Episode Reviews: "Lawsuit" & "Hot Tips":

[Frank Gannucci]

Episode #186
DVD: It doesn't look like this episode will ever be released. If it does, hopefuly it will be attached to all the other short sketches as well as the "Incredible Word of Ed Norton."
Color & Lost Episode Title: "Lawsuit."

I haven't seen the 60s version but I am assuming it's the same as it's Lost Episode counterpart except for a few things.

Alice is cleaning the window. Ralph comes out with a cast around his broken leg. Jackie did break his leg once during his variety show several weeks prior to making the lost episode version of this episode. That might have served as inspiration for this script. Ralph wants a pad and paper. Alice: "Why can't you get it yourself." Ralph says that he can't do anything in the condition that he is in. Alice: "How did you get out here?" Ralph: "Don't change the subject." Alice complains that all she has done in the past six weeks is wait on Ralph hand and foot. So, Ralph says that will stop. If he can't get something, he will do without it. That lasts for a few seconds. Typical Ralph. Ralph says that after he sues the bus company for $75,000, he will get some money to use for spending. Imagine, in "The Safety Award", Ralph says he had no accidents on the bus. Alice says that after this ridiculous lawsuit, Ralph will have no job. Ralph: "With the money I will have left over, I will be a millionaire." Doesn't Ralph know that when you sue someone, you are supposed to use the money to pay off the injury so to speak and Ralph must stink at Math for him to think he will be a millionaire with the money he will have left over. Ralph explains the whole accident. It was raining and the windsheild wipersweren't working and because of that, he got into an accident. It was the bus company's responsibility to make sure that the wipers work. Ralph says with the dough, he will open up a grocery store in Jersey City. Hey, that's my mom's old hometown. Ralph: "We will be living on Easy Street just because I broke my leg. I must be the luckiest guy in the world." Sure, he's lucky.

Ralph tries to get up so he can put some weight on his broken leg when Ed Norton comes in. Ralph explains that he is trying to put some weight on his broken leg. Ed: "You are just the boy that can do it." Ed cracks wallnuts when Ralph is doing this so Ralph thinks he broke his leg again and when he hears that was Ed cracking wallnuts, he gets mad at Ed. Alice goes into the bedroom. Ed says he got off the phone with a lawyer and explained the whole case to him. According to the lawyer, the case is perfect. Ralph explains that to Alice and she says she will buy a mink coat. Ralph: "She is just jealous because I have the broken leg."

Ed explains an accident he had in the sewer once. A manhole cover fell on his head and since he couldn't prove it did any damage, the layers said he had no case. He also explains a similar situation that happened to a family member he knows. His story is so wacked that Ralph thinks that every member of his family should drive off to Bellevue. A claims adjuster from the bus company comes and offers Ralph back pay for the time he missed while recuperating and complete payment of his medical bills, but Ralph refuses the offer. Ed says that a person he knows had a situation that is similar to what happend to Ralph. That person stubbed his toe on the edge of the Grand Canyon. Ha! Ralph says that he is suing. The claim adjuster leaves and wishes Ralph good luck. Ed says that Ralph has got his broken leg. He tries to hit it softly but ends up hurting Ralph.

Alice comes back. She saw and talked to the claim adjuster. This is the dumbest thing that Ralph ever did. Ralph: "You won't be saying that when we are living on Park Avenue." Alice: "I thought you were going to open a grocery store in Jersey." Ralph: "I'll commute." The lawyer comes in (he is played by George Petrie). The lawyer explains he whole case to everyone but says that the fault of the accident rests on the driver's shoulders. D'oh! Not something Ralph wanted to hear. Ralph explains that he was the driver. The lawyer, shocked leaves. Ed leaves too. Ralph has no case after all, and, after kicking the adjuster out of the apartment, maybe no job either. Ed leaves.
Ralph apologizes to Alice. Alice forgives Ralph. They hug and kiss.

Episode #187
DVD: It doesn't look like this episode will ever be released. If it does, hopefuly it will be attached to all the other short sketches as well as the "Incredible Word of Ed Norton."
Color Episode Title: "Hot Tip."
Lost Episode Title: "Hot Tips."

Alice is doing her makeup. Ralph comes out and complains that he can't find his other black sock. Alice goes into the bedroom while Ralph takes off the balck sock that is on his foot and there's another black sock on it (he put the two black socks on one foot), so he tells Alice about it. Ralph's fly in his pants are open. Ed comes down and is ready to go to the racetrack with Alice and Ralph. He is wearing a loud jacket that he claims is lucky. He won money when he had it on at one time. According to him, the only time it brought him bad luck was the time that he met Trixie. Ralph has picked five sure winners. Ed says that there is no such thing as a sure thing so he tells a story on how one horse couldn't lose and ended up losing because his tail got stuck in the starting gate.

Alice comes out and Ralph argues with her and says: "The next time I take you someplace, I will leave you home." Ha! Ralph asks Ed to give him some money. He has a hot tip on one horse that he thinks is going to win. He is betting $30 on one horse. Ed leaves. Alice wants to know how did Ralph get the $30. He got the money from the rent money. "This is no wild scheme", says Ralph. Ralph knows a bus driver who's got a brother-in-law that knows an uncle and this uncle knows a guy who drives a milk wagon and this milk wagon delivers milk to a barber who cuts the horse's jockey's hair. Alice sarcastically agrees. Ralph syas that this horse is a 90-1 shot and when Ralph multiplies 90 times 30, he can't come up with the answer. Gee, that isn't saying too much about Ralph's IQ. Ralph: "We can move into a penthouse and have a nice view of Central Park if we win." Alice says the opposite will happen if they lose.

When word gets out, a bunch of people ask Ralph to place bets for them. Ed comes up and says that there is a policeman coming up to the apartment (thinking that someone is being a bookie). Ralph and Ed panic so Ralph says to put it under the ice box, but Ed says that that won't work. A policeman knocks on the door. Ed: "Just a minute. We are not ready." Ralph suggests putting the list in the faucet, but Ed says that that won't work since the cop may want a drink. Ralph and Norton panic, and Norton tells Ralph to eat the list that he wrote the bets on. Alice tells the cop that the list will prove Ralph's innocence and Ralph discovers that he didn't eat the list after all. (He actually ate the money.) The cop is convinced and leaves. All I can say is if Jackie really ate the money, I hope he didn't get sick. Ed leaves. Ralph apologizes to Alice. Alice forgives him. They hug and kiss.