St. Patty's Day Quotes & Honeymooners TV Schedule (3/20-3/30):

[Frank Gannucci]

(AmericanLife TV):

(AmericanLife also has an OnDemand Service. This show might be one of the shows to watch.)

TV-G

All times are Eastern.

Jackie Gleason as Ralph Kramden. Art Carney as Ed Norton. Shelia MacRae as Alice Kramden. Jean Kean as Trixie Norton.

Fri. March 20 10p & Sat. March 21, 2009 #6 (aka #159) – “The Mod Couple” (aka "The Honeymooners in England"): The Kramdens & Nortons appear in a Flakey Wakey commercial on an English TV show. Ralph makes a fool of himself and Ed accidentally overturns a piano. The Kramdens flee London in Shame but are invited back because the audience loved the commercial. (7136/13952)

Fri. March 28 10p & Sat. March 29, 2009 #7 (aka #160) - "You're in the Picture": Blackmailers fake a hanky-panky photo of Ralph in Madrid, and for once, Alice is jealous.(9737/89447)

(WPIX) & (WPIXD):

Jackie Gleason as Ralph Kramden. Art Carney as Ed Norton. Audrey Meadows as Alice Kramden. Joyce Randolph as Trixie Norton.

Mon. March 23, 2009 1p #028 (aka #119) - "The Worry Wart": Ralph's nerves are taxed when he gets a letter requesting his presence at the IRS office. Alice tries to calm him by reminding him that many people have their returns reviewed. "You're darn right," Norton agrees. "The jails are full of them." Norton, in fact, is helping Ralph review the business deductions he made on his returns and then lends his buddy moral support by accompanying him to the IRS office. (WPIX: 92014/24052)

1:30p #59 (aka #085) (CC) - *“One Big Happy Family”: In an effort to save money, Ralph and Ed decide to share an apartment. But life is not so sweet with Ralph and Alice and Ed and Trixie all under the same roof. (33859/49859)

Mon. March 31, 2009 1:30p #46 (aka #84) (CC) - *“Stars Over Flatbush”: Norton convinces Ralph that astrology will help him predict how to get a raise, and Ralph lets the stars rule his life. (WPIX: 34030. WPIXD: 24092)

(WGN America) (Not WGN's Chicago feed):

Jackie Gleason as Ralph Kramden. Art Carney as Ed Norton. Audrey Meadows as Alice Kramden. Joyce Randolph as Trixie Norton.

All episodes on WGN America are in CC.

Sun. March 22, 2009 12a #102 (aka #59/#44) – “‘What’s Her Name’/“Champagne & Caviar’”: (For “What’s Her Name”): Ralph and Alice fight over the name of an actress. (For “Champagne & Caviar”): Ralph sets out to impress the company president. (996396)

9p #100 (aka #89) – “Songs and Witty Sayings (Part One)”: Ralph and Norton team up for a contest hoping to win first prize. Against their husband's wishes, Alice and Trixie also enter the contest. (648087)

9:30p #101 – “Songs and Witty Sayings (Part Two)”: Ralph and Norton wake up the neighborhood practicing for the contest. (746193)

Sat. March 29, 2009 12a #103 (aka #25/#136) – “‘Alice’s Aunt Ethel’/‘Two-Family Car’”: (For “Alice’s Aunt Ethel”): Ralph tries to get rid of Alice's visiting aunt. (For “Two-Family Car”): Ralph jumps to conclusions when he gets a telegram. (103639)

Sun. March 30, 2009 9p #104 (aka #78) – “Little Man Who Wasn’t There (Part One)”: Ralph is sent to the company psychiatrist when he loses his temper once too often on the job. He is advised to give up his friendship with Norton, Norton mistakes his farewell note for a suicide note, and shadows Ralph to keep him out of trouble. (951558)

9:30p #105 – “Little Man Who Wasn’t There (Part Two)”: Ralph, seeing Norton everywhere he looks, thinks he's losing his mind ...until the truth comes out and the psychiatrist decides that Norton and Kramden belong together. (944788)

(WNET & WNET HD) (Newark, NJ PBS affiliate)

Sat. March 21, 3a (CC) "Jackie Gleason: Genius At Work": Various clips are shown of Jackie Gleason showing his comedic brilliance. (WNET: 353150 WNET HD: 827150)

*: This episode has been edited HEAVILY.

Credit goes to zap2it.com, tvguide.com, the old honeymooners.net & tvland.com.

"Man In The Blue Suit":

Alice: "Why do you want the suit back?"

Ralph: "I'll tell you why. It's my lucky suit."

Alice: "Lucky suit? You haven't worn it in five years."

Ralph: "Do you know how lucky I have been for the last five years?"

"$99,000 Answer":

(Ralph's practicing is keeping everybody, including McGarrity, up.)

Ralph: "This time, tomorrow night, my picture will be on the front page of every newspaper in the USA."

McGarrity: "So will mine for killing you."

"Ralph Kramden Inc.":

Ralph: "I am not nervous, Alice. I am not nervous. I may be a little excited about inheriting $40,000,000, but I am not nervous."

(Ralph polishes his sock.)

Alice: "You are not nervous Ralph. You are not nervous at all. You just read in Esquire about how the well-dressed man always polishes his sock."

"Quiz Show":

Alice: "Boy, that brother of yours is the stupidest person I have ever seen."

Ralph: "How could you look at me and say that?"

"Quiz Show":

Ralph: "I had four years of schooling."

Alice: "And I had eight years."

Ralph: "Well, some people learn faster than others."

"Better Living Through TV":

(Ed has Trixie's dress on while Trixie has to measure the hems.)

Trixie: "Do you have to smoke that cigar?"

Ed: "Please, it's the only link left to the old me."

All quotes come from "Curse of The Kramdens":

#1

Mayor: "Did your mitther come from Ireland?"

Ed: "What's a mitther?"

Ralph: "He means your mother."

Ed: "No, she didn't. Neither did my britther or my sitther. It was my grandfither."

#2

Mayor: "Ah, you are a Kramden all right. You got the ear of an eagle, the heart of a lion and the dignity of a king. Ralph Kramden, it's good to meet you."

(He shakes the hand of Ed.)

Ralph: "Wait a minute. I am the one with the ear of an eagle, the heart of a lion and the dignity of a king. Ralph Kramden, it's good to meet you."

Ed: "Yeah, I got the tooth of an elk."

#3

(The mayor compliments the husbands on their chocie of wives.)

Alice: "You have been kissing the blarney stone."

Ed: "If he said those compliments about Trixie, I would say he drank the whole thing."

Happy St. Patty's Day!