Complicated situation - Sitcoms Online Message Boards

Darren J. · 05-05-2009, 05:05 PM

I have a female friend that is bisexual. She has had boyfriends, so she isn't a lesbian. Anyway, when I first met her, she treated me differently than her other guy friends, but I didn't take it any further because she had a girlfriend. They broke up and she started dating another girl. They broke up in February.

She's been single since then and I'm not sure if she'd be interested in going out with me. Thing is, I don't know if 1)She still has feelings for me and 2)If this would end our friendship if it didn't work out. I have no idea what the hell to do. She may have had feelings for me at first, but I don't know if she still does. Is this something worth pursuing?

MickeyMac · 05-05-2009, 05:15 PM

I would suggest putting all your cards on the table. Talk to her about this, thats the only way you will know if she has feelings for you or not.

TripperFan · 05-05-2009, 05:19 PM

Agreed. Nothing ventured - nothing gained.

There are many things I wish I had done in my early 20s that I now regret NOT doing. Try to live your live so that if you have regrets, it's from doing something and not because you didn't try something.

Darren J. · 05-05-2009, 05:20 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MickeyMac

I would suggest putting all your cards on the table. Talk to her about this, thats the only way you will know if she has feelings for you or not.

I've thought about this, but I've always chickened out. I've always been awkward around women.

browneyes106 · 05-05-2009, 05:22 PM

I think just talk to her to see how she feels about you if you sense she does and you have a strong feeling. Pursue your feelings.

MickeyMac · 05-05-2009, 05:23 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Darren J.

I've thought about this, but I've always chickened out. I've always been awkward around women.

I can relate to that but I figured out long ago there isnt a reason to feel awkard around females, and lots of times they feel awkard around men.

TripperFan · 05-05-2009, 05:25 PM

It works both ways. And girls are less likely to be as forward with their feelings. Some are still quite traditional, dropping hints and hoping the guy will make the first move.

I have NEVER looked down upon any guy who approached me. And if she does turn you down, don't feel uncomfortable around her afterwards - you can still be friends.

Think of it from your point of view. Even if you weren't "into" a particular girl, wouldn't you still be flattered to be told she liked you?

Darren J. · 05-05-2009, 05:27 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by browneyes106

I think just talk to her to see how she feels about you if you sense she does and you have a strong feeling. Pursue your feelings.

I sensed it 2 years ago. The only thing that stopped me was she had a girlfriend. The only thing I'm afraid of is if I do pursue and she isn't interested or if she is and it doesn't work out for whatever reason, it can end our friendship.

Darren J. · 05-05-2009, 05:34 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by TripperFan

It works both ways. And girls are less likely to be as forward with their feelings. Some are still quite traditional, dropping hints and hoping the guy will make the first move.

I have NEVER looked down upon any guy who approached me. And if she does turn you down, don't feel uncomfortable around her afterwards - you can still be friends.

Think of it from your point of view. Even if you weren't "into" a particular girl, wouldn't you still be flattered to be told she liked you?

That is true, though girls are much more forward these days. Aside from two girls, I never knew which girls were into me. Sure it can be flattering, though it also depends how they approach you.

TripperFan · 05-05-2009, 05:44 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Darren J.

That is true, though girls are much more forward these days. Aside from two girls, I never knew which girls were into me. Sure it can be flattering, though it also depends how they approach you.

True, but you know how you'd want to be approached.

I'd just be honest. Maybe bring it up as casually as you can that you were interested in her when she was in a relationship and see how she responds to that. If you got the feeling from her that she might have liked you, then you were probably right (and that was maybe her being as forward as she could).

It doesn't have to wreck a friendship. I used to think that too, but I had a couple of friends when I was 19 tell me they were into me more than just a friend (and one had been my best girlfriend all thru highschool). With both people, I let them down gently, told them I was flattered (and I was) and we still were able to be friends.

I've also broken up with guys and we were still friends afterwards. Especially if it's a mutual breakup.

Like I said, as I've gotten older, I just know that most of what I regret in life is from NOT doing something or taking the chance rather than taking it. You only go this way once afterall - carpe diem!! (seize the day)

browneyes106 · 05-05-2009, 05:51 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Darren J.

