A question for the women here? - Sitcoms Online Message Boards

Brad Russ · 05-09-2009, 04:38 AM

I found an article that I actually put up on the boards a few weeks ago that basically said that it's not always good when a guy is too nice. I definitely have had my moments of meanness in my life, but I have been accused many times of being too nice. Don't get me wrong, if someone goes over the line with me, you can bet that their ass will get it right back, but I'm talking about just regular situations, and in everyday situations, I just find no reason to have hostility, or to be mean. So my question to all the females is, is it unattractive when a man is too nice?? If so, what advice can you give me to change, and maybe be a little more edgy? Should I get meaner, or should I just continue to be myself? One thing I can definitely say is that with all my faults, what you see is what you get with me, and how I am online, is how I am for the most part in real life. For whatever that's worth. My niceness may annoy some people, but you are always getting the true me, I can guarantee you that!! Anyway, anyone have any opinions on this??

Hollow · 05-09-2009, 05:15 AM

i'd only consider a guy to be "too nice" if he made a doormat of himself or put so much effort into pleasing me that he didn't have any respect for himself. for example if i wanted to go on a casual outing with him and it turned out he had a job interview or a meeting or something else important that day, i wouldn't want him to cancel it to spend time with me. also, i'd never cheat on anyone, but if he were to tell me that he wouldn't mind if i did (i actually had a similar situation happen), i wouldn't like it. he needs to acknowledge his own needs and keep his priorities in order.

beautifuldreamer · 05-09-2009, 05:57 AM

First off... I agree with everything that Sarah^ said... you want a guy to be nice, but what you don't want is doormat city!

By the way, you are not a doormat, Brad, but I do think that if you go the extra mile, people get suspicious. It's like when I hold the door open for someone at school, and they look at me like, "okay, what do you want from me in return?" or, in my teacher's case, they say, "you AREN'T getting extra points for that."

Also, if a guy is nice to me... don't get me wrong, that's AWESOME! But if he is overly nice, I get really suspicious that he's after something. Maybe you could take it down a notch... I don't know, maybe there is a difference between just being nice, and being nice to be nice... ? Okay, I don't even understand what I just said... but it might be relevant later.

In other words, be polite, but don't break your back to help someone you don't know all that well just to be nice. Like if someone I don't know very well is SUPER-nice to me, I don't feel that they're being very sincere, because they really don't know me. But if someone is polite, and has manners, and is inquisitive, and wants to get to know me... the nice will come later.

I don't know... it's almost 3:00am, this might not make much sense... but I just keep talking anyway.

Don't get meaner, Brad. Just get less-nicer... not to me though, I like the super-sweetie that you are.

ekkostar · 05-09-2009, 07:33 AM

Good lord am I sick of the nice guy/doormat thing. The worst is when the guy thinks he's a friggin' gentleman because he opens a door. I get the strangest looks when they stand there like a moron with it open and I just go and open the door BESIDE it.
Douchebags.

catlover79 · 05-09-2009, 10:39 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ekkostar

Good lord am I sick of the nice guy/doormat thing. The worst is when the guy thinks he's a friggin' gentleman because he opens a door. I get the strangest looks when they stand there like a moron with it open and I just go and open the door BESIDE it.
Douchebags.

The thing I can't stand is men who are tied to their mommy's apron strings - been there, done that. It was not a good experience.

Sharop · 05-09-2009, 10:53 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ekkostar

Good lord am I sick of the nice guy/doormat thing. The worst is when the guy thinks he's a friggin' gentleman because he opens a door. I get the strangest looks when they stand there like a moron with it open and I just go and open the door BESIDE it.
Douchebags.

I like it when men hold doors open. My friend Justin (who passed away last month) always let girls go through the door first. Always. He was a proper gentleman. He wasn't a "douche bag." He's one of the most intelligent people I've ever known and he should still be here. He would have been 48 in June.

Sharop · 05-09-2009, 10:55 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by catlover79

I have to agree with that.

Also, I can't stand men who are tied to their mommy's apron strings - been there, done that. It was not a good experience.

Do you mean by that, that you wouldn't want to date that kind of man? I can see why. But a lot of men who are attached to their mothers are really kind, nice people, so you'd probably find that you liked them as people - just not in a "dating" way.

