Do you think the groom's sister should be in the wedding party? - Sitcoms Online Message Boards

browneyes106 · 11-07-2008, 07:15 PM

My best friend is really hurting right now. She only has one sister and one brother. She had another brother that died 8 years ago. Her brother is getting married to a woman with four children. Two boys and two girls. My friend has never been in a wedding and was really hoping she would at least get to be in her brother's wedding. Just a couple of days ago my friend found that the woman's four children will be in the wedding and they will each have partner that is their cousin. Nobody from the groom's side will be in the wedding party. I think it is really unfair to the groom's family. A wedding is about two people and two families coming together. I don't think it looks right for only the bride's side of the family to be in the wedding party. What do you all think about this? Please share opinions, thoughts or experiences.

howierules86 · 11-07-2008, 07:17 PM

I think everyone from both sides of the party should be invited, no questions asked.

browneyes106 · 11-07-2008, 07:59 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by howierules86

I think everyone from both sides of the party should be invited, no questions asked.

I agree I have talked to others about this and they say that it is the bride's choice. I feel the wedding is also about the groom and his family. I think the bride should respect the groom's family too.

TripperFan · 11-07-2008, 08:16 PM

It's the bride's choice for bridesmaids and flower girl, ringbearer; groom's choice for ushers and bestman usually.

To me it does stink that she's being excluded tho - not a great way to start a relationship with your in-laws for sure.

When I had been planning, I had two friends as maid and maid of honor (since I have no sisters and neither did Frank). Frank was having his brother and my brothers as best man and ushers. I included Frank's brother's wife as a bridesmaid even though I had never even met her as a goodwill gesture, plus she wouldn't be left sitting on her own at a table and could sit at the head table with her husband.

browneyes106 · 11-08-2008, 12:51 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by TripperFan

It's the bride's choice for bridesmaids and flower girl, ringbearer; groom's choice for ushers and bestman usually.

To me it does stink that she's being excluded tho - not a great way to start a relationship with your in-laws for sure.

When I had been planning, I had two friends as maid and maid of honor (since I have no sisters and neither did Frank). Frank was having his brother and my brothers as best man and ushers. I included Frank's brother's wife as a bridesmaid even though I had never even met her as a goodwill gesture, plus she wouldn't be left sitting on her own at a table and could sit at the head table with her husband.

I agree I don't think she is getting off to a great start with the family. The bride and her children have been very disrespectful to my friend's family. My friend works full time and makes good money so buying a dress wouldn't be a problem for her. One of the bride's nephews who will be in the wedding is only 13 and his parents struggle a lot financially and actually the groom will be paying for the tux rental and other expenses. I'm not cutting the family down for being poor but I feel that people in a wedding party should be financially responsible for their expenses. I have been to a few weddings where the grooom's sister or sisters are included in the wedding party. The bride has two daughters that are 19 and 9 and the sons are 20 and 15. They could be paired off together but instead they have their own partner. There are a lot of things that aren't fair in this situation.

Janice · 11-08-2008, 02:30 AM

I don't know enough about this particular situation, and every situation is different. I don't feel that in-laws should always be included. It depends on the situation, the closeness of the people, how many other members are in the wedding party, that sort of thing. My husband had four sisters when we got married. There's no way I could have included them.

I guess my final answer to the question posed in your thread title is no, I don't think so. It's a very nice gesture if it can be arranged, even having a child in-law as a flower girl or ring bearer. There's too many variables. I don't think it's possible to have a wedding where someone's feelings doesn't get hurt.

TripperFan · 11-08-2008, 02:37 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Janice

My husband had four sisters when we got married. There's no way I could have included them.

.

That, I can see - four is a lot to have to include and if you only include one, two or three in that case, feelings will get hurt. But to me, if it's only one, what's the big deal. Especially if she pays for her own dress, etc..

I knew my brother's fiance, but we weren't close by any means and I was included. Actually was paired with one of her sweaty, gross brothers, but at least I was in the wedding party.

