New fan-fiction that needs a name

[Nancy Exstead]

Here it is, my 2nd fan-fiction, its late and I can't see to type. Tell me if I should keep going or put the story to sleep.

(In the car on the way to work)
M: Jin, I need to cash my paycheck, can we stop at the bank?
J: Sure, just be quick, we're already late.
(The car pulls into the bank and they walk in.)
J: I could write faster than that, would you like some help?
M: I'm almost done, just hold on.
(Jin walks from the table and notices the guard by the door. He looks nervous. Jin goes over to talk to him.)
J: How's it going this morning?
O: It's my first day on the job.
J: You look nervous, lighten up.
O: Thanks for the advice, bye.
(Jin walks back to the table where Magda is.)
M: Just nave to sign my name…I'm done.
J: Oh, that's great, and I just turned 100. Should we celebrate, or finish cashing your check first?
M: Funny, Jin, funny. I will be done in a minute, if you want to go wait in the car.
J: Don't mind if I do.
(Just as Jin opens the door, 5 guys with guns and masks charge through the door. The leader grabs Jin and points his gun at her head.)
Leader: Everyone down on the ground or I shoot.
(He turns his gun and shoots the rookie guard.)
L: That was to show that I mean buisiness.
(He turns the gun back on Jin.)(Everyone gets down on the ground, except Magda who draws her weapon.)
M: SFPD!!! Put your guns on the ground!!
(Magda is scared inside, but knows she can't show it.)
L: I don't think so lady, now sit down. (Magda doesn't want Jin to get hurt, so she sits down.) Now slide your gun over here. (she does as she's told.) These men behind me are going to come around and collect money from all of you. Then the vault will be opened for us. Afterwards, we will leave quietly and act like nothing happened.
J: I think you should know, I'm a cop, too.
L: WOW!! I think you should know, I hate cops. Since two cops are already here, lets make this a hostage situation. NO ONE leaves this bank. And you(turns to Magda) Don't try anything stupid.
M: Okay, just don't hurt her.
L: Men, get all the money from the vault. (The men go back to the vault and start filling bags with money. Jin's cell rings.) Give me that. (He reaches into Jin's coat pocket and answers her phone.) Hello, who is calling?
K: The question is, who are you?
L: You first!
K: I'm Captain Kate McCafferty of the SFPD, your turn.
K: Good! I'm holding up a bank with officers(he looks at Magda and she responds)
M: Ramerez.
(He pushes the gun hard into Jinny's head and she screams.)
J: Ouch! Exstead.
K: Oh my god. What do you want and how many other hostages are there?
L: I want the world and there are 3 customers and 2 cashiers here.(not counting Jin and Magda.)
K: Let them g…(The phone gives a dial tone and Kate slams it down.) C.D., Angela, get down to the 1st National Bank, we've got a hostage situation, I'll explain on the way.

I've got to go to bed, I'll type more soon.

[Chrisjo7]

GOOOOOOOOOOOOD!!!!!!!!!
keep up the work. Can't wait 4 moe!!
Key den !

[Jo's Girl]

I"M GONNA DIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Nancy_Nichole]

Hey keep it up your a great writer!Can't wait for more.

[This message has been edited by Nancy_Nichole (edited 04-27-2001).]

[Nancy_Nichole]

Hey when are you going to put out more? This is great!!!


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~Nichole~

[This message has been edited by Nancy_Nichole (edited 04-27-2001).]

[nancysbiggestfan]

Cant wait for more!
You do know your killing me dont you?!?
Cause you are, well i mean the suspence is anyway.

Good job.

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nancysbiggestfan

Nancy and Jo and Jinny
Rules!!

[NancyMcKeonFan8976]

OMG!!! More, More, More!!!!

[Nancy Exstead]

Sorry it's been so long, I haven't had much time to type lately. So, here's more.

(At the bank)
L: (Puts the phone back in his pocket.) Let's play a game. Civilians on one side of the room and cops on the other. (Magda goes to one side of the room, while everyone else moves to the other side. Jinny goes to sit with Magda.) The game is if a cop talks, I will shoot a civilian. When a civilian talks, I shoot a cop. (While the bad guy isn't looking, Jim shows Magda, she still has her gun. They sit calmly and wait for backup.)

(In the car)
K: …and that's all I know.
A: Captain, maybe we should call them back and try to negotiate.
K: We've got a negotiator at the bank waiting for us. It maybe too risky if we try it alone.
C: (Driving the car) We're here Captain. (They slide to a stop in the bank parking-lot. They get out of the car.)

