The Boys”: When the wives complain that their husbands don't fuss over them anymore, Ralph and Ed come up with a compromise: one night a week will be "boys' night out," the other nights they will spend with Alice and Trixie. But this is just another scheme that backfires on Ralph, who is planning to wear out the wives on the first night, but overcomes himself with exhaustion instead.

Wed. Aug. 19, 2009 2a #38 (aka #191) – “Play It Again Norton”: The Honeymooners wreck havoc on a cross-country tour. Our two willing but not-so-able boobs (Ralph & Ed) enter a song contest sponsored by movie star Worthington Kenmore (played by Paul Lynde). The prize: $25,000 and a Hollywood trip. The problem: entrants must be under 18.

Thu. Aug. 20, 2009 2a #39 (aka 192) – “Ralph Goes Hollywood”: Bing Crosby, Maureen O'Hara and Bert Parks are the guests as the Honeymooners head for Hollywood to claim their songwriting prize. High jinks include a stay at Maureen's mansion, expense-account living and Ralph's plan to throw a party for Bing. (The role of the "reporter" is played by George Petrie.)

Fri. Aug. 21, 2009 2a #40 (aka #193) – “The Mexican Hat Trick”: Carol Lawrence and the Baja Marimba Band guests as the Honeymooners head for colorful Mexico. Mix-ups include a rendezvous between the alluring El Lobo (Carol) and Ralph; a run-in with the bandits Jenkins (Jesse White) and Pedro (Phil Leeds); and the kidnapping of Alice and Trixie.

Sat. Aug. 22, 2009 2a #41 (aka #194) – “Case of The Cuckoo Thief”: Joining the Honeymooners: Oscar winner George Chakiris ("A Choru s Line"). A Hollywood shopping spree t urns chaotic when shoplifter Mousey the Dip (George) uses Alice as his unwitting accomplice.

Sun. Aug. 23, 2009 2a #3 (aka #156) - "The Poor People of Paris": Ralph & Ed get a great exchange rate -- on counterfeit money.

3a #4 (aka #157) - "Confusion Italian Style": Ralph is jealous of Alice's guide, not knowing the guide is a little boy.

Mon. Aug. 24, 2009 2a #5 (aka #158) - "The Curse of the Kramdens": Ralph & Ed have to spend the night in the ancestral Kramden castle, which has its very own ghost.

3a #6 (aka #159) – “The Mod Couple” (aka "The Honeymooners in England"): The Kramdens & Nortons appear in a Flakey Wakey commercial on an English TV show. Ralph makes a fool of himself and Ed accidentally overturns a piano. The Kramdens flee London in shame but are invited back because the audience loved the commercial.

Tue. Aug. 25, 2009 2a #42 (aka #195) - “The Honeymoon Is Over”: Mike Douglas guests as the Honeymooners are invited to plug the prize-winning song on Mike's show. And what a show it is: Ralph and Alice have an on-camera tiff that gets everyone into the act.

Wed. Aug. 26, 2009 2a #43 (aka #196) – “Happiness Is a Rich Uncle”: Joey Heatherton guests as the go-go girl sweetheart of Alice's Uncle Howard (David Burns), an 83 year-old millionaire. Suspicious that she's gone-gone over Howard's gold, the Honeymooners decide to put Emily to the test -- with suave Norton as bait.

Thu. Aug. 27, 2009 2a #44 (aka #197) – “Hawaii, Oh! Oh!”: Donald O'Connor guests as a money minded maitre d' as the Honeymooners visit Hawaii. Charlie (Donald) and his bartender (Jeremiah Morris) concoct a phony diet sauce guaranteed to slim down fatties. The missing ingredient: a sucker. Enter rotund Ralph.

Fri. Aug. 28, 2009 2a #45 (aka #198) – “The Sun & Raccoon Capital”: The end of the harmonious Honeymooners quartet may be near. At the Miami convention of the Raccoons, it's election time. Opponents for the office of High Exalted Mystic Ruler? Ralph and Norton!

Sat. Aug. 29, 2009 2a #46 (aka #199) – “The Match Game”: Frances Langford plays the brain behind a computer-match service, as the Honeymooners breeze into the Windy City. Computer-wise, the Norton's match really clicks -- but Cupid somehow missed with the Kramdens! Who's at fault, man or machine?

Sun. Aug. 30, 2009 2a #7 (aka #160) - "You're in the Picture": Blackmailers fake a hanky-panky photo of Ralph in Madrid, and for once, Alice is jealous.