I sensed it 2 years ago. The only thing that stopped me was she had a girlfriend. The only thing I'm afraid of is if I do pursue and she isn't interested or if she is and it doesn't work out for whatever reason, it can end our friendship.

I can see where you are afraid there. I was in a similar situation with a guy back in high school and friendship didn't end but we sort of drifted apart and we really don't keep in touch anymore. Has she seen anyone else since her February breakup?

Darren J. · 05-05-2009, 06:02 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by browneyes106

I can see where you are afraid there. I was in a similar situation with a guy back in high school and friendship didn't end but we sort of drifted apart and we really don't keep in touch anymore. Has she seen anyone else since her February breakup?

Nope. Not a single date. Out of all her guy friends, she has the most in common with me.

Darren J. · 05-15-2009, 02:26 AM

I still see her regularly. She has finals for college, so now wouldn't be a good time to bring this up. I'm planning on bringing it up in about a week or two, though I'm not sure how to tackle the matter.

Darren J. · 05-31-2009, 11:01 PM

Been awhile here. Anyway, I asked her out and she said yes, so I guess there's hope after all.

browneyes106 · 06-01-2009, 01:18 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Darren J.

Been awhile here. Anyway, I asked her out and she said yes, so I guess there's hope after all.

That's great news. I hope things go well for you.

05-05-2009, 05:05 PM	#1
Darren J. Member Forum Regular Join Date: Mar 19, 2009 Posts: 692	Complicated situation I have a female friend that is bisexual. She has had boyfriends, so she isn't a lesbian. Anyway, when I first met her, she treated me differently than her other guy friends, but I didn't take it any further because she had a girlfriend. They broke up and she started dating another girl. They broke up in February. She's been single since then and I'm not sure if she'd be interested in going out with me. Thing is, I don't know if 1)She still has feelings for me and 2)If this would end our friendship if it didn't work out. I have no idea what the hell to do. She may have had feelings for me at first, but I don't know if she still does. Is this something worth pursuing?

05-05-2009, 05:19 PM	#3
TripperFan In God's Arms Now Forum Star Join Date: Sep 14, 2003 Location: Heartbreak Ridge Posts: 12,086	Agreed. Nothing ventured - nothing gained. There are many things I wish I had done in my early 20s that I now regret NOT doing. Try to live your live so that if you have regrets, it's from doing something and not because you didn't try something.
	__________________ If I don't see you in this world, I'll meet you in the next one.....don't be late James Marshall Hendrix Voodoo Chile The Forum Legend formerly known as TripperFan "religion is for people who are afraid of hell--spirituality is for people who have been through hell"---anonymous

05-05-2009, 05:15 PM	#2
MickeyMac Member Forum Star Join Date: Jun 18, 2008 Location: Kalamazoo, Michigan Posts: 19,008	I would suggest putting all your cards on the table. Talk to her about this, thats the only way you will know if she has feelings for you or not.

05-05-2009, 05:22 PM	#5
browneyes106 Member Forum Veteran Join Date: Apr 01, 2008 Posts: 6,094	I think just talk to her to see how she feels about you if you sense she does and you have a strong feeling. Pursue your feelings.

05-05-2009, 05:25 PM	#7
TripperFan In God's Arms Now Forum Star Join Date: Sep 14, 2003 Location: Heartbreak Ridge Posts: 12,086	It works both ways. And girls are less likely to be as forward with their feelings. Some are still quite traditional, dropping hints and hoping the guy will make the first move. I have NEVER looked down upon any guy who approached me. And if she does turn you down, don't feel uncomfortable around her afterwards - you can still be friends. Think of it from your point of view. Even if you weren't "into" a particular girl, wouldn't you still be flattered to be told she liked you?

05-15-2009, 02:26 AM	#13
Darren J. Member Forum Regular Join Date: Mar 19, 2009 Posts: 692	I still see her regularly. She has finals for college, so now wouldn't be a good time to bring this up. I'm planning on bringing it up in about a week or two, though I'm not sure how to tackle the matter.

05-31-2009, 11:01 PM	#14
Darren J. Member Forum Regular Join Date: Mar 19, 2009 Posts: 692	Been awhile here. Anyway, I asked her out and she said yes, so I guess there's hope after all.