(Inside the bank)
L: (looking out the window at 20 cop cars. His men are getting ready to leave.) Look at all of those cops out there. Heh, maybe we'll be on the news.
(Phone rings.)
L: Show time. (He answers the phone.)
Negotiator: This is a police negotiator. What will it take to get those people out alive?
L: A safe trip to Mexico, but that's not ganna happen, is it?
N: We'll see what we can do.
L: Let me talk to Kate McCafferty.
N: (turns to Kate) He wants to talk to you.
K: (takes the phone) Are any hostages hurt?
L: A security guard is dead. Captain, who do you care about more? The people, or the cops?
K: (breathes deep from stress) The civilians are my first priority. Why?
L: I'll release the people, but the cops stay.
K: Fine. (The civilians are sent out one by one. Only 5 masked men and 2 women remain in the bank.) (Kate gets back on the phone) Now, what about my cops? (She hears a dial tone.)

Sorry it's so short, but I'm going to the mall now. BYE!!

[Jo's Girl]

Okay this is awesome DON"T STOP!!! pretty please (puppy dog face w/ the sad eyes and all!)

[Nancy Exstead]

Here's more

(In the bank)
L: (Puts the phone on the floor and smashes it.) Now, it's time to pick a hostage to get us out of here.
M: (Jumps up) Take me.
J: (Stands up) Are you joking? You have Ben to live for. He needs a mom. (Turns to the leader) Take me.
L: I've got a kid at home. I know how that is. (He grabs Jin and points a gun to her head.) Let's go.
(Outside the bank)
L: (screams) Don't try a thing, or I kill her.
K: (turns to all the cops) No one fire a weapon, or you loose your job.
(Jin is lead over to a car and stuck in the backseat, next to two guys. Three men sit in the front seat. The leader sits in the passanger seat.)
(Magda comes running from the bank and meets with Kate, Angela, and C.D.)
M: We've got to follow them.
C: Are you okay?
M: Fine, let's go.
(They jump into a car and drive down the street.)
(The robbers car turns onto an old dirt road. Jin pulls out her gun, just as they hit a big rock. The gun goes off and hits the driver in the head. The car swirves around, but stays on the road. The limp body is still pressing on the gas.)(The car flies off the road and into a tree, coming to a dead stop.)
(C.D. stops the car. Magda gets out of the car first and runs toward the car. Before she reaches the accident, the tree toples down onto the robbers car, flattining it.)
M: NNOOO, JINNY!
(The captain reaches Magda and holds her back from the wreckage.)
K: The car could blow Magda, we have to be careful.
(C.D. and Angela come running up to Magda and the captain.)
C: I called for help. (sirens are heard in the background)
A: That was fast.
M: Captain, we have to help her. PLEASE. (Tears come to her eyes. She falls to her knees and cries. She remembers how Jin wouldn't let her go, so Ben could still have a mother.)
M: (She mumbles to herself.) You do have someone to live for Jin. Me.
(An ambulance and firetruck pull up to the scene and the firemen run to the car. They lift the tree up and roll it off the car.)
Paramedic: (runs to the car and looks in.) Get a gurney over here. Someone is still alive in here. (He pulls out a person, but Magda can't see who it is.)
M: (She runs to the gurney) OMG!!

Gotta go, BYE!!

[IcePrincessBlair]

This is soooooooooooooooooooo good you HAVE to post more soon.

[nancysbiggestfan]

Come on PLEASE post more!! Why did you leave me hangin' like that?!?

------------------
nancysbiggestfan

Nancy and Jo and Jinny Rules!!


BIG Dream: To meet Nancy McKeon!!!

[Jo's Girl]

THIS ROX!!!!!! can't wait for more!

[Nancy Exstead]

Heh guys! Sorry I never finished this fan-fic, and left you hangin'. I decided to finish it now.

Magda eyes turn cloudy as her face turned pale. She just couldn't stop staring at the black mask. Even with the mask, she could tell it was the leader of the robbers. Magda's heart skipped a beat when she fell to her knees in tears. Captain, C.D., and Angela knew by Magda's expressions the body wasn't Jinny's. C.D.'s eyes teared up and she fell on her knees. Angela just stood there with the expression of a lifeless person, while Kate walked over to Magda and hugged her.
The firemen struggled to get the blood, covered driver from the car, but the wheel and dashboard had collapsed on top of him. Finally, after tearing him from the car, they opened the back doors. First, the men by the window seats were taken from the car, then it was Jinny's turn. The firemen carefully slide her limp body from the car and the paramedics took her vital stats. The paramedic had a smile on his face.

P1: I'VE FOUND A HEART BEAT!!! Get a gurney over here.

Magda let out sobs of joy, but didn't dare look at her friend. She feared passing out, and that's the last thing her friend needed.

