New Rules - Sitcoms Online Message Boards

lilhave · 05-23-2009, 09:37 AM

NEW RULES

New Rule: Just because your tattoo has Chinese characters in it doesn't make you spiritual. It's right above the crack of your ass. And it translates to "beef with broccoli." The last time you did anything spiritual, you were praying to God you weren't pregnant. You're not spiritual. You're just high.

New Rule: Stop giving me that pop-up ad for Classmates.com! There's a reason you don't talk to people for 25 years. Because you don't particularly like them! Besides, I already know what the captain of the football team is doing these days: mowing my lawn.

New Rule: Don't eat anything that's served to you out a window unless you're a seagull. People are acting all shocked that a human finger was found in a bowl of Wendy's chili. Hey, it cost less than a dollar. What did you expect it to contain? Trout? Luckily, it was only a finger! If it was a whole hand, Congress would have voted to keep it alive.

New Rule: Stop saying that teenage boys who have sex with their hot, blond teachers are permanently damaged. I have a better description for these kids: lucky bastards.

New Rule: Ladies, leave your eyebrows alone. Here's how much men care about your eyebrows: do you have two of them? Okay, we're done.

New Rule: There's no such thing as flavored water. There's a whole aisle of this crap at the supermarket, water, but without that watery taste. Sorry, but flavored water is called a soft drink. You want flavored water? Pour some scotch over ice and let it melt. That's your flavored water.

New Rule: The more complicated the Starbucks order, the bigger the *******. If you walk into a Starbucks and order a "decaf grande half-soy, half-low fat, iced vanilla, double-shot, gingerbread cappuccino, extra dry, light ice, with one Sweet-n'-Low and one NutraSweet," ooh, you're a huge *******.

New Rule: Competitive eating isn't a sport. It's one of the seven deadly sins. ESPN recently televised the US Open of Competitive Eating, because watching those athletes at the poker table was just too damned exciting. What's next, competitive farting? Oh wait. They're already doing that. It's called "The Howard Stern Show."

New Rule: If you're going to insist on making movies based on crappy, old television shows, then you have to give everyone in the Cineplex a remote so we can see what's playing on the other screens. Let's remember the reason something was a television show in the first place is the idea wasn't good enough to be a movie.

New Rule: No more gift registries. You know, it used to be just for weddings. Now it's for babies and new homes and graduations from rehab. Picking up the stuff you want and having other people buy it for you isn't gift giving, it's the white people version of looting.

New Rule, and this one is long overdue: No more bathroom attendants. After I zip up, some guy is offering me a towel and a mint like I just had sex with George Michael. I can't even tell if he's supposed to be there, or just some freak with a fetish. I don't want to be on your web cam, dude. I just want to wash my hands.

New Rule: When I ask how old your toddler is, I don't need to know in months. "27 Months." "He's two," will do just fine. He's not a cheese. And I didn't really care in the first place.

Harv ey

MickeyMac · 05-23-2009, 11:30 AM

New Rule: If you're going to insist on making movies based on crappy, old television shows, then you have to give everyone in the Cineplex a remote so we can see what's playing on the other screens. Let's remember the reason something was a television show in the first place is the idea wasn't good enough to be a movie.

HEY I like old TV shows.

Zoneboy · 05-23-2009, 11:52 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by lilhave

Let's remember the reason something was a television show in the first place is the idea wasn't good enough to be a movie.

If that's the case then why are so many shows being adapted for the big screen? You want an answer? It's because they've run out of ideas and have to rely on getting rich off someone else's work. Where you got the idea that tv shows are considered for movies before hitting the small screen is beyond me.

Marvo301 · 05-23-2009, 03:52 PM

Movie writers have been "borrowing" ideas from other mediums since day one. They've "borrowed" material from books, broadway, radio, and television.

lilhave · 05-23-2009, 05:33 PM

When TV first became a medium, at least 50 percernt of the shows were taken from radio. The thought being that if it was popular on the box, the loyal listerners would follow it to the small screen. It had audience identification and new programs did not need to be developed.
Many of the comedies made sucessfull transistions, Burns and Allen, Jack Benny, Life of Riley, you bet your life, etc. Crime shows included, Richard Daimond, Dragnet, Mr. & Mrs North, Suspense, lights out, etc.

Any show popular in one medium is fair game for other mediums.

Harvey

Zoneboy · 05-23-2009, 05:41 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by lilhave

When TV first became a medium, at least 50 percernt of the shows were taken from radio. The thought being that if it was popular on the box, the loyal listerners would follow it to the small screen. It had audience identification and new programs did not need to be developed.
Many of the comedies made sucessfull transistions, Burns and Allen, Jack Benny, Life of Riley, you bet your life, etc. Crime shows included, Richard Daimond, Dragnet, Mr. & Mrs North, Suspense, lights out, etc.

That's all true but it has nothing to do with the claim that the only reason something was a television show in the first place is the idea wasn't good enough to be a movie.

lilhave · 05-23-2009, 07:24 PM

Something has to start somewhere. A studio may want it for TV and see how it fares there before a screen play. Of course it's who's got the money.
It's a heck of a lot cheaper to make a pilot for TV then to make a movie.

