Apologies?

[Sharop]

Does anyone else get very incensed if someone owes you an apology and that person refuses to do so? It's happening to me at the moment. I may not always enjoy apologising but I do say I'm sorry if I've said or done something wrong to someone. Apologising is the right thing to do and I find myself getting angry that this person who owes me an apology has stated that he has no intention of apologising.

Without going into too much detail, Justin, a good friend from university, was killed in a car accident on the morning of 8th April. I went to his funeral yesterday - I may post more about it later. He was a mature student (he would have been 48 in June) and he started at the same time as me, so I've known him from day one.

He was going to do an MA and I've been told that he was probably going to do a PHd as well. He was great friends with a lot of us younger students. Most of us were 18/19/20 when we started and are now in our early twenties, so Justin was at times a bit like a father figure and he helped everyone a lot. People would go to him and he'd talk to them and give them advice. Not only is he one of the most intelligent and hard-working people I have ever known, but he was also a truly good, kind person.

Anyway, a moderator on another forum made a nasty post about him "probably burning in hell" - this moderator is an atheist (he's picked on me because of my religious beliefs before) and so doesn't believe in Heaven or Hell, he was just saying that to try to upset me. After that, he then made a post accusing me of making the whole thing up. He said he was "highly sceptical that this tragedy had even taken place" and said that I was probably making it up to seek attention and emotionally blackmail people.

Thankfully, another member of the forum who is also a friend on Facebook made a post confirming that what I had said was true. This moderator realises now that I was telling the truth but has stated that he has no intention of apologising for his posts. I think he was completely wrong to say what he did and I'm angry that he's refusing to do so.

[Mr. Television]

I'm sorry Michelle. This moderator sounds like he's no good and I doubt he'll ever apologize. He sounds more like a bully. I wouldn't even waste your time worrying about him. He isn't worth it. Something like that wouldn't happen here. You'd have plenty of SO members coming to your defense. I'm really sorry about your friend.

[Jude The Obscure]

I know its hard now, but moving on will be the best thing, although from time to time, the old feelings resurface. I've been dealing with this for three years with 3 people who used to in an e-mail circle of friends. One day, a conversation got a little off track, I was told by one to "F--- OFF" and never to e-mail them again. Mind you, this wasn't private, this was e-mailed to everyone in the group. I didn't get the chance to even apologize from the ill perceived comment I supposedly made to get that response. A few months later, another one just suddenly stopped and the other one was quick after. This group still e-mails to everyone else, but me.....I get to see some of this through forwarded mails from others in the group who still communicate with me. There are times, I still am angry at them for not allowing me a chance to say I'm sorry or better yet, their NEED to apologize back for their junior high school behavior. but I keep reminding myself--I have better friends here and on Facebook, so why should I waste my time worrying what these people have to say behind my back. We will all have to answer for ourselves one day before God, so I'm just asking for the strength to move on and get better, and not bitter.

[OH Nuts!]

Originally Posted by Sharop

Does anyone else get very incensed if someone owes you an apology and that person refuses to do so? It's happening to me at the moment. I may not always enjoy apologising but I do say I'm sorry if I've said or done something wrong to someone. Apologising is the right thing to do and I find myself getting angry that this person who owes me an apology has stated that he has no intention of apologising.

Without going into too much detail, Justin, a good friend from university, was killed in a car accident on the morning of 8th April. I went to his funeral yesterday - I may post more about it later. He was a mature student (he would have been 48 in June) and he started at the same time as me, so I've known him from day one.

He was going to do an MA and I've been told that he was probably going to do a PHd as well. He was great friends with a lot of us younger students. Most of us were 18/19/20 when we started and are now in our early twenties, so Justin was at times a bit like a father figure and he helped everyone a lot. People would go to him and he'd talk to them and give them advice. Not only is he one of the most intelligent and hard-working people I have ever known, but he was also a truly good, kind person.

Anyway, a moderator on another forum made a nasty post about him "probably burning in hell" - this moderator is an atheist (he's picked on me because of my religious beliefs before) and so doesn't believe in Heaven or Hell, he was just saying that to try to upset me. After that, he then made a post accusing me of making the whole thing up. He said he was "highly sceptical that this tragedy had even taken place" and said that I was probably making it up to seek attention and emotionally blackmail people.

Thankfully, another member of the forum who is also a friend on Facebook made a post confirming that what I had said was true. This moderator realises now that I was telling the truth but has stated that he has no intention of apologising for his posts. I think he was completely wrong to say what he did and I'm angry that he's refusing to do so.