K: Thank God! (she whispered)

C.D. fell face forward to the ground from her knees and cried tears of joy. Angela's expression hadn't changed. She knew the worst was on its way. Who knew what could happen with Jinny just getting hit by a tree. Jinny was loaded into the ambulance and driven away. Kate helped Magda up, then C.D., and then tapped Angela on the shoulder to wake her from the trance. Kate decided to be strong in front of her friends, until she got them to the hospital.

K: C.D., I think it would be best if I drive.

C.D.: Sure (she handed Kate a set of keys. They got in the car and followed the ambulance.)
**Inside the ambulance**
P1: We're loosing her!

P2: She's lost a lot of blood, but I've seen worse.
**Inside the ambulance with the robber**
P3: He's gone. There's nothing more to do.

P4: I'll call it into the hospital.
**Inside the car**
M: (mumbles to herself) Damn you Jin.

K: Whats on your mind Magda?

M: When we were in the bank, I volunteered to go with the robbers, but Jin wouldn't let me. Now, I may never get to thank her.

K: Jinny's strong, she'll pull through. Now, you have to be strong for her, we all do. All we can do now is be there for her.

C.D.: Someone should call her family.

M: I will.

K: Are you sure you can handle that?!

M: No, but I want to.

A: (Squeezes Magda's shoulder) We're here for you Mag, we'll get through this.

They pulled up to the hospital by the emergency doors and followed Jinny's gurney in. Magda pulled out her phone as she walked, dialed, and was stopped by C.D.

C.D.: I just had an idea! How would you like to call Teddy, while I call Jin's family.

M: Yeah, sure! (C.D. could tell Mag was ready to cry. The last thing she needed was to talk to Jin's family.)

**Mag's Conversation**

ring, ring, ring: Teddy answered his phone.
T: Hello?

M: Heh…Teddy i…it's…Mag..da.

T: What's going on. You sound kind of shaken.

M: Let me make a long story short (she took a deep breath and tears built up in her eyes) Jins…

T: What about Jin?

M: She's been in a car accident. I'm sorry.(she lost all control and broke into tears)

T: (tears nearing, anger in his voice) How? When? Why? Is she okay?

M: I'll tell you when you get here.

T: okay, bye! (Teddy hung up the phone, laid down his head on the desk, and started to cry.)

**C.D.'s Conversation**
ring, ring, ring: Casey answered his dad's phone.

C: Hello?

C.D.: Hi Casey, its C.D.

C: Heh, what's up? You don't sound too good.

C.D.: I'm not doing too good. Casey, its your sister, she's in the hospital (C.D. put a hand to her head and her eyes got cloudy)

C: OMG! How? Is she okay?

C.D.: She was in a…ccaarr accident. She doesn't look too good.

C: Thanks, I'll tell dad and John.

C.D.: Thanks, bye.

**In the waiting room**
K: Magda, sit down, your making me nervous.

M: (stops pacing) I'm sorry, but it could be me in there.

A: Magda, it's not your fault, calm down.

M: I watched my friend held at gunpoint, risk her life for me, get in a car with psychos, and have a tree fall on her. Now she's lying on a bed, half dead, because five men wanted to get rich quick!! AND YOU TELL ME TO CALM DOWN?!

C.D.: STOP IT ! Screaming isn't going to help. Magda it's going to be okay, Jin's strong, so just calm down.

M: I'm sorry I just had to get it out of my system.

K: Good, it's out, now please sit down.

Teddy runs into the waiting room.

T: Where is she? What happened?

M: Teddy! She's still in surgery, they won't talk to us. And as for what happened, there was a bank robbery. The robbers needed someone to get them out of the bank, like a hostage. I volunteered, but she jumped up and stopped me. There was a car accident and a tree fell on the car. The other man that almost survived was dead on arrival.

T: ( The information was slowly sinking in) Oh…my god. (tears formed in his eyes) I can't believe it. I just talked to her last night. I held her in my arms. (Magda hugged Teddy)

M: Its okay, she's strong.

Casey, Jin's Dad, and John walked into the room.

C,JD: How is she?

K: She's still in surgery and she didn't look too good, but she's strong.

John opened his mouth to say a smart remark, but Magda wasn't going to listen to him. She got up in his face and screamed.

M: JOHN! Don't even say a word, if you start to joke or put someone down. I swear to god, you will be lying on a gurney next to your sister.

John sat down and started to cry.

JH: I'm sorry, it's how I deal with stress, I won't say a word.

C: John, Dad? Just for tonight, can we be here, because we care about Jin?

JD, JH: Sure


That's all for now, I'll write more tomorrow. Please tell me what you thought.

[NewsiesGurl229]

MORE MORE MORE MORE!!! PLEASE!