A Problem

[Nighthawk76]

Some of you may remember that last fall I was interested in a girl named Kelly that I worked with. Over the last couple of years I've had feelings for quite a few girls, but my feelings for them were minor compared to my feelings for Kelly. My feelings for Kelly went beyond that of a simple crush. I think after a while I was truly in love with her.

Kelly also had feelings for me. One would think than that her and I would have ended up together. However, like a lot of things in life, it wasn't that simple. Kelly and I did not end up together. You would think if two people have feelings for one another, then it's fate. However, sometimes there are complications.

Deciding that a relationship between Kelly and I was not going to work, and that it was best to walk away, was one of the most difficult decision that I ever had to make. It also hurt our friendship. Her and I almost never talk anymore. The decision also hurt the friendship between a mutual friend of Kelly and mine. Kelly's best friend, infact.

One of the reasons I was away for Lent was to try to come to terms with why things didn't work out between her and I. I needed to do a lot of soul searching. I came to the conclusion that if the Lord meant for Kelly and I to be together, than we would be together. He must have other plans for me. This brought a little closure to the situation.

I still miss Kelly though. Last night I had a dream that we were together and when I woke up I was heartbroken. I felt bad. A Bruce Springsteen lyric went through my head, "I dropped to my knees, hung my head and cried." That is exactly how I felt.

In the wake of all of this, I don't feel like I ever want to be with a girl again. Kelly truly understood me in a way that most people don't. So if I could not be with her, than why be with anyone else? Also, I don't know if I have any more love to give. Maybe I used it all up. Also, walking away from Kelly hurt my friendship with both her and another person. That hurt. I don't want to be hurt again.

This wasn't something I really wanted to post. In the past, I have posted some very private things and then later regretted that I did. However, I feel I need to get this out. Kimberlee's confession thread gave me the courage to to post this. Right now I feel like I would be happier to spend the rest of my life single. It seems that when I try to get a relationship going with a girl, they either hurt me or I hurt them. Sometimes both. I cerainly don't want to be hurt anymore. I also don't want to hurt anyone else. The last five years or so have been nothing but hurt. My feeling is now, why bother? Why risk the hurt? That is if I even have any more love to give, which I am very doubtful of.

[MickeyMac]

I can relate.


The only thing I would suggest is to take it one day at a time.

[Nighthawk76]

One thing I should probably stress is that I don't want people to think that I'm depressed. I'm not. Overall, I think life is going well for me right now. My job is going well, my relationship with friends is pretty well (including making some great new ones here like Kimberlee and Mattie), my relationship with God has never been better and life in general has been treating me well. However, my heart still crys out for Kelly. I guess the best picture I could paint of my life is of an overall nice spring day, a blue sky. However, there is one storm cloud in that sky.

[MickeyMac]

^

You can always count on the Lord

[TripperFan]

I'm going through the exact same thing my friend so you're not alone. Although I have a perfectly great guy that I did love at one point, I only want the one who hurt me so badly still. It's a horrible feeling and one that doesn't end easily. You can't control your heart like you can your mind. The song that keeps going through my head is the Beatles "HEY! You've got to hide your love away" - here I stand, head in hand, turn my face to the wall, if he's gone, I can't go on, feeling two feet small....."

Love is the one feeling that can be both horrible and wonderful at the same time.

[beautifuldreamer]

^Very well said, Cathie.

Originally Posted by Waking Up Laughing

One thing I should probably stress is that I don't want people to think that I'm depressed. I'm not. Overall, I think life is going well for me right now. My job is going well, my relationship with friends is pretty well (including making some great new ones here like Kimberlee and Mattie), my relationship with God has never been better and life in general has been treating me well. However, my heart still crys out for Kelly. I guess the best picture I could paint of my life is of an overall nice spring day, a blue sky. However, there is one storm cloud in that sky.

Oh, dear Mike... I am very sorry to hear about this. I know that pain, but I do want to say I very much understand what you said about not being depressed... I know exactly what you mean. If you are struggling or in pain regarding love, you can still feel really great about your life outside of that. I don't know what to tell you... I have not found a cure for this feeling yet myself. It feels like I talk with so many people about this on a day to day basis: being sad about lost love, it is so common. I do want to ask you though, if it is not to personal, why you and Kelly aren't together? If she is with someone else... yeah, I've totally been there. I guy I was in love with (okay, still am) has had two girlfriends since I've met him, and I wasn't either one of them. Sorry, I'm tryin to cheer you up here, Mike... and at the same time, laugh about my own problems, which I've steadily gotten better at Maybe you should.... talk to her about your feelings? You need to put an end to this pain. Does she know how you feel? If you are positive that there is no way that you can be together, you must move on... it does get better with time though. I don't know... I'm sorry.

