New fanfic-"Shameful Tears"

[LuvJinny4ever]

hey guys, this is a fanfic that comes after "Virgin Territory" and before "Intervention" , just to let u know

Warning: this fanfic contains subject matter dealing with sexual assault. (note: it's after the ep where jin was in jail...)

***JINNY'S APARTMENT***
The alarm clock went off at 6:45am and Jinny Exstead rolled over to hit the snooze button. She knew she had to get up, take a shower, and get to work, but each day was a struggle to get out of bed. She felt horrible and worthless. Ten minutes later the alarm clock went off again, and Jinny sat up and turned it off. Her hair was disheveled from sleeping and her eyes were puffy. You could tell that she had been crying.

Getting out of bed, she looked at herself in the mirror and realized she didn't like what she saw. Starting to cry again, she picked up a boot from the floor and threw it against the mirror, shattering it into little bits.

***MAGDA'S HOUSE***
Magda Ramirez studied herself in the mirror. 'Not too bad today' she thought. Going over to her bed, she sat down and picked up the telephone to call Gabriel and let him know that Ben needed to be picked up from school today. Letting the phone ring, she glanced at her watch. It was 7:05 am. Jinny would be here in 20 minutes to pick her and Ben up.

When Gabriel answered the phone, Magda smiled to herself. She loved to hear his voice, even though she didn't want to admit it to him. "Hey Gabriel." She waited for his reply and then went on. "Yes... just calling to let you know that Ben needs to be picked up from school today. Uh huh. Thanks. Yes Gabe, you too." Hanging up the phone she went into her son's room and checked to see his progress.

***JINNY'S APT***
Jinny walked out of bathroom in her robe. Her hair was still wet and even the shower didn't hide the fact that she had spent most of the night crying. She just couldn't shake this feeling she had inside her... this feeling of disgust. It had been two weeks since Magda came and bailed her out of jail. Two weeks since she had refused tests. Two weeks since she was raped. Sighing, Jinny searched around for some clothes for her to wear. She didn't even care what she wore anymore... it didn't matter.

'Maybe I should tell someone' she thought for the millionth time since Magda brought her home. Then she shook her head. She knew she wouldn't tell anyone what really happened. Ever. They would just confirm the fact that she was worthless and deserved it. Sitting down on her bed, Jinny started to cry again. 'I need a drink' she thought and took out a bottle. Taking a few swigs, Jinny felt better and slowly got dressed.

***MAGDA'S HOUSE***
Magda looked at her watch. It was 7:30, and Jinny was 5 minutes late. Just as she picked up the phone to call her there was a knock on the door and Magda went to answer it. When she did she was concerned about what she saw. There was Jinny, her hair still a little damp, her clothes not ironed, and wearing sunglasses that almost covered up the fact that she had been crying. But Magda noticed. Magda had noticed this almost every day for two weeks. Almost every day since she brought her home from jail.

'I wish she would talk to me' she thought as she put on a fake smile and told Jinny to come inside. "Benjamin! Jinny's here! We have to go!" Magda grabbed her coat and took one last look at Jinny. She didn't know what to do. Jinny looked so sad, but every time she asked Jinny if something was wrong, she snapped.

Jinny noticed Magda looking at her and knew what she was thinking. 'She's thinking I look horrible and disgusting... well, she's right.'

Ben walked out into the living room and Magda smiled at him. "Ready?" Ben nodded, and Magda, Ben, and Jinny walked out of the room in silence.

***The Division***
Jinny and Magda walked into the division at 7:56am. CD and Angela were already there, working on a case. Jinny walked over to her desk and sat down. Taking off her sunglasses, she forgot about how she probably looked until she caught Magda staring at her. "What?!" she said angrily. She didn't have the strength to deal with this today.

"Jinny... are you ok? You've been..." Magda didn't know what to say. All she knew was that her best friend looked like she had lost everything important to her in the world. "You've been..."

"I've been what, Magda? Please... do enlighten me." Jinny stared at Magda, almost daring her to speak. Magda said nothing, and after awhile Jinny just sighed and looked away. "That's what I thought..."

