one of my best friends is about to make a giant mistake and I don't know if I should - Sitcoms Online Message Boards

MusicJunkie · 11-01-2008, 08:19 PM

just let him make his mistake or let him know my two cents, possibly ruining our friendship.

My friend Ray is someone I've known for about six years and has been a constant in my life through a lot of stress and he has never once passed judgment on me. But last night, he was telling me about how him and his gym trainer are in the process of becoming a couple. The trainer has a girlfriend and Ray doesn't mind being "the other person" in the triangle. I really feel like what he's doing is wrong, and even if the trainer (he also works with him at UPS but also has a job at the gym) breaks up with the girl for him, the good old saying "once a cheater..." comes into play. I don't want to lose him as a friend, but I have a feeling if I am blunt and tell him that what I think he's doing is wrong and will bring bad karma (not that I'm a huge karma fanatic, but I do believe what goes around comes around) to him if he does anything while this guy is in another relationship.

phoebe7165 · 11-01-2008, 09:55 PM

I know you want what's best for your friend but maybe this is something that he should go at this alone. He says he doesn't mind being the "other person". More power to him. I can't understand why he would even want this situation. Like you had said "once a cheater". You don't want to see him hurt but I think you & I both see that happening eventually. That would be something he would have to deal with since he's so quick to jump into this "relationship". Another thing not in his favor is the fact that they work together. It won't be pretty if they break up, then have to see each other at work...and the gym!!

Yooch · 11-01-2008, 10:16 PM

I think you should tell your friend. If you do it in a non-judgemental tone, your friend may appreciate your candor. Even if your friend goes ahead anyway with this, at least you were open with your opinion and did it as a friend.

veggie-tari-jenn · 11-01-2008, 10:26 PM

This is gonna get complicated and messy so good luck whatever you do....I had a similiar situation happen....My Friend Jo was dating an older guy and he was a jerk but she couldnt see it....well I was at a fest and I saw her guy with another girl and they were kissing and hugging ect...well so I told her and she got mad at me...called me a liar and that I was just jealous...we didnt talk for almost a year till she found out that the woman I saw him with was his girlfriend and she was the gal on the side...we were never really friends after that and hardly talk anymore.

Doodyville10019 · 11-01-2008, 10:43 PM

If it were me I'd offer my advice and then back off...nothing is worth losing such a good friendship over.

InspectorExstead · 11-02-2008, 12:25 AM

wow...that is a tough situation to be in. if it were me, i would tell my friend what i think about the situation, especially if i'm close to them. your friend will probably not change his mind after hearing your input, but just let him know that you care & that you don't want to see him hurt which is the only reason why you're giving him your advice. but i've been in a similar situation before. my best friend liked/went out with a guy who was a total jerk to her. everyone could see it but her because she liked him and would make excuses for him. eventually they broke up, and she realized how right everyone was. now it's just become a learning experience and she's learned to really consider her friend's advice in another situation like that. best of luck to you with whatever you decide to do. keep us updated!

BarneyFife · 11-02-2008, 01:56 AM

I pretty much agree with what everyone else has said. Give him your opinion and then just back off and let him go from there. I really wouldn't want to get involved in a situation like that.

Big C · 11-02-2008, 03:00 AM

Stop him before things spiral out of control.

MonarC · 11-02-2008, 08:57 AM

Well it depends on how good of friends you guys are. If you are not really that close I would not say anything but if you are like 'family' I would definately tell him how I feel, in a way that is not too judgemental but just in a concerned way.

Chelsea · 11-02-2008, 12:44 PM

The only question I would consider is to ask myself whether this friend, when given *REALLY* *REALLY* bad news in the past, is the type to shoot the messenger. If so, well, not getting shot is usually good. If not, then that makes honesty a much more desirable option.

11-01-2008, 08:19 PM	#1
MusicJunkie Member Forum Regular Join Date: Sep 23, 2008 Location: where I live Posts: 791	one of my best friends is about to make a giant mistake and I don't know if I should just let him make his mistake or let him know my two cents, possibly ruining our friendship. My friend Ray is someone I've known for about six years and has been a constant in my life through a lot of stress and he has never once passed judgment on me. But last night, he was telling me about how him and his gym trainer are in the process of becoming a couple. The trainer has a girlfriend and Ray doesn't mind being "the other person" in the triangle. I really feel like what he's doing is wrong, and even if the trainer (he also works with him at UPS but also has a job at the gym) breaks up with the girl for him, the good old saying "once a cheater..." comes into play. I don't want to lose him as a friend, but I have a feeling if I am blunt and tell him that what I think he's doing is wrong and will bring bad karma (not that I'm a huge karma fanatic, but I do believe what goes around comes around) to him if he does anything while this guy is in another relationship.

