Female friendships ahead of romantic ones? - Sitcoms Online Message Boards

brownie87 · 07-20-2009, 01:25 PM

Why is it that women are encouraged to put their friendships with other women ahead of their boyfriends/husbands? Whereas if us guys put our friendships over our women, we get penalized for it! I'm not even talking about if a woman is in a bad relationship. Even if a woman has a great boyfriend/husband, she's always told to put her girlfriends first, whereas the same does not apply to men. Like one of my girlfriends, whom I treated with the upmost respect and love, would always go to concerts, games, clubs with her girlfriends while we'd only get to hang out at her house, or my house. We never even had dates. So, why is this? Is this some sort of weird "feminist" BS, or what? And why is it, in that matter, considered bad for women to have alot of male friends, PLATONIC male friends?! And it's usually US who gets slammed ("Men do not make good friends!", "Men are just trying to come between women!", ect...)

MickeyMac · 07-20-2009, 02:47 PM

I cant say I really experienced this with the woman I dated, but in all fairness I think the woman here could probably give better viewpoints to this.

Schmoopie · 07-21-2009, 04:59 AM

I have a few male friends; one of my really good friends is a guy I work with. I asked him a few months ago if he and his wife wanted to join my husband and I for dinner sometime and I was glad he said yes. The last time I suggested that to another one of my male friends, I never heard from him again. I was really afraid that this guy was going to do that to me as well. He's extremely nice though and just last Thursday he came over to my desk and asked if I wanted to have lunch with him this week.

My husband wouldn't care at all. He has a friend who is a woman whom he tried to help get another job when she was fired from his office about a year ago. We've been out with her a few times and he's called her and I think they even went out to lunch. It doesn't bother me at all.

However, I feel kind of weird going to lunch with this guy at work, even though it's the same situation. Really stupid, since I've known this guy for about three years and he's the nicest person in the office. I'm kind of flattered that he considers me a friend. We worked in the same department when he was hired and sat right next to each other. Then he transfered to another department but he still finds the time to come over and say hello. It makes me feel really good to know I have a friend like that.

I have another male friend that I've mentioned several times on this board. My husband and I met him while buying something at the mall, and he's become our "personal salesman". The whole store knows us, but we exclusively deal with this guy. Last Christmas, he helped me with a big purchase for my husband and we became friends. Prior to that, I'd never talked to him without my husband there, and I was really nervous. Now I'll just stop in the store even if we don't buy anything and say hello.

I have to admit that at first, I developed a crush on the guy. It was terrible, really. He's 13 years younger than me (younger than my brother) and I was actually hurting over this guy. I felt ashamed and guilty, but I couldn't stop thinking about him. I was in tears a lot of the time and I could never admit it to my husband, although I think I told him that I liked the guy. I told my best friend (who's a woman) about this problem and she said that she thought it was just that I had developed a friendship with the guy. Prior to that, all my guy friends had been at work. I was worried that there was something wrong with me for liking another guy (even if it wasn't in a romantic way) when I was married. It felt like I was having an affair.

So one day, our friend was showing us some merchandise in the store and said he was going over to Starbucks. He asked if we wanted anything and bought us drinks. The thing that just made my year was when he introduced us as his "friends". I noticed that about a month after he made that comment, my "feelings" for him just diminished. I truly believe that I was just hurting for more friends and wanted to feel like more than a customer to this guy, but not in a romantic way.

Does that make any sense? I never really had any romantic feelings toward the guy at all, but it sure hurt like I did.

Andrea

*Pleasant Tomorrow* · 07-21-2009, 04:42 PM

I think this is often only said with regards to women who are dating. Dates come and go, but friends do not. Husbands, on the other hand, are a different story. I haven't heard that saying when referring to husbands. And actually, I've heard it both for men and women. Ever hear the saying "chicks before dicks?" well, there's also "bros before hos." Demeaning if you take them seriously, but proves the point nonetheless. So it's not just women and their "weird feminist BS" thanks.

And actually, when women have a lot of male friends it is not the men who get slammed. At least, I've never heard it that way. The men get praised when they have a lot of female friends, but if a girl does she's often considered a slut. Don't ask me why that is.

