Angela's Song - Sitcoms Online Message Boards

Bang A Gong · 07-20-2001, 06:01 PM

Hi all! This is a stand-alone fic that I wrote. It's inspired by one of my favorite songs - "Adam's Song" by Blink 182. Tell me what ya think!

Lyrics are in italics.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Angela's Song

I never thought I'd die alone
I laughed the loudest, who'd have known?
I traced the cord back to the wall
No wonder it was never plugged in at all
I took my time, I hurried up
The choice was mine, I didn't think enough
I'm too depresed to go on, you'll be sorry when I'm gone

Sixteen year old Angela Lockhart stood in front of her mirror, closely studying her reflection. She brushed her face with her fingertips, badly wishing that she didn't have black skin. She strongly disliked being African American. Everytime that she ventured out in public, she felt society's piercing stare directied towards her. She felt hot tears of anger form in her eyes and roll down her cheeks. She turned her gaze to the bottle of pills sitting on her wooden dresser. She walked over to the dresser, picked up the bottle of pills and examined them. 'Should I take them?' she asked herself.

I never conqured, rarely came
16 just held such better days
Days when I still felt alive
We couldn't wait to get outside
The world was wide, too late to try
The tour was over we'd surivied
I couldn't wait till I got home
To pass the time in my room alone

Angela threw herself onto her bed, clutching the bottle of pills. She lay there, thinking about what to do. 'Should I do it? Should I end my life?' she silently questioned. She shook the bottle and listened to the pills wildly shake. 'Who would actually care if I died?' she thought. Angela felt like a useless, hideous freak. She didn't consider herself to be "normal" and she felt like she had every reason in the world to end her life.

I never thought I'd die alone
Another six months I'll be unknown
Give all my things to all my friends
You'll never step foot in my room again
You'll close it off, board it up
Remember the time that I spilled the cup of apple juice in the hall
Please tell mom this is not her fault

Angela went over all of the reasons to attempt suicide in her mind. For starters, her father was in the army and so, her family was constantly moving to new locations that Angela was forced to call "home". She never stayed in one place long enough to make friends. She was sick of the incessant relocating that she was expected to deal with. She hated going to new schools and having to get used to them. And then, once she got used to her new surroundings, her family had to pack everything up and move once again.

Another reason was the terrifying fact that her mother had been diagnosed with breast cancer. Angela could still remember the intense moment that her mother broke the news to her. "Angie," her mother had calmly said, "I have breast cancer, but I'm having surgery and I promise you that I'll be okay." Angela had believed her mother and she hadn't worried, either, because her mother always told the truth. Then, a few months after the surgery, Angela's mother had some more bad news. "Honey," she gently revealed to a frightened Angela, "The cancer is back. But please don't worry, sweetheart. I will be alright." Despite her mother's reassuring words, Angela just couldn't believe her. She knew that her mother wasn't going to be okay. When Angela was seven, her grandmother died of breast cancer and it deeply affected Angela. She remembered breaking down into tears at the realization that she would never again be able to walk into her grandmother's kitchen and smell the scent of delicious peanut butter cookies baking in the oven. Now, she was overcome with the fear that, one day, she would never again be able to take in the nose tickling scent of her mother's perfume, or see her mother's sunny smile. Angela would be lost if her mother died.

The last reason was the racist insults that Angela had been bombarded with a numerous amount of times. She had been called so many cruel names and had fallen victim to awful pranks by her ignorant peers. The first time she had experienced racism was when she was five. It was her first day of Kindergarten and she had been so excited. She wore a pair of pink bib overalls that her mother had bought her and a white, curly ribbon in her long, black hair. She was so anxious to make friends and learn. On that big first day of school, Angela had a bright smile on her face - but that smile soon faded once she arrived at school. When she entered the room that was full of laughing children, everyone suddenly grew quiet and all eyes were on her. She saw a few of the kids pointing and whispering. She felt like crying but decided that since she was in school, she had to be a big girl and big girls didn't cry. This continued up until fifth grade. Then the kids actually started saying horrible remarks to her face. She remembered walking home from school one day, her backpack on her back and her new glittery notebook in her hand, and all of the sudden, some kids from school jumped out from behind some trees and started spitting at her and calling her names. She desperately fought back tears - she didn't want to give those cruel kids the advantage of seeing her cry - but she had failed and the tears poured out as she quickly ran home. The racism never stopped and continued to plague Angela. She felt ashamed of the color of her skin and wished that she could be exactly like those peppy, thin cheerleaders with long blonde hair and popularity. No one seemed like they wanted to be Angela's friend, thus making her feel alone and miserable. She wanted to be liked, but she was convinced that it wasn't going to happen.