11-01-2008, 09:55 PM	#2
phoebe7165 Pop Culture Goddess Forum Fanatic Join Date: Apr 15, 2003 Location: US of A - the country of "really bad music" lovers Posts: 11,600	I know you want what's best for your friend but maybe this is something that he should go at this alone. He says he doesn't mind being the "other person". More power to him. I can't understand why he would even want this situation. Like you had said "once a cheater". You don't want to see him hurt but I think you & I both see that happening eventually. That would be something he would have to deal with since he's so quick to jump into this "relationship". Another thing not in his favor is the fact that they work together. It won't be pretty if they break up, then have to see each other at work...and the gym!!
	__________________ Rest in Peace to my Penny-pie. You really were a GREAT dog. I'll see you at the Rainbow Bridge. Penny 9/1/97-12/9/09 Rescued animals make the best pets. Opt to Adopt!!

11-01-2008, 10:16 PM	#3
Yooch Member Forum 3000 Club Member Join Date: Apr 07, 2006 Location: California Posts: 3,180	I think you should tell your friend. If you do it in a non-judgemental tone, your friend may appreciate your candor. Even if your friend goes ahead anyway with this, at least you were open with your opinion and did it as a friend.
	__________________ "The true meaning of America, you ask? It's in a Texas rodeo, in a policeman's badge, in the sound of laughing children, in a political rally, in a newspaper...In all these things and many more, you'll find freedom. And freedom is what America means to the world. And to me." --Audie Leon Murphy June 20, 1924-- May 28, 1971

11-01-2008, 10:43 PM	#5
Doodyville10019 Meet my new friend Sparkie! Forum Regular Join Date: Oct 08, 2008 Location: Competition Square, located in Doodyville Park Posts: 877	If it were me I'd offer my advice and then back off...nothing is worth losing such a good friendship over.
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11-02-2008, 12:25 AM	#6
InspectorExstead Member Forum Fanatic Join Date: Oct 29, 2001 Location: The Golden State Posts: 12,902	wow...that is a tough situation to be in. if it were me, i would tell my friend what i think about the situation, especially if i'm close to them. your friend will probably not change his mind after hearing your input, but just let him know that you care & that you don't want to see him hurt which is the only reason why you're giving him your advice. but i've been in a similar situation before. my best friend liked/went out with a guy who was a total jerk to her. everyone could see it but her because she liked him and would make excuses for him. eventually they broke up, and she realized how right everyone was. now it's just become a learning experience and she's learned to really consider her friend's advice in another situation like that. best of luck to you with whatever you decide to do. keep us updated!
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11-01-2008, 10:26 PM	#4
veggie-tari-jenn SARCASTIC COUPON PRINCESS!! Eternal Member Senior Member Join Date: Aug 13, 2008 Posts: 1,882	This is gonna get complicated and messy so good luck whatever you do....I had a similiar situation happen....My Friend Jo was dating an older guy and he was a jerk but she couldnt see it....well I was at a fest and I saw her guy with another girl and they were kissing and hugging ect...well so I told her and she got mad at me...called me a liar and that I was just jealous...we didnt talk for almost a year till she found out that the woman I saw him with was his girlfriend and she was the gal on the side...we were never really friends after that and hardly talk anymore.

11-02-2008, 01:56 AM	#7
BarneyFife Retired Forum Fanatic Join Date: Mar 02, 2008 Posts: 8,459	I pretty much agree with what everyone else has said. Give him your opinion and then just back off and let him go from there. I really wouldn't want to get involved in a situation like that.
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11-02-2008, 03:00 AM	#8
Big C I Heart Angie Watson Forum 3000 Club Member Join Date: Oct 21, 2006 Posts: 3,531	Stop him before things spiral out of control.

11-02-2008, 08:57 AM	#9
MonarC The truth will set you free Forum Fanatic Join Date: Dec 05, 2002 Location: 3rd Stone From The Sun Posts: 9,525	Well it depends on how good of friends you guys are. If you are not really that close I would not say anything but if you are like 'family' I would definately tell him how I feel, in a way that is not too judgemental but just in a concerned way.

11-02-2008, 12:44 PM	#10
Chelsea Semi-retired Forum Veteran Join Date: Jan 07, 2001 Location: Washington Posts: 5,727	The only question I would consider is to ask myself whether this friend, when given REALLY REALLY bad news in the past, is the type to shoot the messenger. If so, well, not getting shot is usually good. If not, then that makes honesty a much more desirable option.
	__________________ Chelsea Former Administrator, 2005-2012 Former Member, DVD Review Team, 2004-2010.