07-20-2009, 01:25 PM	#1
brownie87 Member Frequent Poster Join Date: Jul 10, 2008 Location: Long Island, NY Posts: 250	Female friendships ahead of romantic ones? Why is it that women are encouraged to put their friendships with other women ahead of their boyfriends/husbands? Whereas if us guys put our friendships over our women, we get penalized for it! I'm not even talking about if a woman is in a bad relationship. Even if a woman has a great boyfriend/husband, she's always told to put her girlfriends first, whereas the same does not apply to men. Like one of my girlfriends, whom I treated with the upmost respect and love, would always go to concerts, games, clubs with her girlfriends while we'd only get to hang out at her house, or my house. We never even had dates. So, why is this? Is this some sort of weird "feminist" BS, or what? And why is it, in that matter, considered bad for women to have alot of male friends, PLATONIC male friends?! And it's usually US who gets slammed ("Men do not make good friends!", "Men are just trying to come between women!", ect...)

07-21-2009, 04:59 AM	#3
Schmoopie Keep Calm and Love Snoopy Forum Star Join Date: Jul 13, 2008 Location: Lynnwood, Washington Posts: 15,697	I have a few male friends; one of my really good friends is a guy I work with. I asked him a few months ago if he and his wife wanted to join my husband and I for dinner sometime and I was glad he said yes. The last time I suggested that to another one of my male friends, I never heard from him again. I was really afraid that this guy was going to do that to me as well. He's extremely nice though and just last Thursday he came over to my desk and asked if I wanted to have lunch with him this week. My husband wouldn't care at all. He has a friend who is a woman whom he tried to help get another job when she was fired from his office about a year ago. We've been out with her a few times and he's called her and I think they even went out to lunch. It doesn't bother me at all. However, I feel kind of weird going to lunch with this guy at work, even though it's the same situation. Really stupid, since I've known this guy for about three years and he's the nicest person in the office. I'm kind of flattered that he considers me a friend. We worked in the same department when he was hired and sat right next to each other. Then he transfered to another department but he still finds the time to come over and say hello. It makes me feel really good to know I have a friend like that. I have another male friend that I've mentioned several times on this board. My husband and I met him while buying something at the mall, and he's become our "personal salesman". The whole store knows us, but we exclusively deal with this guy. Last Christmas, he helped me with a big purchase for my husband and we became friends. Prior to that, I'd never talked to him without my husband there, and I was really nervous. Now I'll just stop in the store even if we don't buy anything and say hello. I have to admit that at first, I developed a crush on the guy. It was terrible, really. He's 13 years younger than me (younger than my brother) and I was actually hurting over this guy. I felt ashamed and guilty, but I couldn't stop thinking about him. I was in tears a lot of the time and I could never admit it to my husband, although I think I told him that I liked the guy. I told my best friend (who's a woman) about this problem and she said that she thought it was just that I had developed a friendship with the guy. Prior to that, all my guy friends had been at work. I was worried that there was something wrong with me for liking another guy (even if it wasn't in a romantic way) when I was married. It felt like I was having an affair. So one day, our friend was showing us some merchandise in the store and said he was going over to Starbucks. He asked if we wanted anything and bought us drinks. The thing that just made my year was when he introduced us as his "friends". I noticed that about a month after he made that comment, my "feelings" for him just diminished. I truly believe that I was just hurting for more friends and wanted to feel like more than a customer to this guy, but not in a romantic way. Does that make any sense? I never really had any romantic feelings toward the guy at all, but it sure hurt like I did. Andrea
	__________________ In memory of my wonderful husband. I love and miss you more than words can say, but I will always and forever keep you in my heart. September 23, 1961-January 14, 2019

07-21-2009, 04:42 PM	#4
Pleasant Tomorrow Member Forum Addict Join Date: Feb 19, 2003 Location: New York Posts: 69,525	I think this is often only said with regards to women who are dating. Dates come and go, but friends do not. Husbands, on the other hand, are a different story. I haven't heard that saying when referring to husbands. And actually, I've heard it both for men and women. Ever hear the saying "chicks before dicks?" well, there's also "bros before hos." Demeaning if you take them seriously, but proves the point nonetheless. So it's not just women and their "weird feminist BS" thanks. And actually, when women have a lot of male friends it is not the men who get slammed. At least, I've never heard it that way. The men get praised when they have a lot of female friends, but if a girl does she's often considered a slut. Don't ask me why that is.
	__________________ my name is ashlee Welcome! Everything is fine.

07-20-2009, 02:47 PM	#2
MickeyMac Member Forum Star Join Date: Jun 18, 2008 Location: Kalamazoo, Michigan Posts: 19,008	I cant say I really experienced this with the woman I dated, but in all fairness I think the woman here could probably give better viewpoints to this.