Schmoopie · 11-08-2008, 06:17 AM

When I got married, my husband had a good friend as best man. I had my two best friends that I had known since 4th and 5th grade. However, since I wanted the two sides to be 'even', I asked my brother to be a groomsman so that there would be two people on each side. It turned out rather nicely!

I didn't have a lot of friends, so I had family members as ushers and so forth. My two cousins were flower girl and ring barer.

Andrea

browneyes106 · 11-08-2008, 11:03 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by TripperFan

That, I can see - four is a lot to have to include and if you only include one, two or three in that case, feelings will get hurt. But to me, if it's only one, what's the big deal. Especially if she pays for her own dress, etc..

I knew my brother's fiance, but we weren't close by any means and I was included. Actually was paired with one of her sweaty, gross brothers, but at least I was in the wedding party.

My friend's sister is a quadriplegic and she would be ok with my friend being in the wedding. I agree if she wants to pay for her own expenses and has the means to it isn't a big deal.

MonarC · 11-08-2008, 11:48 AM

From my experience you have to be close with the bride and groom to actually be in the wedding. If your close with the groom but don't really know the bride most likely you will not be in the wedding.

browneyes106 · 11-10-2008, 01:19 AM

I talked to my friend today and she is still hurt. But just a couple of days ago the family found out that her brother was dating another woman while dating the fiancee. The other woman got pregnant and the fiancee became extremly jealous when she found out and she somehow convinced my friend's brother into marrying her. The baby was born 6 weeks ago and paternity test verified that my friend's brother is the father. So in a way the engagement was somethign the bride connocted so she wouldn't have to deal with the fact that her boyfriend cheated on her.

gidgetgrape · 11-10-2008, 02:09 AM

I went to a cousin's wedding and she only had people from her mother's side of the family participate. I wasn't disappointed, because she's younger, we live in different cities and don't know each other well. In the end, she came across as selfish and silly. Her dad seemed really embarrassed especially when photos were taken of the wedding party. Of course, the bride expected presents from both sides of the family.

I can understand your friend feeling bad, but she should focus on just "being there" for her brother.

Chocoholic · 11-10-2008, 04:17 PM

I think both the bride and groom should decide together who will be part of the wedding party. It's their special day.

TripperFan · 11-11-2008, 07:02 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by browneyes106

I talked to my friend today and she is still hurt. But just a couple of days ago the family found out that her brother was dating another woman while dating the fiancee. The other woman got pregnant and the fiancee became extremly jealous when she found out and she somehow convinced my friend's brother into marrying her. The baby was born 6 weeks ago and paternity test verified that my friend's brother is the father. So in a way the engagement was somethign the bride connocted so she wouldn't have to deal with the fact that her boyfriend cheated on her.

Two Words:

TRAIN WRECK!!

11-07-2008, 07:15 PM	#1
browneyes106 Member Forum Veteran Join Date: Apr 01, 2008 Posts: 6,097	Do you think the groom's sister should be in the wedding party? My best friend is really hurting right now. She only has one sister and one brother. She had another brother that died 8 years ago. Her brother is getting married to a woman with four children. Two boys and two girls. My friend has never been in a wedding and was really hoping she would at least get to be in her brother's wedding. Just a couple of days ago my friend found that the woman's four children will be in the wedding and they will each have partner that is their cousin. Nobody from the groom's side will be in the wedding party. I think it is really unfair to the groom's family. A wedding is about two people and two families coming together. I don't think it looks right for only the bride's side of the family to be in the wedding party. What do you all think about this? Please share opinions, thoughts or experiences.

