Saturday's Quotes & a Honeymooners St. Patty's Day:

[Frank Gannucci]

"Operation: Protest":

(Clifford just cost Ralph his job at the bus company.)

Clifford (making the "Peace" sign with his fingers): "Peace."

Ralph (grabbing one of Cliff's fingers): "Alice, grab the other one and make a wish."

"Boys and Girls Together":

Alice: "If you go out one night and it's not your night out with Norton and you don't take me with you, when you get home, I won't be here."

(Alice goes into the bedroom. Ralph walks over to the doorway to the bedroom.)

Ralph: "Har-har-hardy-har-har!"

"Movies Are Better Than Ever":

(Ralph & Alice are at the pool hall.)

Ralph: "This is how you chalk up your cue."

Alice: "Well, that is the stupidest thing I ever heard of."

Ralph: "YOU are the stupidest thing I ever heard of."

"The Hypnotist Part 1":

(The boys come home.)

Ralph: "Shh! Alice is asleep."

Ed: "What?"

Ralph: "I said that Alice is asleep."

Ed: "I can't hear you."

Alice (from bedroom): "He said: 'Shh! Alice is asleep.'"

"Norton Moves In" (Color version):

Alice: "You and Norton will have to sleep out in the kitchen."

Ralph: "Just a moment. Whenever you mother or your Aunt Ethel comes, I have to sleep in the kitchen. It's a good thing that we don't have a cat because if he ever wanted to sleep in the kitchen, I would have to sleep in a box out in the hall."

"Unconventional Behavior":

Ed: "Hey Ralph?"

Ralph: "What?"

Ed: "Mind if I smoke?"

Ralph: "I don't care if you burn."

"Young At Heart":

(Ralph is talking about the fact that from now on, he will do all the things that young people do.)

Ralph: "What's so funny?"

Ed: "How could anybody so round, be so square?"

"Young At Heart":

Wallace: "I got a frantic hot rod that is ready to percolate."

Ralph: "Frantic hot rod that is ready to percolate?"

Wallace: "Yeah man. Aren't you hip? Don't you dig?"

Ed: "No, I'm the one who digs. I work in the sewer."

"Letter To The Boss":

Ralph: "Today, I'm fired. Tomorrow, I'm forgotten. They probably won't evcn know what I look like."

Ed: "That's okay. Tomorrow, you go down there and apply for another job."

(Ralph comes home with a gleam in his eye. He bought a lap top with him.)

Ralph: “Well, Norton. Our dreams of living in a rich lifestyle are right in front of us.”

(Ed comes in with a modem and connection.)

Ed: “You can say that again.”

Ralph: “After all, we are going to go to Publisher's Clearing House's website every day until March 17th. We are sure to win the $10,000,000.”

(Alice comes out.)

Alice: “Ralph, what is this?”

Ralph: “Alice, I rented this lap top and modem for $2,000. I am going to go to Publisher's Clearing House's website every day until March 17th. We are sure to win the $10,000,000.”

Alice: “Ralph, are you crazy? The chances of you winning are one in a million.”

Ralph: “Alice, I am not crazy. Do you want to be rich, huh? With $10,000,000 we can move to Miami Beach.”

(Audience cheers.)

Alice: “Ralph, listen to me. You are going to lose $2,000.”

Ralph (yells): “I AM NOT. YOU ARE WRONG. I AM RIGHT. DEBATE OVER. I WILL WIN THAT $10,000,000. I AM GOING TO GET MY POT OF GOLD AT THE END OF THE RAINBOW.”

Alice (yells): “JUST GO FOR THE GOLD. YOU ALREADY HAVE THE POT. YOU DON'T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT HOOKING THIS UP.”

Ralph: “I will read about it. I want to win that money and I will prove you wrong just like I always do. If I lose, I will be big about it and admit it.”

Alice: “You are built for admitting it.”

(Ed laughs.)

Ralph (yells): “GEEEEEEEEEET OUT!”

(Ed leaves.)

(After several hours of Ralph having headaches hooking up his Internet connection, he finally hooks it up. He goes to pch.com every day. On March 17th, him and Ed take the day off and stay home. They look out the window with Alice.)

Alice: “Ralph, Ed, I am telling you you are not going to win.”

Ralph: “Wait, I see the van coming down Chauncey Street.”

(Him and Ed sing a song about winners. After that, they continue to look.)

Ralph: “This will be the greatest St. Patty's Day ever. After I win, let's all get wasted on green beer. They are coming up this building. Get ready. Get the bag.”

(Knocking is heard upstairs.)

Garrity: “Yes?”

Man: “Are you Mr. Garrity?”

Garrity: “Yes.”

Man: “You have just won $10,000,000.”

(Ralph is all upset.)

Ralph (yelling out the window): “GARRITY, YOU ARE STILL A BUM.”

Ed: “I see that your plan of getting the pot has gone to pot.”

Ralph (yells): “GET OUT!”

(Ed leaves.)

Ralph: “Don't start anything Alice.”

(Ralph slumps in his chair.)

(Jackie Gleason walks on stage. Audience cheers.)

Jackie: “How sweet it is.”

(Audience cheers.)

Jackie: “Folks, in real life, I am computer savvy and I love working in front of you guys because you guys are the best. GOOD NIGHT!”

(Audience cheers.)