"How To Make A Pretzel" [My Third Hello Lana Fan-Fic]

[callmetootie]

Season 1
Episode 3
"How To Make A Pretzel"

[In the living room]

Jack: I'm tired of looking through the newspaper for jobs. No one will hire me.
Lana: Have you thoguth about going back to school?
Jack: Well, I graduated, so I can't go back for more. Jack's Bistro was my only chance at becoming someone, and I blew it.
Lana: Well, look here. Male stripped wanted, pay $20.00 an hour.
Jack: Lana, you are really...how can I say this...you're like Mrs. Roper.
Lana: Well, what about here. Charlie's Pretzel Heaven. Looking for cooks, 9-5, $8.50 an hour.
Jack: Let me see that. Hmmm...let me give old Charlie a call, and see what I can do.

[Jack dials number]

Charlie: Hello, this is my Pretzel Heaven, send down from the sky, and ready to fly, how may a help you?
Jack: Hi, I'm replying to your ad in the newspaper for a 9-5 pretzel maker. I'am interested.
Charlie: Yes, how is your history?
Jack: Well, I went to LA Tech and graduated, and had my own restaurant. Maybe you've heard of it. Jack's Bistro?
Charlie: That little hot dog stand in New York City?
Jack: No.
Charlie: Then that place where you get those big mac things.
Jack: No sir that's McDonalds.
Charlie: Well, I'm sorry, I'm swedish, so I don't know what you're talking about. Hell, I don't even know what a pretzel is.
Jack: I'll get back to you.

[Hangs up]

Lana: How'd it go?
Jack: When it comes to brains Charlie is a swedish meatball.

[Mr. Furley walks in]

Mr. Furley: Hey kids, what's up?
Lana: Jack's looking for a job.
Mr. Furley: What now? Is he working for the...Gay Puree. He-He-He.
Jack: I just love a man who makes fun of me.
Mr. Furley: No Jack! Not now, not ever!

[Mrs. Parker walks in]

Mrs. Parker: Hi kids. What's doing?
Jack: I'm trying to find a job.
Mrs. Parker: So ya can finally pay the rent? Ha! That's a good one. I'll belive that when pigs fly.

[A pig flys outside of the window]

Mrs. Parker: Oh boy. I better stop having that mexican food.

[Leaves the room]

Jack: Maybe I will try the pretzel shop, I mean who knows...it might be fun.
Lana: Yeah Jack. And then after work instead of taking a bite out of a pretzel, you can take a bite out of me!
Jack: Down girl.

[At the pretzel shop]

Jack: You know Charlie, this is a nice location.
Charlie: I know.
Jack: Then why the hell did you buy the lot that my restaurant was in?
Charlie: Oh, so that's a Jack's Bistro? I once ate at your restaurant. The food was great.
Jack: Oh thankyou.
Charlie: Yep, and then the next day I got divorced..so.
Jack: Oh, I'm sorry.
Charlie: The old bag was getting annoying kid.
Jack: Anyway, so what would I be doing here?
Charlie: Well, you can either sweep the floors, or make the pretzels.
Jack: I'll give my pretzels a try.
Charlie: Ok, this is how you make one. Ok, twist back, lay front, twist left, twist front, twist back again, and then lay back.
Jack: Is there maybe a book called Pretzel's For Dummies?
Charlie: We do not serve dummies here.
Jack: No...you see...never mind.
Charlie: I think that you better start work tomorrow.
Jack: Really? Yep-Eee!

[Jack comes home]

Jack: Lana! I got the job.
Lana: That great! So, you'll be making pretzels?
Jack: Yep!
Lana: Oh Jack, look here. A pig just flew out of the sky, and into here. Mrs. Parker fainted, and then woke up, when the pig licked her.
Jack: Ok...I see. I better go to the kitchen to make dinner.
Lana: Oh Jack, I'm making dinner.
Jack: Oh yeah...what?
Lana: Two pigs flew in, so I put one in the oven! We're having a pig roast tonight!
Jack: WHAT? [Hears an explosion in the kitchen].

[Pig pieces all over the place]
[Jack faints]

THE END.



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Andrew Carden

[FOLrocks1]

The pig thing was a little wierd but i liked it!

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Jo: Here's to all who wish me well, all the rest can go to...Jersey.

Mrs. G: Jo, only twice in my life have i spoke in an arbitrary manner, once when my ex-husband morgaged our home to pay the bookee, and now, GET THE HELL OUT OF HERE, OR I'LL BEAT YOU WITH MY FRYING PAN.

Check out all my fan fictions: It's A Warner Thing, A New Face In Peekskill, Back In Town
and Those Dreadful Double Dates.
WEB SITE:
www.geocities.com/stooge321/T.html

Joyce DeWitt, if you are reading these things that i post, i want to say that i love you and i hope to meet you
*Jacob*