Tuesday’s Quotes & Honeymooners TV Schedule (9/12-9/22):

[Frank Gannucci]

"Oh My Aching Back":

Ralph (yelling in pain): "WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAA!"

(Alice comes out.)

Alice: "What was that?"

Ralph: "I was just yawning."

Alice: "Yawning? It sounded like feeding time at the zoo."

"A Matter of Record":

Ralph: "How could you be so stupid Norton? Why would you want to go? You know the ending as well as I do."

Ed: "You call me stupid? You call me stupid? It just so happens that it makes no difference to me what the ending of the play is. I will just wait until it gets real close to the end of the show and I will get up and walk out."

"A Matter of Life & Death":

Ed: "How about a kiss Trixie?"

Trixie: "I'm too tired."

Ed: "I work in the sewer all day and she's tired."

Trixie: "That is another reason."

"Vacation At Fred's Landing":

(Ralph brings out a small fish.)

Alice: "This was the big fish that you had the tug-of-war with?"

Ralph: "He lost a lot of weight during the fight."

"Finders Keepers":

Ralph: "It's a good thing that you weren't married to Alex Graham Bell or he would have never invented the phone."

Alice: "It makes no difference in my life. We don't have one."

Ralph: "With your mouth, we don't need one."

"Sleepy Time Gal":

G.F.: "I am going to put you in a state of hypnosis."

Ed: "Promise you won't hurt me?"

"Boy Next Door":

Ralph: "My dad once said this: 'For one of a sock, a shoe was lost. For one of a shoe, a horse was lost. For one of a horse, a war was lost. For one of a war...for one of a war...it was all lost.'"

Alice: "Yeah? Why don't you get lost?"

"What's The Name":

Ralph: "Everytime there was a love scene, Ed had to kiss Trixie."

Alice: "I think that that is very romantic."

Ralph: "Romantic, huh? I was sitting between them."

"Hair To A Fortune":

Ralph: "The more brains men have, the less hair they got."

(Alice puts her fingers in Ralph's hair.)

Alice: "I rest my case."

(AmericanLife TV):

(AmericanLife also has an OnDemand Service. This show might be one of the shows to watch.)

TV-G

All times are Eastern.

Jackie Gleason as Ralph Kramden. Art Carney as Ed Norton. Shelia MacRae as Alice Kramden. Jean Kean as Trixie Norton.

Fri. Sep. 12 10p & Sat. Sep. 13, 2008 12a #22 – “Two For The Money”: Ralph, as treasurer of the Raccoon Lodge, has been entrusted with $500 in cash, which he loses at Dennehy's Bar, He plays a long shot at the tracks to replace the money, and his horse wins but he doesn't, because he tore up his ticket at the beginning of the race when it looked like he was going to lose. Fortunately, the money turns up right where Ralph left it--in the pocket of the Raccoons' Grand High Exalted Mystic Ruler. (VCR Plus Code for Fri.: 1560. For Sat.: 53198.)

Fri. Sep. 19 10 & Sat. Sep. 20, 2008 12a #23 – “Nephew of The Bride”: Alice's Aunt Ethel (played by Doro Merande) moves in with the Kramdens. Ralph, who has to sleep on a cot in the kitchen, plays Cupid for her and Krausmeyer, the butcher (played by David Burns). His plan succeeds, Ethel and Krausmeyer elope, and they return to the Kramdens' for a place to live until they can find a home. And Ralph moves to the YMCA. (VCR Plus Code for Fri.: 5451. For Sat.: 77567.)

(WPIX) & (WPIXD [WPIX'S HD Channel) (CW11):

Jackie Gleason as Ralph Kramden. Art Carney as Ed Norton. Audrey Meadows as Alice Kramden. Joyce Randolph as Trixie Norton.

Mon. Sep. 15 & Mon. Sep. 22, 2008 1a - "Honeymooners Viewers Choice Hour": Viewers can go to cw11.com and vote for which episodes that they want WPIX to show. WPIX set up a page on their website so viewers can see what “episodes” WPIX has the rights to. Voting for every Monday starts every Monday at 2a. (If a lost episode is chosen, chances are it will be in CC and edited HEAVILY.)

Channel
Day & Time
VCR Plus Code

WPIX 11
Mon, Sep 15 1:00 AM
VCR+: 65912

WPIXD
Mon, Sep 15 1:00 AM
VCR+: 75221

WPIX 11
Mon, Sep 15 1:30 AM
VCR+: 91825

WPIXD
Mon, Sep 15 1:30 AM
VCR+: 91757

WPIX 11
Mon, Sep 22 1:00 AM
VCR+: 70006

WPIXD
Mon, Sep 22 1:00 AM
VCR+: 20984

WPIX 11
Mon, Sep 22 1:30 AM
VCR+: 96532

WPIXD
Mon, Sep 22 1:30 AM
VCR+: 35358

(WGN America) (Not the Chicago feed of WGN):

Sun. Sep. 14, 2008 9p (CC) #030 - "The Loudspeaker": Ralph thinks he'll be named Raccoon of the Year, so he begins writing his acceptance speech (if he could only get rid of his hiccups). It's a very distinctive honor, he reminds the skeptical Alice, because it entitles the two of them to "free burial privileges in the Raccoons' national cemetery in Bismarck, North Dakota." (VCR Plus+ 45146)

9:30p (CC) #031 - "On Stage": "Polo ponies." "On Stage" (originally telecast April 28, 1956) actually began, says co-writer Leonard Stern, "with that one word...and we built a whole sketch around it." And it's that single word---pronounced by Norton (Art Carney) to rhyme with monopolies---that has almost single-handedly made this a favorite among Honeymooners fans. The episode begins with Ralph getting a juicy part in a play being mounted by the Raccoon Lodge's Women's Auxiliary. Suddenly Ralph is strutting around like the Barrymore of Bensonhurst and entertaining dreams that a Hollywood producer in the audience will offer him a contract. But before the actual performance, there's a rehearsal with Norton---and that word---to contend with. (VCR Plus+ 292511.)

Sun. Sep. 21, 2008 9p (CC) #032 - "Dial J For Janitor": Ralph can't seem to pipe down about the failures of his building's janitor. Then he finds out that the position pays $150 a month with free rent---and decides to take the job himself. Now the most gripes are coming from Norton, who says he hasn't had water in his apartment for so long that he's beginning to "see mirages." Mr. Johnson: Luis Van Rooten. Mrs. Manicotti: Zamah Cunningham. (VCR Plus+ 610605)

9:30p (CC) #033 - "Opportunity Knocks, But": When Mr. Marshall asks him for a lesson in shooting pool, Ralph believes that his social visit to his boss's Park Avenue home is the cue for his finally advancing in the company. But it's Norton who racks up points in "Opportunity Knocks But," which originally aired May 5, 1956. The pool lesson just gets under way when Norton---not Ralph---starts offering suggestions about making improvements at the company. Impressed, Marshall offers him a job as "Bus Driver Supervisor." Marshall says he likes a man who can think on his feet, but as an enraged Ralph later tells Alice: "Norton works in the sewer. He has to think on his feet; if he sat down he'd drown." But Norton, who's thinking of accepting the offer, tells his buddy not to worry. "As long as I am an executive at that bus company," he tells Ralph, "you are sure of being a bus driver as long as you live." (VCR Plus+ 795860.)

Credit goes to Yahoo! Groups You're A Riot, the old honeymooners.net., & tvguide.com.