I never conqured, rarely came
16 just held such better days
Days when I still felt alive
We couldn't wait to get outside
The world was wide, too late to try
The tour was over we'd surivied
I couldn't wait till I got home
To pass the time in my room alone

Angela took a deep breath. She had made her decision. She opened her hand and let the bottle of pills fall to the floor. She couldn't end her life; she needed to be strong. Afterall, her father had taught her to be a fighter. She realized that life had it's ups and downs and that everyone faces problems. Whatever happened to her in the future, she knew that she could handle it. Moving, death and ignorance are parts of life. Angela was aware of that and even though it frightened her, she knew that if, and when, she experienced those types of things, she would be able to deal with them. She smiled and wondered where she would be twenty years in the future. . .

I never conqured, rarely came
Tomorrow holds such better days
Days when I can still feel alive
When I can't wait to get outside
The world is wide, the time goes by
The tour is over, I'd surivied
I can't wait till I get home
To pass the time in my room alone

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

THE END

[This message has been edited by Sourbabie (edited 07-20-2001).]

sue z q · 07-20-2001, 06:14 PM

Wow, that was great! Very descriptive and well-written! (When I saw who it was by I was like oh, my, here we go again, I see another story that goes for 11 pages like Broken Promises, lol) But seriously, loved it!

------------------
Jo: Partners? You mean 50-50? Uh, 50-50-50-50-50?
Blair: Good, Jo, we'll let you do the books!

Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most.

And from your two resident off-topic queens, Danielle and I, who are still looking for that 12 step program by the way:

*^*^*~~~God Bless~~~*^*^*

Joanna Marie_1 · 07-23-2001, 01:18 AM

That was awesome....we need to write more on our kick ass fic and post it soon! This was a great fic and ur a great writer!

------------------
(After the fake motorcycle accident)
Jo:My head hurtz a lil
Nat: A Concusion!!!!!!
Jo's dad:The doctor examined her head and found nothing!
Blair:Not even a lil bit of straw!

