Monday's Quotes & Ralph Kramden, a NY/NJ NHL fan? (Part 5)

[Frank Gannucci]

(The Washington Capitals beat the NY Rangers 4-0.)

(Ralph & Ed just watched the game from Ed's apartment.)

Ed: “What a game Ralph. The Rangers have lost.”

Ralph: “It's just one game. They can't beat them in this series.”

Ed: “I wonder how those Capitals fans are going to think? When was the last time a team from Washington made the playoffs in their respective sport?”

Ralph: “I don't know. Washington is known for it's bad sports teams and for having those BUM politicians.”

Ed: “When the Rangers win the first round, where are you going to be?”

Ralph: “I will be at home watching the game and celebrating. Where are you going to be?”

Ed: “I will be at Trixie's mother's.”

Ralph: “WHAT?”

Ed: “I have to go. The wife told me that I have to.”

Ralph: “You can't do that. You are the KING of your castle. The KING. I am the KING of my kingdom.”

(Alice & Trixie come up.)

Alice: “Ralph, is the game over?”

Ralph: “Yes, it is.”

Ed: “Trixie. I may not go to your mother's. I am the KING of my castle and I will say where I want to go. Ralph is also the KING of his castle. He told me. He deserves it.”

Trixie: “Ed!”

Ed: “I will go to your mother's.”

Ralph: “WHAT? YOU ARE KING OF YOUR CASTLE. LIKE ME.”

Alice: “Ralph!”

Ed: “Ralph, I never said I didn't want to go to her mothers.”

Ralph: “Oh boy. I am the KING Alice. You are nothing.”

Alice: “Big deal. You are the BIG KING over nothing.”

Ed: “Ha ha ha.”

(Ralph is upset at Ed. So they fight. The girls separate them.)

(Jackie Gleason walks on stage. Audience applauds.)

Jackie: “GOOD NIGHT! YOU ARE THE BEST AUDIENCES IN THE WORLD!”

(Audience cheers.)

"Man In The Blue Suit":

Ed: "Hide the money under the rug."

Ralph: "We don't have a rug."

Ed: "Take the $73 that you won and go otu and by a rug. That way, you will have a place to hide it."

Ralph: "Would you mind repeating that?"

Ed: "Take the money that you won from playing cards, go out and buy a rug...and you can hide it in the ice box."

"The Babysitter":

Ralph: "The bills will get bigger and bigger and I will get less to eat, I will start losing weight. Then do you know what I will look like?"

Alice: "Yeah. A human being."

"The Babysitter":

Ralph: "Norton, I don't want to lose Alice."

(Ralph leaves. Ed eats Ralph's dinner.)

Ed: "I hope he doesn't lose her too. She is such a good cook."

"Ralph's Big Mouth" (aka "Head of The House"):

Ralph: "I am a horse. You are a mouse."

Ed: "Well, let me say this. I rather be a live mouse than a dead horse."

"Goodbye Aunt Ethel Part 1":

Alice: "My Aunt Ethel is coming."

Ralph: "There you are. I am not steamed. I am not excited. I am just as calm as when I walked in that door and do you know why?" (yells): "BECAUSE YOUR AUNT ALICE ISN'T COMING HERE."

"Hawaii! Oh! Oh!":

Alice: "The doctor says that you have to take off at least 10 pounds."

Ralph: "Let me eat today and tomorrow, I will take off 20 pounds."

"Hawaii! Oh! Oh!":

Ralph: "I have a weight problem. I came down to 220."

Ed: "That is his room number. He came down from 280."

"The Match Game":

Prof. Vansickle (played by a woman named Frances Langford): "I am Prof. Vansickle."

Ed: "Pleased to meet you sir."

"Expectant Dad":

Ed: "The whole sewer was swarming with FBI men."

Trixie: "What were they doing in the sewer?"

Ed: "They were looking for wetbacks who were trying to beat the cross-town traffic."