05-23-2009, 09:37 AM	#1
lilhave Member Senior Member Join Date: Jul 03, 2004 Location: N.Y.C. Posts: 2,294	New Rules NEW RULES New Rule: Just because your tattoo has Chinese characters in it doesn't make you spiritual. It's right above the crack of your ass. And it translates to "beef with broccoli." The last time you did anything spiritual, you were praying to God you weren't pregnant. You're not spiritual. You're just high. New Rule: Stop giving me that pop-up ad for Classmates.com! There's a reason you don't talk to people for 25 years. Because you don't particularly like them! Besides, I already know what the captain of the football team is doing these days: mowing my lawn. New Rule: Don't eat anything that's served to you out a window unless you're a seagull. People are acting all shocked that a human finger was found in a bowl of Wendy's chili. Hey, it cost less than a dollar. What did you expect it to contain? Trout? Luckily, it was only a finger! If it was a whole hand, Congress would have voted to keep it alive. New Rule: Stop saying that teenage boys who have sex with their hot, blond teachers are permanently damaged. I have a better description for these kids: lucky bastards. New Rule: Ladies, leave your eyebrows alone. Here's how much men care about your eyebrows: do you have two of them? Okay, we're done. New Rule: There's no such thing as flavored water. There's a whole aisle of this crap at the supermarket, water, but without that watery taste. Sorry, but flavored water is called a soft drink. You want flavored water? Pour some scotch over ice and let it melt. That's your flavored water. New Rule: The more complicated the Starbucks order, the bigger the *****. If you walk into a Starbucks and order a "decaf grande half-soy, half-low fat, iced vanilla, double-shot, gingerbread cappuccino, extra dry, light ice, with one Sweet-n'-Low and one NutraSweet," ooh, you're a huge *****. New Rule: Competitive eating isn't a sport. It's one of the seven deadly sins. ESPN recently televised the US Open of Competitive Eating, because watching those athletes at the poker table was just too damned exciting. What's next, competitive farting? Oh wait. They're already doing that. It's called "The Howard Stern Show." New Rule: If you're going to insist on making movies based on crappy, old television shows, then you have to give everyone in the Cineplex a remote so we can see what's playing on the other screens. Let's remember the reason something was a television show in the first place is the idea wasn't good enough to be a movie. New Rule: No more gift registries. You know, it used to be just for weddings. Now it's for babies and new homes and graduations from rehab. Picking up the stuff you want and having other people buy it for you isn't gift giving, it's the white people version of looting. New Rule, and this one is long overdue: No more bathroom attendants. After I zip up, some guy is offering me a towel and a mint like I just had sex with George Michael. I can't even tell if he's supposed to be there, or just some freak with a fetish. I don't want to be on your web cam, dude. I just want to wash my hands. New Rule: When I ask how old your toddler is, I don't need to know in months. "27 Months." "He's two," will do just fine. He's not a cheese. And I didn't really care in the first place. Harv ey
	__________________ My List http://www.freewebs.com/lilhave/index.htm

05-23-2009, 03:52 PM	#4
Marvo301 I'm NOT a Blockhead! Forum Celebrity Join Date: May 17, 2002 Location: The Great White North Posts: 21,461	Movie writers have been "borrowing" ideas from other mediums since day one. They've "borrowed" material from books, broadway, radio, and television.
	__________________ Only a life lived for others is worth living. Albert Einstein A life isn't worth living unless it has impact on other lives. Jackie Robinson Be always at war with your vices, at peace with your neighbors, and let each new year find you a better man. Benjamin Franklin

05-23-2009, 11:30 AM	#2
MickeyMac Member Forum Star Join Date: Jun 18, 2008 Location: Kalamazoo, Michigan Posts: 19,008	New Rule: If you're going to insist on making movies based on crappy, old television shows, then you have to give everyone in the Cineplex a remote so we can see what's playing on the other screens. Let's remember the reason something was a television show in the first place is the idea wasn't good enough to be a movie. HEY I like old TV shows.

05-23-2009, 05:33 PM	#5
lilhave Member Senior Member Join Date: Jul 03, 2004 Location: N.Y.C. Posts: 2,294	When TV first became a medium, at least 50 percernt of the shows were taken from radio. The thought being that if it was popular on the box, the loyal listerners would follow it to the small screen. It had audience identification and new programs did not need to be developed. Many of the comedies made sucessfull transistions, Burns and Allen, Jack Benny, Life of Riley, you bet your life, etc. Crime shows included, Richard Daimond, Dragnet, Mr. & Mrs North, Suspense, lights out, etc. Any show popular in one medium is fair game for other mediums. Harvey

05-23-2009, 07:24 PM	#7
lilhave Member Senior Member Join Date: Jul 03, 2004 Location: N.Y.C. Posts: 2,294	Something has to start somewhere. A studio may want it for TV and see how it fares there before a screen play. Of course it's who's got the money. It's a heck of a lot cheaper to make a pilot for TV then to make a movie.