Captain McCafferty walked out of her office. She was glad to see that everyone was here, but when she saw Jinny, her heart fell. She didn't know what to do about her.. she didn't know if it was drinking or something else that was affecting her performance, but whatever it was it had to stop. "Cases" she announced and went over to Jinny and Magda.

Magda looked up as the Captain came over and smiled wearily. She knew the Captain saw the difference in Jinny too, and she was worried about what the Captain would say... she didn't want Jinny to do anything irrational. "What do we got, Cap?"

"Female... age 29. Currently at the hospital. Claims she was raped after a night on the town. The doctor's found excessive amounts of alcohol in her system..." Captain looked at Magda and Jinny. Magda seemed to be absorbing the information on a factual basis. Jinny, on the other hand, looked on the verge of tears. Not knowing what to do, she went on. "We need you to go over with a sketch artist and get a sketch of the guy... as much as she remembers. And get her full medical report... find out if the conclusions are simultaneous with a rape."

Magda nodded and grabbed for her coat and the file. As the captain walked away she looked towards Jinny. Tears were rolling down the brunette's face and she seemed unaware of anything around her. Magda was worried... something was going on... and she thought she knew what it was. But again, every time she brought it up, Jinny just snapped at her and it got them nowhere. Sighing, she decided just to go over and get Jinny's attention and worry about it later.

When Magda touched Jinny on the shoulder, she jumped and uttered a little scream. Everyone in the room turned to look at her and she remembered where she was. Feeling the tears running down her face, she quickly wiped them away with the sleeve of her shirt and turned towards Magda. "Don't do that." She didn't know what else to say... didn't know what to say to explain her behavior. Instead, she got up from her chair and nodded towards the door, leaving Magda to follow her.

TO BE CONTINUED...

so.. what do ya'll think??? should i continue????

[Swimfan85]

please add more?? this is awesome, u no how tired and sick i am, this will make me feel a little better, come on M! PUPPY DOG FACE


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Jinny: Basically people are who people are. Your born, you die pretty much the same
person. All the rest is just window dressing.
~~**~~**~~**~~
"I'm jaded and judgemental. I can't imagine why."
**~~**~~**
Lorelai: Well, I want to be in the Bangles, but that doesn't mean I quit my job and get a guitar and ruin my life to be a Bangle, does it?
Max: The Bangles broke up.
Lorelai: Yeah, that's not the point.
Max: Well, that's got to be part of the point if there's no band any more.
***~~!!kATie!!~~***

[Nancy_Justine_Mckeon_01]

oh i dont know jenn i dont know if you shoul dcontinue oh my mistake i do know yes yes yes you should continue!!!

[NewsiesGurl229]

Uh I don't know if you know this, but stopping on a division fan fic is against the law! Okay, just kidding but it should be! Can't wait for more, this is really really good!

[Jinny Girl]

HOW DARE YOU STOP!?!?!? YOU MUST POST MORE... Please?

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~Dana Jinny Exstead~

Jinny: Oh yeah? Well try this, Go ta hell.

Jinny: IF you thiunk that I am going too stand here and listen too all of you talk about me... Your outta your damn Minds!

And Me: HAHA! You cant get rid of me that easily! I'll just keep comeing back! AAAAAAHAHAAAA!

[Jinny_Extead]

This is really great!!! Post more!

[Divisionbabe05]

This is GREAT! Keep goin!

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I am a Jineddy! A Jineddy is a person who wants Jinny and Teddy to be together! Morganne is a Jinanybody and a Carby, but thats ER.

*People* Isnt that the craziest word u ever done heard? *LOL*

[LuvJinny4ever]

thx, every1... and here ya go C... just to make u feel a little better

***THE HOSPITAL***
By the time Jinny and Magda arrived at the hospital, Magda was extremely worried about Jinny. There were no sarcastic remarks, no chit chat. Nothing. Magda was sitting next to a woman who looked as if she lost all hope... she looked worse than she did when she found her in jail two weeks ago.

