Wednesday's Quotes & Ralph Kramden, a NY/NJ NHL fan? (Part 7)

[Frank Gannucci]

(The NY Rangers beat the Washington Capitals 2-1.)

(Ralph just watched the game. He is celebrating.)

Ralph: “THE RANGERS WIN! THE RANGERS WIN!”

(Alice comes out.)

Alice: “I take it that the Rangers have won tonight.”

Ralph: “Yes, they did Alice. The chances of one of our teams getting a Stanley Cup just increased.”

(Ed comes in.)

Ed: “Hey Ralph-ie boy! What a game huh? What a series. I just hope that the Rangers take this golden opportunity and win game 5..”

Ralph: “The Rangers having the momentum. That momentum will make them win a lot more. They are just like my bus. My bus has momentum every day.”

Ed: “Even though you are on it.”

Ralph: “Oh, you are a real riot Norton. I hope they like those jokes on the moon because that is where you are going if you are not careful.”

Ed: “I hope those Rangers meet the Devils in the third round. We should celebrate this win with them tomorrow. I will bring my lunch and beer and come by during my lunch hour. I will say to them that I love having them play above my place of work.”

Ralph: “I love having to drive by MSG and see all those people buying tickets to see Rangers games. It brings excitement to my work.”

(They both sing a song about the NY Rangers.)

(Jackie Gleason walks on stage. Audience applauds.)

Jackie: “Thank you. How sweet it is.”

(Audience cheers.)

Jackie: “Ladies and gentlemen. I love working in Miami Beach because the Miami Beach audiences are the BEST! GOOD NIGHT!”

(Audience cheers.)

"The Bensonhurst Bomber":

George: "My pal Harvey is bigger than me."

Ralph: "I got a friend Shirley who is bigger than you."

"Life Upon The Wicked Stage":

Ralph: "The theater has been in me all my life."

Alice: "Yeah, I knew that that wasn't your stomach. It was the balcony."

"Without Reservations":

Stan: "Are there any openings at the bus depot?"

Ralph: "No."

Stan: "Then how do you get in the building?"

"Dinner Guest":

Man: "Me and my wife are big TV fans. Where's the TV?"

Ralph (speaking at the same time as Alice): "It's out getting repaired."

Alice (speaking at the same time as Ralph): "We don't have a TV set."

Ralph (speaking at the same time as Alice): "We don't have a TV set."

Alice (speaking at the same time as Ralph): "It's out getting repaired."

Ralph: "What my wife is trying to say is that if we had a TV set, it would be out getting repaired."

"Boys & Girls Together":

Alice: "Well Ralph, I am ready to sit down."

Ralph: "So?"

Alice: "Well, who's going to help me with my chair?"

Ralph: "There's only two of us in the room so unless you have a torn ligament or something, you'll do it."

"Dial J For Janitor":

(Ed is trying to bang his pipes to get water for his apartment. Ralph goes to the window and sticks his head out.)

Ralph (yells): "NORTON, WOULD YOU STOP THAT BANGING? I GOT A HEADACHE."

Ed (from upstairs, yells): "I NEED WATER. I NEED TO TAKE A BATH."

Ralph (yells): "DO ME A FAVOR AND STAY DIRTY JUST FOR THE NIGHT."

"Unconventional Behavior":

(Ed & Ralph are handcuffed on a train. Ed tried saying "Boomph" to get out, like he was instructed but it doesn't work.)

Ralph: "I have had enough of the boomphing. Get the key out and open them up."

Ed: "There ain't no key. You got to boomph your way out."

Ralph (yells): "I AM GOING TO BOOMPH YOU OUT OF THE WHOLE CAR."

"Man In The Blue Suit":

(Ed is ripping up his jacket just so he would look like a bum to get his suit back from the Help The Needy Society.)

Ralph: "I paid $8 for this jacket."

Ed: "Would you stop being so penny wise and half a pound foolish? You need to get the $73 from that jacket's pocket. $8 from $73 is, uh...You got a lot left over."

"Six Months To Live":

Ralph: "That does it Norton. In six months, I will be dead."

Ed: "Don't get so upset. Doctos can be wrong to you know. Take a friend of mine for instance. The doctor gave him six months to live. Boy, did he make a monkey out of that doctor."

Ralph: "What happened?"

Ed: "He lived for almost eight months."