Brad Russ · 05-09-2009, 11:32 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ekkostar

Good lord am I sick of the nice guy/doormat thing. The worst is when the guy thinks he's a friggin' gentleman because he opens a door. I get the strangest looks when they stand there like a moron with it open and I just go and open the door BESIDE it.
Douchebags.

I always open doors for people whether it's a man, or a woman. I think it's stupid not to when someone is behind you, because it's just a show of courtesy. I think the true douche bags are the ones who don't hold doors open for people, especially when the people are right behind you. Actually, they're worse than douche bags, they're straight up assh*les who I think usually need a good ass whooping, and a lesson in manners. I don't tolerate people like that. **** them!!

See, I guess I do have a mean side to me afterall. I'm definitely no doormat. The way I look at it, if someone treats me with respect, I'll give it back to them tenfold, but you treat me with disrespect, and you'll also get it back tenfold!! May not be right on my part, it's just the way I feel.

MickeyMac · 05-09-2009, 12:49 PM

I dont see anything wrong with a guy holding a door open for a woman.

TripperFan · 05-09-2009, 01:00 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MickeyMac

I dont see anything wrong with a guy holding a door open for a woman.

Or holding a door open for anyone. I always do it. And I don't know how often the person doesn't even say a thing - even if you've stood there to wait for them!!!

It's when they do that, that I let them go ahead and then once inside, in a loud ringing voice say, "Oh you're welcome!"

Most times people look around and see who the ignoramous was!

Chocoholic · 05-09-2009, 03:29 PM

I don't see anything wrong with a guy who is nice, as llong as they at least have a backbone.

Anyway, Brad, you seem like such a lovely guy. If we lived closer, I'd consider you for a date, and I'm not just saying that to be nice.

MickeyMac · 05-09-2009, 03:52 PM

I think most people in their right mind appreciate a significant other that is nice, but at the same time most people dont want to date a doormat. I dont.

KayCee · 05-09-2009, 04:51 PM

Well I for one don't really like guys to open doors for me, or do "gentlemanly" stuff I guess you would call it. It makes me feel helpless. I mean it's one thing to hold a door open cuz someone is walking right behind you or something, but to actually go out of your way to do it... it's not flattering to me. It would just piss me off LOL.

Sharop · 05-09-2009, 05:39 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by KayCee

Well I for one don't really like guys to open doors for me, or do "gentlemanly" stuff I guess you would call it. It makes me feel helpless.

I can see why you'd feel that way but that's not their intention behind it. When men hold doors open for women, they're just being kind and polite.

PZelda · 05-09-2009, 06:39 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sharop

Do you mean by that, that you wouldn't want to date that kind of man? I can see why. But a lot of men who are attached to their mothers are really kind, nice people, so you'd probably find that you liked them as people - just not in a "dating" way.

I think Monika is talking about the type of guy who ends up being 30 years old and having to depend on their mom for everything, because they were never taught independence. And let's be honest, these guys are real losers. Not of the ********* variety, but of the "OMG PLEASE LEARN HOW TO BE INDEPENDENT/GET A LIFE" variety.

I know a guy like that... 28, has been in college for 10 years now and only has one AAS degree to show for it (wtf?), has never worked full-time in his life. His first job was a summer job when he was a teen, and now he has one that is 2 hours/day so I think it's a 10 hour/week job. Not sure what his living arrangement is now that school is out for the summer for him, but GOOD LORD. He doesn't even TRY. He also whines all the time about how he wishes he was in a relationship. GEE I WONDER WHY.

I'm a late bloomer myself, but JEEZ. Just frigging TRY!

05-09-2009, 04:38 AM	#1
Brad Russ Member Forum Fanatic Join Date: Feb 17, 2002 Location: Portland, Oregon Posts: 10,085	A question for the women here? I found an article that I actually put up on the boards a few weeks ago that basically said that it's not always good when a guy is too nice. I definitely have had my moments of meanness in my life, but I have been accused many times of being too nice. Don't get me wrong, if someone goes over the line with me, you can bet that their ass will get it right back, but I'm talking about just regular situations, and in everyday situations, I just find no reason to have hostility, or to be mean. So my question to all the females is, is it unattractive when a man is too nice?? If so, what advice can you give me to change, and maybe be a little more edgy? Should I get meaner, or should I just continue to be myself? One thing I can definitely say is that with all my faults, what you see is what you get with me, and how I am online, is how I am for the most part in real life. For whatever that's worth. My niceness may annoy some people, but you are always getting the true me, I can guarantee you that!! Anyway, anyone have any opinions on this??
	__________________ St. John 15:13 - Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends." Currently my favorite song.

