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lilhave · 02-07-2009, 08:16 AM

Catholic Elementary School Test

Can you imagine yourself to be the nun that is sitting at her desk grading these papers all the while trying to keep a straight face and maintain her composure! Pay special attention to the wording and spelling. If you know the bible even a little, you'll find this hilarious! It comes from a catholic elementary school test kids were asked questions about the old and new testaments. The following statements about the bible were written by children. They have not been retouched or corrected. Incorrect spelling has been left in.
1. In the first book of the bible, guinessis. God got tired of creating the world so he took the sabbath off.
2. Adam and eve were created from an apple tree. Noah's wife was Joan of ark. Noah built and ark and the animals came on in pears.
3. Lots wife was a pillar of salt during the day, but a ball of fire during the night.
4. The Jews were a proud people and throughout history they had trouble with unsympathetic genitals.
5. Sampson was a strongman who let himself be led astray by a jezebel like Delilah.
6. Samson slayed the Philistines with the axe of the apostles.
7. Moses led the Jews to the red sea where they made unleavened bread which is bread without any ingredients.
8. The egyptians were all drowned in the dessert. Afterwards, Moses went up to mount cyanide to get the ten commandments.
9. The first commandments was when Eve told Adam to eat the apple.
10. The seventh commandment is thou shalt not admit adultery.
11. Moses died before he ever reached Canada. Then Joshua led the Hebrews in the battle of geritol.
12. The greatest miricle in the bible is when Joshua told his son to stand still and he obeyed him.
13. David was a Hebrew king who was skilled at playing the liar. He fought the Finkelsteins, a race of people who lived in biblical times.
14. Solomon, one of Davids sons, had 300 wives and 700 porcupines.
15. When Mary heard she was the mother of Jesus, she sang the magna carta.
16. When the three wise guys from the east side arrived they found Jesus in the manager.
17. Jesus was born because Mary had an immaculate contraption.
18. St. John the blacksmith dumped water on his head.
19. Jesus enunciated the golden rule, which says to do unto others before they do one to you. He also explained a man doth not live by sweat alone.
20. It was a miricle when Jesus rose from the dead and managed to get the tombstone off the entrance.
21. The people who followed the Lord were called the 12 decibels.
22. The Epistels were the wives of the Apostles.
23. One of the oppossums was St. Matthew who was also a taximan.
24. St. Paul cavorted to christianity, he preached holy acrimony which is another name for marraige.
25. Christians have only one spouse. This is called monotony.

Harvey

ekkostar · 02-07-2009, 09:32 AM

I went to public school but I admit there are parts of this that made me LOL.

Chocoholic · 02-07-2009, 11:53 AM

Kids are so innocent. I remember one time a student of mine pointed out a picture of a typewriter in a book she was reading and asked me if it was an early computer

catlover79 · 02-07-2009, 12:13 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ekkostar

I went to public school but I admit there are parts of this that made me LOL.

Ditto.

Marvo301 · 02-08-2009, 03:44 AM

Gotta love the kids!!!!

beautifuldreamer · 02-08-2009, 05:59 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Marvo301

Gotta love the kids!!!!

Yes, indeed! That is too funny...

Scoobiedoo30 · 02-08-2009, 04:51 PM

The only test I had was spelling test

02-07-2009, 08:16 AM	#1
lilhave Member Senior Member Join Date: Jul 03, 2004 Location: N.Y.C. Posts: 2,294	School test Catholic Elementary School Test Can you imagine yourself to be the nun that is sitting at her desk grading these papers all the while trying to keep a straight face and maintain her composure! Pay special attention to the wording and spelling. If you know the bible even a little, you'll find this hilarious! It comes from a catholic elementary school test kids were asked questions about the old and new testaments. The following statements about the bible were written by children. They have not been retouched or corrected. Incorrect spelling has been left in. 1. In the first book of the bible, guinessis. God got tired of creating the world so he took the sabbath off. 2. Adam and eve were created from an apple tree. Noah's wife was Joan of ark. Noah built and ark and the animals came on in pears. 3. Lots wife was a pillar of salt during the day, but a ball of fire during the night. 4. The Jews were a proud people and throughout history they had trouble with unsympathetic genitals. 5. Sampson was a strongman who let himself be led astray by a jezebel like Delilah. 6. Samson slayed the Philistines with the axe of the apostles. 7. Moses led the Jews to the red sea where they made unleavened bread which is bread without any ingredients. 8. The egyptians were all drowned in the dessert. Afterwards, Moses went up to mount cyanide to get the ten commandments. 9. The first commandments was when Eve told Adam to eat the apple. 10. The seventh commandment is thou shalt not admit adultery. 11. Moses died before he ever reached Canada. Then Joshua led the Hebrews in the battle of geritol. 12. The greatest miricle in the bible is when Joshua told his son to stand still and he obeyed him. 13. David was a Hebrew king who was skilled at playing the liar. He fought the Finkelsteins, a race of people who lived in biblical times. 14. Solomon, one of Davids sons, had 300 wives and 700 porcupines. 15. When Mary heard she was the mother of Jesus, she sang the magna carta. 16. When the three wise guys from the east side arrived they found Jesus in the manager. 17. Jesus was born because Mary had an immaculate contraption. 18. St. John the blacksmith dumped water on his head. 19. Jesus enunciated the golden rule, which says to do unto others before they do one to you. He also explained a man doth not live by sweat alone. 20. It was a miricle when Jesus rose from the dead and managed to get the tombstone off the entrance. 21. The people who followed the Lord were called the 12 decibels. 22. The Epistels were the wives of the Apostles. 23. One of the oppossums was St. Matthew who was also a taximan. 24. St. Paul cavorted to christianity, he preached holy acrimony which is another name for marraige. 25. Christians have only one spouse. This is called monotony. Harvey
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02-07-2009, 09:32 AM	#2
ekkostar Coffee, Tea & Larroquette! Senior Member Join Date: Apr 16, 2005 Posts: 1,077	I went to public school but I admit there are parts of this that made me LOL.
	__________________ "All my sitcoms had an audience, with four or five cameras, so working this way has always been appealing to me." - John Larroquette A living legend, five Emmys and a Tony award! Your favorites could never...

02-08-2009, 03:44 AM	#5
Marvo301 I'm NOT a Blockhead! Forum Celebrity Join Date: May 17, 2002 Location: The Great White North Posts: 21,460	Gotta love the kids!!!!
	__________________ Only a life lived for others is worth living. Albert Einstein A life isn't worth living unless it has impact on other lives. Jackie Robinson Be always at war with your vices, at peace with your neighbors, and let each new year find you a better man. Benjamin Franklin

02-08-2009, 04:51 PM	#7
Scoobiedoo30 Member Forum Superstar Join Date: Jun 27, 2002 Location: KENNER, LOUISIANA Posts: 27,654	The only test I had was spelling test
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02-07-2009, 11:53 AM	#3
Chocoholic Member Forum Star Join Date: Dec 01, 2000 Location: Between a rock and a hard place. Posts: 11,235	Kids are so innocent. I remember one time a student of mine pointed out a picture of a typewriter in a book she was reading and asked me if it was an early computer