3a #8 (aka #161) - "We Spy": Ralph and Ed wander onto a Russian firing range while visiting Germany and are mistaken for spies.

Mon. Aug. 31, 2009 2a #9 (aka #162) - "Petticoat Jungle": The Kramdens & Nortons go on a safari. The men go hunting -- Ralph kills a rabbit, Ed kills an elephant.

3a #10 (aka #163) – “Run Santa Run”: Ralph doesn't know that Alice has taken in knitting to pay for his Christmas present, so when he discovers baby things in the apartment he assumes Alice is pregnant. He takes on a job as a sidewalk Santa with Norton as his helper. They are both arrested as operatives in a bookmaking operation.

(WPIX) & (WPIXD) [aka New York feed of CWHD]:

Jackie Gleason as Ralph Kramden. Art Carney as Ed Norton. Audrey Meadows as Alice Kramden. Joyce Randolph as Trixie Norton.

Mon. Aug. 17, 2009 1a #034 (aka #130) - "A Man's Pride": Ralph is too proud to tell a seemingly successful old friend that he drives a bus, so he says he "runs things" at the company in the last Honeymooners episode of the "classic 39," which originally ran from 1955 to '56. CLASSIC KRAMDEN- Ralph's reaction to the dinner check.

Mon. Aug. 24, 2009 1a #033 (aka #123) - "Opportunity Knocks, But": When Mr. Marshall asks him for a lesson in shooting pool, Ralph believes that his social visit to his boss's Park Avenue home is the cue for his finally advancing in the company. But it's Norton who racks up points in "Opportunity Knocks But," which originally aired May 5, 1956. The pool lesson just gets under way when Norton---not Ralph---starts offering suggestions about making improvements at the company. Impressed, Marshall offers him a job as "Bus Driver Supervisor." Marshall says he likes a man who can think on his feet, but as an enraged Ralph later tells Alice: "Norton works in the sewer. He has to think on his feet; if he sat down he'd drown." But Norton, who's thinking of accepting the offer, tells his buddy not to worry. "As long as I am an executive at that bus company," he tells Ralph, "you are sure of being a bus driver as long as you live."

1:30a (CC) #79 – (aka #81) *Peacemaker”: Ralph acts as peacemaker when Norton and Trixie's fighting keeps him awake all night.

Note: Apparently WGN America is not showing the Honeymooners until Sunday August 30th.

(BIO) & (BIO HD):

Wed. Aug. 26, 2009 8a & 2p (CC): "Bio Classics": "Jackie Gleason" A bio on Jackie.

"A Matter of Life & Death":

Ralph: "In six months, I will be dead."

Ed: "Doctors can be wrong too you know. Take a friend of mine for instance. The doctor gave him six months to live. Boy, did he make a monkey out of that doctor."

Ralph: "What happened?"

Ed: "He lived for almost eight months."

"The Safety Award":

(Alice & Trixie have the same dress on.)

Ralph: "Don't those dresses look alike?"

Ed: "Alike? They are like the Bobbsie Twins."

"Please Leave The Premises":

Ralph: "I am the General. What I say goes."

Alice: "Then you better say Alice because I am going."

"Boys & Girls Together":

(Ralph comes home to a candlelit dinner.)

Alice: "Hello Ralph!"

Ralph: "So you forgot to pay the electric bill, huh?"

"Hero Part 1":

Mrs Halloway: "'He also says that if anybody says anything bad about you, he is willing to fight them."

Ed: "That kid is going to have a lot of fighting to do."

"Man In The Blue Suit":

Ed: "Who are they going to give your suit too?"

Ralph: "Some poor unfortunate that is broken down."

Ed: "That is right. Someone who can't afford to dress as well as we do."

"Two For The Money":

Ralph: "Happy is the worst horse. I saw them take the bandages off the horse."

Ed: "Yeah, Happy had a bad headache."

"Two For The Money":

Man: "If he had bandages on his legs, why didn't he stretch them?"

Ed: "Happy didn't have to do that. They put Olive Oil on his legs before they put the bandages on."

"Two Faces of Ralph Kramden":

Ralph: "Since we are going to be living here, I may need to get my wife some new clothes."

Bruno: "Don't worry about it. All she will need is a black dress."

Credit goes to the old honeymooners.net, tvguide.com, tvland.com, wgnamerica.com, zap2it.com and wpix.com.