under the exterior, Michael Bolton is exposed

[MusicJunkie]

http://uncyclopedia.wikia.com/wiki/Michael_Bolton

Michael Bolton is the king of heavy metal music, fronting bands such as Metallica, Mayhem, Black Sabbath, Van Halen and Air Supply. Millions have committed suicide at his concerts because they can't be as hardcore as he.

Michael Bolton started singing young at black masses throughout the 1960s. By the 1970s, he grew his hair long and started changing music as he knew it. In 1974, Black Sabbath threw out Ozzy Osbourne so Bolton could take over. After four albums with Sabbath, he joined Kiss, which did not sit well with Gene Simmons because the "God Of Thunder" looked like a wuss next to the metal-god status of Bolton, kicking him out of theband three days after he joined.
As the 1980s began, he turned down the offer to join AC/DC after Bon Scott died so he could do his solo thing. His first self-titled album came out in 1983 and relegated Iron Maiden and Judas Priest to the soft rock stations. It was around this time he met saxophonist Kenny G, beginning a long and fruitful metal career.

Bolton's mullet made him a sex symbol with women while their boyfriends rocked out to his metal licks. After his first two albums, he joined Slayer for an album and then Mayhem for a tour, before deciding they were a bunch of posers who were secretly church folk. This led Bolton to the darkest period of his career, when he joined death metal demigods Air Supply for a three album deal, recording the blackest of black metal ever known to man.

He resumed his solo career in 1987 with "The Hunger". Aptly named because of his cannibal fetish. MTV started playing videos from his 1989 album "Soul Provider", which contained the heaviest single of his career... "How Can We Be Lovers". Because How Can We Be Lovers was a #1 hit on MTV and radio, some fans started to call him a pop sellout. Bolton retalliated by sacrificing Kirk Cameron to Satan by eating his brains on live tv when appearing on Johnny Carson. After this, fans never questioned his hardcoreness again.

In the 1990s, Bolton continued releasing black metal anthems such as "Said I Loved You... But I Lied" and "Can I Touch You... There" to mainstream and underground success. However, tragedy struck one night in 1996 before Bolton was to perform a cannibal sacrifice in front of 900,000 fans in Togo. His mullet came to life and started gnawing at him. As a result, the metal god took scissors and cut the skullet demon off. Record sales began to plummet until in the year 2000 when Bolton unleashed Hell on Earth by rigging the US election to get George W. Bush in office, proving he was still hardcore and you don't mess with him.

God I love Uncyclopedia, LMAO!!!!

[MonarC]

[Purffin]

His famous long hair do was called a skullet

[catlover79]

Originally Posted by Purffin

His famous long hair do was called a skullet

A skullet?? I love that term!!