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80s_Fan · 02-23-2009, 08:00 AM

I need some advice, input, opinions, etc...on this situation between a friend of mine and myself. I've been friends with this person for over 20 yrs. (we are 4 yrs. apart); I will be 40 soon and she will be 36 and when we started hanging out my mother did not like the fact that I was friends with her because she's younger than me but, I did not let that stop me. Anyway; eventually my mother accepted it and our friendship continued and grew; and we would hang out together pretty often.

At some point, we didn't see each other as often anymore but, still spoke on the phone, emails, etc....that was fine. I made two mistakes and I did apologize for them, and she forgave me. At one point when I made the mistakes; she told me that we shouldn't be friends anymore cause we have nothing in common anymore, etc...but I told her that I don't want the friendship to end. She said (ok) we won't end the friendship so I was happy and relieved. But since then, I've noticed that she treats me more like an acquaintance than a friend; not as close as we used to be and it's really bothering and hurting me.

I send her messages on facebook and sometimes she doesn't answer me or answers me differently that when she responds to others. She hasn't called me in such a long time; hardly get emails anymore; so are we friends or not?
If we are friends then I need her to show me and if we are not then, I will be hurt but, in time I will accept and deal with it just like the other friendship that I ended a long time ago with my best friend whom I grew up with and was very close to. That's another thing; those two hated each other before and then I found out awhile back that they were talking to each other; don't know if they still are but, it's funny how they went from hating each other to liking each other and that now I am the bad one that they both hate.

I know she doesn't hate me (the one who's younger than me); we still talk but, I've noticed a change in our friendship. I know that because of my mistakes; she probably doesn't like me as much anymore but, she did forgive me so, what's the story? One mistake didn't concern her but, the other did and like I said; I apologized to her for both of them; it's the past, so either let it go or not.

My boyfriend says to just go on and not contact her for awhile to see what will happen; go with the flow but, I want to know straight out if she wants to be my friend; like we used to be or not. I did so much for her in the past and we got along great; shared secrets, always there for each other. It's like all of that; doesn't matter to her but, it does to me.

Should I talk to her about it or just leave her be for now?
If I talk to her; guess I should do it in person; right??
I'm so confused right now; want to straighten this out before I start
school which is coming up soon (March 9); what do I do?

MonarC · 02-23-2009, 10:09 PM

I think your bf's right. Just let her come and talk to you and if she doesnt ever call or talk to you again then im afraid you have your answer.

Then there is the other option you could continue to try and talk to her but you would be putting yourself out there and you could get hurt. I hope things work out between you both.

80s_Fan · 02-25-2009, 11:01 PM

Well, my friendship with this person is over; it's sad and a real shame but, that's what she wants....that's what she gets; her loss not mine.

MonarC · 02-28-2009, 10:24 PM

Oh well, you gain some you lose some. You deserve better friends.

FOLrocks1 · 03-03-2009, 01:00 AM

Sorry to hear about that though, it's always hard losing a friend, especially one you've know for SO long. Good luck.

02-23-2009, 08:00 AM	#1
80s_Fan Healthcare_Clerk Senior Member Join Date: May 26, 2004 Location: Montreal, Canada Posts: 1,697	Friends Or Not I need some advice, input, opinions, etc...on this situation between a friend of mine and myself. I've been friends with this person for over 20 yrs. (we are 4 yrs. apart); I will be 40 soon and she will be 36 and when we started hanging out my mother did not like the fact that I was friends with her because she's younger than me but, I did not let that stop me. Anyway; eventually my mother accepted it and our friendship continued and grew; and we would hang out together pretty often. At some point, we didn't see each other as often anymore but, still spoke on the phone, emails, etc....that was fine. I made two mistakes and I did apologize for them, and she forgave me. At one point when I made the mistakes; she told me that we shouldn't be friends anymore cause we have nothing in common anymore, etc...but I told her that I don't want the friendship to end. She said (ok) we won't end the friendship so I was happy and relieved. But since then, I've noticed that she treats me more like an acquaintance than a friend; not as close as we used to be and it's really bothering and hurting me. I send her messages on facebook and sometimes she doesn't answer me or answers me differently that when she responds to others. She hasn't called me in such a long time; hardly get emails anymore; so are we friends or not? If we are friends then I need her to show me and if we are not then, I will be hurt but, in time I will accept and deal with it just like the other friendship that I ended a long time ago with my best friend whom I grew up with and was very close to. That's another thing; those two hated each other before and then I found out awhile back that they were talking to each other; don't know if they still are but, it's funny how they went from hating each other to liking each other and that now I am the bad one that they both hate. I know she doesn't hate me (the one who's younger than me); we still talk but, I've noticed a change in our friendship. I know that because of my mistakes; she probably doesn't like me as much anymore but, she did forgive me so, what's the story? One mistake didn't concern her but, the other did and like I said; I apologized to her for both of them; it's the past, so either let it go or not. My boyfriend says to just go on and not contact her for awhile to see what will happen; go with the flow but, I want to know straight out if she wants to be my friend; like we used to be or not. I did so much for her in the past and we got along great; shared secrets, always there for each other. It's like all of that; doesn't matter to her but, it does to me. Should I talk to her about it or just leave her be for now? If I talk to her; guess I should do it in person; right?? I'm so confused right now; want to straighten this out before I start school which is coming up soon (March 9); what do I do?

02-25-2009, 11:01 PM	#3
80s_Fan Healthcare_Clerk Senior Member Join Date: May 26, 2004 Location: Montreal, Canada Posts: 1,697	Friendship Over Well, my friendship with this person is over; it's sad and a real shame but, that's what she wants....that's what she gets; her loss not mine.

03-03-2009, 01:00 AM	#5
FOLrocks1 My favorite ladies! Forum 4000 Club Member Join Date: Mar 09, 2001 Location: Ohio Posts: 4,103	Sorry to hear about that though, it's always hard losing a friend, especially one you've know for SO long. Good luck.
	__________________ THE GOLDEN GIRLS! Sophia: (to Blanche) Fasten your seatbelt, slut puppie. This ain't gunna be no cakewalk. Blanche: I don't really mind Clayton being homosexual, I just don't like him dating men. Dorothy: You really haven't grasped the concept of this gay thing yet, have you? Blanche: There must be homosexuals who date women. Sophia: Yeah, they're called lesbians. JACOB

02-23-2009, 10:09 PM	#2
MonarC The truth will set you free Forum Fanatic Join Date: Dec 05, 2002 Location: 3rd Stone From The Sun Posts: 9,525	I think your bf's right. Just let her come and talk to you and if she doesnt ever call or talk to you again then im afraid you have your answer. Then there is the other option you could continue to try and talk to her but you would be putting yourself out there and you could get hurt. I hope things work out between you both.

02-28-2009, 10:24 PM	#4
MonarC The truth will set you free Forum Fanatic Join Date: Dec 05, 2002 Location: 3rd Stone From The Sun Posts: 9,525	Oh well, you gain some you lose some. You deserve better friends.