I'm so sorry about ALL of this - your dear friend's passing & posts you found upsetting.

[catlover79]

Originally Posted by OH Nuts!

I'm so sorry about ALL of this - your dear friend's passing & posts you found upsetting.

So am I - but sometimes the best thing to do is shrug things off. Why waste energy and time worrying about it?

[robyrob]

to be honest, if this person was PUBLICLY embarassed and proven wrong about his assumptions and his negative comments and now OPENLY refuses to apologize for them it only makes him look bad and your point that much stronger.

you don't need an apology from him; you are better than him.

[catlover79]

Originally Posted by robyrob

to be honest, if this person was PUBLICLY embarassed and proven wrong about his assumptions and his negative comments and now OPENLY refuses to apologize for them it only makes him look bad and your point that much stronger.

you don't need an apology from him; you are better than him.

BRAVO!! YOU SAID IT!!

[MickeyMac]

Originally Posted by Sharop

Does anyone else get very incensed if someone owes you an apology and that person refuses to do so? It's happening to me at the moment. I may not always enjoy apologising but I do say I'm sorry if I've said or done something wrong to someone. Apologising is the right thing to do and I find myself getting angry that this person who owes me an apology has stated that he has no intention of apologising.

Without going into too much detail, Justin, a good friend from university, was killed in a car accident on the morning of 8th April. I went to his funeral yesterday - I may post more about it later. He was a mature student (he would have been 48 in June) and he started at the same time as me, so I've known him from day one.

He was going to do an MA and I've been told that he was probably going to do a PHd as well. He was great friends with a lot of us younger students. Most of us were 18/19/20 when we started and are now in our early twenties, so Justin was at times a bit like a father figure and he helped everyone a lot. People would go to him and he'd talk to them and give them advice. Not only is he one of the most intelligent and hard-working people I have ever known, but he was also a truly good, kind person.

Anyway, a moderator on another forum made a nasty post about him "probably burning in hell" - this moderator is an atheist (he's picked on me because of my religious beliefs before) and so doesn't believe in Heaven or Hell, he was just saying that to try to upset me. After that, he then made a post accusing me of making the whole thing up. He said he was "highly sceptical that this tragedy had even taken place" and said that I was probably making it up to seek attention and emotionally blackmail people.

Thankfully, another member of the forum who is also a friend on Facebook made a post confirming that what I had said was true. This moderator realises now that I was telling the truth but has stated that he has no intention of apologising for his posts. I think he was completely wrong to say what he did and I'm angry that he's refusing to do so.

I'd kick their ass. Well at least the thought would cross my mind.

[catlover79]

Originally Posted by MickeyMac

I'd kick their ass. Well at least the thought would cross my mind.

[OH Nuts!]

Originally Posted by robyrob

to be honest, if this person was PUBLICLY embarassed and proven wrong about his assumptions and his negative comments and now OPENLY refuses to apologize for them it only makes him look bad and your point that much stronger.

you don't need an apology from him; you are better than him.

A most wise and perceptive outlook - and from my past experience, very true. When people exhibit poor social/cyber skills, it often comes back to haunt them.

[JamesG]

Well to me an apology means nothing if the person feels that they have to say it.

They should realize on their own that they should apologize for whatever reason and not feel like they have to do so.

Judging by what you said is going on, an apology by him would mean nothing as if he truly was sorry he wouldn't have mentioned he won't apologize or would have apologized right away.

Some people feel like they shouldn't apologize and it realy isn't worth it to wait for one to come from them.

[Yooch]

It used to bother me a lot (people not apologizing). There are always going to be people like that. Recognizing that fact helps me deal with it better.

I prayed for Justin's family and his friends when you had told me about it a few weeks ago.

People who won't believe you, or won't apologize, are not worth your time or attention. You have friends (like me) who do care. I think you know that.

[Hollow]

Originally Posted by robyrob

to be honest, if this person was PUBLICLY embarassed and proven wrong about his assumptions and his negative comments and now OPENLY refuses to apologize for them it only makes him look bad and your point that much stronger.

you don't need an apology from him; you are better than him.

good point. the guy was proven wrong and his refusal to apologize just manifests his weakness. that speaks for itself.

how old is he? if he's, say, under 20, there will likely come a day when he grows up and feels bad about being such an ass. but nonetheless, don't waste your time on him. bullies usually don't mean the hurtful things they say. they just want to tear someone apart to boost their egos and they'll do anything that will make it happen.

[Sharop]

Originally Posted by safety pin

how old is he?

He's a grown adult; he's 36 years old.