That thought brought up the same question Magda had been asking herself since she found Jinny... was Jinny raped? All the signs pointed to it. The cop described how they found Jinny... her pants and underwear around her ankles... her jacket still on... unconscious... she refused tests. Magda's head was swimming and it wasn't until Jinny said "we're here" for the third time that she noticed.

Jinny couldn't do this. She couldn't go into this hospital and deal with this. She didn't want to talk about rape... that was the last thing she needed. Knowing, however, that people would suspect even more if she refused this case, she went along. Stepping out of the car, she looked over at Magda, who was staring at the hospital. "Ready?" She tried to say it without a waver in her voice, but she failed.

Magda heard the voice of a scared child when Jinny spoke that one word. She knew the answer to her own question just from that one word. "Yeah" she said, and started walking towards the building. She couldn't look at Jinny... if she did, Magda knew she's start to cry. Her best friend was raped... she knew it. 'But how do I get it out of her?' she questioned herself as they walked into the building.

***HOSPITAL ROOM***
The hospital room was barren. Meagan looked around the room and wanted to die. She had never thought she'd end up like this... never. A tear ran down her face as she thought about what had happened to her the night before.

*~*flashback*~*
Meagan was sitting at one of the local bars... she went there a lot lately. In fact, after she lost her fiance in that fatal car crash, she'd been there everynight... and that was over a year ago. Since then, alcohol had been her savior, and she'd had plenty of gentlemen callers... but she would never have sex with them... only other things.

As she was sitting at the bar, a man came up to her. He was good looking... dark hair, piercing eyes and a slight gotee. Smiling, Meagan looked at the seat next to her, and he took it as an invitation to sit down. "Hey."

"Hey" the guy moved closer to Meagan and blew in her ear. She knew she shouldn't do this, but Meagan was good at playing games.

"So what's your name, good looking?" Meagan knew what to say.. when to say it.. everything. And this guy was definitely taking it, hook, line, and sinker.

"Joe." he said with a grin. "Wanna... join me in the bathroom?"

Meagan was used to this. She's often go into the bathroom for some makeout sessions, then hurry out, leaving the guy paying for her tab... and this sucker was no different. "Sure" she smiled and winked at him. By this point she was way beyond drunk and she stumbled into his arms. He held her up as he walked her to the bathroom.

*~*end flashback*~*

'But this time it didn't end like usual' she thought and started to cry again. This time she went into the bathroom with him and he forced her to have sex... she was too drunk to fight him off. As Meagan thought about last night, she didn't notice two women entering the room, and when they spoke, they startled her.

"Meagan?" Magda quietly spoke. The woman jumped. "I'm Magda Ramierez... this is Jinny Exstead... we're with the SFPD." Magda looked the girl over. It was obvious something bad had happened to her. She looked vulnerable, depressed, haggard... she looked like Jinny did. Magda stifled a gasp as the thought struck her; she didn't want to think about that now.

When Jinny saw the girl laying in the hospital bed, she wanted to throw up. She couldn't be here. 'Why did I convince myself that I could do this?' she thought to herself, as she avoided the woman's gaze.

"We're here to get a statement from you about what happened... a.. um..sketch artist will be in shortly." Magda pulled out a notepad and tried not to think, but Jinny's expression caught her eye, and her thoughts immediately went back to her best friend.

Meagan looked at the officers. The one, who spoke, seemed very professional about things, but also sympathetic. The other one... looked scared. 'Scared?' Meagan thought 'Of me?' The thought made the tears come again, and she quickly wiped them away with her hand. "I..." she started, but broke down crying.

Magda was jolted back to reality when the woman on the bed started to shake with sobs. Walking closer, she tried to console her. "Hey Meagan.. it's ok... we believe you. And we're here to help. I know it must be rough... I know." Magda now stood by the side of Meagan's bed.

Meagan looked up at Magda and for some reason felt that she could tell her and she would believe her. Sighing, Meagan started... telling the whole story.