05-09-2009, 05:57 AM	#3
beautifuldreamer Member Senior Member Join Date: Jan 30, 2009 Location: In a constant state of oblivion Posts: 1,361	First off... I agree with everything that Sarah^ said... you want a guy to be nice, but what you don't want is doormat city! By the way, you are not a doormat, Brad, but I do think that if you go the extra mile, people get suspicious. It's like when I hold the door open for someone at school, and they look at me like, "okay, what do you want from me in return?" or, in my teacher's case, they say, "you AREN'T getting extra points for that." Also, if a guy is nice to me... don't get me wrong, that's AWESOME! But if he is overly nice, I get really suspicious that he's after something. Maybe you could take it down a notch... I don't know, maybe there is a difference between just being nice, and being nice to be nice... ? Okay, I don't even understand what I just said... but it might be relevant later. In other words, be polite, but don't break your back to help someone you don't know all that well just to be nice. Like if someone I don't know very well is SUPER-nice to me, I don't feel that they're being very sincere, because they really don't know me. But if someone is polite, and has manners, and is inquisitive, and wants to get to know me... the nice will come later. I don't know... it's almost 3:00am, this might not make much sense... but I just keep talking anyway. Don't get meaner, Brad. Just get less-nicer... not to me though, I like the super-sweetie that you are.
	__________________ “According to most studies, people's number one fear is public speaking. Number two is death. Death is number two. Does that sound right? This means to the average person, if you go to a funeral, you're better off in the casket than doing the eulogy.” ~Jerry Seinfeld

05-09-2009, 07:33 AM	#4
ekkostar Coffee, Tea & Larroquette! Senior Member Join Date: Apr 16, 2005 Posts: 1,077	Good lord am I sick of the nice guy/doormat thing. The worst is when the guy thinks he's a friggin' gentleman because he opens a door. I get the strangest looks when they stand there like a moron with it open and I just go and open the door BESIDE it. Douchebags.
	__________________ "All my sitcoms had an audience, with four or five cameras, so working this way has always been appealing to me." - John Larroquette A living legend, five Emmys and a Tony award! Your favorites could never...

05-09-2009, 05:15 AM	#2
Hollow Member Forum Superstar Join Date: Dec 16, 2001 Posts: 30,406	i'd only consider a guy to be "too nice" if he made a doormat of himself or put so much effort into pleasing me that he didn't have any respect for himself. for example if i wanted to go on a casual outing with him and it turned out he had a job interview or a meeting or something else important that day, i wouldn't want him to cancel it to spend time with me. also, i'd never cheat on anyone, but if he were to tell me that he wouldn't mind if i did (i actually had a similar situation happen), i wouldn't like it. he needs to acknowledge his own needs and keep his priorities in order.

05-09-2009, 12:49 PM	#9
MickeyMac Member Forum Star Join Date: Jun 18, 2008 Location: Kalamazoo, Michigan Posts: 19,008	I dont see anything wrong with a guy holding a door open for a woman.

05-09-2009, 03:29 PM	#11
Chocoholic Member Forum Star Join Date: Dec 01, 2000 Location: Between a rock and a hard place. Posts: 11,235	I don't see anything wrong with a guy who is nice, as llong as they at least have a backbone. Anyway, Brad, you seem like such a lovely guy. If we lived closer, I'd consider you for a date, and I'm not just saying that to be nice.

05-09-2009, 03:52 PM	#12
MickeyMac Member Forum Star Join Date: Jun 18, 2008 Location: Kalamazoo, Michigan Posts: 19,008	I think most people in their right mind appreciate a significant other that is nice, but at the same time most people dont want to date a doormat. I dont.

05-09-2009, 04:51 PM	#13
KayCee Member Forum Veteran Join Date: Dec 17, 2003 Location: iM iN DiEgO BeYoTcH !!! Posts: 6,299	Well I for one don't really like guys to open doors for me, or do "gentlemanly" stuff I guess you would call it. It makes me feel helpless. I mean it's one thing to hold a door open cuz someone is walking right behind you or something, but to actually go out of your way to do it... it's not flattering to me. It would just piss me off LOL.