Need Help With My Life

[Wreckless]

Maybe I need somebody or people to talk to, or just opinions, I don't know. Their are a lot of confusing parts so I am going to try and explain it the best I can. Basically I go to a 2 year community college now and live at my Dad's house since their are no dormitories in 2 year schools. My parents divorced when I was 8- in 1996. From 1990-1996, on and off, my dad had really bad drug problems and even alcohol problems too I believe. When he was in rehab in '96 when my parents divorced, my Mom got custody of my little brother and me. We didn't see my dad until about 1998. Anyways, ever since '98 until 2007 when I graduated high school, I lived with my Mom on weekdays and saw my Dad on weekends & holidays (he would pick us up on Friday and my Mom would pick us back up on Sundays). My mom and I would have shouting matches on and off a lot of years in high school, because of our intertwining personalities, so I thought it would be great living with my Dad once high school was over with. Boy was I wrong. I moved down my Dads the day after hs graduation and have lived there ever since (I visit my Mom once or twice a month, with visits of about 4/5 days each visit). My Dad is a arrogant, cocky, disrespectful individual who doesn't know how to treat people, mainly me. He has bipolar disorder, and a very bad attitude and anger problems. I also live with my Grandmother, on my Dad's side. She ignores a lot of the stuff he puts me through- calling me names, cursing at me, putting all the pressure on me to do work around the house, not just chores. Anyways, I'm not looking to be sympathized. I realize this is a long read but I am serious. What should I do about my living situation and life? I also have battled spurts of depression, especially when dealing with my father. My mom's house is about 30-45 mins away in NJ but their are goods and bads about living in both houses. My brother, who is 15 also has bipolar disorder and sometimes the 2 of them verbally gang up on me.

[vtunie]

This may be an impossible suggestion for many reasons, but have you thought about just moving out?

[Hollow]

sounds similar to my situation. my dad has been treating me horribly ever since my mom died six years ago...i'm so traumatized by the emotional damage he's caused me, i can't even bring myself to look at him. i have depression to begin with and he berates me for it. i tried to find housing somewhere else, but the rent everywhere is too expensive. i stayed in the dorms at my college ten minutes away last year to get away from him, but the social inconveniences really weren't worth it.

right now i'm just working on finishing a certificate in school so i can get a decent-paying job and afford housing somewhere else. though in the meantime i'm hoping he'll die soon so i can get his money and the house and live peacefully. people can call me sick if they want, but he's always been a horrible, selfish, egotistical, abusive, detrimental person, and everyone's lives would just be easier without him around.

so i think your best bet is probably to find somewhere else to live as soon as you can. if you're planning on transferring to a university, dorms should be an option. in the meantime, i guess just stay strong...living with people like that really isn't easy.

[Wreckless]

^ yeah, thanks for both your opinions and thoughts. i will be moving out ASAP, because I want to go to a 4 year college and live on campus, which is what I should of done in the first place. I can't stand this treatment and nonsense.

[Wreckless]

Originally Posted by safety pin

sounds similar to my situation. my dad has been treating me horribly ever since my mom died six years ago...i'm so traumatized by the emotional damage he's caused me, i can't even bring myself to look at him. i have depression to begin with and he berates me for it. i tried to find housing somewhere else, but the rent everywhere is too expensive. i stayed in the dorms at my college ten minutes away last year to get away from him, but the social inconveniences really weren't worth it.

right now i'm just working on finishing a certificate in school so i can get a decent-paying job and afford housing somewhere else. though in the meantime i'm hoping he'll die soon so i can get his money and the house and live peacefully. people can call me sick if they want, but he's always been a horrible, selfish, egotistical, abusive, detrimental person, and everyone's lives would just be easier without him around.

so i think your best bet is probably to find somewhere else to live as soon as you can. if you're planning on transferring to a university, dorms should be an option. in the meantime, i guess just stay strong...living with people like that really isn't easy.

thanks for your help. i am sorry to hear about your situation & I am sorry about your Mom too, not to bring it up. Sounds sort of like my Dad. He is selfish, makes you think you are always the one doing the wrong, when I try to be the best person I can and I don't do anything to him. He argues with me and orders me impolitely, saying I need to do HIS laundry to stay in the house. he said i am not helping out. well I am a teenager, going to school to get good grades and to meet educated and friendly people (and to make friends). i should not have to sit and slave around for his purposes and lifestyle. i just feel uncomfortable sitting watching a baseball game with him. he is so self centered too and not even optimistic about anything.

