Friday's Quotes & a Honeymooners Labor Day:

[Frank Gannucci]

Friday’s Quotes & Honeymooners Labor Day:

"Sleepy Time Gal":

(Alice is in the phone booth. They boys don't know it.)

Ralph: "I'm the one in the family with it up here."

(Ralph points to his head.)

Ed: "You got plenty of it down there too."

"Sleepy Time Gal":

(Alice wants to buy new furniture.)

Ralph: "Furniture? Furniture? We got furniture."

Alice: "Sure we got furniture. But just because you are a Raccoon doesn't mean that I have to live in a hole in the ground."

"Letter To The Boss":

Ed: "I can get you a job with me down the sewer. All you have to do is pass the test."

Ralph: "What test is that?"

Ed: "Can you float?"

"Move Uptown":

Ralph: "Where's Norton? We have to unload the trailor."

Trixie: "I don't know."

(Crash! Clatter! Bing! Bang! Boom!)

(Ed comes out with a lot of pots and pans attached on him.)

Ralph: "What's the matter with you?"

Ed: "Shhh."

Ralph: "Don't 'shh' me."

Trixie: "Did you hurt yourself?"

Ed: "No, I didn't. Luckily, the pots and pans broke my fall."

"House Beautiful" (aka "Pardon My Glove"):

Alice: "I got Ralph a new belt. I want to make sure it fits."

Trixie: "If it doesn't, you can always exchange it for a larger size."

Alice: "There ain't no larger size."

"A Matter of Life & Death":

Ralph: "Don't take any pictures of Dr. Norton. He's very modest."

Ed: "I wouldn't mind a few pictures."

"Rafitti, Brooklyn Style":

Ralph: "For once you are right. Alice should have married Johnny Farell. He's a much smarter guy than I am."

Alice's Mom: "So you admit it."

Ralph: "Sure. He took one look at you and refused to marry her."

"Boys & Girls Together":

(Ralph & Alice are eating dinner.)

Ralph (pointing at his food): "What is that?"

Alice: "That is the appetizer."

Ralph: "What?"

Alice: "The appetizer."

Ralph: "I had my appetizer. I drove a bus for eight hours."

"Ralph Kramden Inc.":

Ed: "It's not like I don't want to lend you money, it's what you don't do with it."

Ralph: "What is that?"

Ed: "You don't pay me back."

(Ralph & Ed are in the Kramden kitchen):

Ralph: “Norton, since we are both of on Monday, we should do something on Labor Day. But everytime we have a bar-b-q, you always ruin it by destroying the grill or something.”

Ed: “Hey, about we have a big Labor Day party in my apartment. We will have all of our friends.”

Ralph: “That’s a great idea. Why can’t it be my apartment?”

(A pause.)

Ralph (yells): “DON’T YOU DARE SAY IT.” (normally): “All right. It will be in your apartment.”

Ed: “Good. I can invite all my sewer buddies and we will cook.”

Ralph: “Wait a minute. I will cook.”

Ed: “Hope you don’t eat the food before you serve it.”

Ralph (yells): “GET OUT!”

(On Labor Day, everyone is in the Norton apartment with Ed & Ralph’s friends. Alice & Trixie are there too. Ralph is cooking.)

Ralph: “Boy, do I love Labor Day. I need a day off from my job.”

Alice: “With the way you will eat today, you will be lucky if you can get into a bus.”

Ralph: “Oh, you are a regular riot Alice. A REAL RIOT.”

(As Ralph is serving food, Ed’s gas oven breaks down.)

Ralph: “Norton, what should I do? We need to see what is wrong down there.”

Ed: “I will get a flashlight.”

Ralph: “Norton, that will waste batteries which in turn will waste money. I will get a match.”

(Ralph goes downstairs and gets a SMALL BLOWTORCH.)

Ralph: “I was unable to get some matches so I got this blowtorch. Don’t worry, the eating will resume.”

Ed: “Ralph, are you sure that that is safe?”

Ralph: “Yes. Remember, when it comes to cooking, I am smart.”

Ed: “And fat.”

Ralph: “Oh, you are going to get it Norton.”

(Alice sees what Ralph is doing.)

Alice (yells): “RALPH THAT IS DANGEROUS.”

(Ralph accidentally drops the blowtorch and the apartment is on fire. The FDNY come. Everyone is evacuated with no injuries. Mr. Johnson comes out.)

Mr. Johnson: “Mr. Kramden, you are evicted.”

Ed: “Ralph, this is one plan of yours that went up in flames.”

(Ralph chases after Ed with the girls following Ralph. Eventually Ralph falls down in exhaustion.)

(Jackie Gleason comes out. The crowd applauds.)

Jackie: “First, I want to wish everyone a Happy Labor Day.”

(Audience applauds.)

Jackie: “Time to introduce the rest of the cast. First Jean Kean.”

(The crowd applauds as Jean comes out and kisses Jackie.)

Jackie: “Audrey Meadows.”

(The crowd applauds as Aud comes out and kisses Jackie.)

Jackie: “Art Carney.”

(The crowd applauds as Art comes out and shakes Jack’s hand.)

Jackie: “The Miami Beach audiences are the greatest audiences in the world. Good night.”

(Crowd applauds.)