11-07-2008, 08:16 PM	#4
TripperFan In God's Arms Now Forum Star Join Date: Sep 14, 2003 Location: Heartbreak Ridge Posts: 12,086	It's the bride's choice for bridesmaids and flower girl, ringbearer; groom's choice for ushers and bestman usually. To me it does stink that she's being excluded tho - not a great way to start a relationship with your in-laws for sure. When I had been planning, I had two friends as maid and maid of honor (since I have no sisters and neither did Frank). Frank was having his brother and my brothers as best man and ushers. I included Frank's brother's wife as a bridesmaid even though I had never even met her as a goodwill gesture, plus she wouldn't be left sitting on her own at a table and could sit at the head table with her husband.
	__________________ If I don't see you in this world, I'll meet you in the next one.....don't be late James Marshall Hendrix Voodoo Chile The Forum Legend formerly known as TripperFan "religion is for people who are afraid of hell--spirituality is for people who have been through hell"---anonymous

11-08-2008, 06:17 AM	#8
Schmoopie Keep Calm and Love Snoopy Forum Star Join Date: Jul 13, 2008 Location: Lynnwood, Washington Posts: 15,697	When I got married, my husband had a good friend as best man. I had my two best friends that I had known since 4th and 5th grade. However, since I wanted the two sides to be 'even', I asked my brother to be a groomsman so that there would be two people on each side. It turned out rather nicely! I didn't have a lot of friends, so I had family members as ushers and so forth. My two cousins were flower girl and ring barer. Andrea
	__________________ In memory of my wonderful husband. I love and miss you more than words can say, but I will always and forever keep you in my heart. September 23, 1961-January 14, 2019

11-07-2008, 07:17 PM	#2
howierules86 Member Forum Superstar Join Date: Dec 05, 2007 Location: Opelika, AL Posts: 29,517	I think everyone from both sides of the party should be invited, no questions asked.

11-08-2008, 02:30 AM	#6
Janice Retired Admin - Hollywood Swingin' Forum Legend Join Date: Aug 03, 2001 Location: Beantown Posts: 36,388	I don't know enough about this particular situation, and every situation is different. I don't feel that in-laws should always be included. It depends on the situation, the closeness of the people, how many other members are in the wedding party, that sort of thing. My husband had four sisters when we got married. There's no way I could have included them. I guess my final answer to the question posed in your thread title is no, I don't think so. It's a very nice gesture if it can be arranged, even having a child in-law as a flower girl or ring bearer. There's too many variables. I don't think it's possible to have a wedding where someone's feelings doesn't get hurt.

11-08-2008, 11:48 AM	#10
MonarC The truth will set you free Forum Fanatic Join Date: Dec 05, 2002 Location: 3rd Stone From The Sun Posts: 9,525	From my experience you have to be close with the bride and groom to actually be in the wedding. If your close with the groom but don't really know the bride most likely you will not be in the wedding.

11-10-2008, 01:19 AM	#11
browneyes106 Member Forum Veteran Join Date: Apr 01, 2008 Posts: 6,097	I talked to my friend today and she is still hurt. But just a couple of days ago the family found out that her brother was dating another woman while dating the fiancee. The other woman got pregnant and the fiancee became extremly jealous when she found out and she somehow convinced my friend's brother into marrying her. The baby was born 6 weeks ago and paternity test verified that my friend's brother is the father. So in a way the engagement was somethign the bride connocted so she wouldn't have to deal with the fact that her boyfriend cheated on her.

11-10-2008, 02:09 AM	#12
gidgetgrape Forever Gidget Forum 3000 Club Member Join Date: Sep 20, 2003 Location: Texas Posts: 3,503	I went to a cousin's wedding and she only had people from her mother's side of the family participate. I wasn't disappointed, because she's younger, we live in different cities and don't know each other well. In the end, she came across as selfish and silly. Her dad seemed really embarrassed especially when photos were taken of the wedding party. Of course, the bride expected presents from both sides of the family. I can understand your friend feeling bad, but she should focus on just "being there" for her brother.

11-10-2008, 04:17 PM	#13
Chocoholic Member Forum Star Join Date: Dec 01, 2000 Location: Between a rock and a hard place. Posts: 11,235	I think both the bride and groom should decide together who will be part of the wedding party. It's their special day.