Best comebacks of all-time - Sitcoms Online Message Boards

Overdose · 09-06-2008, 08:04 AM

Although the show "Roseanne" had many great comebacks, I found this to be one of the greatest ever.

After a huge fight it escalates to this:

Dan: Hey, at least I put my mother in a psychiatric hospital where she can get some help, instead of letting her run around the streets scaring people!!!!
Roseanne: Well my mother might me like fingernails on a chalkboard Dan, BUT AT LEAST SHE'S ALLOWED TO GROW FINGERNAILS!!!!!!!!!!!!

The whole fight and exchange can be seen here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xB_tt0US-e0
Roseanne is the only person who could beat Archie Bunker in an argument. I'm sure many will disagree, but she'd wipe the floor with him.

ThomasE · 09-06-2008, 10:39 AM

I'll do one from Roseanne:

A Kitchen Diner Scene:

Leon: I swear Roseanne, cleaning out that grease trap is like cleaning out one of your arteries!
Roseanne: B*tch! B*tch! B*tch! That's all you ever are!

Scene from Good Times:

Florida: J.J. Go bathe.
J.J.: Why can't be like Thelma and just spray on some cologne?
Thelma: You're just jealouse because the only spray they make for you is "RAID"!

Beverly Hills 90210

Donna: (to Brenda and Kelly) You guys shouldn't be fighting. You're friends.
Kelly: We all have our crosses to bear.
Brenda: Or our legs to uncross.

Chocoholic · 09-06-2008, 12:22 PM

From Wings...

Roy Biggins: I'm going to teach that kid everything I know.
Helen: What's he going to do the second half of the day?

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Roy Biggins: If you'll excuse me, I've got to get ready for the big night.
Alex: Oh, that's right, you're about to romance a woman. You'll want to shower, shave, buy chloroform...

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Roy Biggins: You know what I do when I have a problem with a woman?
Antonio: Deflate her?

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Brian Hackett: It says here, fifteen percent of the American public would rather watch television than have sex.
Roy Biggins: Fifteen perc... Yeah, yeah, I buy that, yeah. You know, maybe you're... you're too tired, or she's too... what's a nice way to put this? Ugly.
Brian Hackett: The words "too tired" aren't in my vocabulary, and frankly, Roy, I don't think the words "too ugly" should be in yours.

-----
]Helen: You care more about this *stupid* plane than you do about me!
Joe Hackett: Me? You're the one with the cello between her legs eight hours a day!
Helen: Well, at least that gives me some satisfaction!
Joe Hackett: Yeah, well, at least when I'm in the plane I get some sense of movement!

Roy Biggins: I've never minded staying up all night because of a woman.
Helen: Well, you don't have a choice. If you dozed off, she'd escape.

hitting on Helen at the lunch counter]
Lewis Blanchard: Ya know, I have a video camera that shoots in the dark.
Helen: Yeah, I got a gun that does the same thing.

JulieSomoski · 09-06-2008, 03:10 PM

Roseanne was the ultimate sitcom of great comback jokes. There are so many in every episode it's almost impossible to choose the best ones.

09-06-2008, 08:04 AM	#1
Overdose Don't mess with Roseanne! Frequent Poster Join Date: Mar 27, 2007 Posts: 303	Best comebacks of all-time Although the show "Roseanne" had many great comebacks, I found this to be one of the greatest ever. After a huge fight it escalates to this: Dan: Hey, at least I put my mother in a psychiatric hospital where she can get some help, instead of letting her run around the streets scaring people!!!! Roseanne: Well my mother might me like fingernails on a chalkboard Dan, *BUT AT LEAST SHE'S ALLOWED TO GROW FINGERNAILS!!!!!!!!!!!!* The whole fight and exchange can be seen here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xB_tt0US-e0 Roseanne is the only person who could beat Archie Bunker in an argument. I'm sure many will disagree, but she'd wipe the floor with him.
	__________________ Roseanne Barr on being a tyrant for the direction and control of her show: "If you're male you have a vision and if you're female you're a tyrant" "Roseanne" = Greatest. Show. Ever. Created.

09-06-2008, 10:39 AM	#2
ThomasE Member Moderator Forum Fanatic Join Date: Apr 04, 2000 Location: New York, New York, U.S.A. Posts: 10,857	I'll do one from Roseanne: A Kitchen Diner Scene: Leon: I swear Roseanne, cleaning out that grease trap is like cleaning out one of your arteries! Roseanne: Btch! Btch! Btch! That's all you ever are!* Scene from Good Times: Florida: J.J. Go bathe. J.J.: Why can't be like Thelma and just spray on some cologne? Thelma: You're just jealouse because the only spray they make for you is "RAID"! Beverly Hills 90210 Donna: (to Brenda and Kelly) You guys shouldn't be fighting. You're friends. Kelly: We all have our crosses to bear. Brenda: Or our legs to uncross.
	__________________ Check out my my "It's A Living" Facebook Fanpage!!! https://m.facebook.com/groups/107208...&source=result

09-06-2008, 03:10 PM	#4
JulieSomoski Roseanne Reboot - March 27! Forum Veteran Join Date: Nov 06, 2004 Location: Michigan Posts: 7,558	Roseanne was the ultimate sitcom of great comback jokes. There are so many in every episode it's almost impossible to choose the best ones.
	__________________ Click here to view some great articles written by my husband and I! All views are appreciated! Watch: Medium, Fridays at 9pm, on CBS! Big Bang Theory, Mondays at 9:30pm, on CBS! The Mentalist, Thursdays at 10pm, on CBS! Old Christine, Wednesdays at 8pm, on CBS! ABC's Comedy Lineup, Starting Wednesdays at 8:30pm, on ABC!

09-06-2008, 12:22 PM	#3
Chocoholic Member Forum Star Join Date: Dec 01, 2000 Location: Between a rock and a hard place. Posts: 11,235	From Wings... Roy Biggins: I'm going to teach that kid everything I know. Helen: What's he going to do the second half of the day? -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Roy Biggins: If you'll excuse me, I've got to get ready for the big night. Alex: Oh, that's right, you're about to romance a woman. You'll want to shower, shave, buy chloroform... -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Roy Biggins: You know what I do when I have a problem with a woman? Antonio: Deflate her? -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Brian Hackett: It says here, fifteen percent of the American public would rather watch television than have sex. Roy Biggins: Fifteen perc... Yeah, yeah, I buy that, yeah. You know, maybe you're... you're too tired, or she's too... what's a nice way to put this? Ugly. Brian Hackett: The words "too tired" aren't in my vocabulary, and frankly, Roy, I don't think the words "too ugly" should be in yours. ----- ]Helen: You care more about this stupid plane than you do about me! Joe Hackett: Me? You're the one with the cello between her legs eight hours a day! Helen: Well, at least that gives me some satisfaction! Joe Hackett: Yeah, well, at least when I'm in the plane I get some sense of movement! Roy Biggins: I've never minded staying up all night because of a woman. Helen: Well, you don't have a choice. If you dozed off, she'd escape. hitting on Helen at the lunch counter] Lewis Blanchard: Ya know, I have a video camera that shoots in the dark. Helen: Yeah, I got a gun that does the same thing.