[vtunie]

Originally Posted by Wreckless

^ yeah, thanks for both your opinions and thoughts. i will be moving out ASAP, because I want to go to a 4 year college and live on campus, which is what I should of done in the first place. I can't stand this treatment and nonsense.

Until then, illegitimi non carborundum!

[Wreckless]

Unfortunately, I am probably going to have to live with my oblivious grandmother and ignorant father until I graduate and get out in may. at least i have christmas break and spring break, in between then and I will be going down my Mom's here and their, to visit and enjoy time with her, and to get away from him. I do need to get a job, for school's sake- money, saving up and just getting out but I shouldn't have to be a slave, if my Dad wants me to work. He only went to community college one semester, quit and now he's a low life carpenter (to be honest as possible). While, I want to make the best out of everything and my life- not just settling with an associate's degree. I have to be strong though and stand up to his ways. It's odd because with his bad disorder, like it is, he is great one min, horrible the next. Even when he has his good moments, I don't like him.

[Wreckless]

Originally Posted by vtunie

Until then, illegitimi non carborundum!

"don't let the bastards grind you down ." I just looked that up lol, funny stuff. Thanks! I will not let them grind me down lol.

[vtunie]

Originally Posted by Wreckless

Unfortunately, I am probably going to have to live with my oblivious grandmother and ignorant father until I graduate and get out in may. at least i have christmas break and spring break, in between then and I will be going down my Mom's here and their, to visit and enjoy time with her, and to get away from him. I do need to get a job, for school's sake- money, saving up and just getting out but I shouldn't have to be a slave, if my Dad wants me to work. He only went to community college one semester, quit and now he's a low life carpenter (to be honest as possible). While, I want to make the best out of everything and my life- not just settling with an associate's degree. I have to be strong though and stand up to his ways. It's odd because with his bad disorder, like it is, he is great one min, horrible the next. Even when he has his good moments, I don't like him.

Do you have friends you can crash with?

[Wreckless]

Originally Posted by vtunie

Do you have friends you can crash with?

i have a friend 2 doors down who is really cool. his mom is really nice and his family & I all get along good, except My Dad and his family don't (over a situation that happened about a year ago or two that he hasn't dropped). How long do you think though? I have slept over his house, at the most, 2 days in a row just hanging out their. the problem is, I don't know what his mom would think of me hanging out their more if I did, as far as sleeping over. I'm sure she would be fine as long as she didn't think I was moving in lol in which I wouldn't be. Plus I have slept over his house many times before and she was always really nice & cool about it. Matter fact, most of the times she got out comforters and pillows for me to sleep in the guest room, if their wasn't enough room in the bedroom. Also, a lot of my belongings in my room at my Dad's house here would be exposed. My Dad borrows stuff, mainly DVDs without asking (sometimes he asks, and although I have done the same thing before, he makes a habit of it). When I go down my Mom's house for a few days in 2/3 weeks, I will transport a lot of stuff down their anyway. I don't need a lot of the stuff in my room now but I want to keep it. I will be living in a small dorm next year anyway, so mine as well. Will make my room clean and less noticeable too.

[vtunie]

Originally Posted by Wreckless

i have a friend 2 doors down who is really cool. his mom is really nice and his family & I all get along good, except My Dad and his family don't (over a situation that happened about a year ago or two that he hasn't dropped). How long do you think though? I have slept over his house, at the most, 2 days in a row just hanging out their. the problem is, I don't know what his mom would think of me hanging out their more if I did, as far as sleeping over. I'm sure she would be fine as long as she didn't think I was moving in lol in which I wouldn't be. Plus I have slept over his house many times before and she was always really nice & cool about it. Matter fact, most of the times she got out comforters and pillows for me to sleep in the guest room, if their wasn't enough room in the bedroom. Also, a lot of my belongings in my room at my Dad's house here would be exposed. My Dad borrows stuff, mainly DVDs without asking (sometimes he asks, and although I have done the same thing before, he makes a habit of it). When I go down my Mom's house for a few days in 2/3 weeks, I will transport a lot of stuff down their anyway. I don't need a lot of the stuff in my room now but I want to keep it. I will be living in a small dorm next year anyway, so mine as well. Will make my room clean and less noticeable too.