07-20-2001, 06:01 PM	#1
Bang A Gong Member Forum Regular Join Date: Jun 16, 2001 Posts: 545	Angela's Song Hi all! This is a stand-alone fic that I wrote. It's inspired by one of my favorite songs - "Adam's Song" by Blink 182. Tell me what ya think! Lyrics are in italics. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Angela's Song I never thought I'd die alone I laughed the loudest, who'd have known? I traced the cord back to the wall No wonder it was never plugged in at all I took my time, I hurried up The choice was mine, I didn't think enough I'm too depresed to go on, you'll be sorry when I'm gone Sixteen year old Angela Lockhart stood in front of her mirror, closely studying her reflection. She brushed her face with her fingertips, badly wishing that she didn't have black skin. She strongly disliked being African American. Everytime that she ventured out in public, she felt society's piercing stare directied towards her. She felt hot tears of anger form in her eyes and roll down her cheeks. She turned her gaze to the bottle of pills sitting on her wooden dresser. She walked over to the dresser, picked up the bottle of pills and examined them. 'Should I take them?' she asked herself. I never conqured, rarely came 16 just held such better days Days when I still felt alive We couldn't wait to get outside The world was wide, too late to try The tour was over we'd surivied I couldn't wait till I got home To pass the time in my room alone Angela threw herself onto her bed, clutching the bottle of pills. She lay there, thinking about what to do. 'Should I do it? Should I end my life?' she silently questioned. She shook the bottle and listened to the pills wildly shake. 'Who would actually care if I died?' she thought. Angela felt like a useless, hideous freak. She didn't consider herself to be "normal" and she felt like she had every reason in the world to end her life. I never thought I'd die alone Another six months I'll be unknown Give all my things to all my friends You'll never step foot in my room again You'll close it off, board it up Remember the time that I spilled the cup of apple juice in the hall Please tell mom this is not her fault Angela went over all of the reasons to attempt suicide in her mind. For starters, her father was in the army and so, her family was constantly moving to new locations that Angela was forced to call "home". She never stayed in one place long enough to make friends. She was sick of the incessant relocating that she was expected to deal with. She hated going to new schools and having to get used to them. And then, once she got used to her new surroundings, her family had to pack everything up and move once again. Another reason was the terrifying fact that her mother had been diagnosed with breast cancer. Angela could still remember the intense moment that her mother broke the news to her. "Angie," her mother had calmly said, "I have breast cancer, but I'm having surgery and I promise you that I'll be okay." Angela had believed her mother and she hadn't worried, either, because her mother always told the truth. Then, a few months after the surgery, Angela's mother had some more bad news. "Honey," she gently revealed to a frightened Angela, "The cancer is back. But please don't worry, sweetheart. I will be alright." Despite her mother's reassuring words, Angela just couldn't believe her. She knew that her mother wasn't going to be okay. When Angela was seven, her grandmother died of breast cancer and it deeply affected Angela. She remembered breaking down into tears at the realization that she would never again be able to walk into her grandmother's kitchen and smell the scent of delicious peanut butter cookies baking in the oven. Now, she was overcome with the fear that, one day, she would never again be able to take in the nose tickling scent of her mother's perfume, or see her mother's sunny smile. Angela would be lost if her mother died. The last reason was the racist insults that Angela had been bombarded with a numerous amount of times. She had been called so many cruel names and had fallen victim to awful pranks by her ignorant peers. The first time she had experienced racism was when she was five. It was her first day of Kindergarten and she had been so excited. She wore a pair of pink bib overalls that her mother had bought her and a white, curly ribbon in her long, black hair. She was so anxious to make friends and learn. On that big first day of school, Angela had a bright smile on her face - but that smile soon faded once she arrived at school. When she entered the room that was full of laughing children, everyone suddenly grew quiet and all eyes were on her. She saw a few of the kids pointing and whispering. She felt like crying but decided that since she was in school, she had to be a big girl and big girls didn't cry. This continued up until fifth grade. Then the kids actually started saying horrible remarks to her face. She remembered walking home from school one day, her backpack on her back and her new glittery notebook in her hand, and all of the sudden, some kids from school jumped out from behind some trees and started spitting at her and calling her names. She desperately fought back tears - she didn't want to give those cruel kids the advantage of seeing her cry - but she had failed and the tears poured out as she quickly ran home. The racism never stopped and continued to plague Angela. She felt ashamed of the color of her skin and wished that she could be exactly like those peppy, thin cheerleaders with long blonde hair and popularity. No one seemed like they wanted to be Angela's friend, thus making her feel alone and miserable. She wanted to be liked, but she was convinced that it wasn't going to happen. I never conqured, rarely came 16 just held such better days Days when I still felt alive We couldn't wait to get outside The world was wide, too late to try The tour was over we'd surivied I couldn't wait till I got home To pass the time in my room alone Angela took a deep breath. She had made her decision. She opened her hand and let the bottle of pills fall to the floor. She couldn't end her life; she needed to be strong. Afterall, her father had taught her to be a fighter. She realized that life had it's ups and downs and that everyone faces problems. Whatever happened to her in the future, she knew that she could handle it. Moving, death and ignorance are parts of life. Angela was aware of that and even though it frightened her, she knew that if, and when, she experienced those types of things, she would be able to deal with them. She smiled and wondered where she would be twenty years in the future. . . I never conqured, rarely came Tomorrow holds such better days Days when I can still feel alive When I can't wait to get outside The world is wide, the time goes by The tour is over, I'd surivied I can't wait till I get home To pass the time in my room alone ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ THE END [This message has been edited by Sourbabie (edited 07-20-2001).]

07-20-2001, 06:14 PM	#2
sue z q funger agger LOL Senior Member Join Date: Jun 27, 2001 Location: CA Posts: 1,687	Wow, that was great! Very descriptive and well-written! (When I saw who it was by I was like oh, my, here we go again, I see another story that goes for 11 pages like Broken Promises, lol) But seriously, loved it! ------------------ Jo: Partners? You mean 50-50? Uh, 50-50-50-50-50? Blair: Good, Jo, we'll let you do the books! Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most. And from your two resident off-topic queens, Danielle and I, who are still looking for that 12 step program by the way: ^^~~~God Bless~~~^^

07-23-2001, 01:18 AM	#3
Joanna Marie_1 Member Frequent Poster Join Date: Feb 03, 2001 Location: Sherwood, AR, USA Posts: 342	That was awesome....we need to write more on our kick ass fic and post it soon! This was a great fic and ur a great writer! ------------------ (After the fake motorcycle accident) Jo:My head hurtz a lil Nat: A Concusion!!!!!! Jo's dad:The doctor examined her head and found nothing! Blair:Not even a lil bit of straw!