Soap Opera Babylon Awards!!

[catlover79]

I found this old book in the library, entitled Soap Opera Babylon, written by Jason Bonderoff. The last section of the book is called the SOB (Soap Opera Babylon) Awards. Keep in mind that this book was published in 1987.

MOST CREATIVE CASTING:

To The Colbys, for casting 63-year-old Charlton Heston as the husband of 38-year-old Stephanie Beacham and the lover of 41-year-old Katharine Ross. At the same time, Beacham, in reality, is only 11 years older than Tracy Scoggins, who plays her daughter, and Katharine Ross' TV son, John James, would be far more believable as her leading man. He's barely a decade younger than she is.

MOST REGRETTABLE CAREER DECISION:

To George Peppard: for winning the role of Blake Carrington, then walking off the set of Dynasty in a huff and handing the role over to second-choice John Forsythe.

THE PROMISES ARE MADE TO BE BROKEN AWARD

To Patrick Duffy: for leaving Dallas in May 1985 and vowing never to return.

THE FEAR OF SUCCESS AWARD

To All My Children's Susan Lucci: for not only losing the Emmy sweepstakes 7 times, but for her unique knack for losing more than a dozen leading men in 16 years.

THE SOAPS' SENSITIVITY AWARD:

To the former producer of Guiding Light: this man - obviously not a Family Ties or Eight is Enough lover - was horrified to learn that a young married actress on his show had gone off and gotten pregnant - without consulting him. When she blissfully confided her good news, he roared, "What's the matter, didn't you ever hear of the Pill?"

CREATIVE NEGOTIATING AWARD:

To Eileen Fulton, Jacqueline Courtney, and Barbara Stanwyck for their unique achievements in the field of contract bargaining: during her days as As the World Turns' reigning prima donna, Ms. Fulton became the first actress to have a clause written into her contract, preventing her character from becoming a grandmother. While playing Alice Frame, the most popular heroine in Another World's history, Ms. Courtney demanded and got a dressing room with a private bathroom - the only one in the entire studio building. And during her year on The Colbys, Ms. Stanwyck's contract stipulated that she could never work more than two days a week, never work past 6 PM,
and never work the week before Christmas - so she could do her shopping.

THE UNJUST DESSERTS AWARD

To the Unknown Soap Opera Actor who toiled from 7 AM till 5 AM the next day - a total of 22 hours - taping a difficult location sequence in the pouring rain and who was then fired for missing work when he developed bronchial pneumonia.

THE ACTORS GUILD JOB SECURITY AWARDS

To Dynasty: for firing Pamela Sue Martin when she asked for a raise.
To Dynasty: for replacing Catherine Oxenberg when she asked for a raise.
To Dynasty: for writing off Geoffrey Scott. He probably asked for a raise.
To Dynasty: for always giving Joan Collins a raise.

THE TRUTH IN ADVERTISING AWARD

To Falcon Crest's Lorenzo Lamas: for being the prime-time superstud linked with the most women - in the most supermarket tabloids - in a single week.

THE YOU GOTTA BE KIDDING AWARD

To Dallas' Priscilla Presley for having to deny all of the following tabloid stories in a single week: (a) that she communicates with Elvis' ghost, (b) that she dumped Burt Reynolds for Julio Iglesias' doctor, and (c) that her teenage daughter, Lisa Marie, had been kidnapped by space aliens and/or a California religious cult.

THE GOLDEN TURKEY AWARD

To NBC's Flamingo Road: for failing dismally in the ratings despite the presence of a cast that included Mark Harmon, Morgan Fairchild, David Selby, John Beck, Kevin McCarthy and Barbara Rush.

THE THAT'S WHAT FRIENDS ARE FOR AWARD
To Jane Wyman: for not phoning old friend Mel Ferrer to break the news to him personally that his role on Falcon Crest was being terminated.

MOST IMAGINATIVE COSTUMING AWARD

To General Hospital: for making actress Emily McLaughlin wear the same black sweater on the air for 23 years.

THE INDIAN GIVER AWARD

To Dallas: for giving - and then taking back - Ray and Donna's hearing-impaired adopted child.

THE CONSISTENCY IN BROADCASTING AWARD

To Dallas: for pretending that Bobby's death never happened - and leaving Knots Landing holding the bag. Pam may only have dreamed Bobby's death, but his brother Gary shed real tears for him and, as a loving memorial gesture, Val even named her baby after him.

THE SOAP OPERA HACK-WRITER AWARD

To every scriptwriter who reaches (out of desperation) for the following soap opera cliches: a mysterious look-alike, an evil (or demented) twin, a woman impregnated by her husband's brother, a man who mysteriously returns from the dead, a dining room tracheotomy, a snowstorm that forces a woman to give birth in a secluded country cabin, a 45-year-old woman who suddenly discovers she's adopted, a fatal blood disease that goes into permanent remission, any form of amnesia, mothers who cheerfully stand trial for murders they didn't commit to shield an errant child, cops who fall in love with their female patrol partners, and couples who get divorced even though they passionately love each other.

THE GULLIBLE-FAN AWARD

Last but not least, to every soap opera fan who thinks that Miss Ellie can really cook, that Krystle never screams at her baby, and that the service is always excellent at Ruby's waterfront diner in Port Charles.

Someday you're in for a helluva surprise.

[Marvo301]

Wow! I never knew that George Peppard was originally cast as Blake Carrington and that John Forsythe was the second choice! If George had stayed on Dynasty he would have never been on The A-Team!

[catlover79]

Originally Posted by Marvo301

Wow! I never knew that George Peppard was originally cast as Blake Carrington and that John Forsythe was the second choice! If George had stayed on Dynasty he would have never been on The A-Team!

Can you imagine if George Peppard had ended up on Dynasty and John Forsythe had been on the A-Team?? Boggles the mind...

[Marvo301]

Originally Posted by catlover79

Can you imagine if George Peppard had ended up on Dynasty and John Forsythe had been on the A-Team?? Boggles the mind...

Wow! I think both shows would have been very different if Peppard were on Dynasty and Forsythe on The A-Team. You're right. It boggles the mind.

[catlover79]

Originally Posted by Marvo301

Wow! I think both shows would have been very different if Peppard were on Dynasty and Forsythe on The A-Team. You're right. It boggles the mind.

I just can't picture John Forsythe as Hannibal.