Saturday's Quotes: - Sitcoms Online Message Boards

Frank Gannucci · 03-28-2009, 11:18 AM

"We're Off To See The Wizard":

(The girls are upset that the boys paid Emma and Clarance $200. Emma & Clarance fooled the boys ino thinking that there was buried treasure and sold them the map that guided them to the place where the "treasure" was for $200.)

Alice: "You two have cost us $200."

Ed: "$208. We paid Clarance $8 to borrow the shovel from him."

"The Main Event":

Ralph: "Alice, come on out. Dynamite is here."

(Alice slams the bedroom door.)

Ralph: "I guess that she is still asleep."

"Ralph's Big Mouth" (aka "Mind Your Own Business"):

Ed: "Suppose they don't give me the promotion?"

Ralph: "Then you scare them. Tell them that after 17 years in the sewer, you are finally washing your hands of the whole thing."

"Jellybeans":

Ralph: "When I win that $100, I am going to get myself some bowling shoes, a leather lumber jacket, and you are going to get a string of pearls."

Alice: "Yeah, and if you lose, I will have a string of jellybeans around my neck."

"Goodbye Aunt Ethel Part 2":

(Aunt Ethel and Fred are alone in the kitchen. A record is being played.)

(Ed comes in.)

Ed: "Howdy folks. I heard the phonograph playing. I thought you would like some of my records better. Here is a good one."

(Ed puts it on.)

(Loud big band music plays. Ed dances to it.)

(Ralph comes out and takes Ed's record off.)

Ralph (yells): "GET OUT! GET OUT!"

"Alice & The Blonde":

Ralph: "It just so happens that the Raccoon Lodge is going through a financial crisis. And I'm the Treasurer Alice, I'm responsible. If I don't get some money into that treasury you know what might happen? The Bensonhurst chapter of the Raccoon Lodge may no longer be! Do you know what that means?"

Alice: "Yeah, real estate values in Bensonhurst will go up 100%."

"Hair-Raising Tale":

(One of Ralph's failed inventions that was revealed in this episode was Glow in the Dark shoeshine polish.)

Ed: "Mr. Mitchell, would you like to try shoeshine polish that glows in the dark?"

Ralph (yells): "WILL YOU SHUT UP?"

"Boy Next Door":

Ralph: "My dad once said this: 'For one of a sock, a shoe was lost. For one of a shoe, a horse was lost. For one of a horse, a war was lost. For one of a war...for one of a war...it was all lost.'"

Alice: "Yeah? Why don't you get lost?"

"Hair To A Fortune":

Ralph: "The more brains men have, the less hair they got."

(Alice puts her fingers in Ralph's hair.)

Alice: "I rest my case."

03-28-2009, 11:18 AM	#1
Frank Gannucci Member Forum Star Join Date: Mar 05, 2007 Posts: 16,042	Saturday's Quotes: "We're Off To See The Wizard": (The girls are upset that the boys paid Emma and Clarance $200. Emma & Clarance fooled the boys ino thinking that there was buried treasure and sold them the map that guided them to the place where the "treasure" was for $200.) Alice: "You two have cost us $200." Ed: "$208. We paid Clarance $8 to borrow the shovel from him." "The Main Event": Ralph: "Alice, come on out. Dynamite is here." (Alice slams the bedroom door.) Ralph: "I guess that she is still asleep." "Ralph's Big Mouth" (aka "Mind Your Own Business"): Ed: "Suppose they don't give me the promotion?" Ralph: "Then you scare them. Tell them that after 17 years in the sewer, you are finally washing your hands of the whole thing." "Jellybeans": Ralph: "When I win that $100, I am going to get myself some bowling shoes, a leather lumber jacket, and you are going to get a string of pearls." Alice: "Yeah, and if you lose, I will have a string of jellybeans around my neck." "Goodbye Aunt Ethel Part 2": (Aunt Ethel and Fred are alone in the kitchen. A record is being played.) (Ed comes in.) Ed: "Howdy folks. I heard the phonograph playing. I thought you would like some of my records better. Here is a good one." (Ed puts it on.) (Loud big band music plays. Ed dances to it.) (Ralph comes out and takes Ed's record off.) Ralph (yells): "GET OUT! GET OUT!" "Alice & The Blonde": Ralph: "It just so happens that the Raccoon Lodge is going through a financial crisis. And I'm the Treasurer Alice, I'm responsible. If I don't get some money into that treasury you know what might happen? The Bensonhurst chapter of the Raccoon Lodge may no longer be! Do you know what that means?" Alice: "Yeah, real estate values in Bensonhurst will go up 100%." "Hair-Raising Tale": (One of Ralph's failed inventions that was revealed in this episode was Glow in the Dark shoeshine polish.) Ed: "Mr. Mitchell, would you like to try shoeshine polish that glows in the dark?" Ralph (yells): "WILL YOU SHUT UP?" "Boy Next Door": Ralph: "My dad once said this: 'For one of a sock, a shoe was lost. For one of a shoe, a horse was lost. For one of a horse, a war was lost. For one of a war...for one of a war...it was all lost.'" Alice: "Yeah? Why don't you get lost?" "Hair To A Fortune": Ralph: "The more brains men have, the less hair they got." (Alice puts her fingers in Ralph's hair.) Alice: "I rest my case."