"... and then... he... forced me.." Meagan started to cry more, and Magda was there to hold her hand while she told the story. After about a minute, she was able to go on. "He forced me to have sex. I didn't want to. I cried.... and... I said no..." she trailed off, crying again.

Magda knew instinctively that the girl was telling the truth. "Hey...that's good for now, Meagan, ok?" She patted the woman's hand and turned to her partner, whose face was ashen. Concerned, Magda walked over to Jinny and touched her arm. "Jin?"

Jinny looked at Magda with fear in her eyes. She didn't know what to do. Listening to that girls story was like listening to what had happened to her two weeks ago. "What... what did he say his name was?" she whispered in a voice it was almost inaudible. But Meagan heard it.

"Joe." she whispered back. She wondered what was going on with the one inspector... she didn't look well. As much as she was feeling horrible, she knew when someone was genuinely scared, and this inspector, Jinny was her name, was.

Jinny couldn't take it anymore. Running out of the room she just ran to wherever she could go. She needed to get out of here no matter what it took. Finally reaching a bathroom, she opened up one of the stalls and let loose. Tears came quickly, and she shook while she cried. She didn't hear the bathroom door open. "Why?!" she screamed at no one and hit the wall of the bathroom stall, causing it to shake on it's hinges. Sobbing even more now, she slid down to the floor, burying her head in her hands.

TO BE CONTINUED!

how'd ya like it??

[Swimfan85]

u are one very evil person for leaving us hanging there!!! ggggggrrrr M!!! THIS IS AWESOME!!! please add more soon!!!

------------------
Jinny: Basically people are who people are. Your born, you die pretty much the same
person. All the rest is just window dressing.
~~**~~**~~**~~
"I'm jaded and judgemental. I can't imagine why."
**~~**~~**
Lorelai: Well, I want to be in the Bangles, but that doesn't mean I quit my job and get a guitar and ruin my life to be a Bangle, does it?
Max: The Bangles broke up.
Lorelai: Yeah, that's not the point.
Max: Well, that's got to be part of the point if there's no band any more.
***~~!!kATie!!~~***

[Jinny Girl]

NO! NO NO NO NO NO! NOT FAIR! *subbing* Oh god... Please... PLEASE POST MORE!! AHH... No,.. WHy did stop there and leave me... WHY!?

[LuvJinny4ever]

thx guys here's more:

Warning: this section goes into a little more detail. reader beware.

When Magda walked into the bathroom she could hear Jinny crying. Soon afterwards she heard Jinny's outburst and the sobs following it. Rushing over to the stall door, she knocked on it. "Jinny? Hun.. it's me." The crying slowed, and Magda could tell Jinny was trying to stop, but she couldn't. "You can cry Jinny, I know what's wrong..."

Jinny couldn't believe what had just came out of her partner's mouth. 'How could she know?' she thought, and then she realized that was a stupid question. Magda had seen her these past weeks. She had seen her in jail too. Her sobs got harder and her body shook more. She couldn't hide it anymore and letting it loose felt so good.

Magda leaned against the door. She could tell her friend was finally letting it all out and she wished she knew what to do... what to say. "Jinny... can you open the door?" is all that she came up with, however. To her surprise it worked.

When Jinny opened the door, Magda took her into her arms and hugged her. Jinny just stood there, sobbing on Magda's shoulder. "I... I can't do this..." she stammered "I can't live like this..." Jinny held onto Magda tightly, not wanting to let go of the one person she thought still cared about her.

Magda held Jinny and rocked her back and forth. She still didn't know what to say, but she would try anyway. "Jinny... do you want to talk about it?"

Jinny let go of Magda slightly and looked at her. Wiping her tear-stained face, she nodded wearily. "Not here" she managed to whisper as more tears fell from her eyes.

Magda took Jinny into her arms again and led her towards the door. "Let's go home... to my place. You can tell me there, ok?" Jinny nodded, and Magda manuvered Jinny through the hospital and out to the car.