Well, sounds as though you have plans (college and dorm), you have friends nearby -- would it work for you to sleep at home but to hang out with them as much as possible, forget about spending time with your family, and rearrange your remaining stuff (with locks and so on) so that it's more secure?

[Wreckless]

yeah ^ i have been thinking about that lol. i need to hang out with friends more anyway, just to enjoy myself, along with getting away from home as much as possible. My grandmother doesn't seem to understand what kind of person he is, she knows he has problems but I don't know what to the extent of, in her mind, and she doesn't understand how he acts towards me, so it would be best to hang out with friends. i also find time listening to music, in attemps to throw my troubles away lol. thanks for giving suggestions vtunie, I really appreciate it and hopefully things will work out. A lot of times I just like relaxing at home, doing work or just hanging out, doing w/e, but I guess I can also go out more so.

[vtunie]

Originally Posted by Wreckless

yeah ^ i have been thinking about that lol. i need to hang out with friends more anyway, just to enjoy myself, along with getting away from home as much as possible. My grandmother doesn't seem to understand what kind of person he is, she knows he has problems but I don't know what to the extent of, in her mind, and she doesn't understand how he acts towards me, so it would be best to hang out with friends. i also find time listening to music, in attemps to throw my troubles away lol. thanks for giving suggestions vtunie, I really appreciate it and hopefully things will work out. A lot of times I just like relaxing at home, doing work or just hanging out, doing w/e, but I guess I can also go out more so.

Well then, best of luck till it all comes together. Be with your friends!

"When to the session of sweet silent thought
I summon up remembrance of things past,
I sigh the lack of many a thing I sought,
And with old woes new wail my dear time's waste:

Then can I drown an eye, unused to flow,
For precious friends hid in death's dateless night,
And weep afresh love's long since cancelled woe,
And moan the expense of many a vanished sight:

Then can I grieve at grievances foregone,
And heavily from woe to woe tell over
The sad account of fore-bemoaned moan,
Which I new pay as if not paid before.

But if the while I think on thee, dear friend,
All losses are restored and sorrows end." -- Shakespeare

[Wreckless]

Originally Posted by vtunie

Well then, best of luck till it all comes together. Be with your friends!

"When to the session of sweet silent thought
I summon up remembrance of things past,
I sigh the lack of many a thing I sought,
And with old woes new wail my dear time's waste:

Then can I drown an eye, unused to flow,
For precious friends hid in death's dateless night,
And weep afresh love's long since cancelled woe,
And moan the expense of many a vanished sight:

Then can I grieve at grievances foregone,
And heavily from woe to woe tell over
The sad account of fore-bemoaned moan,
Which I new pay as if not paid before.

But if the while I think on thee, dear friend,
All losses are restored and sorrows end." -- Shakespeare

Thank you sir!! . I like that poem too lol.

[Schmoopie]

Sorry to hear you are going through that. I was going to give you some advice, but it seems that others have already given similar suggestions. I would definitely try to move out ASAP. Even if it's in a cheap apartment. At least you would have your freedom. That's what I did, eventually. It's too bad that they don't have dorms where you are going to school, but unfortunately a lot of 2 year schools are like that.
My dad had major problems after (and maybe even before) my parents divorced and now, sadly he's no longer with us. So I understand about having a father that is an embarrassment. Just remember that his behavior is not your fault and doesn't reflect badly on you. At least you are going to school and trying to make something of yourself. Hopefully he will be able to see that in the future and your relationship will get better. If not, then you can be proud of yourself that you didn't choose the same path as he did.

Keep us informed because I'm thinking about ya!

Andrea

PS: I hope I didn't scare you with that talk about my dad. Sadly, that's how things ended up with mine, though.