Come here.

[HuntingtonM15]

I don't really have any great advice, but I personally think that your going through with it, after knowing how hard it would be, pretty much confirms that you made the right decision.

[Nighthawk76]

Originally Posted by TripperFan

I'm going through the exact same thing my friend so you're not alone. Although I have a perfectly great guy that I did love at one point, I only want the one who hurt me so badly still. It's a horrible feeling and one that doesn't end easily. You can't control your heart like you can your mind. The song that keeps going through my head is the Beatles "HEY! You've got to hide your love away" - here I stand, head in hand, turn my face to the wall, if he's gone, I can't go on, feeling two feet small....."

Love is the one feeling that can be both horrible and wonderful at the same time.

I was in a relationship during the last few months of my senior year of high school with a girl that was always hurting me. Still, I wanted to be with her.

[Nighthawk76]

Originally Posted by beautifuldreamer

^Very well said, Cathie.



Oh, dear Mike... I am very sorry to hear about this. I know that pain, but I do want to say I very much understand what you said about not being depressed... I know exactly what you mean. If you are struggling or in pain regarding love, you can still feel really great about your life outside of that. I don't know what to tell you... I have not found a cure for this feeling yet myself. It feels like I talk with so many people about this on a day to day basis: being sad about lost love, it is so common. I do want to ask you though, if it is not to personal, why you and Kelly aren't together? If she is with someone else... yeah, I've totally been there. I guy I was in love with (okay, still am) has had two girlfriends since I've met him, and I wasn't either one of them. Sorry, I'm tryin to cheer you up here, Mike... and at the same time, laugh about my own problems, which I've steadily gotten better at Maybe you should.... talk to her about your feelings? You need to put an end to this pain. Does she know how you feel? If you are positive that there is no way that you can be together, you must move on... it does get better with time though. I don't know... I'm sorry.

Come here.

Thanks, Mattie. I just sent you a PM with a few more details that I didn't want to post in public.

[Nighthawk76]

Originally Posted by HuntingtonM15

I don't really have any great advice, but I personally think that your going through with it, after knowing how hard it would be, pretty much confirms that you made the right decision.

I know in my mind that I made the right decision. My heart feels differently though.

I'm wearing one of my Sara Evans t-shirts today!

[Theda Bara]

I know what you are going through, Mike; because I am in similar situation. Being in love with someone, does not fade overnight; sometimes this feeling will linger on and on. My advice is to think well of Kelly, pray for her and continue on with your life. Surround yourself with things that make you the happiest, like reading or listening to your favorite music. Also remember that you are human, and you have feelings and sometimes those feelings are very strong and do not wane; embrace them, learn from them, and take each day as it comes....

[browneyes106]

I was a similar situation years ago Mike. After awhile I realized the relationship wasn't meant to be. Always keep your heart open for love.

[ZeldaGilroy]

I'm really sorry you are going through this Mike. I know it is rough, and even though you know it was the right decision for you and Kelly to part ways, your heart still holds a lot of love for her. I think it is fine for you to be happy being single for now. You shouldn't feel like you have to rush out and find another girl to be with. Take things one day at a time and trust the Lord to get you through this. It is always best to trust in His plan for your life. I'll be thinking of you and sending prayers your way!

[Wreckless]

I have had the same situation....I fell in love with a wonderful girl almost 2 years ago- we met in a class we both had at community college and hung out a lot. i fell in love with her instantly, and it continued that way- but she had a boyfriend before we met and still did that whole semester. i don't know how serious or faithful they were in their relationship- but we never exchanged numbers . me, her and a friend used to hang out at the coffee shop, and the other friend was a female as well and she had Loretta's (the girl I fell for) number, so we would meet up a lot after she called her, and hang out after class- or go to class together then leave together and hung out. i know she liked me as a friend, and possibly more then that I'm pretty sure. She lives near me and works at the mall nearby so I have to hit her up cause I miss her as well.

But anyway, take it day by day.....things could change, and count your blessings- and things will turn out positive in the long run most likely. You seem like a real good person and I hope it works out for you- I'm sorry that you no longer speak to her and her friend, but I hope she's back in your life soon. God Bless.

[Family Ties Forever!]

Originally Posted by Waking Up Laughing

I was in a relationship during the last few months of my senior year of high school with a girl that was always hurting me. Still, I wanted to be with her.

I remember you saying in the past that you dated a girl in high school and she died of cancer in your senior year.