***MAGDA'S HOUSE***
Magda looked at Jinny who was laying curled up on the couch. Not wanting to push her, she just rubbed her back, trying to ease Jinny's crying a little. They had been like this for at least a half hour now, and Jinny was slipping further and further into a depressive state.

All Jinny could do was think. She kept reliving that night over and over again. 'If only I hadn't drank so much' and 'If only I never went out to the alley with him' kept flashing across her mind. She felt imbobile... stuck somewhere that she couldn't escape from. She didn't deserve the attention Magda was giving her... she never deserved it. Her mother knew that. 'That's why she did it' Jinny thought, and wanted to die. There were no way around these feelings... she just didn't want to be here anymore.

She kept thinking about her life... how she had made herself a target for sex. Everyone knew she slept around. Everyone knew she drank until she couldn't feel. Everyone. She never wanted it to be like this, but she was so worthless that that's what it ended up being anyway. 'I thought when I made inspector things would change' she thought. But they hadn't... they had just gotten worse. She had to deal with the fact that she was a horrible cop on top of the fact that she had a horrible life... she didn't know how Magda delt with her. 'Magda.'

The thought brought her back to facing what was going on. Here she was in Magda's apartment crying about her life. Who deserved to hear this stuff? Jinny looked up at Magda who hadn't taken her eyes off her. "Mag... I..." she looked down and closed her eyes. The images flashed on her brain again and she grimaced. "I was drunk..." she began.

When Jinny started to talk, Magda took her hand and squeezed it reassuringly. She knew this was hard for her, and every word out of her mouth was a step towards feeling better, so the more Magda did to comfort her the more would come out.

Jinny felt Magda's hand and knew she had to continue. All of this was pent up for way too long. Taking a breath, she continued. "And we went out back... and..." she paused, remembering vividly the moment *Frank* left and she was left alone with *Joe.* "One guy.. Frank.. left.. and Joe..." Jinny couldn't go on. What he had done to her made her body shiver... she had never felt so alone and scared before in her life.

Magda noticed Jinny hesitating. "Jin, hun, you don't have to go on if you don't want to." Magda knew that just the mere fact she was admitting something would help a little... she just wished that she knew what to do.

Staring off into space, Jinny sighed. She knew she had to go on... to tell Magda what *Joe* did to her. "Mag.." she said waiting for her to squeeze her hand again. When she did, Jinny continued. "Joe was kissing me... and he started to take my... pants off" Jinny was crying harder again, but she kept going, her voice barely above a whisper. "I pushed him away... he didn't like that. He... he pushed me down on the ground. He... oh god..." Jinny buried her head in her hands. "He hit me... and finished pulling.. oh god.. I said NO, Magda, I said NO!!!" Jinny screamed, sitting up for the first time and hitting the couch with her fist.

Magda gathered Jinny up in her arms and slowly petted her head, murmuring "It's ok, Jin... I'm here..." over and over again.

TO BE CONTINUED (i'm at a mental impass here.. *sigh*)
how'd u like it?

[Swimfan85]

omg thanks for listening M!! u rock and this fan fic is amazing!!!! add more soon but take ur time this is awesome!!

[Divisionbabe05]

Awesome!

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I am a Jineddy! A Jineddy is a person who wants Jinny and Teddy to be together! Morganne is a Jinanybody and a Carby, but thats ER...Dana just happens to be a JinMag, which is a lil strange, but o well...its interesting!

*People* Isnt that the craziest word u ever done heard? *LOL*

[Jinny Girl]

O please give me more fan fic!

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~Dana Jinny Exstead~

Well since Britt is a Jineddy (Jinny and Teddy) and Morganne is a Jinanybody (Jin and Anybody) I'm a JinMag, now you can figure that one out on your own.

"COME ON! SAY IT WITH ME!" *LOL!*

[ssgoalie8]

AGH AGH AGH AGH AGH PLEASE i need more soooooon!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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-colleen-
**************
jinny: who in the hell are you?
***************
JO rocks!!!!!!!!
***************
J: i'm gonna loosen some teeth!
***************
AIM ssgoalie8 or nmkjo